Epsilon

[first lines]

Grandmother:
It wasn't so long ago, people really did live their lives like that.

Grandmother:
[beginning her story] She said that she hadn't known, didn't know, where she was, or even how she came to be there. Everything was strange to her. The smells, the terrain, the colors, the light. She was abandoned in a place that was at once hostile, and majestic.

The Man:
[offering a shirt] Please put this on. I'm having trouble following the conversation.

She:
How can you do it?

The Man:
Do what?

She:
Eat dead pig? It's wasting of resources, cruel in the extreme, and it's symptomatic of an immature and ego-centric society.

The Man:
That's a lot of big words.

She:
Oh. In small words, it means you're a barbarian.

The Man:
The stars are moving!

She:
The stars are not moving. That's your Earth turning.

She:
We better get back into the present. If I'm here before I got here, they won't be looking for me yet. And when later on they do look, I won't be here for them to find me.

She:
Having the "Earth mentality" is the one thing that is unforgivable in the rest of the universe.

The Man:
Are there any, like, boundaries on our relationship?

She:
How do you mean, boundaries?

The Man:
Well, boundaries, ya know? Like, for example, physical boundaries. If I've known your five minutes, or a week - my watch behaving strangely. But, I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. Say what you mean in a way.

She:
What do you mean?

The Man:
Well... you know...

She:
If that's your idea of saying what you mean, it's no wonder this place is in such a mess.

Grandmother:
I suppose it must be nice to be able to try one set of actions, and then, if things don't quite work out, dispense with the outcome and the consequences, and try another set of actions for better results.

The Man:
If we weren't going to bring children into the world, there'd be no point saving it.

She:
There's no point bringing children into the world until we've saved it.

Grandmother:
A few years later I saw his photo in the newspaper. I recognized him immediately.

Child:
What's a newspaper?

Child:
It's a thing they used to have before they knew better. You're too young to know.

She:
I feel the need to have a relationship. We're together anyway, so it makes sense to also have a relationship.

The Man:
We hardly know each other.

She:
Oh, it's quite easy, really. We'll treat each other with respect and kindness, and have a relationship.

The Man:
Just like that, ay?

She:
Is that so hard?

The Man:
No. Suits me fine.

She:
Some simple rules need to be followed. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't get offended by anything I say or do, no matter how hard that might be for you, until after we've agreed to terminate the relationship. Don't bottle-up your feelings. Agree to disagree. Respect the other's point of view. That's the one that's going to be hardest for me...

She:
You're going to have to help me get off.

The Man:
Me? Off where?

She:
Here. Off here. Off Earth.

The Man:
Oh, you mean, this "vile" planet?

She:
Yes.

The Man:
Looks OK to me.

She:
That's because you're like a frog.

The Man:
Oh, I see.

She:
You don't see at all. Have you ever cooked a live frog?

The Man:
Why would I want to do that?

She:
You might learn something. [pause] When you drop a frog into a pot of boiling water it will jump straight back out to save itself. But if you put a frog into a pot of cold water and heat it slowly it will swim around quite happily until the water gets too hot and kills it.

The Man:
So?

She:
Are you representative of the level of intelligence here or are you particularly stupid?

The Man:
Oh, about average I'd say.

She:
This place is worse than I thought. [pause] What happens to the second frog is what is happening to you here, right this minute. And I want to get off before the water boils.