Ernest Goes to Camp

Mr. Tipton:
Okay, one more chance, but your boys better get with the program. Know what I mean?

Ernest P. Worrell:
Oh I know what you mean, sir, thank you.

Nurse St. Cloud:
And that was the ritual of the Blade, the Stone, and the Arrow.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Like in our culture: Paper, Rock, Scissors.

Ernest P. Worrell:
One monkey don't stop no show.

Counselor Stennis:
You're gonna learn to swim the Stennis way.

Ernest P. Worrell:
All aboard that's going ashore!

Ernest P. Worrell:
I did it! I took the Lindbergh baby! I am 'Josef Mengele' qv! AAAHHH!

Mr. Tipton:
What happened?

Chief St. Cloud:
Ernest broke the sign.

Mr. Tipton:
Well, at least nobody was hurt.

Mr. Tipton:
Have you ever held a leadership position?

Ernest P. Worrell:
I had a ant farm once.

Ernest P. Worrell:
Somethin' burnin'? Ayyy-EWW!

[Nurse St. Cloud gives Ernest a shot]

Ernest:
I did it! I took the Lindbergh baby! I am Josef Mengele! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

[Jake is trying to get Ernest to taste his "Eggs erronious"]

Jake:
Now Ernest, would someone dressed up like this lie to you about food?

Ernest:
Fond as I am in Tibetian cooking, a hungry lion always hunts best. KnowhatImean?

[Counselor Stennis is sitting in a lifeguard perch and is about to teach the boys a swimming lesson.]

Counselor Stennis:
Okay. Everybody to the line. All right, everybody in the water.

[Everyone jumps in the water except for Moustafa]

Some boys:
Hey! C'mon, Moose!

Counselor Stennis:
Moustafa, Moose, whatever they call you. NOW! So you're the only one who can't swim? Well, you're gonna learn the Stennis way.

Moustafa:
No! NO! I can't swim!

[Too late; Stennis picks up Moustafa and drops him into the water]

Moustafa:
[sinking fast] Help! Somebody help!

[Ernest saves Moustafa from drowning]

Moustafa:
Thanks, Ernest. I could obey you.

Ernest:
Glad to help out.

Counselor Stennis:
Well, meatheads, we're gonna try this again. This time it's to the end of the lake and back. Everybody in the water.

[The boys topple Stennis' lifeguard perch into the water]

Counselor Stennis:
[in severe agony] My leg! My leg!

Danny:
He’s learning to swim the Stennis way!

[The boys laugh at Stennis' expense]

Counselor Stennis:
My leg! Aah!

Mr. Tipton Ernest, Have you had any leadership experience?

Ernest:
I had an antfarm once.

Mr. Tipton:
Close enough.