Expiration Date

Alicia:
I am a human being! I like myself and I like my thighs!

Old Native Man:
[narrator] And that's how it was for Charlie Silvercloud. A young man who had spent most of his life standing still, waiting for the earth to swallow him. But a man's character is often defined by how he lives his final moments. And in his final moments, Charlie made a decision. If he was gonna die - he was gonna die dancing.

Charlie:
Bessie?

Bessie:
Charlie, what are you doing?

Charlie:
...Dancing?

Charlie:
[on the phone with his mother, who is crying hysterically] Mom? Can you hear me? Say something Mom. Mom, it's okay, I'm here. With Bessy, we're in the middle of a field. We're all alone.

Lucille:
Are you naked? [sobs]

Charlie:
Happy birthday, Mom.

Lucille:
Happy birthday, my son.

Old Native Man:
When Creator created the Earth, he sent it spinning one thousand miles an hour. Ever wonder why? Because if he didn't, we'd all fall off. It's good to keep dancing...

Old Native Man:
You'll dance for me again, won't ya?

Native Teen:
[laughs] No.

Old Native Man:
Angry, young teen, yeah. Off to the big city. I've seen it before.

Native Teen:
Crazy, old drunk, rotting on the reservation. Seen it before.

Old Native Man:
I was gonna tell you a story but now you've pissed me off.

Old Native Man:
The answer's not out there, you know? All our young men leave, the white world will just run us over.

Native Teen:
It's been happening for 200 years, nothing we can do about it.

Old Native Man:
Ha! The young man in my story had that same attitude. Too bad you won't hear the story.

Native Teen:
Promise!

Old Native Man:
I'm starting not to like you.

Old Native Man:
That milky, white truck brought that Indian down faster than you can say moo! [describing Charlie's grandfather's death]

Charlie:
It's one of our nicest plots and most peaceful.

Cemetary plot salesman:
How much?

Charlie:
Well, view plot at $4,803.55, plus our eternity contract $1,227.04, plus tax at 8.3 percent equals...

Cemetary plot salesman:
$6,531.13.

Charlie:
Why... yes.

Cemetary plot salesman:
Do you have anything less peaceful?

Charlie:
Hello.

Telephone Guy:
Yeah, it said to call on your door. [trying to find Bessie]

Charlie:
Oh! No, that's meant for someone else.

Telephone Guy:
Well, how am I supposed to know that?

Charlie:
You're right, that's misleading. I'll be sure to be more specific in the future.

Telephone Guy:
Will you let me know if you change your mind?

Charlie:
Yes. OK, goodbye.

Telephone Guy:
Call me!

Bessie:
First, we have some concerns. What's to stop you from abandoning this place once it's full? You know, weeds, blackberry bushes, wild animals? 'Forget about them, they're dead.' What's to stop that attitude? And what about land developers? What's to stop you from selling this place to greedy condo builders in the name of progress, who promise to rebury the bodies but instead just build on top of them, creating a poltergeist situation?

Municipal Cemetery Administrator:
Well, there are laws.

Bessie:
Laws can be changed. And once you're dead, who's gonna take up your case?

Lucille:
Charlie! Tell me you did not walk here.

Charlie:
'I did not walk here.'

Lucille:
Liar! [worried about milk trucks]

Charlie:
William, do you remember this dog?

Wild William:
Sure. Dies well, like a good soldier [talking about Roadkill]

Bessie:
You need to develop some manners. You know, that thing that you do of driving by and grabbing people? Is really unacceptable. You should try something traditional, like flowers. [to her stalker]

Lucille:
Shouldn't you be with Alicia, you know, out having fun? Maybe, a little unprotected sex? She has such great child-bearing hips.

Charlie:
I know you want grandchildren but I'm not going to impregnate some poor young girl and leave a curse on her unborn child.

Lucille:
Thank you very much, that's my life you just described.

Charlie:
William, hi, it's Charlie. Listen, I got kinda a quick, military, commando-type question.

Wild William:
Military, commando-type question. Go.

Charlie:
How do you get over a 6 ft. high fence with electrical wire on top?

Wild William:
You don't. You go under it. Dig a hole, paint your face with mud for camaflogue. Become the ground.