Facebook dvojnik

Avicena:
And I have to learn 200 pages from anatomy for the upcoming exam. Do you think I will make it?

Ivan Ivanovic:
Well, I will give you an example from my personal experience. Do you know my uncle? The one who killed himself?

Avicena:
Which one?

Ivan Ivanovic:
The one who blew himself up on a dam and then he caused a flood that wiped out the whole village. 300 people drowned back then.

Avicena:
Ah, that one. I remember. And then the newspapers wrote that people who commit suicide should in the future be more discrete. But then still some guy wanted to commit suicide by placing his tank truck on the railroad, but then changed his mind in the last minute and jumped out from the truck, while the train crashed into it. Half of the town was in flames, 300 people died.

Ivan Ivanovic:
Yes, that uncle! That day, when he blew himself up on the dam, there was a huge flood. And I suddenly got this urge for a croissant with marmalade. But what now? the whole town was affected, you could not go anywhere, the water was up to here, man. And what not. I was all soaked, a cold and so on. Yet, I still somehow managed to get to the bakery. But it turns out that the bakery is closed due to the flood. Give me a break... What now? I take a brick, throw it through the window, take a few croissants and go my way.

Avicena:
OK, Ivan, what does this have to do with my exams?

Ivan Ivanovic:
Well, Avicena... If I was able to go to that bakery and croissants in all that chaos, then you are also able to get your diploma.

Ivan Ivanovic:
What's next? Everybody putting their butts on their Facebook profile? And me seeing my grandma's butt?

Stranger:
Oh, it's you.

Ivan Ivanovic:
Yeah, it's me.

Stranger:
[Shakes his hand] Welcome to our country! Warm-heartedly! Once again, welcome! After such a long trip. Do not worry, they will not interrogate you anymore.

Ivan Ivanovic:
Yeah? Do we know each other? What are you talking about, pal? I have been living here since my birth. No really, who are you?

Stranger:
You don't have to be scared anymore. Now you can safely move here with your family again. The first few years will be a culture shock, but you will get use to it. Good luck and until next time. Nasvidanya [Leaves]

Ivan Ivanovic:
Yeah, you made a long trip from your asylum, pal. Keep your hands off that bottle! Wacko!

Ivan Ivanovic:
Look, who ever it is, he updates my profile each hour. And he enlisted me in this group: "My mom makes me clean up for my cleaning lady"...

Dean:
And in this group: "I squeeze out the pressure from my pants everytime I close my zipper."

Ivan Ivanovic:
He couldn't even get my birthday right! He wrote as if I was born on 28 April, like Saddam Hussein. Ah, screw him, who ever he is. I will write a letter to Facebook and ask them to delete my fake profile. Well, got to go! Bye.

Dean:
Ciao! Who knows, maybe Amnesty International helps him!

[Bursts into laughter]

Pizza delivery girl:
[a small crowd randomly applauding the annoyed Ivan on the street] Bravo, Mr. Ivanovic! Respect! We read on Facebook that you saved people from a burning building! How about your autograph? [Pushes her notebook in front of Ivan's face]

Ivan Ivanovic:
[Takes the notebook in order to rip it apart and throw it on the ground, but trips and falls himself with it. He quickly stands up and leaves]

Pizza delivery girl:
What modesty!

Ivan Ivanovic:
[Mobile phone ringing] Who could that be?

Josip:
[In a dark room, a silhouette talking to the phone]... I created you... [Hangs up]

Ivan Ivanovic:
Who is that? Who created me...? Who created what...? Hallo? Hallo?

Ivan Ivanovic:
Are you busy? Busy with what?

Dean:
Digesting.

Ivan Ivanovic:
You can digest later, take a look at my profile!

Dean:
Have you heard, Nefertiti, that they are planning a rerun of "Marisol"? "Santa Barbara" was enough for me. Oh, Ivan Ivanovic, the original one!

Ivan Ivanovic:
And in what group are we going to enlist Josip now? In the military junta of North Korea?

Slavoljub:
No, no, we already had that. Please, this is already boring. Come on, think of something new. [Everyone bursts into laughter]

Nefertiti:
Hi, it's me.

Ivan Ivanovic:
Who are you?

Nefertiti:
Nefertiti, your girlfriend.

Ivan Ivanovic:
What girlfriend? I never saw you in my entire life!

Nefertiti:
It says on facebook that we are in a relationship.