Faces

Freddie:
By the way, Jeannie, what do you charge?

Jeannie Rapp:
Freddie... Aw, Freddie... Aw, Freddie... Aw, no, Freddie... Don't spoil it, Freddie, please.

Freddie:
Spoil what? Honey, I'm game for anything. I just wanna know how much you charge. It's legitimate, isn't it? I know I have to pay. I'm not too schooled in these thngs, but I know that somewhere along the line, your little hand is going to find its way into my pocket. You're shocked, aren't you, old Dickie, old pal? What do you think she is? You think she's some clean towel that's never been used? My God, Dickie, you think you don't pay? How many times a week does Maria ask you for some money? Money, child, is a necessity, and don't you think that you don't work for it and pay for it. My God, what, what is this? He thinks I'm insulting you. I'm offering you. Hell, look, what's the matter? If I went to one of those fancy restaurants, I'd probably tip the headwaiter, the waiter, the busboy, and a hundred bucks goes flying down the drain--and I couldn't have any more fun than I could with Jeannie here.

Richard Forst:
What do you want to drink?

Maria Forst:
Well, whatever it is, I want it on the rocks, straight and dirty, because I feel very very bitchy tonight.

Richard Forst:
Well, I feel very, very bitchy too. That makes two of us.

Maria Forst:
There's a Bergman film in the neighborhood.

Richard Forst:
I don't feel like getting depressed tonight.

Richard Forst:
No place like home.

Maria Forst:
What?

Richard Forst:
I said, Have you ever been to Rome?

Richard Forst:
Why did the man throw, throw the clock out of the window, huh? He wanted to see time fly.

Richard Forst:
What does Dracula do every night at midnight? He takes a coffin break.

Richard Forst:
What is it that, that weighs five thousand pounds and it's got a stick through it? A hippo popsicle.

Richard Forst:
What is it that's black and white and red all over?

Maria Forst:
A newspaper.

Richard Forst:
No, a zebra's ass.

Richard Forst:
I want a divorce. (Maria starts laughing) Did you hear what I said?

Maria Forst:
(laughing) Oh, Dickie...

Richard Forst:
I want a divorce! (Maria stops laughing) That's the only thing to do, isn't it? Well, why don't you laugh? It's funny!

Comedian:
I just wanted you to see my suit. Seersucker. Sears made it. You're looking at the sucker that bought it.

Comedian:
The postman came with a letter and, uh, told me that the Great Society was having a war on poverty. So, uh, I told him, If that is true, I want to be the first to surrender.

Jim McCarthy:
We had a couple of bimbos with no... Actually they were, they were very nice girls. They reminded me a lot of you two.

Jim McCarthy:
Do you realize that ex-convicts and jailbirds are the ones that write all the limericks?

Stella:
Not all of them.

Joe Jackson:
Aw, don't argue with Mr. McCarthy, miss.

Stella:
Jimmy Arno, he wrote a couple that were really funny. Didn't he, Jeannie?

Jeannie Rapp:
That's right. He did.

Jim McCarthy:
Jimmy Arno?

Jeannie Rapp:
Mm-hmm.

Jim McCarthy:
Jimmy Arno? Not the Jimmy Arno?

Stella:
Do you know him?

Jim McCarthy:
Never heard of him.

Jim McCarthy:
How did we get into this?

Joe Jackson:
How did we get into it? How the hell do we get out of it?

Jeannie Rapp:
Mr. McCarthy, if you don't get out of here, I'm gonna call the vice squad.

Jim McCarthy:
Hey, remember? We're the vice squad.

Jeannie Rapp:
Come on and take a bath.

Richard Forst:
I don't want a bath!

Jeannie Rapp:
No bath? No bath?

Richard Forst:
No bath. People drown in bathtubs.

Richard Forst:
I think we were all created evil! Then some... or some wise guy, some, uh, a leftwinger, or a, a union organizer comes along and tells us that we were all created good, we were all created in His image.

Jeannie Rapp:
You're a son-of-a-b*tch, do you know that?

Richard Forst:
Why am I a son-of-a-b*tch?

Jeannie Rapp:
Because you get to me.

Chet:
Like Christ said, you know, Help thy neighbor, man.

Billy Mae:
He's the one that said that?

Louise:
Billy Mae, what difference does it make who said it?

Chet:
What difference does it make who said it? It could've been, uh, it could've been him, it could've been Gandhi, it could've been Buddha, it could've been Spooda, it could've been your daddy, it could've been your mama, it could've been your uh-uh, it could've been your huh-huh... What difference, man?

Billy Mae:
They are scared of you. They are.

Chet:
Really?

Billy Mae:
They are scared of your youth and your, uh, spirit and your build. They think that they are the kings of the earth, and they do not want you taking away our place, see?

Chet:
Well, I don't want it.

Florence:
You know, these dances, these wild crazy dances--I think they've succeeded where science failed. 'Cause you know, I can go to a beauty parlor and sit there for hours having my hair done and my nails polished, but I don't feel any younger. I might look it. These dances, these wild crazy dances--they do something to me inside.

Richard Forst:
You're not fat.

Richard Forst:
You get laid once and everything is solved! Get all the soldiers in Vietnam laid and the whole Middle East problem is solved!