Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

Himself - Host:
Let's face it, you're getting on a bit and you're looking good for your age.

David Bowie:
[laughs] I used to say things like that to my mother!

Himself - Host:
[on David's new album] Strangely, I do get the feeling that by listening to the album, we can kind of get closer to you than we have for many years in terms of who you are and where you're at at this stage.

David Bowie:
You know, Jonathan, that'll never happen.

David Bowie:
Of the 26 albums I've made I think there were two when I really wasn't involved and that was "Tonight" and "Never Let Me Down", the two follow-ups to "Let's Dance". That period was my Phil Collins years.

[applause]

David Bowie:
I tell you that's not... let me just explain that a little further, I don't wanna get into some deep sh*t here.

Himself - Host:
It's okay, he hasn't got any fans left, you don't have to worry.

David Bowie:
Aww, no I don't like getting into those places. That's terribly unfair.

Himself - Host:
I believe you have some sort of extra knowledge, you know I'm sure a lot of fans feel this way.

David Bowie:
I want certainty. [laughs]

Himself - Host:
You're an incredibly well read man, you're a voracious reader.

David Bowie:
What does voracious mean?

Himself - Host:
So you're getting to that point where you're coming to terms with inevitable death.

David Bowie:
Yeah.

Himself - Host:
Mortality, this probably should've been at the end of the interview, but anyway...

David Bowie:
Don't worry, [looks at his watch] It will be. [moves to get up]

Himself - Host:
Don't go! Just stay there!

David Bowie:
There was a period when I was performing in front of these huge stadium crowds and at that time I was thinking 'what are these people doing here? Why did they come to see me? They should be seeing Phil Collins', they were definitely Phil Collins type audiences, you know. And then that came back at me and I thought 'What am *I* doing here? I should be playing to people who don't [laughs] look like they've come to see Phil Collins!

David Bowie:
I had to throw away an awful lot of silly looking clothes and makeup and buy some really bad clothes and makeup.

David Bowie:
I tell you what I did do, my concession to Ziggy d... [quivers lip, appalled voice] 'Why did you kill Ziggy?'

Himself - Host:
Well why *did* you kill Ziggy?

David Bowie:
'Why did you kill Zig', [stern voice] 'You don't understand, there was a war on. Your mother and I we tried to protect you from all this, but if you must know, your sister ran away'. 'Why did you kill Ziggy?' 'It was hard for all of us, it was hard for the country, dammit!' Sorry.

Himself - Host:
You know, I did actually have a dream once where you were my father.

David Bowie:
Oh! [laughs] Please please don't share this with me.

Himself - Host:
It's okay because you were stoned but you were fair. Although the makeup took some explaining at school.

David Bowie:
My concession to Ziggy was I had those you know those platform boots, the straight, not the bit, those horrible things, the stacky old boot thing, I hated those. Platform boots, that's what it, that was the great thing. Solid Japanese platform boots, red with a black thing. I just had those remade in black patent leather and they look fantastic.

Himself - Host:
You've got to make sure you wear them both at the same time or else it looks like you've got an orthopedic problem, though.

Himself - Host:
[showing a 70s picture of David in a red striped knit outfit and a blue feather boa] Were there any outfits you experimented with and even you tried them on in front of the mirror and thought 'this is too stupid'?

David Bowie:
That one!

Himself - Host:
[on David's Ziggy Stardust look] Fantastic style and incredibly brave. I mean now we look back and in hindsight we can see why you made those decisions and we can see why they worked. But at the time when you cut your hair that way or experimented with your makeup, you were really out there on your own, weren't you?

David Bowie:
Makes me wonder why I killed him off.

Himself - Host:
You know I was thinking, wouldn't we all be interested in an album which told us where Ziggy would've been now? Where he'd be 30 years on? Don't you think that's a cracking idea?

David Bowie:
Ah no, I know somebody'd probably write that.

Himself - Host:
Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Himself - Host:
[pulling out questions made from David's cut-up technique of pulling words out of a hat and pasting them together] Here's one: When Ziggy guitar teeth crotch enjoying.

David Bowie:
[laughing] That's Japanese!

Himself - Host:
No, that makes sense if you think about it. Better than some of your lyrics.

David Bowie:
Japanese makes sense!

Himself - Host:
[pulling out a cut up question] You'll like this one. Nietzche, Preacher, Creature, Teacher.

David Bowie:
That is NOT a cut up!

Himself - Host:
It was!

David Bowie:
You're lying!

Himself - Host:
[Takes out a card with a 'cut up question' on it] Fat Old Ziggy.

David Bowie:
[laughs] I like that. I want that one. [takes the card]

Himself - Host:
Here's one you'll like. Bria Eno, makeup, Arthur Lowe, Spiderman. [David laughs] That could be a miniseries.

David Bowie:
These are wonderful.

Himself - Host:
Here's a goodin, this is a genuine one.

David Bowie:
Yeah.

Himself - Host:
Primitive, Jagger, chimpanzee, penis.

David Bowie:
[laughs, mock sad voice] 'Why did you kill Fat Old Ziggy?'

Himself - Host:
What a fabulous treat to see the Stylophone not only back on a top selling album, but back on TV.

David Bowie:
Let's see if we can conjure up something from the p, have you got one too? [sees Jonathan with a Stylophone, laughs]

Himself - Host:
I don't only have one, I've got one with a special holster.

David Bowie:
[scratches his Stylophone, singing] Ground control to Major Tom.

Himself - Host:
My, I've had this since the 70s, mine's got David Cassidy on the back. Don't be jealous, that was before I discovered you.

David Bowie:
That's alright, how did you get a black and white one?

David Bowie:
[about the Stylophone] Some people, I mean yeah, I think some people made a profession of this.

Himself - Host:
But it's a great song. Do you uh, do you plan them out, because yours is cleaner than mine.

David Bowie:
This is boys and their toys, this is great.

Himself - Host:
Hey, if you, David, if you want...

David Bowie:
Hey that is really good, yours is black and white, I could only get a white one. How many stamps did you have to put in to get one of?

Himself - Host:
Would you like the holster to take home?

David Bowie:
Do I get the holster?

Himself - Host:
You want the holster?

David Bowie:
Yeah, of course I...

Himself - Host:
No one goes home from this show empty handed.

David Bowie:
You're kidding me, aww, that's so, that's wonderful.

David Bowie:
I've got my own site, plus I got kind of an art site and the idea is to help graduate students find some kind of way to show their work, without having to pay huge commissions to dealers who usually take 50% of what an artist makes.

Himself - Host:
That's still a better deal than you had in the 70s isn't it? With your agency main man, you got about 10%.

David Bowie:
I wasn't that lucky, John.

Himself - Host:
Cuz you made nothing for years.

David Bowie:
No, nothing, I had a lovely wardrobe though. But fat lot of good it does you when you're trying to find a place to live when you're dressed like that.

Himself - Host:
[laughs] You mention 'Well can I look at the flat on the sign outside?' 'I'm sorry mate, we're full.'

David Bowie:
'He's got a knitted cozy and its legs' missing and its arms' missing and he's wearing like a fur thing, and he wants to know if the room's available!'

Himself - Host:
Did you have relationships with these people or was it...

David Bowie:
Not if I could help it. I was incredibly promiscuous.

Himself - Host:
I bet you were.

David Bowie:
And I think we'll leave it at that.

Himself - Host:
No we can't leave it at that! But this is great stuff, David.

David Bowie:
Na, it might be to you, son.

Himself - Host:
David, we want to know! You must've been a great time.

David Bowie:
Why would I go into all of that when I could make a fortune by writing a book about it?

Himself - Host:
Would you like to be knighted? Would you accept that honor if it was bestowed upon you?

David Bowie:
I think I'd suggest they give it to someone who would give a damn. I don't, it's not, to some people who kind of really, they feel that maybe it's something that enhances their life or whatever. I'm not sure what I'd do with it, I'd lose it or break it or step on it or put it in a drawer and lose the key or. You know I wouldn't, I wouldn't really know what it's for.