Friends and Family

Marvin Levine:
So what does this make Patrizzi? A fairy godfather?

David Levine:
So, uh, how did you guys meet?

Stephen Torcelli:
We were army rangers together.

Danny Russo:
This was before "don't ask, don't tell." We asked.

Stephen Torcelli:
We told.

Mary:
Mommy?

Sophie Patrizzi:
Yes, sweetie?

Mary:
How come Uncle Danny and Uncle Stephen live together?

Sophie Patrizzi:
Well, because they love each other, like Mommy and Daddy love each other.

Mary:
Which one's the mommy and which one's the daddy?

Sophie Patrizzi:
I'll have to get back to you on that one, honey.

Ada Torcelli:
She's a woman? I thought she was a drag queen. You know, a man dressed like a woman.

Stephen Torcelli:
I know what a drag queen is, Mom.

Ada Torcelli:
Are we going to see any? I mean, just plain old women I can see in Indiana.

Little Old Lady:
[to Stephen and Jenny] Pardon me, but you make a beautiful couple.

Stephen Torcelli, Danny Russo:
Thank you.

Ada Torcelli:
We're not in Indiana anymore.

Alma Jennings:
[shouts] Put your hands up! Hands up!

Damon Jennings:
Mom, Dad, w-what's going on?

Alma Jennings:
[sweetly] You too, Damon, honey.

Alma Jennings:
[shouts] Put your hands up!

Bruno:
If they want to kill me, they're going to have to rape me first.

Carlo Ricci:
This is what Patrizzi sends me - a couple of fairies in diapers. Now you listen to me, girls. You tell Victor Patrizzi he'll get his money when I'm good and ready.

Stephen Torcelli:
[catching Frankie sewing in the basement] What would your kids say if they saw you now?

Frankie:
They'd be proud!

Marvin Levine:
Do I look like a mushroom, Victor? Stop feeding me bullshit - you should pardon the expression.

Stella Patrizzi:
Why? Why are you always talking bad about your sons, Victor? And with their children sitting right here.

Victor Patrizzi:
A soldier must inspire fear, Stella. Vito and Frankie do not inspire fear.

Stella Patrizzi:
Of COURSE they inspire fear. I'm afraid of them. Everybody's afraid of them. Stephen, Danny, tell him how afraid you are of Vito and Frankie.

Victor Patrizzi:
The dancing girls at THE CLUB are not afraid of Vito and Frankie. Stick to cooking.

Victor Patrizzi:
[to Stephen and Danny] Heh, my wife, I beg her to let me get her a maid.

Victor Patrizzi:
[back to Stella] Why should you spend your whole day in the kitchen?

Stella Patrizzi:
Of course I spend my whole day in the kitchen. I'm afraid to step OUT of the kitchen because I'm afraid of Vito and Frankie.

Danny Russo:
Wish we didn't have to strip down like this.

Stephen Torcelli:
They're gonna wanna hug us.

Danny Russo:
I feel naked.

Stephen Torcelli:
I already said you could bring your brass knuckles.

Bruno:
In ancient Persia, whenever an artist created something, he would include a flaw on purpose, because only the gods are supposed to be perfect. And, so today we introduce a flaw into something that would otherwise be perfect, and we say it is so as not to offend the gods.

Alma Jennings:
You are all prisoners of war in the second war for American independence! Our goal is to liberate our country from the occupying federal army of which that man is a high-ranking officer. While in our custody, you will be treated humanely in accordance with the laws of the Geneva Convention. In the meantime, we will submit a list of our demands to your government.

Alma Jennings:
Okay, men, round 'em up! Herd 'em in just like the pigs and heifers at home. Let's go.

Ada Torcelli:
Does Danny always carry a gun?

Victor Patrizzi:
Catering business. Very competitive.

Drag Queen Party Crasher:
You owe us big time, white boys.

Richard Grayson:
The internalized homophobia you two carry around with you is so toxic. It really isn't healthy. I at least have some pride in myself. I have dignity.

Danny Russo:
This gonna work?

Stephen Torcelli:
Yes, it's gonna work, because we are gonna grow old together.

[Stephen smears cake frosting down Danny's nose]

Danny Russo:
[smiling] What're you doing?

Stephen Torcelli:
Remember what Bruno said? If something's perfect, you have to create a flaw in it so as not to offend the gods.

Danny Russo:
[deliberately mussing up Stephen's hair, then explaining] So as not to offend the gods.

Danny Russo:
[hearing that Stephen's father is an FBI man] Why didn't you tell me?

Stephen Torcelli:
He made me swear. Even my mother doesn't know. He only told me 'cause I found an uzi hidden in the cellar. TR6 M81 with a repeating device.

Danny Russo:
Cool.

Stephen Torcelli:
You think we have internalized homophobia? I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if, maybe, I need to do this kind of work. Well, maybe not THIS kind of work, but somethn' really tough, you know, really manly to almost, uh, make up for being gay. How 'bout you?

Danny Russo:
It was something we did together. I saw how much you liked it, how happy you were.

Stephen Torcelli:
I'm so sorry, Danny.

Danny Russo:
Why, Stephen? Why?

Stephen Torcelli:
If not for me, everything would be different. You and me.

Danny Russo:
Stephen, I'm happy. I'm with you. Come on, listen to me - I'm happy.

[the gunman watching over them begins to cry]