Fritz the Cat

Fritz:
Mother of God, I'm a f***ing fugitive!

Fritz:
Hey, hey, hey, Look at this big f***ing gun!

Fritz:
I killed the john! I killed the john!

Fritz:
How are you?

Fritz:
I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world. I've seen it all and I've done it all. I've fought many a good man, and I've laid many a good woman.

Winston Schwartz:
Why does a great actor like James Earl Jones always have to play black men?

Fritz:
No, I knew that - the engine's not here, it's in the back...

Winston Schwartz:
What's wrong, Fritz?

Fritz:
Well, it's all very complicated Winston, ah, I think it's got the piston rod stuck in the drive shaft... either that or the carburator's rusted out... or something.

Narrator:
Hey, yeah - the 1960s? Happy times, Heavy times.

Duke:
You think being a crow is a big motherf***ing ball? All you cats the same, man! You don't know where it is, and you don't have somebody to tell you where it is. You have to be where it is to find out what's happening!

Fritz:
I know about the race problem - I've studied the race problem!

Duke:
You don't know nothing about the race problem! You've got to be a crow to know about the race problem!

Ralph (Pig Cop #2):
Let me call 'em preverts!

Pig Cop #1:
What's a "prevert"?

Ralph (Pig Cop #2):
A prevert's a degenerate! Didn't you know that?

Pig Cop #1:
A prevert's a degenerate?

Ralph (Pig Cop #2):
Didn't you have no bringing up?

Pig Cop #1:
I got bar mitzvahed.

[Ralph laughs]

Fritz:
[pointing at the pigs] There's the one who keeps the bosses in power! He's the one who's holding you down!

Pig Cop #1:
Who, me?

Ralph (Pig Cop #2):
You!

Pig Cop #1:
No, no, not me, YOU!

[fighting]

Ralph (Pig Cop #2):
Not me, YOU!

Pig Cop #1:
F*** you!

Ralph (Pig Cop #2):
You first!

Fritz:
You're a motherfucking b*tch!

Winston:
I see the hard facts of life! I am realistic, something you're incapable of! You'd be better off with one of those stupid little morons like Charlene who you could just sleep with and throw away when you're done! You can't cope with a mature woman!

Harriet:
Hi.

Fritz:
How are you?

Harriet:
High.

Fritz:
Why'd you have to hit her so hard for?

Lizard Leader:
She loved it. Listen man, me and you have been assigned to blow up the power plant. That's all I care about. The Revolution.

[She turns on the radio and Fritz turns off the radio]

Fritz:
You're full of sh*t! All you care about is a reason to hurt, to destroy, to blow up!

Fritz:
My soul is tormented! I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world! I've seen it all! I've done it all! I've fought many a good man, and laid many a good woman! I've had riches and fame and adventure...I've tasted life to the fullest, and still my soul cries out, yes, cries out in this hungry, tortured, wrecked quest: 'More!'

Fritz:
(Arriving back at his dorm room, where his roomates ignore him) Hello men... everybody all busy studyin' for the goddamn exams and all? Hey Fuzz, how'd it go with that Dee Dee chick, huh? She's got some bod' you have to admit, heh... ol' Charlene isn't bad either though right?... like, wow. Heinz! You swine, ol' buddy pig, ya groove behind Alvina and get some kicks tonight, huh? [laughs](Scene fades into black). Bastards... you'd think the goddamn exams were the be-all and, end-all of existence... the cosmic life-force or somethin'. Y'd think they were the frickin' fugitives. Can't even get in a few decent words to a guy... bastards... What a bore they just sit there and take bennies an' stay up all night with their face stuck in a bunch of books an' their thumb up their ass. Oh Yes, yes I remember when the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening... all this history and literature and sociology sh*t... You think learning is a really big thing an' you become this big f***in' intellectual and sit around tryin' ta out-intellectual all the other big f***in' intellectuals... you spend years and years with your nose buried in these goddamn tomes. While the world is passin' you by... and all the stuff to see and all th' kicks an' girls are all out there... an' ME, a writer an' a poet who should be havin' adventures an' experiencing all the diversities and paradoxes and ironies of life! And passin' over all the roads of the world! An' diggin' all the cities and towns and rives... and the oceans... and making all of them chicks... (Imagines naked woman) As a writer and poet it is my duty to get out there and dig the world... to swing with the whole friggin' scene while there's still time! (Grabs paper) My farting around days are over baby! From this day on I shall live every day as if it was my last! Yeah! Yeah! I must do it! No more the dreary boring classes, the dismal lectures, the sitting around bullshitting with pretentious fat-ass hippies, no more the books, the spoutings of a bunch of old farts who think they know the whole goddamn score! (Gathers all the papers into a big pile) Ha Ha! Heh Heh. Heh.(Breathes fire) Oh my God! What have I done? Oh...man. (We see the roof of Fritz's dorm on fire) I've set all my notes and books and stuff on fire an' uh, now I can't study for my exams...An' I'll flunk out an' my folks'll be pissed off as hell... I-I'll get a blanket... the blanket's on fire. Man we'd better call the fire department.

Fritz:
[yelling at various cops as they chase after him] We shall overcome!

Fritz:
The love you give is equal to the love you get.

Crow:
[effeminate] I ain't no jive-ass black nigga, honey. Who do you think I am, Geraldine?

Aardvark:
Ever make it with an aardvark? It's a rare opportunity, you know. We're scarce.

Aardvark:
I'm a failure as a pot smoker.

Pig Cop #1:
Now, you have the deeper voice so on three, you yell "Open the f***ing door". Now, say the word "f***ing" because you got—that makes you sound tough.

Ralph:
[in a Synagogue; referring to the Rabbis] They all got long hair. They all got long clothes. Must be a hippie church!

Newscaster:
We interrupt the Israel-Arab war for this special announcement! The President, after conferring with Israel Prime Minister Golda Meir, has agreed to send more arms to Israel - based on the return of New York city and Los Angeles to the United States.

Pig Cop #1:
[in a Synagogue] You're not supposed to dance, Ralph, 'cause you're not Jewish!

Ralph:
[attempting to keep a group of crows from tearing him and the other pig cop to pieces] Would you like to see a picture of my kids?

Lizard Leader:
I think I'm gonna ride that goddamn whore!

Pig Cop #1:
[last lines] Eh, poor cat. He was a - he was a kind a tough kid at that, wudden he?