Fun and Fancy Free

Jiminy Cricket:
Now, some folks like the heavy stuff with titles five feet wide. Not me, I'm always out for fun. I like the lighter side, yes, sir!

Jiminy Cricket:
You know, you worry too much. In fact, everybody worries too much.

Jiminy Cricket:
Never saw such a dismal pair. A deadpan doll and a droopy bear.

Jiminy Cricket:
Life is a song - happy, gay. So let's have some music. Come on! What do you say?

Narrator:
This is the story of three bears.

Jiminy Cricket:
Yeah, I know. The mama bear, the papa bear, and the itsy-bitsy baby bear.

Narrator:
Oh, but it's not the story you expect.

Narrator:
Naturally, you'd think he'd be handled with kid gloves, treated like a king, and pampered like a baby. But, no! He was tossed around like an old shoe. Bongo, the bear in the gilded cage.

Jiminy Cricket:
Three is a crowd, they say, so I'll drop back another day.

Edgar Bergen:
Now, Lexi, how would you like a piece of cake or some lemonade?

Lexi Lopez:
No, thank you. I'm full up.

Edgar Bergen:
Some candy?

Charlie McCarthy:
Care for a cigar?

Lexi Lopez:
Me?

Edgar Bergen:
Once upon a time, long long ago...

Charlie McCarthy:
Funny, nothing ever happens nowadays.

Edgar Bergen:
No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of the harp, all was misery, misery, misery.

Charlie McCarthy:
Just like the eighth grade.

Edgar Bergen:
Naught left but beans.

Charlie McCarthy:
Ahem. Bean, you mean.

Edgar Bergen:
If it were one man and three beans... But, no. One bean and three men.

Charlie McCarthy:
Well, at least there are no bones in it.

Willie the Giant:
Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum... I smell...

Charlie McCarthy:
You're telling us.

Charlie McCarthy:
Well, Donald may be nuts, but he's got the right idea. Kill the cow.

Lexi Lopez:
Oh, no, Charlie! The cow was their best friend.

Charlie McCarthy:
Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Edgar Bergen:
So what?

Charlie McCarthy:
So, they need some steak.

Edgar Bergen:
To think that this was once Happy Valley.

Charlie McCarthy:
Now it's Gruesome Gulch.

Edgar Bergen:
Days pass, weeks pass.

Charlie McCarthy:
I pass. New deal.

Lexi Lopez:
But why did the giant wants to steal the harp?

Edgar Bergen:
Because he was cruel and selfish. He didn't care what happened to the valley. He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep.

Mortimer Snerd:
Well, why don't he turn on the CD?

Edgar Bergen:
Well, they don't have CDs in those days.

Charlie McCarthy:
Yeah. That's why they called it Happy Valley.

Lexi Lopez:
Why does the giant look like?

Luana Patten:
Ooh, dragonflies!

Charlie McCarthy:
Yeah. A-flyin' front and draggin' behind.

Charlie McCarthy:
Anybody wanna buy a tall, thin mouse?

Edgar Bergen:
No, thank you. Uh, I mean, no.

Edgar Bergen:
The magic harp knows the giant's weakness.

Charlie McCarthy:
She could be my weakness.

Edgar Bergen:
Yes, everybody in Happy Valley was always very happy... until one day.

Charlie McCarthy:
I knew there was a conflict coming up!

Edgar Bergen:
There was a time when...

Charlie McCarthy:
They built a school house.

Edgar Bergen:
No!

Mortimer Snerd:
That's a lonely peasant?

Charlie McCarthy:
That's a cow, stupid!

Edgar Bergen:
What I'm trying to explain, Mortimer, is that Willie the Giant didn't actually exist.

Mortimer Snerd:
No?

Edgar Bergen:
No. He's a metaphysical phenomenon of your subconscious mind, a phantasmagoria of your mental faculties.

Mortimer Snerd:
Yeah?

Edgar Bergen:
In other words, just a figment of your imagination.

Charlie McCarthy:
I am a giant!

Edgar Bergen:
No, you are not!

Charlie McCarthy:
Okay, then I am a small giant!

Edgar Bergen:
No, you're not!

Charlie McCarthy:
Well, I'm tougher than 40 men!

Edgar Bergen:
No, you're not.

Charlie McCarthy:
Or... 20 men.

Edgar Bergen:
No.

Charlie McCarthy:
No? 10 men?