Funny or Die Presents...

Ed Haligan:
[final lines] I can't tell how sorry I am that you had to watch that. What the f*** is this company doing?

[Terrorist on Flight 77]

[the Pilot is fast asleep, but the flight crew are all jolly, assuring the passengers they are going to arrive early at Detroit, until:
]

Navigator:
Huh. That's weird.

Copilot:
What's weird?

Navigator:
The radio just handed me a new message from the Tower. They want us to change our landing coordinates to 68 degrees north by 99 west. That's, like, uh, south of Five Point, South Dakota?

Copilot:
South Dakota, 68 point, that's, uh, that's about Rushmore, isn't it?

Navigator:
I think that is Mount Rushmore!

Copilot:
They want us to land the plane on Mount Rushmore. Hm!

Navigator:
That would pretty much have us crashing smack dab into Mount Rushmore.

Copilot:
Well, that does seem kinda weird, doesn't it?

[Terrorist on Flight 77]

[Since the Pilot is still fast asleep, the Navigator begins pushing buttons in the cockpit]

Copilot:
You know what seems weird? Them wanting us to crash the plane into Mount Rushmore. Is it me? Am I...? I dunno. It just seems a little weird, doesn't it?

[Navigator touches his nose and points, the Charades Game symbol for 'You have got it right.']

Copilot:
Well, maybe we should just radio in to Air Traffic Control and just kinda double-check those coordinates.

Navigator:
[laughing] It couldn't hurt. It couldn't hurt to double-check. It couldn't hurt.

Copilot:
Hey, uh, Radio Man! Radio Man?

[the Radio Man swivels in his chair to face the Navigator and Copilot. He is swarthy, bearded, sweating, and looks slightly crazed]

Copilot:
I'm sorry. Uh, I'm so embarrassed; I forgot your name.

[the Radio Man points at his name badge, which reads Rusty O'Brien]

Navigator:
Rusty. Rusty O'Brien.

Copilot:
Rusty O'Brien! Rusty. I am so sorry. So many new faces around here, Rusty, ever since the merger and the buy-out... What was I going to ask you? Oh! Hey, would you run those coordinates by Air Traffic Control? Just see if that's what they meant. 'Cause it seems just a little bit fishy to me.

[Radio Man looks desperate]

Navigator:
Just radio to the Tower.

[Radio Man, who looks as though he is about to cry, puts on his headphones, slaps some switches without looking at them, and takes his headphones off]

Copilot:
[looking at Radio Man] So, that's a yes?

[the Radio Man nods]

Navigator:
All right, there you go.

Copilot:
Okey-doke.

Copilot:
Thanks, Rusty.

[the Copilot and Navigator are making adjustments to their flight instrument panel]

Copilot:
You know what seems weird?

Navigator:
Hm?

Copilot:
Them having us crash the plane into Mount Rushmore instead of landing safely in Detroit, where all these passengers paid to land.

Navigator:
Seems like straight-up bad customer service to me. Doesn't it? Right?

[the Radio Man watches them anxiously]

Navigator:
I wonder if we maybe should wake the Captain up.

Copilot:
No, no, no, no. The Captain had a very, very late night last night. We are not waking the Captain. That's why there's four of us in the cockpit, okay?

[the Copilot and Navigator begin quoting lines from movies]

Navigator:
Rusty? You a big 'Top Gun' fan?

[Rusty is wild-eyed and sweating]

Navigator:
The movie? The movie 'Top Gun'? Tom Cruise? Kilmer? Dead fighter pilots?

Copilot:
Never saw that one?

Navigator:
Never saw 'Top Gun'!

Copilot:
Aw, you gotta Netflix that one, Rusty.