Gentlemen Broncos

Chevalier:
And finally we have a young-ling trying to penetrate the secrets of the human mind. You won't do it like that young-ling... You must use friendship.

Brutus:
Oh my holy crap, surveillance does... I hate those. This is ridiculous, that's the most well guarded yeast factory I've ever seen!

Judith:
Guess what? I heated up the hot water bottle so you can sit on it while we drive!

Judith:
Hey Benji! Remember who you are and what you stand for!

Tabatha:
Can I borrow some money to buy some tampons? All of my cash is still in Euros and I haven't had time to change it over yet. [shifts uncomfortably in her seat]

Tabatha:
[later] Sorry, they didn't have any, so I just bought some treats for me and Lonnie.

Tabatha:
So when are you going to let me read one of your stories?

Benjamin:
I don't know. Um... I usually don't let people read my stuff.

Tabatha:
Why not?

Benjamin:
I let my mom read a few but they just made her cry. Most people just get sicked out and stop reading.

Benjamin:
Read this. It's called uh... Yeast Lords.

Brutus:
You tell Lord Daecius to eat the corn outta my crap!

Chevalier:
May the glistening chrome of the Borg Queen shed her light upon us all.

Tabatha:
Well, you know, like all great writers, you're going to have to go through a lot of crap. But someday, you're junk will be seen by all, and it will be awesome.

Chevalier:
Merve, Merve, wait! Moon Fetus. A fetus is found on a moon base. [pause] That's the premise.

Vanaya:
Our fathers fought valiantly and victoriously in the battle Shiro. I was but a child then, maybe you don't remember. When your father died at the hands of Daecius, your mother wept so hard that her milk dried. To keep you alive, we shared suckle at my mother's breast.

Brutus:
Vanaya?

Vanaya:
Tis I.

Brutus:
Take me there. Take me to your yeast factory.

Brutus:
Cyclops there, cyclops there, cyclops there, turrets, moon buggies. Oh my holy crap! Surveillance does. I hate those. This is ridiculous. That's the most well-guarded yeast factory I've ever seen.

Judith:
Hi guys! Did you catch any neat rocks?

Chevalier:
Without a doubt, the best line I've ever written is this. 'Referring to her neck, she squawked, this is not a wart! This is the chancellor of the galaxy! Now let us in!'

Chevalier:
Within my breast meat, there is a famine. No more sweets in the mammary cannon. You are Gorganna, my eagle, my queen. Your ovaries will destroy me. Collect me in your wings. I am just a man! And I want to breed! Together, we will learn to love, you gorgeous hag, you freak machine.

Benjamin:
[narrating] The Nad Lab was a cold white room. Bronco, the last of the yeast lords lay spread eagle, strapped to a medical pod. Someone had stolen his yeast and he had gone totally apeshit.

Brutus:
You took my nads!

Duncan:
We only took one.

Brutus:
You took my nads Dennis!

Chevalier:
Greetings and salutations. It is such an honor to be in the midst of so many juvescent, ripe minds. When I was your age, I had just completed my first trilogy, a body of work you now know as The Cyborg Harpies.

Chevalier:
This is a piece that came to me in a dream when I was eleven. I call it migration, and it depicts a fleet of harpies synchronizing their mammary cannons to create lazer rain. Hard rain's gonna fall.

Chevalier:
You. Give me the name of one of the protagonists in one of your fantasies.

Skinny Boy:
Nebekenezer.

Chevalier:
Oh. Very original. I've heard that one before. But don't worry, need thou not be afraid, for we can turn a humdrum, forgettable name like Nebekenezer into something magical like this [pause] Nebekoronius. And it's that easy. We can add 'onius,' 'ainous,' or anous,' to just about anything and it becomes magical.

Troll Girl:
One of my trolls is named Teacup.

Chevalier:
Um... I don't like it. I would go with Traginus, every time.

Troll Girl:
[raises hand]

Chevalier:
Yes?

Troll Girl:
But I still like Teacup better.

Chevalier:
It's not... it's not a question of liking it better. It's just... I'm... as an author... I'm picturing myself as a troll mother, I have just given birth to a litter of troll cubs, they are covered in placentiae, pawing at my many teats for the vital, life-giving collostrum. I'm not thinking, 'Hmm... Teacup.' Am I? It's just not... believable. And if I don't believe it, the reader doesn't believe it. Tragainus, Trocacon, Trody... names in this vein. If female, Tragana.

Brutus:
They got my reproductives Vanaya. Daecius is gonna build himself an army using my seed. I can't let that happen. His power has become unruly. You know how weird that'd be? A bunch of gorgeous yeast lords running around with my face? Making damned fools of themselves?

Brutus:
What the crap? Oh! My gems!

Chevalier:
Put the pillow down, I beg of you.

Chevalier:
We can add “ONIUS,” “AINOUS,” or “ANOUS” to just about anything, and it becomes magical.