Get a Life

Chris Peterson:
[to a rival in his male modeling class] What's that? You had a *butt* lift?

Captain Block:
Your cockfights suck, you bastard.

Two-Headed Zombie That Looks Like Sharon:
Must kill and eat Chris.

Chris Peterson:
It took me ten years... before I was able to shower in the nude... because... I was sure that... you know that thing that the water comes out of? That there was an eye in there... watching me [starts crying]

Chris Peterson:
I got better things to do. Ok? Adult things like... uhh, playing with matches and... uh, eating candy from the strangers, yea that's right, strangers... And who by the way, have the best candy.

Chris Peterson:
You may be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, with a possible exception of Charles Durning.

Chris Peterson:
[reading an old high school report by mistake at the sub committee] The sun is by far the hottiest planet in our solar system and it would burn you if you tried to eat it.

Chris Peterson:
[condescending] I gotta be honest here, okay? I think you psychologists are all a bunch of phony, two-faced, hypocritical eggheads who talk people into unnecessary liver transplants and second-story additions to their houses, okay? So don't expect me to tell you anything. Because you, my dear Mrs. Frankenstein, are the enemy.

Dr. Rand:
Mr. Peterson, you have the right to any opinion you like regarding us and please understand you're under no pressure at all to say anything to me.

Chris Peterson:
[wimpering] Once, when I was seven years old, we were cleaning out the garage and I didn't have any work clothes and so my mommy made me wear one of her aprons and it made feel like a little girl.

Chris Peterson:
Alright, alright, I'll call in the ship-to-shore radio for help...

Chris Peterson:
Hello? Hello? Breaker, breaker one-two-three, breaker uh... this is Tightpants anybody got their ears on? Yeah, I need a good buddy to come to my twenty and lend assistance to Tightpants Senior and myself. Copy that? Anybody copy that? Come back. Ten-ten-nine. Ten-ten on your twenty.

Fred Peterson:
Chris, that's just a plastic toy, nobody can hear you.

Chris Peterson:
Uh, excuse me, is this seat taken?

Sapphire:
Actually, it's reserved for a model in training, not for members of the custodial staff.

Chris Peterson:
My, my, looks like someone's drawing battle lines. Well, let me tell you something, pal. What your going through right now is called an awkward stage, you'll grow out of it. I was an ugly duckling once too - now look at me, I'm a beautiful swan.

Sapphire:
Let's get something straight, you little troll. You can sit there, but I don't have time for your inane squawkings. I'm going to graduate head of the class. I'm going to make so much money I'll be able to buy my own island in the Carribean.

Chris Peterson:
How exciting! Can I just say one thing? You're nuts! You're living in a fantasy world!

Sapphire:
Stay. Out. Of my way. Understand? Because this rocket's headed for the stars and there isn't enough oxygen up there for the two of us.

Chris Peterson:
[loudly] I'm sorry, what did you say? You had a butt-lift? How embarrassing!