Girls

Booth Jonathon:
But I want you to know the first time I f*** you, I might scare you a little, because I'm a man, and I know how to do things. See you later.

Elijah Krantz:
I'm my authentic self. I am being my authentic self.

Hannah Horvath:
If you had been this gay in college, I would have known because I have two eyeballs, two ears...

Elijah Krantz:
You might want to take some steps back through your other boyfriends, and not for nothing, maybe take a look at your dad.

Hannah Horvath:
You didn't just...?

Elijah Krantz:
I did.

Hannah Horvath:
In what way does my father read gay to you?

Elijah Krantz:
Ah, well, he has a stud in his ear.

Hannah Horvath:
He got it on a trip he took with his male friends... I heard what that sounded like, I know what that sounded like. You know what I'm going to do from now on, ask people if they're gay before I have sex with them.

Elijah Krantz:
Good luck with that.

Hannah Horvath:
I'm just worried that if we see each other we're going to end up having sex.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Well, like, that's OK because you both already have HPV.

Hannah Horvath:
God, that's a really good point.

Marnie Michaels:
I really hate to bring this up, but rent is due in a week. How's the job search?

Hannah Horvath:
I have pre-cancer!

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Jessa has HPV, like a couple of different strains of it. She says that all adventurous women do.

Hannah Horvath:
How do I look?

Charlie Dattolo:
You look like you're gonna go put a hex on some popular girls.

Hannah Horvath:
Oh okay American History X.

Adam Sackler:
She's like a carnival game, you know? It all seems so simple but you can't get the ring on the bottle because it's f***ing rigged so you try and try and try until you drive yourself nuts. Then, finally, when you walk away you realize you didn't even want the crappy prize to begin with. I realize that's what Hanna is: a giant Tweety doll I would've been stuck carrying around the carnival all night.

Elijah Krantz:
I just realized I got so good at taking selfies, I wasn't feeling challenged anymore. And then I thought, 'What would happen if I turned the camera around?'

Adam Sackler:
What do you want?

Hannah Horvath:
I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, and thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me. And it makes me feel very stupid to tell you this because it makes me sound like a girl who wants to, like, go to brunch. And I really don't want to go to brunch, and I don't want you to sit on the couch while I shop or even meet my friends.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
I'm like the least virginy virgin ever.

Jessa Johansson:
You know what the weirdest part about having a job is? You have to be there everyday, even on the days you don't feel like it.

Hannah Horvath:
Okay I don't wanna split hairs here, but it's not a journal, it's a notebook. It's notes for a book.

Ray Ploshansky:
I don't like it when you assf***ed my best friend in the heart.

Marnie Michaels:
What are you like in love with him?

Ray Ploshansky:
More than you are!

Hannah Horvath:
This is how much I make in a week? This is a lot more than my rent!

Hannah Horvath:
You can't just be a girl in this city and expect to get your way!

Marnie Michaels:
But we are girls in this city!

Hannah Horvath:
Not the right kind of girls!

Marnie Michaels:
Girls none the less!

Jessa Johansson:
Your boyfriend should kill himself. You deserve it.

Hannah Horvath:
Well, thank you. But you're just saying that because you love me.

[Hannah's reading]

Hannah Horvath:
I met Igor online, in a chat room for fans of an obscure punk band my vegan friend Marina liked. Igor's screen name was Pyro000, which belied a level of articulation unusual for an internet boyfriend. So he became my internet boyfriend for six blissful months until his friend IM'd me to say that he had died. Died!

Natalia:
I'm ready to have sex now.

Hannah Horvath:
Do you know that part on your resume where they ask if you have any special skills? Well, it's the thing where they ask you to list like, 'yoga, Spanish, water skiing, Photoshop.' I feel like I don't I have any special skills.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
I wore white. To her wedding. I wore white. Because how could I have known? Because nobody told me.

Ray Ploshansky:
I want to go home with you. Tonight.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Fine.

Ray Ploshansky:
Fine.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Just stay out of my emotional way.

Hannah Horvath:
I have been dating someone that treats my heart like it's monkey meat. I feel like a delusional, invisible person half the time so I need to learn what it's like to be treated well before it's too late for me.

Hannah Horvath:
No wonder truckers do cocaine. This is boring as hell.

Jessa Johansson:
It's pot, do you want some?

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Oh no, I'm hyper enough already.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Have you not seen Rent?

Marnie Michaels:
Please, I've seen it like 12 times. That's basically why I moved to NY.

Jessa Johansson:
I'm offended by all of the supposed to's. I don't like women telling other women what to do or how to do it or when to do it.

Hannah Horvath:
I have a very bad fear of AIDS.

Gynecologist:
Have you known someone with AIDS?

Hannah Horvath:
It's more of a Forrest Gump based fear. That's what Robin Wright Penn's character died of.

Hannah Horvath:
[Sarcastic] How could she ruin the beautiful abortion that you threw?

Marnie Michaels:
Hannah! That's not what I meant.

Marnie Michaels:
You're a really good friend, and you threw a really good abortion.

Marnie Michaels:
Oh stop it.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
You did.

Marnie Michaels:
I was just thinking, I've been sexually irresponsible enough in my life thus far that I should have gotten pregnant by now and I never have. Like, I get my period at the same time, on the same day, of every monthly cycle, my entire life, like it's never strayed from that.

Hannah Horvath:
Then you're really lucky. I never know when I'm going to get my period, and it's always a surprise, and that's why all my underwear are covered in weird stains.

Marnie Michaels:
I'm sorry about [Charlie] . He' so busy, like, respecting me, you know, that he looks right past me and everything that I need from him.

Hannah Horvath:
Okay you are a 23-year old girl who's had the same boyfriend for the past 4 years, so you're also allowed to be bored.

Hannah Horvath:
I'm sorry if I minimized it, I'm just unwilling to accept the idea you have too great a boyfriend.

Adam Sackler:
I don't know what it is about me but girls never ask me to use condoms.

Jessa Johansson:
You look... really gorgeous. I love you all stripped down.

Marnie Michaels:
I've never been as miserable in my life.

Jessa Johansson:
It's totally working.

Jessa Johansson:
Look at me. You smoked crack. You smoked crack.

Shoshanna Shapiro:
Oh my god, don't tell my mom. Don't even tell me.

Adam Sackler:
Look kid, I don't know what you want from me. Do you want me to be your boyfriend? Is that it? Do you want me to be your f***ing boyfriend?