Gunless

The Montana Kid:
Where am I?

Adell Kwon:
In the Dominion of Canada.

The Montana Kid:
Ooh just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.

The Montana Kid:
She is most definitely worth a bullet.

Jane:
[Jane overhears what The Montana Kid said] Hey!

The Montana Kid:
No. I meant... I don't mean it that way.

Adell Kwon:
You stink.

[first lines]

The Montana Kid:
[hanging upside down from his horse] Do you, uh, speaky English?

Adell Kwon:
[hands on hips] Do you?

The Montana Kid:
Where the hell am I?

The Montana Kid:
How far are we from a real country?

Jane:
Do you want your showdown or not?

The Montana Kid:
It's not a turkey shoot, it's a gunfight!

Jane:
You know, it's really unpleasant to sit downwind of you.

K'Wala 'Two Shoes':
You're not from around here are you?

The Montana Kid:
[Talking to his horse] You know, you're not so sweet smelling yourself.

K'Wala 'Two Shoes':
You gotta remember to tie up your horse, chief.

[repeated line]

The Montana Kid:
Stop it.

Jane:
So why is there a price on your head?

The Montana Kid:
[about his mortal enemy] Ever since I shot his ear off he kinda leans to the left.

[last lines]

Jane:
So do I still get your horse?

The Montana Kid:
What's wrong with you people?

Dr. Angus Schiffron:
So good day, eh.

Jack:
Now we we can finish fixing my whatchamaycallit.

Dr. Angus Schiffron:
Gluteus.

Jack:
I don't got time for a common nuisance.

The Montana Kid:
[in his face] What'd you just call me?

Jack:
A nuisance.

The Montana Kid:
No, before that, what did you call me?

Jack:
Common.

The Montana Kid:
Whoa, you just crossed the line.

Jack:
[picks him up and moves him]

The Montana Kid:
[wakes up yelping as bullet is removed]

Dr. Angus Schiffron:
Well, hello again. I'd say a 36 caliber. Am I right?

The Montana Kid:
Uh, I didn't get a good look at it on the way in.

Ben Cutler:
You ain't worth the bullet.

The Montana Kid:
She is most definitely worth a bullet.

Jane:
Hey!

Corporal Jonathan Kent:
Each of you has a writ of expatriation, and a notice of intent to charge and detain.

Ben Cutler:
Writ o' what?

Corporal Jonathan Kent:
It means I will graciously escort your smelly hides out of the country. And if you even think of returning, we will show you one Her Majesty's hoosegows.

Ben Cutler:
What'sa hoosegow?

Jane:
Why don't you just let it go?

The Montana Kid:
Cuz I can't. [sighs] Cuz if I let it go now, then I shoulda let it go when them 3 guys in Missouri called me a cheat. Now you tell me. Did they die for nothin'? And if I let them guys in Missouri go, then I shoulda let it go when that man was whoopin' that dog. Now does that sound right to you? Beatin' on a helpless dog? If I was able to let that man go for beatin' on that mutt, then sure as hell no reason I couldn'ta just walked away when I was called out in Wyoming, or Santa Fe, and twice in Arizona. If I was so damned smart to walk away when I was called out, then I should have the wherewithal to use my gun in self-defense, twice. And if I shoulda been able to avoid that, then there's no arguable reason why I couldn'ta just gone to the sheriff, insteada killin' the man that whipped my pa.

Jane:
I thought he shot your pa.

The Montana Kid:
Just beat 'im up. Broke his jaw and bloody nose but... Taught a common thief a lesson, he said, how do you like that? [laughs] Common. He was anything but common. He was my pa. When I shot that man, like it or not, this is my path. This is what I do. And I am what I do. [rides off]

Jane:
I guess this is the part where you become a charming memory.

The Montana Kid:
Not quite. Uh, turns out there's a fair bit of debt that has to be satisfied before I can leave this, uh, this town. [reading] I owe fer nine bullets, one tea cup, one shear pin, one case o' snails, one carrot, laundry and sewin' services, 4 horse shoes, one portrait of a ugly lady, one bag o' cats... Wait a minute. Oh, that's oats.