Halfway Across the Galaxy and Turn Left

Qwrk:
"Sandwich, invented by the Earl of Sandwich in order to eat at the gambling table."

Father:
A man after my own heart.

Aunt Hecla:
Great thundering zelphs. What funny-looking children.

X:
Aunt Hecla, please let Michelle Froggatt go. She has to go home. Her mother is expecting her.

Aunt Hecla:
Expecting her? She looks well and truly born to me.

[X is watching Shane and Andrew fight]

X:
Boys! Fighting over confectionary is pointless and stupid! And if you don't stop, I'll send you both to... to your rooms.

Colin Roland:
Are you all right, Charlotte?

X:
Sorry. I just thought they needed to be organized a little better.

X:
You're sure this is not an intrusion?

Jenny Roland:
Course not. You had me at your house, didn't you?

X:
And your mother doesn't mind?

Jenny Roland:
She doesn't know.

X:
But she's the Organizer, isn't she?

Jenny Roland:
Actually, Mum's not that good at organization. Colin does a lot of that since Dad took off.

X:
Took off?

Jenny Roland:
Now, don't expect our place to be as special as yours. The furniture and stuff is nowhere near as good. Dad wouldn't change it.

X:
Fathers can be a lot of trouble.

Jenny Roland:
I wouldn't mind the trouble, just as long as he was around.

Jenny Roland:
Hi, Charlotte.

X:
Hello, Jenny.

[X coughs]

Jenny Roland:
Oh, you got a cold?

X:
No, I'm not cold.

X:
Qwrk, we have to find something for you to do at school where you can be abysmally stupid.

Father:
Uh, I, I don't think Miss Brewster's at all suspicious anymore, X.

X:
But Qwrk just couldn't help himself. He just had to show everyone how intelligent he is.

Qwrk:
Is being a genius such a crime?

X:
There's got to be something.

Qwrk:
Oh, really?

Aunt Hecla:
You worry too much, X.

X:
Somebody has to.

Yorp:
Your currency is in your vest.

X:
It's paper!

Yorp:
Well, what'd you expect this so far out of town.

X:
It's filthy!

Yorp:
You've got a lot to learn, haven't you? And from what I hear, you haven't got much choice.

X:
Mother, I'd wish you'd trust my calculations, which don't include travel back into history.

Mother:
The steerage computer definitely indicates 18th century Europe.

X:
That's why it was such a bargain.

X:
We're going to Bellwood, on the blue planet. Which its inhabitants call Earth.

X:
I'm a Family Organizer. I'm solely responsible for all major decisions. I'm in full control of the family unit at all times.

Yoshida:
What can I do you for?

X:
We wish to lease a house.

Yoshida:
We have several houses for rent, Mr. and Mrs... What, what name is it?

Father:
Uh...

Qwrk:
It's rather complicated. It contains our zone number, Father's gambling sign, and Aunt Hecla's...

Yoshida:
Uh, Jackson!

Dovis:
[to horse] What a sad life you've had. People can be so cruel.

X:
Dovis, it's time to go.

Dovis:
Believe me, cruelty is galaxywide.

Mother:
I do hope Andrea likes them.

Father:
I'm sure she will. The wear here is so... dull. You said so yourself.

Mother:
Yes, but do you think they'll "knock her socks off"?

Father:
Do boutique ladies wear socks?

Mother:
Well, Andrea does.

Father:
Well, then, her socks will be knocked into intergalactic orbit.

X:
But remember, Qwrk, while we're here, you're no different from any other children of your age level. Do you understand? Qwrk, I know it's going to be hard, but you have to do it well enough to fool the authorities.

Qwrk:
Very well. I'll do my best, in spite of the humiliation.

X:
Why do boys have to be one way and girls the other?

Jenny Roland:
I don't like it, but that's sort of been the rules.

X:
Not with me they're not.

Jenny Roland:
Listen, X. You've got to behave the way everybody else does, or people will suspect. So, you've gotta let boys think they're the best.

X:
They can't be all the time.

Jenny Roland:
Try telling them that.

Miss Harrow:
Don't be frightened, Charlotte. The doctor just needs a small sample of your blood.

X:
Why?

Miss Harrow:
Well, so that it can be tested.

X:
Blood is tested?

Miss Harrow:
See? That didn't hurt, did it?

X:
Where's he taking it?

Miss Harrow:
He's taking it and putting it with the other blood samples to be tested.

X:
Do I get it back when he's finished?

Miss Harrow:
No. Not as a rule.

X:
Are they gonna take away any other pieces of my body?

Miss Harrow:
Charlotte, you have a very unique sense of humor. Did you get that in Peru as well?

X:
Yes. Uh, no. No, no, make that yes.

Colin Roland:
How'd I get talked into this?

Jenny Roland:
Because you're madly in love with X and you don't want to see her turned into a lab rat.

The Chief:
You haven't escaped, X. Dirty water, clean water, land or sea, I'll get you.

Father:
X, from the sound of it, Hecla's quite safe. Let's stay.

X:
Can you imagine what would happen?

Father:
We've changed, X. All of us. Even you. You made a friend here. Someone you can trust. You told her the truth about us and you know that she'll never tell anyone. Because she's your friend. You've changed, X. For good.

X:
I'm different. I feel different. I want to be someone's best friend and tell them secrets. But it's not like that. The Chief's on his way. There's nothing we can do to stop him from finding us.

Father:
We'll face that when the time comes. Do you want to stay? Or go back?

X:
[smiles] I want to stay.

Aunt Hecla:
We're coming, X! We're coming to help you!

X:
I hope tomorrow never comes.

X:
Lox was right. This blue planet is a messy, dangerous place. As Organizer, I keep trying to impress this upon the family. But none of them seem to understand. Mother spoke French to the first person we met! Doesn't she realize we have to fit in? We must appear to be perfectly normal, perfectly ordinary, until we find food and shelter and proper home furnishings.

Father:
What is that strange thing that they do with the lips?

X:
Kissing expresses a range of emotion from affection to welcome.

Father:
Oh. I must remember that.

Jenny Roland:
Excuse me. We've met before. Remember.

X:
How do you do?

Jenny Roland:
Have you come to enroll?

X:
As a matter of fact, we've just got back from Peru and Mortimer's an international engineer and naturally we're very keen to resume our schooling.

Jenny Roland:
Naturally.

Aunt Hecla:
Where's the family?

Lox:
Family? What family? I don't have a family.

Aunt Hecla:
You know very well who I mean, Lox. Where are they?

Lox:
I can't tell you.

Aunt Hecla:
You'll tell me what I want to know, Mr. Fancypants, or the planet will hear how you padded your uniform for the finals of the Mr. Galaxy contest.

X:
First item on the schedule resolved. Second item, Mother to get a salaried job to renew the currency. Third item on the schedule, Father not to get involved in gambling situations. Next item on the schedule, school.

Dovis:
But why school?

X:
It's the law, Astrella. You, George and I have to go to a school while we're living down here

Qwrk:
But what can they possibly teach us?

X:
You're not going there to be taught, George. You're going there to be normal.

X:
Father, what is going on?

Father:
This place is called a restaurant, X. It's a gold mine. People...

X:
Yes, I know what a restaurant is, but why are you here?

Father:
X, I'm, I'm, I'm tired of being stuck in the house.

X:
You're stuck in the house because you can't be trusted. We're here on this stupid planet because you can't be trusted.

Qwrk:
Typical. You hide halfway across the galaxy, you fool the governments, the Chief, everyone, but you still can't escape junk mail.

Jenny Roland:
Tell me, X! I need to know! Were you ever my friend? Really?

X:
Yes, I was... am your friend.

Jenny Roland:
You're the best friend I've ever had. And now I'm losing you.

X:
I've gotta take my family back home.

Jenny Roland:
Where is home, X?

X:
We're from Zyrgon, halfway across the galaxy.

Colin Roland:
Outer space?

X:
To us, this is outer space. We're here in temporary exile. But that's over now and I'm taking them back. Being an Organizer is the lonelisest job in the galaxy. I hate it! I wish I never wanted to be one! I wish I could get out of it and just be me! But I can't.

Jenny Roland:
Wishes are like that.

Mother:
X, you asked me to back you up and I have. Are you sure about this? I mean, is it what Hecla would want?

X:
My duty is to get my family back to Zyrgon.

Mother:
X. You're happier here than you were there.

X:
Oh, really, Mother. Don't say such things.

Mother:
That's the problem, isn't it? You're afraid of your feelings for this planet. For your new friends.

X:
I have no friends here.

Mother:
What about Jenny?

X:
There's a million billion of these planets and we live on the best one.

Yoshida:
Where did you say you were from?

Aunt Hecla:
Outer space. Halfway across the galaxy, actually, and, uh, turn right.