Hancock & Joan

[Tony and Joan have just made love; in a panic at his forthcoming stage performance, Tony rushes to the toilet, suffering from a sudden attack of diarrhoea]

Tony Hancock:
What am I doing? My arse has exploded and my teeth are chattering.

Joan Le Mesurier:
When I was living in Ramsgate, my friend Sheila worked on the dog track. She said when you see the dogs on parade before the race, if one of them has a hard-on or has just had a crap, put your money on it. I'd back you on both counts tonight.

[Tony and Joan have had a blazing row because Tony is blind drunk; she grabs his bottles of brandy and throws them at the wall; swearing profusely, Tony staggers across the room and tries to hit her with a coffee table; both of them end up on the floor]

Tony Hancock:
[gleefully] I do enjoy our little after-dinner chats, don't you?