Hannah Montana

[Robbie hurts himself during limbo]

Robbie Stewart:
Ow, my achey, breaky back!

[repeated line]

Miley Stewart:
Ya think?

[repeated line]

Roxie:
I have my EYES on you!

Lilly Truscott:
Hey Oliver! I can see you!

Oliver Oken:
[Lifting Miley's hair on the other side] I can see you too!

Miley Stewart:
It was as easy as findin' a mullet at a trucker's convention.

[repeated line]

Miley Stewart:
Sweet Niblets!

Amber:
[the girls think a bear is outside of their tent] I'm too pretty to die!

Ashley Dewitt:
No way, I'm pretty, too!

Miley Stewart:
Alright! I'll go check!

Ashley Dewitt:
[she leaves, and loud growling is heard] Oh my gosh! Lilly, go check on her!

Lilly Truscott:
Why do I have to go?

Amber:
[scoffs] I believe we've established the pretty scale.

[repeated line]

Robbie Stewart:
Dag flab-it!

[repeated line]

Jackson Stewart:
Good day. I said good day, daddy!

Jackson Stewart:
[the beginning drum beat of the 'Hannah Montana' theme song is heard while Jackson is watching TV] Ugh! When is this show NOT ON?

Jackson Stewart:
[as Ozzy Osbourne] Listen... L - l - listen! Ehhh... listen...

Barney Bittman:
I'm listening!

Jackson Stewart:
...well?

Barney Bittman:
You didn't say anything!

Jackson Stewart:
Oh... yes. Well... well, there's a party... at my house... come on!

Barney Bittman:
But wait a minute! I have to review Hannah Montana!

Jackson Stewart:
But Sharon's making guaca- guaca- guaca... very colorful stuff... very delicious...

Uncle Earl:
Remember when I was the hot one?

Lilly Truscott:
He was the hot one?

Jackson Stewart:
No, it's true, Uncle Earl was the prom king and dad had the unibrow.

Robbie Stewart:
Sexiest unibrow in Bruford county.

Robbie Stewart:
What's the worst thing he could say?

Jackson Stewart:
Well how about, Hannah Montana, what did that poor state ever do to you?

Robbie Stewart:
Why don't I just change the channel?

Oliver Oken:
Hey I think "Are You Dumber Than a Dog" is on.

Lilly Truscott:
Oh yeah, it'll be much more fun watching Oliver lose to the beagle again.

Oliver Oken:
That dog was coached.

Lilly Truscott:
[while carrying in box with Oliver] Hey, Uncle Earl... what's this?

Uncle Earl:
Oh, that's Cuddle's twinkle box.

Lilly Truscott:
Eww! Eww! Eww!

Oliver Oken:
Oh, you are such a wimp.

Lilly Truscott:
[lifts up tinkle box so it's pointing towards Oliver] Take it back! Take it back!

Oliver Oken:
Ugh! It's getting on me... it's getting on me... ugh it's seeping through my clothes!

Miley Stewart:
Lilly! Why do you read that tabloid trash? They're nothing but lies.

Lilly Truscott:
[clears throat] Hannah Montana looks fabulous...

Miley Stewart:
With the occasional glimmer of truth.

Lilly Truscott:
You didn't let me finish... Too bad she's really A GUY!

Miley Stewart:
[grabs magazine] You have got to be kidding.

Lilly Truscott:
I can't believe you didn't tell me. You slept over at my house! You borrowed my bras!

Miley Stewart:
Hey, I look gooood in a mustache. Oh yeah, I would definitely date me.

Lilly Truscott:
Me too.

Miley Stewart, Lilly Truscott:
[they look at each other strangely] Awkward!

Miley Stewart:
Nothing you say EVER means anything! You're the same jerk you were six months ago, except now [picks up salami] You're a jerk with a headache.

Jake Ryan:
[n a suit of armor] I don't have a- [ Miley holds up salami and smiles] Oh no. [puts mask on his suit of armor down and holds up his shield]

Miley Stewart:
Oh yes! [ hits him with salami until he leaves]

Ashley dewitt:
Hey, best friend!

Miley Stewart:
Ashley, are you lost?

Ashley dewitt:
Oh, Miley, you're SO funny!

Miley Stewart:
Mean girl say what?

Robbie Stewart:
[Miley is about to throw a muffin] Not the chocolate chip ones! Use the bran, no one eats those.

Jackson Stewart:
[to Rico, after he criticized his surf shop, saying IHOF, "international house of failure"] Well, maybe I will! But instead, I'll call it, International House of Reasonably Priced Water! And Fries! And... Stuff! IHORPWAFAS! [Rico starts leaving] Yeah, yeah! Hear the name and tremble, Rico! IHORPWAFAS!

Oliver Oken:
Well maybe because at Rico's you get over priced hot dogs, right? And here, you get half-priced food poisoning.

Oliver Oken:
I was supposed to take this to the Precinct for the other cops. But, now you got the meat with the cheese, it's not kosher. Oh, Detective Schwartz is gonna go all mashugana.

Ashley:
[appears at front door] Hi, hi!

Miley Stewart:
Ashley, are you lost?

Ashley:
[comes in, starts laughing] Miley, you are so funny. I always liked that about you!

Miley Stewart:
Mean girl say what?

Jake Ryan:
[at red carpet where Miley is wearing an embarrassing dress] Uhh we forgot to feed the cat.

Miley Stewart:
We don't have a cat.

Jake Ryan:
Maybe we could make one out of your armpit hair.

Jake Ryan:
He has an American girlfriend named Miley.

Miley Stewart:
Weird guy say what?

Miley Stewart:
Learn to love his flaws?

Oliver Oken:
Like the adorable way he steals water from little girls?

Miley Stewart:
[as Hannah, just after telling Jake her secret] Well, if it helps, you're doing better than Oliver. He fainted when I told him.

Jake Ryan:
Jake Ryan does not faint. Leslie, on the other hand, is a little woozy.

Girl with ice cream:
My mom has a taser. zzzzzzzz

Miley Stewart:
Okay then. BYE!

Miley Stewart:
Maybe I should just give up boys for good.

Robbie Stewart:
Aw. Not for good, honey. Just until I'm dead.

Donsig:
[at door with leaf in hand] Stewart, I'm sick of your leaves in my pool.

Robbie Stewart:
And I'm sick of your face in my house!

Oliver Oken:
[Eating ice cream sloppily] I don't understand why you don't just dump the kid and go home.

Miley Stewart:
And I don't understand why you eat with your face.

Jackson Stewart:
Ok, see, that's easy to say when you don't actually *have* a little sister

Miley Stewart:
It's not my fault, I always wanted one

Jackson Stewart:
Yeah, I always wanted a puppy but they brought you home insted

Donsig:
[sneezes in Jackson's face] Your father gave me his back-of-the-woods cold

Donsig:
Now look at me. I'm withering away to nothing

[opens shirt to reveal his big belly]

Jackson Stewart:
Well, look on the bright side. You'll be able to see your toes by Christmas.

Patty Dontzig:
[Patty walks in wearing a bathing suit and floaties] Uncle Albert, I want to swim! What's taking so long? [referring to Robby Ray] I thought you said the hillbilly was scared of you!

Donsig:
He is! [sees Robby Ray shiver] Look, I got him trembling!

Patty Dontzig:
*Come on!* I'm only here for the weekend, and you said we'd do stuff!

Donsig:
Stop nagging.

Patty Dontzig:
I want to do stuff!

Donsig:
Stop nagging!

Patty Dontzig:
I want to do stuff!

Donsig:
[yelling at the top of his voice] STOP NAGGING! [to himself] I don't know where she gets it from. [yells at Robby Ray] KEEP YOUR LEAVES OUT OF MY POOL! [grunts and he leaves with Patty, folding her arms, pouting]

[after many failed attempts to build a bookshelf, Jackson finds Robbie sitting by the barbecue]

Jackson Stewart:
Hey Dad, how's the bookshelf going?

Robbie Stewart:
Oh, it's really cooking now.

[Robbie throws a piece of the bookshelf on the barbecue]

Miley Stewart:
[after learning Oliver has lost the key to their handcuffs] RUN.

Lilly Truscott:
FAST.

Miley Stewart:
[about an award] This is my true dream, to be on live T.V. and hold my own Booty

Miley Stewart:
Help me get ready and I'll let you keep any outfit you want

Lilly Truscott:
What about shoes?

Miley Stewart:
One pair

Lilly Truscott:
Two

Miley Stewart:
Nothin' Italian

Lilly Truscott:
Fine

Miley Stewart:
Well, he needs to help me, cause I won a Booty

Lilly Truscott:
Good, cause you need one

Miley Stewart:
You're going down phony doney.

Lilly Truscott:
Who smells like week old bologne.

Miley Stewart:
That's been in your locker all aloney.

Lilly Truscott:
Right next to... to...

Miley Stewart:
That melted ice-cream coney.

Lilly Truscott:
Ooh girl you are in the zoney.

Oliver Oken:
[key breaks in hand cuffs] Uh Oh!

Miley Stewart:
I hate when he says uh oh!

Robbie Stewart:
Yeah, it's almost as bad as when he thinks!

Miley Stewart:
[Lily enters] Well look who showed up. Were all of the other concerts in town sold out? Cause I know you wouldn't pick mine first, or second, or LAST!

Miley Stewart:
[Oliver is on his way to get the handcuff key] We're doomed.

Lilly Truscott:
Why?

Miley Stewart:
[points] His house is *that* way.

Miley Stewart:
I won a Booty.

Lilly Truscott:
Good. You could use one.

Miley Stewart:
[gasps] How rude!

Oliver Oken:
I think I'm in love.

[picks up a sandwich]

Oliver Oken:
You're wearing avocado aren't you, do you know what that does to me.

Miley Stewart:
What's wrong with you boy?

Oliver Oken:
It's free food, I'm a guy, do the math.

Jackson Stewart:
Why are you staring at me?

Robbie Stewart:
It's fun.

Miley Stewart:
I have to have these shoes!

Oliver Oken:
Why?

Miley Stewart:
They are shoes, I am a girl, do the math

Lilly Truscott:
Well, this does look pretty ridiculous. I mean, with your hair in rollers, your eyes bugging out, your "Miley" necklace flopping all over the place... [realizes that this could blow Miley's secret]

Miley Stewart:
[realizing it as well] Future-of-sleaze-journalism-say-what?

Lilly Truscott:
I'm on the front page! Don't I look so cute when I'm scared?

Miley Stewart:
If you don't get over yourself in about three seconds, you're gonna look absolutely *adorable*.

Robbie Stewart:
[to Jackson] Nap? Stewart men don't nap when there's Football on! That's what golf is for!

Dwayne Johnson:
[after getting a"makeover" by Miley and Lily] I mean look at me, am I not glowing?

Miley Stewart:
[talking to Rico after he offers her a free ticket] Teeny Meanie Weenie say what?

Guillermo Montoya:
I thought you put the tennis in Tennessee...

Miley Stewart:
Yea and I kinda just left it there.

Oliver Oken:
You're right. And it's all freaky-freaky-freaky-freak - Are you kidding me?

Miley Stewart:
[after overhearing Guillermo's angry phone conversation] Is anything wrong?

Guillermo Montoya:
My partner for the celebrity tennis tournament sprained her thumb. Speed-texting.

Miley Stewart:
[to Lily and Oliver after their loud arguments] Sounds like you guys are having a great time. You wanna know how I know? 'Cause I can hear y'all from over there!

Miley Stewart:
[looking At Oliver's Disguise] What is that, armpit hair?

Oliver Oken:
[to Lilly] I thought you said no one could tell!

Robbie Ray Stewart:
[Robbie is having his palm read] What do you see?

Madame Escajeda:
You, dancing in front of many people.

Robbie Ray Stewart:
Fortune teller say what? I'm not much of a dancer.

Madame Escajeda:
I can see that too! But if you would just bend your knees...

Robbie Ray Stewart:
Oh that's it! Give it a rest woman, I'm out of here!

Madame Escajeda:
Oh, sure. Now, you move your feet!

Guillermo Montoya:
And who might your friends be?

Miley Stewart:
Well, Gui, this is Lola Loftnagle. And this is...

Oliver Oken:
[looks at microphone stand] Mikestand. Mike. Stand. Ley. Mike Standley. The third.

Lilly Truscott:
And hopefully the last.

Miley Stewart:
He thinks I'm a tiger.

Lilly Truscott:
He thinks I'm colorful. That just leaves strange for you, Mikey.

Lilly Truscott:
Hey Miley, I made you a cake.

Oliver Oken:
Pathetic! Trying to butter her up with cake. Hey Miley, I made you a shirt!

Miley Stewart:
If you say freaky freaky fun, you're going home.

Robbie Ray Stewart:
What takes you girls so long?

Miley Stewart:
Wig.

Lilly Truscott:
Make-up.

Miley Stewart:
Wardrobe.

Miley Stewart:
[with Lola, showing their bracelets] Bling!

Miley Stewart:
And then you hate it and you gotta start all over again.

Miley Stewart:
Teeny Weeny Meany say what?

Lilly Truscott:
[Speaking simultaneously] She's taking me! Tell him!

Oliver Oken:
She's taking me! Tell her!

Miley Stewart:
[Miley, Oliver, and Lilly approach Rico to ask him for help with biology] Oh Rico!

Rico:
Hey bubblebrain! How's it going?

Miley Stewart:
Aw; smart, funny, and...

Lilly Truscott:
Dead-on about that bubblebrain! [Miley gives her an evil look]... But just in biology; other than that, you're as sharp as a tick!

Miley Stewart:
That's "tack"!

Lilly Truscott:
You see? [Miley mocks Lilly]

Rico:
Good thing you two are pretty.

Miley Stewart:
Okay! I'm just gonna come right out and ask you...

Rico:
You need help in biology.

Miley Stewart:
How'd you know that?

Rico:
Please! Put together the grades from your last four quizzes and they spell [singing mockingly] "Duh-Duh-Duh-F"!

Miley Stewart:
One of those with a [imitates Rico] "Duh-Duh-Duh-Plus"!

Miley Stewart:
MOO YAH!

Miley Stewart:
When I milk the cows on Uncle Earl's farm I use the Ulna bone that is in my arm.

Rico:
[having seen Miley's "Bone Dance"] That song, those moves, your voice. It all reminds me of some famous singer.

Miley Stewart:
Kelly Clarkson?

Lilly Truscott:
Hillary Duff?

Oliver Oken:
Jay-Z?

Rico:
I got it. Hannah Montana!

[Miley, Lilly and Oliver all burst out laughing]

Dolly Parton:
[Pulls cell phone out of hair] When your pants are as tight as mine are, you've got to have somewhere to put your phone!

[from trailer]

Dolly Parton:
Being a teenage girl is harder than walking through a balloon shop with a porcupine purse.

Miley Stewart:
He loves me. He loves me not and now I need more petals!

Miley Stewart:
Lilly! Less squeaky, more sneaky!

Oliver Oken:
Oww! You pulled out my only chest hair!

Lilly Truscott:
[to the camera about the principal's retirement] I can't believe you're retiring. You don't look a day over 80!

Oliver Oken:
Lilly, he's only 65.

Lilly Truscott:
Is he sick?

Oliver Oken:
He will be after he sees this. Lets see what Dandruff Danny has to say.

Danny Dandruff:
Let me do my hair!

Oliver Oken:
This is going to take a while.

Lilly Truscott:
[stepping in front o the camera] I didn't mean your old, you just remind me of my dead grandfather! [nervously] But he didn't die from old age, he got hit by a school bus. [very nervously] Ironic, huh?

Lilly Truscott:
[On Olivers goodbye tape to Principal Fisher] We're gonna miss you Principal Fisher! I can't believe you're retiring! You don't look a day over 80!

Oliver Oken:
Lilly, he's only 65.

Lilly Truscott:
Really? Is he sick?

Oliver Oken:
He will be when he sees this. [Turns the camera to Dandruff Danny] Let's see what Farewell words Dandruff Danny has for Principal Fisher.

Dandruff Danny:
One second let me fix my hair!

Oliver Oken:
This is gonna take a while.

Lilly Truscott:
[Cuts in front of Dandruff Danny] Ugh,, I was just kidding about before sir. It's not that you're old,it's that you remind me of my dead grandfather. But he didn't die from old age. He got hit by a school bus. Ironic... isn't it?

Miley Stewart:
There's more other things in life like world peace and... Whales! Why can't we do a song about whales? And not stupid boy whales, girl whales. Happy independent girl whales.

Robbie Stewart:
I'll get on it darling. Girl whales doing there nails. Don't need no males. Practically writes itself.

Miley Stewart:
Do I amuse you? Do you think of me as some kind of clown?

Robbie Stewart:
[robby ray talking on cell phone] we're rehearsing to meet the Queen, no not Latifah i'm talking about the Queen of England

Miley Stewart:
hey Simon when I met that Queen all I had to rehearse was what's up girlfriend.

Miley Stewart:
you get it.

Simon:
yes unfortunately I did

Lilly Truscott:
waxy airplane earphones you're kidding right

Miley Stewart:
with little gray hairs still stuck to them

Lilly Truscott:
ugg!

Grandma Stewart:
you want this don't you

Grandma Stewart:
so stop your moping

Oliver Oken:
[waa... waa]

[Oliver finger accidently presses a button on soundboard]

Oliver Oken:
finger slipped my bad

Grandma Stewart:
bend those knees

Grandma Stewart:
[jackson spikes the volleyball into oliver knocking him down] yeah thats what i'm talking about.

[Oliver presses another button as he falls to floor]

Queen Elizabeth II:
Simon have we just been punked

Simon:
whose gonna save the Queen now

Queen Elizabeth II:
don't hate the player hate the game

Grandma Stewart:
Who's gonna save the Queen now?

Queen Elizabeth II:
Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Robbie Stewart:
Sweet mercy! That woman makes a snail look like a cheetah!

Pancake Buffalo:
Hey, Hannah. Want to know the weather report for Montana? CHILI all day. With a 100% chance of SPIT SHOWERS!

Delivery Man:
Robbie Stewart?

Robbie Ray Stewart:
That would be me. Hey, first thing what do you think of this?

[sings]

Robbie Ray Stewart:
I'm super cute, "I'm super hot, I'm the girl you like a lot, I'm super super girl, I'm super super girl."

[stops]

Robbie Ray Stewart:
What do you think?

Delivery Man:
I think you're super super weird.

Jackson Stewart:
Hannah Montana has never canceled a concert before, and she not about to start now. I know that would just break your heart... and when your heart breaks, Baby Sis, so does mine.

Miley Stewart:
[hands Robbie Ray the board]

Robbie Stewart:
[reads] You got a hot date for the concert, don't ya, Jerkson?

Miley Stewart:
[turns her head to Jackson]

Jackson Stewart:
Dad?

Robbie Stewart:
She wrote it. [points to Miley]

Jackson Stewart:
I can't believe you think I'm that selfish that I'll put my own...

Robbie Stewart:
What's her name?

Jackson Stewart:
Jenny, and she's a total babe.

Miley Stewart:
[looks at Jackson, disgusted]

Jackson Stewart:
So put a cork in it, Froggy. I got a lot riding on this.

Robbie Stewart:
Uh uh uh... use the pad. [hands her the board]

Miley Stewart:
[hits Jackson With it]

Jackson Stewart:
[rubs Arm]

Robbie Stewart:
Couldn't have said it better myself.

Jackson Stewart:
[buttering toast] You want some toast, I bet you do.

Robbie Stewart:
Please add some jam and butter too.

Jackson Stewart:
We're out of grape, so sad. It's all your fault, you bad dad.

Robbie Stewart:
You know what, son?

Jackson Stewart:
Yeah, dad?

Robbie Stewart:
You got nerve!

Jackson Stewart:
Besides, what do you think's gonna happen? Just as the surgery's about to start, a meteor hits a bus, the bus drives into a hot dog stand, a giant neon weiner flies into the power lines, the lights go off in the operating room and the next thing you know, you're spending the rest of your life singing like Aunt Pearl after she swallowed that kazoo, remember? [Imitates kazoo]

Miley Stewart:
Oh no! I'm not gonna be Hannah Montana again all because of a giant weiner!

Dr. Meyer:
[reassuring Miley that her surgery will be fine] Don't worry about it. It'll be fine. I could do it blindfolded. But I won't. I'm just saying that I could. Not that you'd know. You'd be out cold! Doesn't that make you feel better? It doesn't, does it? I should stop now.

Miley Stewart:
You think?

Miley Stewart:
[after hearing that she would have a one-in-a-million chance of losing her voice after surgery] Daddy, there was a one-in-a-million chance that you'd be a rock star, and that happened. There was a one-in-a-million chance that I'd be a pop star, and that happened. Face it! This family's One-In-A-Million Central!

Robbie Stewart:
There are certain things a daddy knows. I know that the sun's gonna be up tomorrow, I know that Uncle Earl won't be an underwear model and I know that you're gonna be just fine.

Robbie Stewart:
[in a nightmare, where Miley is a down-trodden washerwoman] Wait a minute. What's that in the corner of your mouth? Have you been eating the burnt bits off the broiler pan again?

Miley Stewart:
But, daddy! I'm just so hungry! [Eats more burnt bits] Mmm! Month-old trout skin! My favorite!

Miley Stewart:
So, how do you like Hannah Montana now?

Josh:
She's still... okay.

Miley Stewart:
Okay?

Lilly Truscott:
Yeah, what do you want her to do? Surf the crowd?

Josh:
Hey, that'd be cool.

Miley Stewart:
Surf... the... crowd. Then I'll just have to go get another pretzel!

Miley Stewart:
This is so frustrating! I spent all day yesterday trying to make Josh like Hannah Montana.

Oliver Oken:
How'd it go?

Miley Stewart:
It went really well! He loves Hannah Montana now and we're getting married! How do you think it went you donut?

Oliver Oken:
I'm gonna guess not so well.

Lilly Truscott:
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner

Jackson Stewart:
[trying on a pair of sun glasses] I am the Jackson-ater. These will not be back.

Oliver Oken:
So, how did it go with Josh?

Miley Stewart:
Oh, well he loves Hannah Montana and were gonna get married! How do you think it went donut?

Miley Stewart:
...And then I ate a napkin and then Jackson was all like : "You said duty." and then Lilly was all like : "Bug On a Windsheild!" and then I was all like : "GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!"... And that's why we have to move.

Oliver Oken:
It worked out! Who's the donut now?

Lilly Truscott:
Still you!

Robbie Stewart:
Would you look at that... that boy's got three feet.

Robbie Stewart:
Son of a gun! That boy's got three feet!

Lilly Truscott:
You're in California now, and we do do that here.

[Jackson and Copper snicker]

Miley Stewart:
What?

Jackson Stewart:
You said said 'do-do!'

Miley Stewart:
Grow up

Miley Stewart:
OK, Daddy. We just have to stay calm. Just be calm.

Robbie Stewart:
Honey, if I was any calmer I'd be dead.

Miley Stewart:
Wow! So this is what a real Hannah Montana concert is like!

Josh:
You've never been to one?

Miley Stewart:
Well, I've tried, but I've always been busy doing something... else.

Lilly Truscott:
Good Point! And besides, he probably doesn't even know your alive.

Lilly Truscott:
You're like some dried up insect on the windshield of his life... not even in the center... your way off to the side where the wipers don't reach.

Lilly Truscott:
[moves arms like windshield wipers] WEET, WEET, WEET, SPLAT, WEET, WEET ,WEET!

Miley Stewart:
Lilly, I'm serious. How am I going to go out with a guy that doesn't like half of me?

Lilly Truscott:
He doesn't know he doesn't like half of you... so just make him think half you he likes is all of you... as long as the other half keeps their mouth shut... the three of you should make a beautiful couple.

Oliver Oken:
[confused look] I never get chick math.

[talking about Hannah's new outfit]

Lilly Truscott:
Ooh! What about the thing that you bought at the place next to the place that we went there one time?

Miley Stewart:
No, that's too...

Lilly Truscott:
Yeah, you're right. Plus, when you wear that you have to...

Miley Stewart:
I know. And I hate those.

Lilly Truscott:
Who doesn't?

Miley Stewart:
What about the one I bought after the one I bought at the place next to the place?

Lilly Truscott:
Ooh! The one that goes with the shoes with the things? I love that one.

Robbie Ray Stewart:
Me, too!

Miley Stewart:
Daddy, do you even know what we're talking about?

Robbie Ray Stewart:
No, but as long as it doesn't cost me a wad of cash, I'm all for it.

Lilly Truscott:
You're dad is...

Miley Stewart:
I know!

Robbie Ray Stewart:
Miley, not anothers word.

Miley Stewart:
Fine. How about three?... I hate you!

[runs off about to cry]

Robbie Ray Stewart:
Miley? Miley Ray?

Jackson Stewart:
Or are you not ready to let go?

Robbie Ray Stewart:
Excuse me?

Miley Stewart:
Listen, you one-hit bobblehead!

Miley Stewart:
Okay, listen here, little one hit bobblehead, the only thing you're taking from me is lessons. Okay, lesson one: THIS is how you do the head thing. Yeah, that's right, I went there!

Mikayla:
Well, you know where I'm gonna go?

Miley Stewart:
Down the toilet with the rest of your career? Yeah that's right I went there again, and this time, I bought property.

Mikayla's Manager:
Back up, kid, don't go shootin' your little tweeny-bopper head off at my client.

Miley Stewart:
She started it!

Mikayla's Manager:
Yeah, and I am ending it, little soon-to-be used-to-be!

Robbie Stewart:
Woah, I don't know who put the burr under your saddle, but no one talks to my client that way!

Miley Stewart:
It's okay Dad I can handle it.

Mikayla's Manager:
You heard her, Z, why don't you wait down by the wagon.

Robbie Stewart:
Excuse me?

Mikayla's Manager:
Oh, and while you're at it, you might wanna shave the ferret off your face, okay?

Robbie Stewart:
I'll shave mine when you shave yours! That's right I went there!

Miley Stewart:
She's a two-faced, tone-deaf toad!

Mikayla:
Miss Hannah, I am taking all your fannahs.

Robby Ray Stewert:
Lilly and I just watched the concert on TV you were terrific!

Lilly Truscott:
And you blew Mikayla off the stage!

Robby Ray Stewert:
The important thing is, honey, you did a great thing for charity.

Lilly Truscott:
And you blew Mikayla off the stage!

Robby Ray Stewert:
Yeah, I guess Hannah did show her a thing or two, and my daughter did the same for me. I'm proud of you, darlin'.

Lilly Truscott:
And...

Robby Ray Stewert, Lilly Truscott:
You blew Mikayla off the stage!

Hannah Montana:
It is so great to finally meet you! I am a huge fan!

Mikayla:
Yeah, I hate you.

Hannah Montana:
Thanks! I feel the exact same... what?

Mikayla:
Your voice is stingy, your music is stupid, your outfits makes me wanna puke on them, but it looks like somebody already did.

Lilly Truscott:
[talking about Mamaw and Aunt Dolly's 30 year fight] So this whole feud started over a boy?

Miley Stewart:
Yep. It was high-school. Mamaw was having a summer romance and then aunt dolly bounced in and, well that was pretty much all she had to do! Mamaw never forgave aunt dolly for stealing the love of her life. Mr Elvis Presley

Lilly Truscott:
Noooo!

Miley Stewart:
Yes!

Lilly Truscott:
No!

Miley Stewart:
Yes!

Lilly Truscott:
No!

Jackson Stewart:
[on the couch, trying to sleep] Yessss! Yes, yes, Elvis. Elvis with the pelvis and the hair and the hunka hunk of burning love. Guys I haven't slept all night and my back is killing me. So Please! For the love all that is good and pure in this forsaken universe, ZIP-IT!

Robbie Stewart:
[back home after the disasterous awards show; sarcastically to Aunt Dolly and Mamaw] Gee, I wonder what's wrong with my shoulder. Oh, that's right, I was body slammed into the stage door!

Lilly Truscott:
[entering with Popcorn] Jackson! I leave for two minutes and you switch to *wrestling*! Change it back to the Awards show!

Jackson Stewart:
This *is* the Awards show! [Lilly realizes Dolly and Nana are fighting on the awards show]

Lilly Truscott:
Ooo. Now *that's* going to leave a mark! ... You're family is better than cable. [Jackson nods]

Hannah Montana:
Listen, I like you Trac, but if your going to by my friend, then she's part of the package too.

Traci:
But she's sooooo uncool!

Hannah Montana:
Not as uncool as you were when you shot out a snotrocket so big that it hit *both* of the Olsen twins.

Jackson Stewart:
[in a girlie voice] I had fun! Did you see that dreamy boy in the third row? WHOO!

Miley Stewart:
We don't talk like that and he was in the second row!

Lilly Truscott:
Hello, Hannah Montana's close personal friend Lola here. Oh my gosh. Kelly. IT'S KELLY CLARKSON! [calm] hello.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly give me the phone!

Lilly Truscott:
So, Kelly felly, sorry to here the party was canceled.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly give me the PHONE!

Lilly Truscott:
What do you mean? Hannah said...

Miley Stewart:
Lilly! Don't listen to her! She doesn't like me. Professional jealousy. Petty, petty, girl

Miley Stewart:
[Lilly is leaving after Miley lied to her] No! Lilly! Wait! You don't need them as your friends. You've got me.

Lilly Truscott:
But if you were really my friend, you'd tell me the truth.

Miley Stewart:
Ok.I'll come right out and say it. You spit food on people, You follow them into the bathroom,and, you walked around for about an hour, with a chocolate beard.

Lilly Truscott:
Oh how embarrassing! Why am I such a dork! Why do I always do that! [beats herself on the forehead] Lilly when are you ever gonna learn!

Miley Stewart:
No! Lilly! Don't be so hard on yourself! I mean the first time I saw the choclate fountain, I poured about half of it into my PURSE!

Lilly Truscott:
[hops around on the lumpy couch] Your just saying that to make me feel better. [lifts up seat cushion] what the heck are all these newspapers?

Miley Stewart:
I'll tell you what they are. They're me not being a good friend. I got caught leaving the party early, and I didn't want you to know.

Lilly Truscott:
Why were you leaving early?

Miley Stewart:
Because it was no fun without you there.

Lilly Truscott:
Really?

Miley Stewart:
[nods her head] And you know what? It's never gonna happen again.

Lilly Truscott:
But the mall has cute clothes!

Miley Stewart:
But the beach has cute boys.

Lilly Truscott:
To the beach!

Lilly Truscott:
What if it doesn't burn!

Traci:
Asta la pasta!

Hannah Montana:
[about her sweater] I'll wear it for an hour and make my dad happy and then it will mysteriously fall into the barbeque.

Cooper:
[Amber and Ashley accidentally smashes their faces into Miley's birthday cake which he made] AHH! My cake!... which I carried. I didn't make it. Cos guys don't do that.

Miley Stewart:
This is awesome, the store even made a mannequin of me!

Lilly Truscott:
That's not a mannequin, that's a Hanequin miss Montanaquin!

Miley Stewart:
Oh No!

Lilly Truscott:
What? That was cutequinn!

Miley Stewart:
No, my dad's shopping for my birthday present.

Lilly Truscott:
You're right! All that dress needs is a bonnet, and a sheep, and you're Little Bo Geek!

Miley Stewart:
I love the man, but I don't think he should be allowed in the teen department with a credit card.

Robbie Stewart:
Miles, come here, I got somethin' to show ya!

Miley Stewart:
[to Lilly] If it's the matching pants, you're eating it with me.

Cooper:
I am going to tell you something nobody outside my family knows.

Jackson Stewart:
You still drink Shirley Temples? [laughs]

Cooper:
[angry] They are fruity and refreshing!

Robbie Stewart:
Hey, does that pelican have have frosting on it's beak?

Miley Stewart, Robbie Stewart:
[Miley and Robbie turn to each other] Jackson!

Jackson Stewart:
C'mon. There's a spare key out here somewhere.

Cooper:
Okay. First, you dropped a cake. Then you lock yourself outside of the house with the new cake. I'm starting to think you got some cake issues.

Jackson Stewart:
Less thinky. More looky. Alright?

Hannah Montana:
[opening birthday gift] Sheepskin seat covers? You got me a present for your car?

Jackson Stewart:
Hey when I drive you to the mall, I want you to be comfortable. [excited] For Christmas, I'm getting you chrome spinners!

Hannah Montana:
Fine. And you're getting a black leather skirt with matching pumps. Mess. With. Me!

Cooper:
What are you doing?

Jackson Stewart:
What's it look like I'm doing? I'm baking the cake. [reading recipe] Alright I got milk, flour and I'll add 3 eggs. Alright. [takes 3 eggs and plops it into mixture] 1,2,3.

Cooper:
Uh, Jackson?

Jackson Stewart:
Shh! Now, stir. Alright. [stirring aggressively] Stupid pelicans. Pelicans eat fish, not cake. Everybody knows that! [picks up egg] Coop, I think there's something wrong here.

Cooper:
You're supposed to break the eggs, fool.

Jackson Stewart:
Totally makes sense. [breaks two eggs with the shell in the mixture] Thank you!

Cooper:
I cannot watch this anymore.

[Little Shopper tugs on Miley's skirt while Miley is pretending to be a mannequin]

Miley Stewart:
Hey, cut it out.

Little Shopper:
MOMMYYY! [runs to mom]

Miley Stewart:
[turns slowly] Don't be scared.

Little Shopper:
Stop staring at me, you freak!

Miley Stewart:
[laughs, to all shoppers] Kid thought I was real. [goes back to mannequin pose]

[Shoppers all run out of store]

Lilly Truscott:
Come on Miley. So it's a dorky sweater.

Miley Stewart:
Are you kidding? I look like a kitty kebab!

[pulls tail]

Lilly Truscott:
No one here's gonna make fun of you. It's not like someone is gonna take your picture and put it in the school yearbook.

Amber:
Hey birthday girl. [holding up phone] Say cheese!

Miley Stewart:
[to Lilly] Quick! Cover my tail! [runs away]

Amber:
[to Ashley] Did you get her?

Ashley Dewitt:
No. You?

Amber:
[annoyed] No, I took a picture of myself by mistake. [looking at phone] Ooh, and I look fantastic! [laughs]

Joannie:
Hey I heard a thud... what happened?

Lilly Truscott:
Oh... Jackson just took a dip in Lake Lugee.

Joannie:
Sweet.

Miley Stewart:
[after being knocked down by hockey players] I heard a ding... Are my brownies ready?

Joannie:
Hey hey T-Cott!

Lilly Truscott:
What's up P-Bo?

Lilly Truscott, Joannie:
[do handshake] Sock it, lock it, put it in your pocket.

Oliver Oken:
This is soo cool.

Miley Stewart:
But I don't like your girlfriend.

Oliver Oken:
That's okay, she doesn't like you either... and besides chances are one of us is gonna date someone the other two can't stand.

Lilly Truscott:
Yeah, remember Josh.

Oliver Oken:
Oh yeah and Trey... ugh...

Lilly Truscott:
ugh... I know... and Jake...

Oliver Oken:
Oh my gosh...

Miley Stewart:
Ok I get it

Sarah:
Hey, Oliver ready for International Relations Week!

Oliver Oken:
Oh, Totally! My country, Okenland is ready to rock.

Oliver Oken:
We've got gorgeous beaches, gorgeous girls, and our main export is love! [gives friends high-fives]

Sarah:
Good For You... want to hear about Sarahtopia?

Oliver Oken:
Not Really [walks away]

Sarah:
[talking about Sarahtopia] Our national color is green, we only use alternative fuels, and our chief export is mulch made from our own waste products.

Oliver Oken:
Do ya have an army?

Sarah:
No

Oliver Oken:
Good luck

Sarah:
You won't be so smug, when your people get sick of paying $18 for a gallon of gas, revolt, and hang you by your thumbs.

[Oliver gives disgusted look]

Sarah:
Bye!

Lilly Truscott:
[both Miley and Lilly rush to their lockers, but Miley gets there first] You're blocking my locker.

Miley Stewart:
You're blocking my locker.

Lilly Truscott:
Why don't you show some [in country accent] southern hospitality, and move.

Miley Stewart:
Why don't you assert your independence and move me.

Oliver Oken:
Ok, what are you two arguing about this time? Did somebody forget their friendship weekaversary?

Miley Stewart:
We don't have weekaversaries anymore, because we are no longer friends and this would have been our 200th and Lilly would've gotten that charm bracelet she been wanting. Oh well!

Lilly Truscott:
Well, I don't need presents from someone who insults my family.

Miley Stewart:
[yelling] I insulted your family?

Lilly Truscott:
Thanks for admiting it.

Miley Stewart:
[yelling] I wasn't finished... YOUR CHECK GRABBING MOTHER!

Lilly Truscott:
Your me-man-you-woman pappy!

Oliver Oken:
You know what you two need? A vacation on the beautiful beaches of Okenland. Wear a bikini, get a free churro.

Lilly Truscott:
[to Oliver] This isn't funny!

Miley Stewart:
[to Oliver] This isn't funny!

Lilly Truscott:
I said it first.

Miley Stewart:
I can sing... ha! [walks off]

Lilly Truscott:
[mockingly] I can sing ha! [walks off]

Mr. Corelli:
[picking countrys to demonstrate world trade] Well, we have Okenland, Sarahtopia, Lillitania and...

Miley Stewart:
[puts hand in front of face] somebody else... somebody else...

Mr. Corelli:
Hello! [waves at Miley] Milantis

Miley Stewart:
Uh... you see... today is a Milantian holiday... Banks... post offices all closed... please respect our traditions.

Oliver Oken:
[steps in front of Lilly] Lilly chill!

Mr. Corelli:
Guys, I was going to return those!

Oliver Oken:
Don't be an idiot just take the fish!

Sarah:
Hey! If she wants to pay it's her right!

Oliver Oken:
Well, her right is stupid.

Sarah:
Your stupid.

Oliver Oken:
Oh that's pretty brave talk for someone who doesn't have an army.

Sarah:
Well, who needs an army when you have an arm! [hits Oliver with fish]

Oliver Oken:
Oh, Lilly tell you mom to wear that dress she wore at my folks Christmas party. She looked so hot... [Lilly and Miley give him weird looks] liday-ish... very festive... gotta go [walks off]

Jackson Stewart:
[walks down stairs] Finally, there gone. Dad, the next time you host a PTA meeting, you should do it out in the hot tub, so I can see Lilly's mom in a... [turns around to see Lilly's mom]

Jackson Stewart:
[Lilly's mom waves] in the kitchen [waves back] hey Mrs.T, [to his dad] warn a guy!

Miley Stewart:
[to Lilly's mom] And he doesn't have a girlfriend... go figure

Hannah Montana:
Um, hey Amber, I think it's time to pluck the 'stache

Lilly Truscott:
and Ashley...

[gasps]

Lilly Truscott:
...is that a zit or are you growing a new head!

Hannah Montana, Lilly Truscott:
[they lean in and examine Amber and Ashley's faces] Eww!

Lilly Truscott:
[after she sneaks into Hannah's Dressing room] Hannah Montana!

Hannah Montana:
Whoever you are, you have to get out of here right now or I'll call security!

Lilly Truscott:
Wait, wait no!, I'm sorry I was just looking for a souvenir, My name's Lilly Truscott and I'm a *huge* fan!

Lilly Truscott:
[Hannah closes her eyes and stares at a pie, then shoves it in her face] Did you just shove pie in your face?

Hannah Montana:
It's not a real pie. It's ummm. A foaming facial wash... Pie.

Lilly Truscott:
Booger check!

Hannah Montana:
Uhh, you are so... gross!

Hannah Montana:
Hey, really soft hands.

Johnny Collins:
[stuttering] Thanks. It's ketchup.

Hannah Montana:
Hey, Jo-ust another fan

Johnny Collins:
Hi. Um, could you sign this to Johnny. It's not me, it's my little brother. He really likes you, not that I don't! I do, but he wanted me to get it, so I'm getting it. So, if you could just sign that to Johnny. My little brother.

Hannah Montana:
There ya go. Hey really soft hands.

Johnny Collins:
Thanks it's ketchup. I- bye. [runs away]

Jackson Stewart:
What you see is what you get. [strikes a rock star pose]

Johnny Collins:
Hey Miley! What's Up?

Miley Stewart:
[while putting ketchup on burger] Oh Nothing. Just getting some ketchup for my veggie burger. I see you like mayonnaise, I've never tried *that* on a veggie burger, maybe I should, but today cause I already have ketchup... [looks down at massive amount of ketchup on burger] You know what many people don't know... is that it's also a really good moisturizer her take some!

Lilly Truscott:
[after Hannah's cell phone rings] Aren't you gonna get that?

Hannah Montana:
No I'm talking to you that would be rude!

Lilly Truscott:
Miley don't make me go see my favorite singer without my best friend. If you don't take this ticket, I'm going to end up going to the concert with Mr. Hannah Montana.

Miley Stewart:
He is so cute!

Robbie Stewart:
Honey at your age there's only two things that are cute: squirrels and puppy dogs.

Lilly Truscott:
Wow, that was weird.

Jackson Stewart:
Hey Hannah, I thought my little lady here could use a souvenir.

Hannah Montana:
Jackson get out of here! [throws a roll of toilet paper]

Jackson Stewart:
For you. Told you we were tight. [gives Miley/Hannah the evil eye]

Lilly Truscott:
What size shoe do you wear?

Miley Stewart:
I'm a five.

Lilly Truscott:
I'm a six, but I'll squeeze!

Miley Stewart:
I am so mad!

Robbie Stewart:
So you're going to take it out on my ice cream sundae?

Miley Stewart:
Next time try something with sleeves and deodorant [plugs her nose]

Jackson Stewart:
If you got it flaunt it!

Fairmaine:
I love you Hannah Montana!

Jackson Stewart:
Do you mind? I am on the phone here, all right? I've got a life too you know. And I would appreciate it if I could have one conversation without hearing the words Hannah Montana. [on the phone] Yeah, that's right girl, I know Hannah Montana! [Hannah/Miley rolls her eyes] And I got two incredible tickets for tomorrow night, great we'll see you then! [hangs up phone and turns to Hannah/Miley] I need two incredible seats for tomorrow night!

Hannah Montama:
Sorry, I'm sold out!

Jackson Stewart:
Dad!

Robbie Stewart:
Hey think about it this way Miley, he goes out with the girl, they fall in love, they get married and he moves out.

Hannah Montama:
[tosses her jacket on the couch turns to Robbie and Jackson and points both index fingers at them] You've got the tickets

Miley Stewart:
[phone rings] Hello?

Lilly Truscott:
[yelling] Hey it's me, landing in twenty seconds!

Miley Stewart:
Great!

Miley Stewart:
Lilly alert in 18 seconds! [takes off wig and jacket grabs another jacket and puts it on]

Jackson Stewart:
She's your best friend Miley, sooner or later your gonna have to tell her your Hannah Montana.

Miley Stewart:
I pick later!

Robbie Stewart:
9 seconds, get the juice!

Miley Stewart:
Got it!

Robbie Stewart:
Good!

Robbie Stewart:
3!

Jackson Stewart:
[opens the door] 2!

Miley Stewart:
1!

Lilly Truscott:
Guess who just landed two tickets to the hottest concert in town! Miley, you and I, I being your best friend, are going to see, the one, the only, Hannah Montana! Woo! [Miley's eyes double in size] You're not screaming, why aren't you screaming?

Jackson Stewart:
Oh believe me, she's screaming on the inside. [Robbie wraps his arm around Jackson's mouth] [Miley screams in her head]

Robbie Stewart:
[peels off fake mustache] I'll tell you what, I hate wearing this thing, it's like kissing your great aunt Clara [Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart and Robbie Stewart both shiver]

Lilly Truscott:
[crawls on a rotating closet that Miley just showed her the opposite way] Cut me some slack Hannah!

Miley Stewart:
Hannah? I knew this would happen!

Lilly Truscott:
Did I say Hannah? I didn't mean that, it was a mistake!

Miley Stewart:
No! The mistake was trusting you! [Lilly stops crawling and the rotating closet carries her into the back]

Lilly Truscott:
Ok, we didn't get those seats. Minor setback. but the good news is [starts whispering] we have better seats for Hannah Montana!

Miley Stewart:
I'm sorry, it's just that, I don't like Hannah Montana [pulls her hair behind her head and starts eating]

Lilly Truscott:
[leans down until her head is almost even with the table] What?

Oliver Oken:
[walks in and starts talking to girls] Hey baby, how are you doing?... Oliver Oken, and may I say you two, are smokin'

Amber:
In your dreams.

Oliver Oken:
I'm countin' on that! [walks past another girl] Hey slick!... Hey! Oh yeah, she wants me.

Lilly Truscott:
Oliver, you're not going to believe this! Miley says she "doesn't" like Hannah Montana!

Oliver Oken:
What! Hannah Montana is a goddess! I worship at her feet!, in fact, FYI someday I'm gonna be Mr. Hannah Montana. [Miley's eyebrows go halfway up her forehead] I'm gonna watch her every minute of every day, and protect her from any obsessed fans, and every night I''m gonna shampoo and condition that beautiful "blonde" hair.

Miley Stewart:
Oliver, I say this because I care about you, *get some help*!

Lilly Truscott:
[Hannah stands behind the coat rack and moves clothes in front of her face so Lilly can't see her] I just wish Miley were here.

Hannah Montana:
[talks fast] Uh, Miley, who's Miley, I don't know Miley, that's a strange name.

Lilly Truscott:
Oh, she's my best friend.

Hannah Montana:
[spreads clothes on coat rack and steps through it, then she runs to the door and opens it] Right! Well then, why don't you go get her.

Lilly Truscott:
Oh, great idea, I'll call her [takes out cell phone]

Hannah Montana:
[closes door] No! [walks up to her] You know, cell phones don't really work in here, it has to do with the walls and the cement and... [her cell phone starts ringing and she looks down at it] OK, they must've fixed it.

Lilly Truscott:
[Lilly's mouth opens] Aren't you gonna get that?

Hannah Montana:
Uh, uh, uh, uh, No! I'm talking to you that would be rude. [phone ring more] Ok, she's not home [closes Lilly's cell phone]

Lilly Truscott:
Wow, that was weird!

Hannah Montana:
[reaches for a pen and a picture] Uh, why don't I just give you an autograph for her.

Oliver Oken:
What about me, I'm the one who loves you! [Hannah closes her eyes] [see's the pie on Hannah's face] Your much paler in person

Hannah Montana:
Yeah, and you know what, gosh it was real fun meetin' you guys but I really gotta go.

Oliver Oken:
Wait! Can't I shampoo and condition your beautiful blonde hair?

Hannah Montana:
No! But you can take this towel. [throws him the towel she wiped pie out of her eyes with]

Oliver Oken:
Hannah Montana's towel! [falls from window] [crashing noises] Its ok, none of my blood got on the towel!

Lilly Truscott:
Well, I guess I'm leaving too.

Hannah Montana:
[motions her out the door] OK!

Lilly Truscott:
Without even a towel as a souvenir.

Hannah Montana:
[motions her out of the room again] Buh bye!

Lilly Truscott:
Nothing but my memories, which will fade, too, too, quickly. [turns back around]

Hannah Montana:
All right all right! Here! [hands her a scarf]

Lilly Truscott:
Oh my gosh! [puts scarf around her neck] The actual scarf you wore on the actual stage! [Hannah grabs the autograph and hands it to her] I can't believe. Hey I have a lucky bracelet just like that! I loaned it to my best friend yesterday. Of course mine says Lilly on the back... [looks at bottom of bracelet] Just like that. [wipes pie off of Hannah's face]

Hannah Montana:
Ta da!

Hannah Montana:
[takes some toilet paper and wipes pie off her face] Lilly, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but you cannot just freeze me out like this, please talk to me.

Lilly Truscott:
I thought we were friends, I thought we told each other everything. But I guess I was wrong, since you kept just about the biggest secret in the world! Miley Stewart slash Hannah Montana!

Hannah Montana:
[to Jackson] Captain Hormone!

Hannah Montana:
[as Jackson is about to sell her out] I'm surprised you can stand without a spine.

Lilly Truscott:
We do do that... what?

Jackson Stewart:
You said, "do-do"!

Lilly Truscott:
[When sneaking into Hannah Montana's dressing room] Whoa... that's not good... [lands] AND SHE STICKS THE LANDING!

Lilly Truscott:
I can't believe my best friend won't come with me to see my favorite singer! If you don't come with me I'll have to go with Mr. Hannah Montana.

Jackson Stewart:
[trying on Hannah's outfit] I don't know. I think it makes me look a little big in the hips.

Fermine:
Please. Let's not blame the dress.

Jackson Stewart:
[Jackson enters wearing one of Hannah Montana's dresses] I'm not getting paid enough for this.

Miley Stewart:
[Miley and Lily are both mortified as they look at Jackson] Neither am I.

Miley Stewart:
I know it was wrong, but I knew you'd like riding Blue Jeans. And you did, up until the whole little boo-boo part.

Lilly Truscott:
Come here, I'll boo-boo you!

Jackson Stewart:
I had to get out of there fast because it was dark and there were all kinds of things biting me. I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up tomorrow with super-spidey powers! [makes hands into web-shooters and pretends to be Spider-man]

Miley Stewart:
Got any questions?

Lilly Truscott:
A couple. First, What the hecky is a herkey? And second, if one of these is a pom-pom, does that make 2 of them pom-pom pom-poms? These are the questions that haunt me.

Jackson Stewart:
[talking to Oliver] Man, it was a little water and some unidentifiable sludge. Get a tetanus shot and buck up little camper.

Plumber:
Son, you have the plumber's gift. My son had it to, but he decided to go to college. Kids, they'll break your heart.

[walks out]

Lilly Truscott:
You're going to ditch the Rolling Stones concert for me?

Miley Stewart:
Please, those guys will still be touring when they're ninety!

Lilly Truscott:
I thought they were ninety?

Lilly Truscott:
Go Team! Throw The Ball! Go Team! To The Mall!

Oliver Oken:
[Over sports announcement system] 555-0127 That's 555-0127. That's my number ladies the tenth caller gets a date with Moi.

Miley Stewart:
If this thing had a plank... YOU'D BE WALKING IT!

Miley Stewart:
Come On! You can get this... we won't regret this... we'll be together... best friends together!

Lilly Truscott:
When you cheer this way, I have to say ok... I know you must be right... but know i have [looks at crowd] stagefright.

Miley Stewart:
[during tryouts] And slide and slide... and do the butterfly... and dip and dip... and shake my little hips... I want you and you... to cheer it with me too!

Lilly Truscott:
[during tryouts] You may be good at football... you may be good at track... but when it come to basketball... you might as well step back.

Jackson Stewart:
[singing in the tune of 'Pumpin Up The Party' and shaking his butt while trying to fix the sink] Hey/ Come on/ Get out/I'm sneaking out the pipes now/Hey/Come on...

Oliver Oken:
Hey uh Jackson? Where's Miley?

Jackson Stewart:
Don't know.

Oliver Oken:
When's she gonna be back?

Jackson Stewart:
Don't care.

Oliver Oken:
Could you tell her I stopped by?

Jackson Stewart:
Don't count on it.

Lily Truscott:
Oh my gosh. You're dad's having a bro-mance.

Miley Stewart:
Worse. He's having a Joe-Bro-Mance.

Lily Truscott:
Relax. I'm sure he has a pet name for you, too.

Miley Stewart:
Yeah. [with disgust] Miley.

Robby Ray Stewart:
[after the Jonas Brothers ask him to write them a song] I'd love to!

Miley Stewart:
Song-writing daddy say WHAT?

Miley Stewart:
[as Milo, a boy] Easy Otto.

Lily Truscott:
[as Otis, a boy] aw-tis, oh-tis.

Lily Truscott:
Robbie Ray hurt us

[pounds chest]

Lily Truscott:
Hurt us deep...

Miley Stewart:
Way deep, man.

[pounds stomach]

Miley Stewart:
In the gut.

Kevin Jonas:
And then he lies to us... how bogus is that?

Joe Jonas:
I feel so used.

Nick Jonas:
You?

[points to Joe]

Nick Jonas:
I shared my nachos with that guy!

Miley Stewart:
Duck and hide daddy, it's the return of the Joni.

Nick Jonas:
This is Joe, and Kevin, and I'm Nick.

Miley Stewart:
We know who you are, your music ROCKS!

Lily Truscott:
You're so hot!

Miley Stewart:
On the charts.

Nick Jonas:
You're like a legend dude... Sir... Sir Dude

Joe Jonas:
Eat this, fro bro!

Nick Jonas:
Chew on this, sucka!

Kevin Jonas:
Put this in your cocoa!

Joe Jonas:
[After listening to "Milo" and "Otis" singing their song badly] That's, that's our song. Isn't it?

Kevin Jonas:
I can't hear you. My ears are full of melted brain.

Nick Jonas:
I kinda liked it. [Gets hit by Kevin and Joe]

Nick Jonas:
[After hugging Lily disguised as Otis] That dude smells really good.

Joe Jonas:
hits him on the back of the head

Nick Jonas:
[after Hannah and Robby burst into the recording room] Dudes... it's Hannah Montana!

Kevin Jonas:
[Nick, Joe and Kevin scramble to the door, trying to get through first; Kevin steps forward] We're such big fans!

Joe Jonas:
[Joe steps forward to join Kevin] We love your music!

Nick Jonas:
[Nick steps forward, too] You're pretty.

[Kevin hits him over the head]

Nick Jonas:
Uh, pretty good at the singing and dancing that you do. Wow, you're pretty.

Kevin Jonas:
[looks at Nick] Nice save.

[looks back at Hannah, holding out his hand]

Kevin Jonas:
I'm Kevin.

Miley Stewart:
[shakes Kevin's hand] The cute, romantic one.

[shakes Joe's hand]

Miley Stewart:
And you're Joe, the cute, funny one.

[shakes Nick's hand]

Miley Stewart:
And you're Nick, the cute, sensitive one.

Robby Ray Stewart:
[breaks handshake] And I'm her daddy, the cute, protective one.

Joe Jonas:
You're Robbie Ray. [to Kevin] He writes all the songs.

Kevin Jonas:
I know! "Nobody's Perfect" is genius.

Robby Ray Stewart:
I like the cute, romantic one.

Joe Jonas:
I love how it starts off soft, and then BAM! Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days... [Kevin and Nick join in]

Joe Jonas, Kevin Jonas, Nick Jonas:
Everybody knows what, what I'm talkin' 'bout, everybody gets that way!

Robby Ray Stewart:
I was wrong. I like 'em all.

Miley Stewart:
Step aside, cowboy, I saw 'em first.

Tough Guy:
Hey freshmeat. What are you doing crammed inside my locker?

Oliver Oken:
I'm not crammed inside - my moms a cop!

Miley Stewart:
Hey bro!

Jackson Stewart:
Junior. [points to himself]

Jackson Stewart:
Freshman. [points to Miley]

Jackson Stewart:
No bro, gotta go.

Rico:
My lips are chappin. Let's get smackin'.

Lilly Truscott:
Use your muscles Oliver.

Oliver Oken:
They're in my backpack.

Miley Stewart:
Okay, Rico, you know my secret. What's it going to take to shut you up?

Rico:
You. As my girlfriend.

Miley Stewart:
Say what?

Rico:
Don't flatter yourself, doll face. This is strictly business. I need some hall cred in this place, and you can help me get it.

Lilly Truscott:
Oh, so all he's looking for is a little arm candy.

Rico:
That and someone to reach the top shelf of my locker.

Lilly Truscott:
[to Miley] You can totally do that.

Miley Stewart:
You can totally shut up!

Miley Stewart:
Yesterday we were girls. Today, we're high school girls.

Miley Stewart:
[as Hannah] I say we jump out of bed tomorrow and say, "Yeah! Yeah!"

Miley Stewart:
[next morning, as Miley, not wanting to get out of bed] No! No! No!

Robbie Stewart:
Come on, Miles! Don't make me get the water bucket!

Miley Stewart:
You wouldn't!

Jackson Stewart:
[shivering, soaking wet] Oh yes, he would!

Oliver Oken:
[Lily grabs Oliver at chest] Easy on the pecs! They pop.

Hannah Montana:
What? that's crazy, the only thing the same about Hannah Montana and me is... me... and me doesn't feel that way about him

Hannah Montana:
[they all get in the limo] Thank you! I love you all!Thank you! Thank you! [takes off her wig] That was great! Oliver stared right into my eyes and never had a clue.

Lilly Truscott:
[dressed up as Lola Luftnagle] Kinda like the look he has in spanish

Hannah Montana, Lilly Truscott:
No comprendo!

Hannah Montana:
I don't know what I was so worried about anyways

Lilly Truscott:
Yeah [opens the moon roof and Oliver pops through it] [They all scream, Hannah covers her face with the dog, Lilly/Lola puts Hannah's hat back on, and Robbie grabs the wig]

Robbie Stewart:
Pull over driver!

Oliver Oken:
Don't be scared, its me, Oliver Oken, [Hannah puts her wig back on under cover of the dog] wow, your even more beautiful upside down!

Lilly Truscott:
Oh... Thank you! Your so sweet!

Hannah Montana:
He was talking to me! [to Oliver] Look, you are very sweet,but, I have a boyfriend.

Oliver Oken:
A boyfriend? Wait, I don't understand, then why'd you kiss me?

Hannah Montana:
I didn't, the dog did. [Holds Thor-the dog-up to Olivers face and Thor licks him]

Oliver Oken:
Aww man! Those are the lips I've been thinking about for the past 24 hours!

Hannah Montana:
[her wig gets turned around and Lilly pars the front so she can see out] I'm sorry,I was trying not to hurt your feelings,its just that, I'm just not interested,ok?

Oliver Oken:
ok, I get it

Robbie Stewart:
Now get down off the roof son before you dent it, this is a rental.

Oliver Oken:
fine, I won't bother you anymore.

Lilly Truscott:
[holds her hair in front of her face and Hannah pulls apart her hair so she can see Lola/Lily] If it helps, the dog hasn't stopped talking about you.

Oliver Oken:
You must think I'm pathetic.

Hannah Montana:
No, I think you sweet [parts her hair so she can see] and maybe if i didn't have a boyfriend...

Oliver Oken:
I'd have a chance with you?

Hannah Montana:
I never said that!

Oliver Oken:
But you implied it!and thats good enough!I'll wait for you forever!

Hannah Montana:
But I never said that!

Oliver Oken:
Forever! Do you hear me Hannah Montana!Forever!

Oliver Oken:
[Panting] Do a dude a favor, and don't get on the freeway! [Throws flowers to Hannah Montana] For you, my love!

Miley Stewart:
What if one friend loved another friend, but that friend didn't get loved back? Then things would get all weird and uncomfortable and the friends couldn't be friends anymore. And there's nothing more important then our friendship Oliver.

Oliver Oken:
Oh man you love me!

Miley Stewart:
Eeww! No!

Miley Stewart:
I mean, I do love you, but like a brother or a pet fish, I mean, I'd cry if I had to flush you down the toilet but I don't want to kiss you!

Oliver Oken:
That's a relief, because, your my buddy, and I think Hannah and you could wind up being close friends someday.

Lilly Truscott:
Closer than you think. [Miley gives her a mean look]

Oliver Oken:
Great! Once Hannah and I are together we'll have you over for some Su-shi Yeah! [Miley holds up her index finger and starts hitting her head on a wall until Lilly stops her]

Miley Stewart:
[to Lilly] When you talk do you hear it, or is it like a big roaring in your ears?

Miley Stewart:
When you talk do you hear it, or is it just a big roaring in your ear?

Jackson Stewart:
It's MY car, I mean... I paid for it with my own money.

Robbie Stewart:
Well, I'm proud of you son... exspeacilly the "with your own money' part.

Lilly Truscott:
This is crazy! Back off, people! Don't make me release Thor!

Hannah Montana:
Oh, no. Its Oliver again! He snuck into my dressing room last week, nearly jumped on stage the week before, and just when you think he couldn't be any crazier, BAM! he kicks it up a notch.

Robbie Stewart:
Look at those boney little elbows go! He cuttin' through the crowd like a weed-wacker!

Oliver Oken:
No no! My love is bigger than my disgust... and your... black drippage.

Oliver Oken:
No no! My love is bigger than my disgust... and your... black dripage.

Hannah Montana:
Black dripage, watch this [blows a huge licorice bubble]

Oliver Oken:
Sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice [get hit by burst licorice bubble in the face] aah!

Hannah Montana:
How do you like me now?

Oliver Oken:
I still love you

Hannah Montana:
What is it going to take, you and Hannah Montana will never be together

Oliver Oken:
Why?

Miley Stewart:
Because I'm Hannah Montana, me Miley [pulls off Hannah wig]

Miley Stewart:
[Oliver faints when he hear that] o.k. that worked well

Oliver Oken:
Awwe Man, YOU LOVE ME!

Miley Stewart:
Ewwwww, NO! I mean I do love you, but like a brother or a pet fish. I'd cry if I had to flush you down the toilet, but I don't want to KISS you!

Miley Stewart:
[Pulls Oliver and Lilly together] What about Lilly? You guys would be perfect together.

Lilly Truscott:
Excuse me?

Miley Stewart:
You're both stubborn

Lilly Truscott, Oliver Oken:
I am not!

Miley Stewart:
Se, you always agree with each other.

Lilly Truscott, Oliver Oken:
No we don't!

Miley Stewart:
I am *definitely* seeing a couple here.

Lilly Truscott, Oliver Oken:
You're not because I'm not! Whoo!

Miley Stewart:
[about gum chewing] Why? Does it bother you? It really turns off some people. They love me, but I disgust them!

Miley Stewart:
Come on Oliver let's face it. The girl that you thought you loved is standing right beside you, and the truth is... you don't love her.

Miley Stewart:
Either you have a great idea or you really have to go

Lilly Truscott:
Oliver is about to get totally turned off by Hannah Montana and I really have to go [runs off quickly]

Robbie Stewart:
You know what that boy needs? A real girlfriend.

Hannah Montana:
Dad,that is, the smartest thing you've ever said

Robbie Stewart:
You know what they say, every now and then even a blind pig snorts up a truffle

Lilly Truscott:
and that is the wierdest [Hannah/Miley nodds]

Miley Stewart:
What if one friend loved another friend, but didn't get loved back? Then things would get all weird and uncomfortable and the friends couldn't be friends anymore. and there's nothing more important then our friendship Oliver.

Oliver Oken:
Oh man you love me!

Miley Stewart, Lilly Truscott:
Eeww! No!

Miley Stewart:
I mean, I do love you, but like a brother or a pet fish, I'd cry if I had to flush you down the toilet but I don't want to kiss you!

Oliver Oken:
That's a relief, because, your my buddy, I think Hannah and you could wnd up being close friends

Lilly Truscott:
Closer than you think

[Miley gives her a mean look]

Oliver Oken:
Great! Once Hannah and I are together we'll have you over for some Su-shi Yeah!

[Miley holds up her index finger and starts hitting her head on a wall until Lilly stops her]

Lilly Truscott:
And here's the beauty part... If Oliver dies, you won't have to bury him in the backyard!

Miley Stewart:
When you talk, do you hear it, or is it like a big roaring in your ears?

Oliver Oken:
Good-bye, my love. [rips off a gum-covered picture of Hannah Montana and another is behind it]

Oliver Oken:
Hello again!

Lilly Truscott:
Just remember Oliver, if it doesn't work out, your still Smoken' Oken.

Oliver Oken:
Don't worry, it will work out.

Lilly Truscott:
Right! But if it doesn't, Smoken' Oken. Nuf' said.

Oliver Oken:
I heard about your break-up, and I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you, and If you need a hug, my arms are open.

Guy sitting at the beach:
[has blonde hair back over chair turned around so Oliver can't see his face] [turns around] Get away from me!

Oliver Oken:
Ahah, [thumbs up] I can do that!

Miley Stewart:
Anything?

Oliver Oken:
No, in fact this is kinda awkward.

Miley Stewart:
Either you have a great idea or you really have to

Lilly Truscott:
Oliver is about to get totally turned off by Hannah Montana and I really have to go [runs off quickly]

Lilly Truscott:
Unless, maybe, just maybe, you feel the same way.

[Miley looks at Oliver who is rubbing the Hannah hand on his face]

Miley Stewart:
Yes and maybe just maybe THAT'S INSANE!

Miley Stewart:
What if one friend loved another friend, but didn't get loved back? Then things would get all weird and uncomfortable and the friends couldn't be friends anymore. and there's nothing more important then our friendship Oliver.

Oliver Oken:
Oh man you love me!

Lilly Truscott, Miley Stewart:
Eeww! No!

Miley Stewart:
I mean, I do love you, but like a brother or a pet fish, I'd cry if I had to flush you down the toilet but I don't want to kiss you!

Oliver Oken:
That's a relief, because, your my buddy, I think Hannah and you could wnd up being close friends

Lilly Truscott:
Closer than you think

[Miley gives her a mean look]

Oliver Oken:
Great! Once Hannah and I are together we'll have you over for some Su-shi Yeah!

[Miley holds up her index finger and starts hitting her head on a wall until Lilly stops her]

Oliver Oken:
Fine. Let's go give miss goodie two-socks the money.

Miley Stewart:
This is going to be easier than finding a mullet in a Trucker's convention!

Oliver Oken, Lilly Truscott:
What?

Miley Stewart:
Ya'll wouldn't last ten seconds in Tenesse.

Lilly Truscott:
i'd bet she'd take a donation from a generous celiberty

Miley Stewart:
i'd bet she would

Oliver Oken:
yeah where we going to find one of those [Miley and Lilly hit him with pillows at the same time]

Miley Stewart:
you'd think he'd learn by now

Miley Stewart:
Something ain't right here [miley and lily come up from ball pit wearing each others wig]

Lilly Truscott:
You look good in purple

Miley Stewart:
Thank you [they duck back under the balls]

Robbie Stewart:
You can buy a thirsty man a cow, and he'll have all the milk he wants, but he still won't have enough to wash down his cookies.

Lilly Truscott:
Ah, man, you made me miss his muscles... his zombie slaying muscles.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly build a bridge and get over it.

Jake Ryan:
Miley you seemed nervous when asked you to the dance at school which is to be expected cause look at me.

Lilly Truscott:
I do, all the time even when you don't know it.

Lilly Truscott:
Did I just say that out loud?

Miley Stewart:
yes!

[telling Lilly about her new-found crush on Jake]

Miley Stewart:
Well, you would've known last night if you had your cell phone... photosynthesis! I mean, come on!

Miley Stewart:
Oh no! This is horrible! Not only do I have to kiss him, but my lips fall off!

Lilly Truscott:
No it's okay see, he reattaches them with his love.

Lilly Truscott:
Awww!

Miley Stewart:
EWWWWW!

Lilly Truscott:
Since when do you like Jake?

Miley Stewart:
Since he saved me from going to the Portal of the Underworld. Those kinds of things make you realize what's important in life

Lilly Truscott:
What are you doing? Your supposed to be at a 70's dance! Not turning letters on a game show!

Miley Stewart:
OH MY GOD! I completley forgot! I hope i don't stand out!

Jake Ryan:
So Hannah, what do you think of the script?

Miley Stewart:
Well, love everythang... except for page 41.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly, I am trying to tell you something!

Lilly Truscott:
What? That your pants are too tight?

Lilly Truscott:
Hmmm. Over the ears or behind the ears. Oh! One over and one behind! Oh, yeah! I'm good!

Miley Stewart:
Ugh!

Lilly Truscott:
Hey! My ears aren't that bad!

Miley Stewart:
UGH!

Lilly Truscott:
Ok, no ears.

Miley Stewart:
Hello? I'm trying to tell you something Lilly!

Lilly Truscott:
What? Your pants are on too tight?

Miley Stewart:
No, guess which pop teen singer is getting a role in "Zombie High"

Lilly Truscott:
Paula Abdul!

Miley Stewart:
No, Hannah Montana.

Lilly Truscott:
Are you serious! Wait, you don't know how to act.

Miley Stewart:
Yes I do! I act like all of Oliver's jokes are funny. I act like I'm not Hannah Montana. And I acted like I liked that sweater that you wore yesterday.

Lilly Truscott:
What?

Miley Stewart:
I loved it, I was acting. Or was I?

Lilly Truscott:
Ooh! You are good!

Jake Ryan:
So Miley. Will you go to the seventies dance with me? [girls gasp]

Miley Stewart:
Yes

Group of Girls:
No!

Miley Stewart:
I mean no!

Group of Girls:
Yay!

Jake Ryan:
No?

Miley Stewart:
Yes I mean no!

Group of Girls:
Huh?

Miley Stewart:
Now you cheer.

Group of Girls:
Yay!

Lilly Truscott:
I'll just wash the sherbet out of my wig... with my tears.

Jake Ryan:
Hey Miley, wow, you look great!

Lilly Truscott:
Really? I think she looks like a FIRETRUCK.

Lilly Truscott:
So... what are you saying?

Miley Stewart:
Gives Lily a weird look

Lilly Truscott:
That I'm the canned fruit cup you get when they're all out of the chocolate pudding!

Lilly Truscott:
So, what are you saying? That I'm the canned fruit cup you get when they're all out of the chocolate pudding.

Miley Stewart:
What?

Lilly Truscott:
You know what I mean. Well I've got news for you. The Jake ship has sailed... And you're not on it... I'm in a first class cabin.

Miley Stewart:
Just leave mad already.

Lilly Truscott:
Happily. [both walk off in opposite directions, then come back]

Miley Stewart:
My house is this way.

Lilly Truscott:
My house is that way.

Lilly Truscott:
Who knew photosynthesis had nothing to do with photography.

Oliver Oken:
[on his mom's magazines] I found out I'm an autumn, capri pants are best for my figure, and that true love eventually turns into a warm, comfortable glow.

Lucas:
Did you see that? That was a move.

Oliver Oken:
Not just a move... that was a Hair Touch move.

Lilly Truscott:
[to Miley] The only thing you showed me is that we are no longer friends! I'm leaving, and I'm takin' the shrimp!

Lucas:
You're so cute, Lilypad.

Lilly Truscott:
Not as cute as you, Lukey-Wukey.

Miley Stewart:
I think I'm goin' to pukey-wukey.

Miley Stewart:
You're the one who's all "You see that cloud, too? How about we make it our cloud. What? You ran into a tree, too, awww!"

Lilly Truscott:
Well, you could've sat with us at lunch today.

Miley Stewart:
I did sit with you at lunch today.

Lucas:
I'm gonna go over there and talk to Hannah. Hey, maybe if things work out, I'll hook you up with her friend.

Oliver Oken:
Oh, fingers crossed!

Larry David:
[to his kids] You wanna eat?

Hannah Montana:
Thanks for comein'! See Y'all next time! [gets in limo]

Jackson Stewart:
[follows hannah pushing through crowd] Take it easy people! she picks her nose just like everybody else! one nostrle at a time!

Hannah Montana:
[shouts out window to fans] That is not true!

Jackson Stewart:
[looks out at hannahs fans] Right... she has people do it for her! [smiles and winds up window]

Hannah Montana:
HEY! that was one time! my nails were wet and... Lilly offered!

Robbie Stewart:
[pushes through paparazzi] CLEAR IT! OUT OF MY WAY! THIS IS MY HOUSE! GET BACK! HEY! why don't y'all go chase a crooked pollitician? at least he'll smile for ya! [robbie smiles and twiddles his at to paparazzi then enters house]

Robbie Stewart:
[robbie looks at miley and jackson] So! when exactly where you two gonna tell me you were dating?

Miley Stewart:
come on dad it's not funny! it's horrible [sits down]

Jackson Stewart:
yeah how could anybody believe that i would go out with someone like her?

Miley Stewart:
Jackson! it would be the luckiest day of your life if you got to date hannah montana and WHAT am i saying?

Miley Stewart:
[Miley's mobile rings] OH GREAT! just what i need! [miley answers phone] hi Traci

Traci:
Hannah! i can't believe you have a boyfriend and didn't tell me! and he's sooo cute!

Miley Stewart:
Yeah, he's really emm... something! [looks at jackson who is messing about with his belly button]

Traci:
you have to bring him to the party i'm throwing for madonna tomorrow afternoon! everyone's going to be there! it's the perfect place to show off hannah's new Hottie!

Miley Stewart:
Trace i don't know how... [looks at jackson]... we could pass up an oppertunity like this! of course me and my... Hottie will be at your party!

Lilly Truscott:
[sitting reading magazine] boy! life sure can be wierd! who would have thought that miley would be dating jackson and... you'd be burping a sack of flower? OLIVER! the assignment is to raise a fake baby! you dont get extra credit for turning into Daddy McDork!

Hannah Montana:
[to Jackson] I hate what you've become!

Robbie Stewart:
I never thought I'd have to say this to any of my kids, but why didn't you break up with your sister, Jackson?

Sarah:
[to Oliver] Without the baby, we have nothing to talk about, you're boring, and you use petroleum based hair gel. It's over. Bye Lilly!

Sarah:
So... how about that grade we got on the baby project?

Oliver Oken:
Yeah... it's pretty great.

[long pause]

Sarah:
Did you say something?

Oliver Oken:
No.

Sarah:
Oh, okay.

[long pause]

Oliver Oken:
I'm just gonna go stretch my legs.

Sarah:
Alright.

[walks over to Lily]

Oliver Oken:
She's sufficating me!

Lilly Truscott:
Sarah? The love of your life? The apple of your eye? The mother of your flour?

Oliver Oken:
That's just it. Without the kid we have nothing to talk about.

Lilly Truscott:
So, tell her how you feel and get it over with.

Oliver Oken:
Lily, you don't understand, I mean... it would break her heart. I'm her Big Daddy Oken.

[Sarah taps him on the back]

Sarah:
Big Daddy? I gotta be honest. Without the baby, we have nothing to talk about, you're boring and you use petroleum-based hair products. It's over. [pause] Bye, Lily!

Sarah:
There's my little cuddle-wuddles. [shows Oliver with flour sack] Mommy got you some strained beats from a non-profit native american commune.

Oliver Oken:
Awww. Yummy. You missed it Sarah, sweetheart. [sits flour sack on table] He just learned how to sit up on his own.

Sarah:
Oh! Good for you! [pinches the flour sack's "cheek"] It won't be long before you're all grown up and making alternative fuel out of raisins.

Lilly Truscott:
So... that's what this is all about.

Oliver Oken:
What?

Lilly Truscott:
Nothing. It's just you, Sarah and your flower child make a very cute family.

Sarah:
Thank you.

Oliver Oken:
Oh, Lily. You kidder. We're just friends doing an assignment. Nothing more. [walks away] Don't blow this for me. I really like her.

Lilly Truscott:
[laughing:] Since when?

Oliver Oken:
Since she became the mother of my assignment. Look, I can't explain it, but the more time I spend with her, the more I like her.

Sarah:
Oliver. I'm getting worried. I think he looks a little pale.

Lilly Truscott:
Of course he's pale! He's bleached flour!

[Oliver gives Lily and horrified look]

Lilly Truscott:
Oliver! You've got to get your board! The waves are incredible today.

[shows Sarah blowing raspberry on the flour sack]

Oliver Oken:
How did I get so lucky?

Lilly Truscott:
Everyone picked partners, and you were the only two left.

Sarah:
Olikens? Where's the sunscreen? Now that they've destroyed the ozone layer, we have to protect little Ollie.

Oliver Oken:
Coming, Sarah Boo.

[starts to walk over to Sarah, but Lily stops him]

Lilly Truscott:
Olikens? Sarah Boo?

Oliver Oken:
[voice breaking:] I know... my cup runneth over. [goes over to Sarah and puts sunscreen on the flour sack] Oh, there you go.

Sarah:
Just think, one day, he could be a great humanitarion.

Lilly Truscott:
Or a couple dozen cupcakes!

[Sarah and Oliver give Lily horrified looks]

Jackson Stewart:
[walking up to house after Hannah Montana concert] Hey Miley, Got your keys?

Hannah Montana:
Who's taking care of who?

Jackson Stewart:
Oh Yeah right. See ya! [walks inside leaving Miley as Hannah outside]

Hannah Montana:
Very funny Jackson. Open up! [ knocks on door]

Paulie the Paparazzo:
Hey Hannah! I new if I followed you I would find out where you Lived! [takes pictures of Hannah]

Hannah Montana:
Live here? No I am just visiting a... friend [Jackson opens the door; Hannah puts her arm around him]

Paulie the Paparazzo:
Looks to me like a BOYFRIEND!

Jackson Stewart:
A what? [ He and Hannah hurry inside while Paulie takes a picture of Jackson and Hannah]

Robbie Stewart:
Im gonna ask something I've never had to tell any of my children [looks at Jackson] Why didn't you break up with your sister?

Jackson Stewart:
My door! Wha-where's my door?

Robbie Stewart:
Ok I-I know it looks bad but, it wasn't my fault! So, you want nuts with those brownies and some of those little sprinkly things? [Runs away]

Jackson Stewart:
Dang flabit! Robbie-Ray Stewart! [Goes after him]

Jake Ryan:
[speaking to the class] Even though I'm a TV superstar and was voted Teen Magazine's Hottie of the year...

Lilly Truscott:
Ooh! I framed the cover!

Jake Ryan:
Me too!

Lilly Truscott:
I hung it up in my bathroom!

Jake Ryan:
Me too!

Lilly Truscott:
Oh my God! We have so much in common! We both love you!

Jackson Stewart:
Oooo! Wrestling and brownies? Who died?

Jake Ryan:
[Miley has just insulted Jake] Your lucky. If my ego wasn't so big that woulda hurt.

Danny Dandruff:
Say the line!

Jake Ryan:
Not now, I'm in the middle of something.

Danny Dandruff:
Say it!

Jake Ryan:
[carelessly] Dude, I've slayed you once don't make me slay you again.

Danny Dandruff:
Yeah, you're much better on tv.

Jake Ryan:
...and that's when I said, no Mr. President, you rock.

Jake Ryan:
...and that's when I said, no Mr. Trump, you're fired.

Oliver Oken:
I can't believe we're going to be THIS close to a famous person!

Miley Stewart:
What am I? A grilled cheese sandwich?

Lilly Truscott:
When you're Miley, you might as well be.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly you dropped something.

Lilly Truscott:
What?

Miley Stewart:
Your dignity.

Mr. Corelli:
Girls, what's with the chitty chatty, bang bang?

Mr. Corelli:
Jake there's no need to be heroic. You do enough of that on TV.

Miley Stewart:
If he were really heroic he would've brought a pencil...

Jake Ryan Fan:
Oh my god you're Jake Ryan.

Jake Ryan:
Yeah I guess my disguise didn't work.

Miley Stewart:
Shocker...

Miley Stewart:
Excuse me, superstar, "Hottie of the Year"... you're point?

Jake Ryan Fan:
Dude! You're Jake Ryan!

Jake Ryan:
Yeah, guess my disguise didn't really work...

Jake Ryan Fan:
Say the line!

Jake Ryan:
Nah...

Jake Ryan Fan:
Dude! SAY... THE LINE!

Jake Ryan:
[Without much effort] "Dude I slayed you once, don't make me slay you again,"

Jake Ryan Fan:
Yeah... you're better on TV.

Robbie Stewart:
[to a reporter to which Miley revealed she was Hannah and Miley was pretending not be Hannah by pretending she is] Last week, she was the Olsen twins. Both of them! Talk about a Full House!

Oliver Oken:
Wow, your car makes Jackson's look like a piece of...

Jackson Stewart:
[glares at him]

Oliver Oken:
PIE... yummy, yummy pie [smiles]

Miley Stewart:
Sweet nibblets.

Robbie Stewart:
[Robbie puts the mullet on his head]... and allow me to introduce myself... I'm Billy Ray Cyrus.

Jackson Stewart:
[dressed up as Elvis] Who's at the door? Is it my extra-cheesy pizza? Uh-huh... huh!

Miley Stewart:
Look! I'm a cup fly!

Oliver Oken:
[Gets Stage Fright] Uh... Look at me! [Takes two oranges and puts them up to his eyes] I'm a fruit fly! Abraham Fruit Fly!

Oliver Oken:
[young Oliver as Abrham Lincoln] fore score and... fore score and... fore score and

Oliver Oken:
[young Oliver grabs 2 apple's and puts in front of eyes] i'm a fruit fly Abrham fruit fly

Chocolate Bunny:
[to Jackson eating a carrot] Can I have a bite of that... big boy?

Lilly Truscott:
Beary the Bear? You couldn't do better then that?

Miley Stewart:
I was 3 and I'm not changing his name now, that would just confuse him !

Miley Stewart:
Miles, Iceburg right behind you.

Miley Stewart:
Oliver I was just...

Oliver Oken:
Bailing on me?

Miley Stewart:
No, I was only thinking about bailing on you, it's different!

Oliver Oken:
You said I was the titanic -starts leaving

Miley Stewart:
No, not the ship, THE VERY SUCCESSFUL MOVIE! You made like a million dollars! All right daddy we need to work on a new warning signal!

[after being busted by Oliver]

Miley Stewart:
Dad, we need a new warning system!

Robbie Stewart:
I did everything but cover you with

Oliver Oken:
But soft! What light over yonder breaks wind?

Jackson Stewart:
[playing with chocolate bunnies] Oh here we are in Happy Bunny Land Tokyo. Oh no! What's that? It's Jackzilla! Run for your bunny lives!

Miley Stewart:
I had this horrible dream where I forgot the National Anthem in front of thousands of people.

Lilly Truscott:
[laughs nervously] That wasn't a dream.

Miley Stewart:
You couldn't play along for, like, a minute.

Jackson Stewart:
So it was sewage water and some unidentifiable sludge. Get a tetanus shot and buck up little camper.

Miley Stewart:
O say can you see. By the dawn's early light. Through yonder window breaks. [abruptly stops and stares embarrassingly]

Oliver Oken:
What light through yonder window breaks wind?

[after quoting Romeo from Romeo and Juliette]

Mr. Corelli:
Man, that dude new how to pick up chicks!

Miley Stewart:
I mean Oliver is so bad it's like I am the passenger on the Titantic and I have to jump before we hit an iceberg.

Robbie Stewart:
Miles?

Miley Stewart:
What?

Robbie Stewart:
The iceberg is behind you.

Oliver Oken:
You said you were going to stick by me!

Miley Stewart:
Oliver, I...

Oliver Oken:
You said I was the Titantic! [leaves the house]

Miley Stewart:
[calling after] Not the ship! The very successful movie! You made millions of dollars!

Miley Stewart:
Daddy, we need a new warning signal.

Robbie Stewart:
Well I was going to braze you with barbeque sauce but...

Robbie Stewart:
Mile, listen. If you wanna put this thing behind you, you gotta get back on the horse, just like Uncle Earl.

Miley Stewart:
Uncle Earl forgot the words to the national anthem?

Robbie Stewart:
No, Uncle Earl fell off a horse. Took four of us to get that fat old coop back up.

Miley Stewart:
But what if I forget the words to one of MY songs? Or if I forgot to put my costume on. Then, I'd be singing in my underwear!

Lilly Truscott:
That'd be quite a show.

Oliver Oken:
[before Shakespeare play] I don't think I can do this.

Miley Stewart:
Come on Oliver you gotta stay positive.

Oliver Oken:
Okay. [pause] I'm positive I can't do this.

Mr. Corelli:
[clapping] I love the energy I've seen today, I love the passion but most of all I love that we're almost done. Stewart, Oken, take us home! Please.

Lilly Truscott:
GIMME A N! GIMME AN O! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? No.

Lilly Truscott:
Mr. Stewart! You were Incredible! What Happened?

Lilly Truscott:
[nervously] I mean... , Why aren't you still performing?

Inga:
God dag. Hur st?r det till?

Miley Stewart:
[to Lily] When you talk do you hear it, or is it like a big roaring in your ear?

Miley Stewart:
What do you say we put up this tent, and make a fire, and [Lilly and Miley start moving their arms around in a circle like they're stirring something] cook ourselves up a big-pot-of friendship.

Miley Stewart:
What do you say we put up this tent, and make a fire, and

[Lilly and Miley start moving their arms around in a circle like they're stirring something]

Miley Stewart:
cook ourselves up a big-pot-of friendship.

Miley Stewart:
Actually, lets go to the beach.

Lilly Truscott:
[getting yanked by Miley] But the mall has cute clothes!

Miley Stewart:
But the beach has cute boys!

Miley Stewart:
[trying to get the class excited about the camping trip] Come on, you guys. Think about it. Open fire, sleeping udner the stars, the animals. CAW CAW. CAW CAW. WHOOT. WHOOT. Ratttttcchchch ratcchhh.

Amber:
Um, what are you supposed to be.

Miley Stewart:
A chipmunk. Duh.

Amber:
Could you be any weirder?

Miley Stewart:
Well, I was going to do a pig but you already have that part covered.

Lilly Truscott:
[Amber and Ashley give each other a "oh no she didn't" look] Ooh, what do I smell? Bacon that just got burned!

Amber:
[Miley makes an owl noise, then a chipmunk noise] what are doing?

Miley Stewart:
A chipmunk, duh.

Ashley Dewitt:
Sorry but we don't speak hillbilly!

Amber:
Or wash our clothes down yonder in the creek!

Miley Stewart:
Well, I'd do the sound of a pig, but you two already know that one.

Lilly Truscott:
[Lily sniffs around] I smell bacon that just got burned!

Miley Stewart:
[making animal noises] Whoo-whoo, caah-caah, chchchchch.

Amber:
What are you doing?

Miley Stewart:
A chipmunk, duh!

Ashley Dewitt:
But I'm too pretty to get eaten!

Amber:
Hey, I'm pretty too!

Ashley Dewitt:
Well, I'll mention that at your funeral!

Jackson Stewart:
[the rat, Linda, is playing the piano] Dad, you've got to get rid of it!

Robbie Stewart:
You can't just kill a rat with that kind of talent. Hey Linda, do you know "Achey Breaky Heart"?

Oliver Oken:
[Walks up to Girl] My Robbie name is hi [back up] No... wait... [steps forward]

Oliver Oken:
My Oliver name is hi.

Miley Stewart:
[has to parasail in a chicken suit] You are one evil little boy.

Rico:
No time for flattery.

Oliver Oken:
[about to walk into the cafeteria] Wait, I forgot something.

Miley Stewart:
What?

Oliver Oken:
My name!

Miley Stewart:
It rhymes with trolley.

Oliver Oken:
Oh I need more than that!

Miley Stewart:
[has to parasail in a chicken suit] You are one evil little boy.

Rico:
Too late for flattery.

Oliver Oken:
Oh, so Becca Weller wants to take a ride on the Olly Trolly? DING... ding... a-ding-a-ding-ding.

[trying to help Oliver]

Jackson Stewart:
Aw c'mon. Aren't you the one always going "Are you from Tennesee? Because you're the only ten I see."

Cooper:
Whoa, whoa. Wait I got one. "Are you from Waikiki? Because I ask you, 'Why, Kiki?'"

[pause]

Cooper:
C'mon. It works if her name is Kiki.

Jackson Stewart:
everybody dance everybody sing everybody have a chicken wing

Robbie Stewart:
I walked right up to her and said, My Robbie name is hi.

Oliver Oken:
And it worked?

Robbie Stewart:
Like a charm, the thing you have to remember it's not what you say but having the guts to say anything

Oliver Oken:
Well, why don't we just put in the newspaper?

Becca Weller:
But why were you in my gym locker?

Miley Stewart:
[in a chicked costume] Cause I'm a baaaaad chicken!

Miley Stewart:
The Important thing is you're still SMOKEN OKEN!

Lilly Truscott:
You leave the ladies heart broken.

Miley and Lilly:
And everybody knows that we're not just jokin'! A wiki-wiki what? and a wiki-wiki Bye! A wiki-wiki what? And a wiki-wiki bye!

Oliver Oken:
You guys are right, When it rhymes, It Makes Sense! You made my life a wrecka so I'm dumping you Becca!

Miley and Lilly:
You Made His Life A wrecka sohe's dumping you Becca!

Lilly Truscott:
A Grilled Cheese Sandwich Would Have Picked That One Up!

Miley Stewart:
I don't read minds... I read... you're PDA. That I stole from your gym locker.

Becca Weller:
Why would you do that?

Miley Stewart:
'Cause i'm a BAAAD chicken!

Miley Stewart:
And the important thing is that your still Smokin' Oken.

Lily Truscott:
You leave the ladies heart broken.

Lily Truscott:
A Wiki-Wiki hi,

Miley Stewart:
And a Wiki-Wiki bye.

Lily Truscott:
A Wiki-Wiki hi,

Miley Stewart:
And a Wiki-Wiki bye.

Oliver Oken:
When it rymes, it makes sense.You made my life a wreck-a so I'm dumping you, Becca. You made my life a wreck-a

Lily Truscott:
so he's dumping YOU, Becca. A Wiki-Wiki hi...

Miley Stewart:
And a Wiki-Wiki, What the heck are you wearing?

Robbie Stewart:
Miley told me about Ollie's trolleys little de-railment

Miley Stewart:
This is gonna be Oliver's first girlfriend since kindergarten. [holds back lughter and looks at Lilly]

Lilly Truscott:
Look! I only held his hand because I wanted to borrow his crayons! It was the 64 pack, WITH THE SHARPENER!

Jackson Stewart:
Are you from Tennesse? Cause you're the only ten I see.

Cooper:
I got one. Are you from Mississippi? Cause you're the only miss I sippi! [laughs]

Jake Ryan:
So who's your friend?

Miley Stewart:
Oh. That's Willis. He's from Seattle. You know, the coffee capital of America. He drinks it... black.

Jake Ryan:
Holly drinks espresso.

Miley Stewart:
Willis shaves.

Jake Ryan:
Holly waxes.

Miley Stewart:
Willis is a SENIOR!

Jake Ryan:
Uh... wow.

Miley Stewart:
Oh, Hey Jake! I didn't notice you were on the beach.

Jake Ryan:
Oh, Hey Miley. I didn't notice you here on the beach. This is Holly. She's an actress.

Miley Stewart:
Oh yeah! I saw you in that commercial. You know, the one where you had to have that really uncomfterable talk with your mom. I hope everything worked out.

Holly:
That wasn't really my mom, okay?

Miley Stewart:
Well, as long as the foot fungus is gone.

Jake Ryan:
So, who's your friend?

Miley Stewart:
Oh, that's Willis. He just moved here from Seattle, you know, the coffee capital of the U.S? He drinks it, black.

Jake Ryan:
Holly drinks espresso.

Miley Stewart:
Willis shaves.

Jake Ryan:
Holly waxes.

Miley Stewart:
Willis is a senior!

Jake Ryan:
[pauses] Wow.

Miley Stewart:
[smiles] Toodles!

Jake Ryan:
Who's your friend?

Miley Stewart:
Oh, that's Willis. He's from Seattle. You know the coffee capital. Hedrinks his B-LACK!

Jake Ryan:
Holly drinks expresso.

Miley Stewart:
Willis shaves.

Jake Ryan:
Holly waxes.

Miley Stewart:
Willis is a SENIOR!

Jake Ryan:
WOW

Miley Stewart:
Toodles.

Jake Ryan:
Oh Holly open up! [throws popcorn in her mouth]

Miley Stewart:
Oh Willis, are you hungry? [shoves pretzel in his mouth]

Miley Stewart:
Just look for cool, older guys.

Willis:
Hey Miley!

Miley Stewart:
Hey Willis! Who's your friend?

Willis:
Oh! This is my best friend Mike! Mike this is the girl I was telling you about. What do you think?

Mike:
Hubba Hubba! [sprays Miley with silly string]

Miley Stewart:
How old is he?

Willis:
I know, I know. He looks 10 but he's really 12.

Lilly Truscott:
Isn't weird to hang out with people younger than you?

Willis:
Well, truth is, Mike's older than me.

Oliver Oken:
How old are you?

Willis:
I'm 11, and 3/4.

Miley Stewart:
You're 11.

Willis:
And 3/4.

Miley Stewart:
Watchu talkin bout Willis?

Miley Stewart:
How can you be 11?

Lilly Truscott:
And 3/4

Miley Stewart:
NOT HELPING!

Miley Stewart:
And take that giraffe off of your head.

Willis:
UHHHH! It's a dragon!

Miley Stewart:
Whatever, it's a balloon hat.

Oliver Oken:
Look at the brightside she can babysit him for extra money.

Miley Stewart:
You said you were graduating.

Willis:
I AM!

Miley Stewart:
Elementary school.

Willis:
Sorry! I just wanted to see what it would feel like being at a party with you know an older babe.

Lilly Truscott:
Miley you either confront him now or later?

Miley Stewart:
I pick later. [turns around to leave, they turn her back around] I can see him now, [mocking jake] hey miley what are you and Willis doing tomorrow night, hot date on the teater totter?

Oliver Oken:
I guess he wanted to try it on them 1st.

Jake's Friend:
Miley you won't believe what jake just told us...

Miley Stewart:
Yeah so I went out with an 11 year old. But if you ask me he could totally pass for a 16 year old. Without the balloon hat.

Lilly Truscott:
Or the ninja stickers

Miley Stewart:
HEY!

Jake's Friend:
We were just going to tell you this funny joke Jake told us. But you went out with an 11 year old is so much funnier!

Oliver Oken:
Awkward! [Miley stares at him] I'm just gonna go see what that joke was.

Miley Stewart:
And I'm gonna go talk to Jake

Jake Ryan:
This is Holly. She's an actress.

Miley Stewart:
Oh yeah. I saw you in that commercial, you know the one where you had to have that really uncomfortable talk with your mom. How did that work out?

Holly:
That wasn't really my mom. OK.

Miley Stewart:
Well... as long as the toe fungus is gone.

Lilly Truscott:
You can't date a senior, he's old enough to...

Miley Stewart:
Make Jake jealous?

Lilly Truscott:
Oooh, diabolical. Or should i say guy-abolical? [laughs]

Miley Stewart:
You shouldn't say anything.

Oliver Oken:
Why is Miley shoving a pretzel in that guys mouth?

Lilly Truscott:
I think it's supposed to look romantic.

Miley Stewart:
Who sprinkled drama queen in your oatmeal this morning?

Miley Stewart:
You said you were graduating!

Willis:
I am!

Miley Stewart:
Elementary school!

Miley Stewart:
Admit it Jake. You like me.

Jake Ryan:
So. You like me. Just say it.

Miley Stewart:
No you say it.

Jake Ryan:
No you.

Miley Stewart:
No you.

Miley Stewart:
[they kiss]

Miley Stewart:
[smiles]

Miley Stewart:
So, I guess this kinda means we're together.

Jake Ryan:
I guess it does.

Miley Stewart:
So. Do you wanna go out some time, or do you wanna ask me since your the guy?

Jake Ryan:
Well, I don't really know how to say it.

Miley Stewart:
Come on it's not that hard.

Jake Ryan:
Well ok. Do you want to go out with me, four months from this Saturday?

Miley Stewart:
Yeah. That sounds- HUH?

Jake Ryan:
Well. Frankie Munez was going to do this movie, but he dropped out. I fly to Romania tonight!

Miley Stewart:
Yeah, but ya' can't just leave. Ya' kissed me!

Jake Ryan:
Well hey! It's not my fault I got a big part in a movie!

Miley Stewart:
I know but, YA KISSED ME!

Jake Ryan:
I know, and it was great, and now I don't have to go off for four months and wonder what it would have been like!

Miley Stewart:
Yeah. It would have been awful for you to have left without plantin' one on me!

Jake Ryan:
Exactly!

Miley Stewart:
So, I guess it is four months, so I'm gonna give you a little something extra to remember me by.

Miley Stewart:
[leans in to kiss Jake and they both close their eyes. Miley opens her eyes and pushes him off of the rail]

Jake Ryan:
WOAH!

Miley Stewart:
Tat's how I plant one.

Miley Stewart:
I guess I do deserve this. I did use Willis.

Lilly Truscott:
Boy did you ever! It's like you had a love cold, and he was the tissue. Willis can I borrow you for a second.

Lilly Truscott:
[Lilly pretends to blow her nose]

Lilly Truscott:
Goodbye, Willis!

Lilly Truscott:
[pretends to throw the tissue, and then wipes her hand on Miley's shirt]

Miley Stewart:
I already admitted I was wrong! You don't have to blow my nose in it!

Jake Ryan:
It's nice to see you again Hannah. Can't wait to get you back on set so we can finish our kiss. I'll have my people call your people!

Miley Stewart:
Great! My people will be waiting!

Lilly Truscott:
Which is me. Her most important people. I may look familar. But we've never met before. Not even at school or anything. Cause I'm home schooled, in Canada, where the Moose are.

Jake Ryan:
O.K. Nice to meet you, too. Bye!

Miley Stewart:
Bye, Jake. Where the Moose are. In Canada. Where I'm home schooled. Way to keep your cover, Lola.

Miley Stewart:
Don't worry! I got him right where I want him!

Oliver Oken:
Which is where?

Lilly Truscott:
[Lily points her fingers at Miley as she walks by like she knows]

Lilly Truscott:
I have no idea!

Willis:
I'm eleven, and three-quarters.

Miley Stewart:
How can you be eleven?

Oliver Oken:
Look on the brightside, she can babysit him for extra money.

Miley Stewart:
I'm alright!

Lilly Truscott:
Well, I don't think Frankie will be when he finds out you broke his teeny head!

Miley Stewart:
I'm sorry Teeny.

Lilly Truscott:
It's okay. [Miley kisses teeny award]

Jackson Stewart:
When you need help its family helping family; but when I need help, suddenly Hannah doesn't play that game. [stomps to the stairs, looks back]

Jackson Stewart:
NICE TO KNOW HOW THINGS WORK AROUND HERE!

Jackson Stewart:
[after Ms. Kunkle walks out on her and Robbie Ray's date] Ms. Kunkle! Wait! You two make such a great [holds up pear] pair! Turn around, I'm holding up a pear. It's punny.

Willis:
[to Miley] Hey! I was wondering if maybe you want to go to this... bowling party with me.

Miley Stewart:
Sure! Of course I'll go to the bowling party with you [speaks louder, directed towards Jake] with all of your senior classmates!

Willis:
[Miley forces Willis' arm around her shoulder] Oh! I'm touching shoulder!

Mike:
[runs] Willis, they're cutting the cake! It's shaped like a castle!

Willis:
In a minute!

Mike:
Well you better hurry if you want any of the pudding moat!

Willis:
Pudding moat? [throws arm off Miley, runs to cake]

Lilly Truscott:
[turns to Oliver] Remember when you used to like cake more than girls?

Oliver Oken:
Yeah. Ppuh. Kids.

Lilly Truscott:
Why don't you go get some?

Oliver Oken:
[runs] Maybe just a taste!

Lilly Truscott:
You can't date a senior, he's old enough to...

Miley Stewart:
...make Jake jealous?

Lilly Truscott:
Oooh, diabolical. Or should i say guy-abolical? [laughs]

Miley Stewart:
You shouldn't say anything.

Miley Stewart:
Ok Whats up Jake? why haven't you told anyone about me an balloon boy?

Jake Ryan:
Why would I do that? You seemed so miserable and I didn't want to make it any worse.

Miley Stewart:
Really, thats kinda nice.

Jake Ryan:
It's like I've been telling you all along, im really not a bad guy.

Miley Stewart:
Maybe not.

Jake Ryan:
Plus I thought it was kinda cool that you went thriugh all that trouble just to make me jealous. [Walks off]

Miley Stewart:
[Catches up to him] wowhoho. Slow down there eagle boy. Why would I be trying to make you jealous, besides you have a girlfriend.

Jake Ryan:
Holly, shes not my girlfriend. We have a movie coming out so we were hanging out, its a publicity thing.

Miley Stewart:
Why didn't you tell me that before?

Jake Ryan:
Uh, Well I, I, I, think I...

Miley Stewart:
[Cuts him off] Wait a minute I know why, because you were trying to make me jealous.

Jake Ryan:
Was not.

Miley Stewart:
Was too, admit it Jake you like me!

Jake Ryan:
No, you like me just say it!

Miley Stewart:
No you say it!

Jake Ryan:
No You!

Miley Stewart:
No You!

[He goes in and Kisses her. Lily who is watching all of this eating popcorn on a chair falls over spilling all of it]

Miley Stewart:
I-I-I Gotta Go Potty

Miley Stewart:
[after not scaring The Cracker away] [weakly] Miley like a puma? Hi Ya? Miley run like a puma. [She and Lilly run off]

Miley Stewart:
[after the Principal leads The Cracker away] Oh you better run 'cause Miley like a puma! [Roxie runs away shrieking]

Oliver Oken:
I'll start writing your will.

Lilly Truscott:
Oh, put me down for her shoes!

Miley Stewart:
Ah, Fellowship of the wienies!

Miley Stewart:
That's right! Roxy's the big cheese and the cheese always covers the cracker!

Jackson Stewart:
Miley, it's been 3 years. He might be lonely.

Miley Stewart:
Well then we'll get him a puppy.

Jackson Stewart:
Hey, isn't she that real estate lady? You know, the one on the bus bench in front of the library.

Lilly Truscott:
Your dad's dating a homeless real estate lady? Whoaaa, that's weird. She sells houses, but she doesn't have one.

Jackson Stewart:
I meant the ad on the bench, Miss Einstein.

Jackson Stewart:
Hey, isn't she that real estate lady? You know, the one on the bus bench in front of the library.

Lilly Truscott:
Your dad's dating a homeless real estate lady? Whoa, that's weird. She sells houses, but she doesn't have one.

Jackson Stewart:
I meant the ad on the bench, Miss Einstein.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly, my dad said no.

Lilly Truscott:
ZZT! You think he said no, when really he said goooo. Noo, gooo. It's a mistake anybody could make, c'mon, let's go!

Jackson Stewart:
[showing Miley his thoughts on talking to their dad's friend] Hi. I'm Miley Stewart and I'm her brother Jackson. Now we snuck out to the movies last night and saw you with our dad, now why would we tell you this? Out of some strange desire to get caught and be grounded for the rest of our natural lives.

Robbie Stewart:
who knows? maybe it'll turn into a little somethin' somethin'.

Jackson Stewart:
like what what?

Lilly Truscott:
Well in California, we do do that here.

Miley Stewart:
[Jackson and Cooper snicker] What?

Jackson Stewart:
You said do-do.

Miley Stewart:
Grow up!

Cooper:
I'm gonna get outta here before you cough up an alien. Bye.

Miley Stewart:
Remember my 'ha-ha' from before? I'd like to add another 'ha' making it a complete ha... ha... wait for it... ha!

Robbie Stewart:
You should've seen it when I caught this fish! First it was him, then it was me, then it was him, then it was me

Jackson Stewart:
Dad, you got that at the fish-mart.

Robbie Stewart:
You should've seen the size of the lady who tried to take it from me! First it was her, then it was me, then it was her...

Lilly Truscott:
[after Miley whipspers something in her ear] Okay, got it!

Oliver Oken:
I didn't hear it. Got what?

Lilly Truscott:
Milk! Shh. I'll tell you in the car.

Lilly Truscott:
Oliver, you naive, simple boy... with a very good point!

Miley Stewart:
[hiding from Robbie at the movie theater] I hate lying to him.

Lilly Truscott:
You're on your hands and knees at a movie theater. The honesty ship has sailed!

Jackson Stewart:
"What can I say, Dad? She snuck out, I followed her here... I'm just as disappointed as you are."

Miley Stewart:
What are you doing?

Jackson Stewart:
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting ready to sell you out.

Miley Stewart:
Listen, buster, if I go down, I'm taking you with me!

Margo Diamond:
You won't believe it but I've got Hannah Montana hiding in my closet, she's what we call a 1/2 bath short of a condo. I blame the parents.

Robbie Stewart:
Me too.

Miley Stewart:
[as Hannah to Jackson] I'm amazed you can stand without a spine.

Miley Stewart:
Gotta tell Dad.

Miley Stewart:
Bunny man say what?

Ms. Kunkle:
Who's talking?

Miley Stewart:
[sleepwalking] You are Skunkle! In that awful prison warden voice of yours. It is torture!

Ms. Kunkle:
[reacts in shock to Miley's "Skunkle" comment] What did you say to me?

Rico:
She said your voice sounds like a prison warden. Oh, and it's torture.

Ms. Kunkle:
I heard her.

Rico:
Just trying to help.

Ms. Kunkle:
I don't need your help!

Miley Stewart:
[sleepwalking] What you need is to stop borrowing your grandmother's clothes.

Ms. Kunkle:
Hey-ohhhh!

Lilly Truscott:
You don't look so good!

Hannah Montana:
I've got a funny... Coming out of my tummy!

Lilly Truscott:
Everybody clear!

Hannah Montana:
My time, is now. My perfume, is Oh Wow, Complete the circle. I've never smelled anything, like it before.

Lilly Truscott:
You should sell out more often!

Miley Stewart:
I didn't sell out!

Lilly Truscott:
Saying you love something that makes you yak?

Miley Stewart:
Oh, please. Everyone exaggerates in commercials. Do you really think that football player's mom follows him around with a can of soup? I think not!

Miley Stewart:
I really would like to sing, but I think I'm coming down with something.

Amber:
Oh, you're coming down with something, alright. *Chicken* pox.

Ashley:
Emphasis on the chicken.

Amber:
I *put* an emphasis on the chicken.

Mr. Corelli:
This year's fundraiser is karaoke...

Amber:
[enters, singing beautifully, holding out many different notes] -niiiiiiigh...

Mr. Corelli:
Night. They get it.

Amber:
And they can go up there and get a chance to be compared to [again, singing beautifully, holding out many different notes] meeeeeeeeeeee...

Amber:
It's OK. Since we know you can't sing as well as me, you can always do one of your pig calls.

Miley Stewart:
Oh, you mean like this? "Amber! Ashley! Get in here!"

Ashley:
That's funny. Her pig said our names. [pause] Oh, I get it.

Agent Kaplon:
I have orders to keep Hannah Montana in this room... [referring to Sophie]... orders from a 7-year-old. Tomorrow we go to Make-A-Moose. [makes moose antlers with his hands] Wheeeeeeee!

Hannah Montana:
[as Miley, talking to Jackson] My life is complicated enough, the last thing I need is more drama. [turns around to go into house]

Jake Ryan:
[stands up] Hey Miley.

Hannah Montana:
Helloooo, drama.

Hannah Montana:
[answers the phone] Hello. What would you like to give?

Mikayla:
I'd like to give you singing lessons. Just heard your new single... ouch.

Hannah Montana:
Well I just heard yours and I thought it was fantastic.

Mikayla:
Really?

Hannah Montana:
Yeah. My brother got ahold of some bad catfish so we played it for him to induce vomiting. It was like BAM! Insta-puke.

Mikayla:
Has been.

Hannah Montana:
Never was.

Mikayla:
Bottle blonde.

Hannah Montana:
Lipsyncher.

Mikayla:
Bra stuffer.

Hannah Montana:
Uh! I hate you.

Mikayla:
Like I care.

Mikayla:
I still hate you.

Hannah Montana:
Hate makes you ugly. Oops, too late.

Jake Ryan:
Man, I mean, you don't want to be a couple and when I try to be friends, you almost wreck my movie. What am I going to do with you?

Miley Stewart:
I don't know...maybe we should just forget about eachother.

Jake Ryan:
Maybe we should!

Miley Stewart:
Fine!

Jake Ryan:
Fine! [walks out the door]

Jake Ryan:
[comes back in] Ok, this is not working for me.

Miley Stewart:
If there's one thing I learned, it's that When you fight fire with fire, you just get burnt.

Lilly Truscott:
People will be downloading this for years!

Miley Stewart:
She won't get hurt or anything, right?

Lilly Truscott:
Just her pride... nation wide... no where to hide... humilifide... sat inside...

Miley Stewart:
[taps Lily on the shoulde] Are you done?

Lilly Truscott:
Just remember you go through red and she goes through the green.

Lilly Truscott:
Cause shes mean... like an evil queen... [Miley gives her the look]

Lilly Truscott:
Now I'm done.

Lilly Truscott:
[talking about Orlando Bloom] and one day I'll be the Lilly Bloom.

Miley Stewart:
Lilly Bloom?

Lilly Truscott:
I know... how cool is that!

Miley Stewart:
;On her and trey's potential date; Tonight... Tonight's gonna be...

Lilly Truscott:
PERFECT...

Trey Harris:
Woah

Lilly Truscott:
...for you to go out because I your best friend, will be at a charity put-put golf tournament, filling in for another friend, a blonde one who sings alot

Miley Stewart:
;Interrupts Lilly; Uh, uh uh, too much information

Lilly Truscott:
Hey, I just back from taking my mom to the airport... Awwww Did somebody get a boo-boo and need a hug from their daddy?

Miley Stewart:
That dang hamster eating and drinking and peeing and eating and drinking and peeing

Mr. Dontzig:
Ooh, I'm shaking now!

Robbie Stewart:
Well take it outside, Dontzig. I don't have earthquake insurance!

Robbie Stewart:
These decorations are meant to scare six year olds it is not like we're going to find something that scares us, [Mr. Dontzig walks in] AHH!

Mr. Dontzig:
Stewart someone shoved your magazines through my mailslot.

Robbie Stewart:
That would be the mailman

Mr. Dontzig:
What's with the Halloween decorations, or should I Halloweeny decoration, your winking santa was scarier than this. I was hoping that this year you would be a little compeition for me, but i was wrong.

Jackson Stewart:
Dad are you going to get away with that.

Robbie Stewart:
Don't worry about it son it is the holiday we are'nt going to get sucked into his little game.

Mr. Dontzig:
Said the loser

Robbie Stewart:
Don't go challenging me Dontzig.

Mr. Dontzig:
Ooh, I'm a shakin'

Robbie Stewart:
Well take it outside I don't have earthquake insurance.

Mr. Dontzig:
Save the jokes Goldilocks, you are going to need a sense of humor when all the kids see how unscary your house is, and they start pelting it with eggs. HAAA!

Miley Stewart:
[after her dad found out about Luanne's plan] And what has all this taught you?

Robbie Stewart:
That parents should believe their kids when they tell them their cousins are evil.

Miley Stewart:
And?

Robbie Stewart:
That I should always take my cell phone when I leave the house in case my daughtor gets tied up in her closet.

Miley Stewart:
And?

Robbie Stewart:
I'm sorry.

Miley Stewart:
Great. My life is in the hands of Count Chesthair.

Lilly Truscott:
[about Luanne] She seems nice.

Miley Stewart:
Yeah, and a Venus Fly Trap seems like a pretty plant... until it throws you down a well.

Luann:
[to Lilly] Good job, Gumdrop!

Luann:
[opening Miley's closet to reveal Miley hogtied] Miley, Miley, Miley! I can't believe you didn't see this comin'!

Miley Stewart:
[struggles to untie herself]

Luann:
Maybe if you had'nt gone to singing class and gone to rodeo camp with the rest of us, you wouldn't be stuck in this situation. What's that? You want me to sing at the party? [horribly off key] YOU DONE GOT THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! Horrible, ain't it. That will do wonders for your carrer. Happy Halloween cuz! [she laughs and walks out of the room]

Miley Stewart:
[continues trying to free herself]

Traci:
[after her voice has been insulted by Luann] I have a deviated septum... [snaps her fingers] and I own it.

Miley Stewart:
Look, there's a big Hollywood Halloween party tonight, and I'd love for you to come.

Luanne Stewart:
Aww! You really want me to come with you-uns?

Miley Stewart:
Yeah. I really want you to come with... me-uns.

[Lily and Oliver have 2 Hannahs and they don't know which is Miley or Luann]

Oliver Oken:
I've got it. Both of you kiss me.

Luann:
Okay.

Miley Stewart:
Ewww.

Oliver Oken:
[pointing to second Hannah] That's Miley.

Lilly Truscott:
Next your gonna be saying "she sees dead people"!

Lilly Truscott:
Throughout this party, you've been acting and talking like... OH MY GOSH,YOU'RE LUANNE!

Luann:
What took you so long, Lulu?

Lilly Truscott:
It's Lola!

Luann:
Lilly, Lulu, Lola. Whatever.

Oliver Oken:
Wow. When my goldfish died, my mom flushed it down the toilet. And I'll never forget her comforting words... Oliver, just get over it. It's just a stinkin' fish.

Robbie Stewart:
Sometimes people do things without thinkin' 'bout them first!

Oliver Oken:
[a fly flies near his pie then he swats it and the pie goes over his shirt then he wipes it] Stupid fly. [eats pie while the fly is still on it]

Robbie Stewart:
I didn't plan that but there you go!

Miley Stewart:
[calling Oliver after getting herself untied because Luanne tied her up] Oliver, I need your mom to drive me to a Halloween party NOW. [Oliver responds]

Miley Stewart:
Yes, you can come.

Miley Stewart:
Good night, nurse! Oliver is crushing on someone old enough to remember The Beatles!

Lilly Truscott:
The who?

Miley Stewart:
Them too.

Jackson Stewart:
[while playing video games] Watch out Grandma, I got the po po on my tail!

Miley Stewart:
Coldplay, Radiohead, hello - Hannah Montana in the room.

Lilly Truscott:
I wish we got an A on the project, what do you wish for?

Miley Stewart:
Oh man, I wish... I wish there was no secret. It was just Hannah Montana all the time. It would sure make life a whole lot easier.

Jackson Stewart:
Me and my dolphin brothers don't care about no "Hann-e Montan-e"

Dolphin:
Chirps

Jackson Stewart:
Except for Dave, he loves you.

Dolphin:
Chirps more

Jackson Stewart:
Forget it Dave, you want an autograph, you come up here and ask for it yourself!

Lilly Truscott:
Hannah, you rock! I can't believe you did three encores!... can't believe you did three encores.

Lilly Truscott:
Eeeeeeeeeep!

Roxy:
Now you have some more time to spend with your mannnnnn!

Miley Stewart:
I have a mannnnnn?

Miley Stewart:
Angel, there has got to be a way to get my old life back.

Roxy:
I told you Superstar, only one wish per customer. No refunds or exchanges.

Jesse McCartney:
Hey babe. [comes in and kisses Hannah on cheek] Ready for our picnic on Papoui?

Miley Stewart:
What in the world is Papoui?

Jesse McCartney:
The island I bought you.

Miley Stewart:
Oh my gosh! [to Roxy] Jesse McCartney bought me an island. [Gasps] I'm sorry Jesse, I can't.

Jesse McCartney:
Why not?

Miley Stewart:
I'm sort of dealing with something right now, so...

Jesse McCartney:
You're so cute when you're dealing with something right now.

Miley Stewart:
That's sweet Jesse, but I think... I... I need to be alone.

Jesse McCartney:
You're so cute when you need to be alone.

Miley Stewart:
Jesse?

Jesse McCartney:
You're so cute when you say Jesse.

Miley Stewart:
Get Out! [pushes him out the door]

Jesse McCartney:
You're so cute when you kick me out.

Miley Stewart:
I'm serious! [closes door]

Jesse McCartney:
Ow! [gets hit on the nose] You're still so cute.

Miley Stewart:
Angel, there has got to be some kind of loophole.

Roxy:
Well you could... no... Well how about if you... nuh uh... Oh, how about... Girl, I got nothing.

Miley Stewart:
Angel, I want my family back. I want my friends back, and Miley Stewert does not take no for an answer!

Miley Stewart:
[Continuing the the song the gondola driver is singing] Oh mama mia.

Jesse McCartney:
The perfect night. With the perfect girl.

Pierre:
Starts singing again.

Jesse McCartney:
I'd sing to you myself, but I need these lips for something else.

Miley Stewart:
Eeep!

Jesse McCartney:
You're so cute when you say eeep!

Miley Stewart:
Over-sized sweatshirt buying daddy who just said three time academy award winning director/producer of Jaws, Jurassic Park, E.T., Men In Black 1 and 2, wants me to star in his next big blockbuster opposite of Mission Impossible hunky hunk Tom Cruise say what?

Jackson Stewart:
Whats 2+2?

Rico:
I think its 4, but it could be 3 with a wig on!

Oliver Oken:
[Lilly is hogging the chips] I paid for half of those!

Lilly Truscott:
See, this is why you don't get dates... I'm a girl... be nice!

Oliver Oken:
And this is why you don't get dates... you eat like a pig!

Lilly Truscott:
You take that back! [accidently spits on Oliver]

Oliver Oken:
[wipes it off and wipes it on her shoulder] No, you take this back.

Lilly Truscott:
Eww...

Robbie Stewart:
Why dont you read it, see how it sounds?

Lilly Truscott:
"Dear Lilly and Oliver", Oh boy.

Robbie Stewart:
Keep reading, it gets better

Lilly Truscott:
"How dumb do ya'll think I am? [pauses] "Love, Robbie Ray".

Lilly Truscott:
I like the love part.

Jackson Stewart:
Hi! I'm Miley, now I'm Hannah, now I'm Miley, I'm a real girl, I'm a popstar everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days except for me Mliey cause I'm PERFECT!

Miley Stewart:
[pretending to be Jackson] Girls. Cars. Nose hair.

[makes armpit farting noises]

Lilly Truscott:
I know you're giving me a look I just can't see it

Miley Stewart:
Come on Lilly this is really getting stupid there nobody up here [Robbie carrying Lilly on his back]

Robbie Stewart:
we past stupid on the 3rd floor now we're up to sports hernia [Robbie setting Lilly down when they reach the roof]

Miley Stewart:
hi five [Lilly misses Miley's hand and slaps Miley on forehead and knocks her down]

Miley Stewart:
answer your phone before you hurt somebody else [Miley loking up at lilly because she can't believe her eye site is that bad]

Oliver Oken:
Stop staring at me... I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

Jackson Stewart:
Wait... I have money...

Jackson Stewart:
Whoa. It worked. They are whiter.

Robbie Stewart:
And lemon fresh.

Robbie Stewart:
On the bright side, I'm just glad to see you are wearing clean underwear again.

Miley Stewart:
Looks don't matter.

Lilly Truscott:
Easy for you to say. You're the poster child for perfect skin.

Miley Stewart:
This isn't about me. Or my perfect skin.

Robbie Stewart:
[to Miley] You're my special little girl.

Jackson Stewart:
Well, what am I?

Robbie Stewart:
Tina, my other little girl.