Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

[from trailer]

Hansel:
Some people will say that not all witches are evil, that their powers could be used for good. I say burn them all!

[Last Lines]

[Pointing gun at camera]

Gretel:
I hate to break this to you, but this isn't gonna be an open casket.

[to Mina and Ben, as they approach the witch's house]

Hansel:
Whatever you do, don't eat the f***in' candy.

Muriel:
[picks up a missing child poster] I see you got my invitation.

Gretel:
Say your name before my arrows rip out your throat.

Muriel:
I go by many names. None of which you are worthy of pronouncing.

[Muriel grins as she slowly reveals her true self to Gretel]

Gretel:
[whispers] Oh my God!

[From Trailer]

Hansel:
Me and my sister... we have a past. We almost died at the hands of a witch. But that past made us stronger. We'd gotten a taste of blood. Witch blood. And we haven't stopped since.

Gretel:
The Curse of Hunger for Crawling Things. I f***ing hate that one.

[First Lines]

Hansel and Gretel's Mother:
Take them into the forest now.

[Hansel's timer goes off]

Mina:
Are you alright?

Hansel:
Yeah. When I was a kid, a witch made me eat so much candy, I got sick. Something happened to me. I have to take this injection every few hours or else I die.

[Injects Himself]

Hansel:
When you see my signal, unleash hell.

Gretel:
Wow, this is amazing. And, uh, weird.

Hansel:
It's a little creepy.

Gretel:
You really keep all this stuff?

Hansel:
[trying to end the conversation] All right, well...

Ben:
I just have SO many questions, do you mind?

Hansel:
[still trying to end the conversation] You know, we have...

Gretel:
Oh no, no no no, you go ahead. [smirks as Hansel kicks her under the table]

Ben:
All right, uh, okay, uh, how do you best kill a witch?

Gretel:
[innocently] Hansel?

Hansel:
[pauses to glare at Gretel] Uh, cutting off their heads tends to work... and ripping out their hearts... and skinning them is also nice...

Gretel:
Yeah, but burning them is the best way, 'cause it's the only way to be safe.

Ben:
Burning, yeah, of course!

Hansel:
[muttering into his mug] Burn 'em all...

Hansel:
We learned a couple of things while we were trapped in that house. One, never walk in to a house made of candy. And two, if you're gonna kill a witch, set her ass on fire.

Hansel:
Revenge doesn't change the past. It won't bring our parents back. But it sure as hell feels good.

Hansel:
Who the f*** is Edward?

Muriel:
[sarcastically to Mina] What you gonna do? Hit me with your love spell?

[Mina lets fly with a bolt from a dark witch's dropped wand; Muriel dodges]

Muriel:
Not bad.

[pins Mina to a wall]

Muriel:
Sacrificing yourself for a mortal... pathetic.

[Muriel stabs Mina in the stomach with a dagger]

Sheriff Berringer:
[as his henchmen hold Gretel] This time, I do the talkin', and you do the bleedin'.

[Gretel viciously bites his nose, drawing blood]