Hardware Wars

Fluke Starbucker:
Gosh! Wowee! Jeepers! Golly-willikers!

Auggie Ben Doggie:
Your father wanted you to have this - when you were old enough.

Fluke Starbucker:
Gosh! Wowee! Jeepers! Golly willickers!

Auggie Ben Doggie:
An Imperial steamtrooper!

Fluke Starbucker:
Uh-oh!

Imperial Steamtrooper:
Identification?

Fluke Starbucker:
Oh, uh, gee, I think I left my ID in my other pants! Look, we're in kind of a hurry! I could...

Auggie Ben Doggie:
These aren't the drones you want.

Imperial Steamtrooper:
These aren't the drones we want.

Auggie Ben Doggie:
You don't want to detain us.

Imperial Steamtrooper:
We don't want to detain you.

Auggie Ben Doggie:
You will never see a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Watch your step, son. This place can be a little rough.

Fluke Starbucker:
Oh, no, it's too weird in here! I - I can't go in here! Look, I'll wait for you outside...

Auggie Ben Doggie:
Stay calm, my boy. We've got to find a pilot.

Fluke Starbucker:
Jeepers! What is it, Augie Ben Doggie? Did you feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced?

Auggie Ben Doggie:
No, just a little headache.

Narrator:
"Hardware Wars"! A spectacle light years ahead of its time! Starring: Fluke Starbucker, intergalactic boy wonder. Augie "Ben" Doggie, venerable member of the Redeye Knights. Princess Anne-Droid, interstellar damsel in distress. Ham Salad, ace mercenary pilot and intergalactic wise guy. Darph Nader, villain.

Fluke Starbucker:
They're still back there! They're gaining on us! Does this thing do lightspeed?

Ham Salad:
You bet your asteroids, kid. Hold on!

Narrator:
Enjoy intense drama during the pre-battle briefing scene.

Lecturer:
Okay, so what you want to do is this: You want to attack at the most vulnerable spot. Come at it from this angle and locate the automatic flip-flop override device here, which in turn will defuse the antigyroscopic preinterface thruster chamber, and the pneumatic centripetal antigravity shield deflectors, then you simply deactivate the axial gyro-presubinertia-photomegatronic oscillator that you see here.

Fluke Starbucker:
Huh?

Lecturer:
You pull the plug!

Ham Salad:
Take it easy kid, it's only a movie.

Princess Anne-Droid:
You'll get us all killed!

Ham Salad:
Well excuuuuuse me!

Fluke:
Do you feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced?

Auggie Ben Doggie:
No, it's just a headache.

Princess Anne-Droid:
You can't destroy Basketball! Basketball's a peaceful planet!

Narrator:
Hardware Wars! A thrilling space saga of romance, rebellion, and household appliances!

Narrator:
You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll kiss three bucks goodbye!