Harry and the Hendersons

George Henderson:
I have no doubt that you saw him, but what really happened is when you saw him you were so scared shitless that you crashed your precious 10 Speeder into the stop sign, bumped your head on the curb and probably scared him half to the death in the process! Alright, that's what really happened isn't it? ISN'T IT?

Ernie Henderson:
Hey, Dad, what if it's him?

George Henderson:
Who?

Ernie Henderson:
Big Foot.

George Henderson:
Big Foot...?

Ernie Henderson:
Holy sh*t! Sorry, Dad.

George Henderson:
That's okay, I was looking for the right words.

George Henderson:
We've got some big guns and some big-big guns but I'm afraid I'm all out of big-big ammo!

George Henderson:
I'm working with a**holes.

George Henderson:
He walked into our kitchen and was eating out of our refrigerator. I thought we was gonna eat me but he ate our daughter's corsage and then ate our goldfish!

Sergeant Mancini:
And where is he now Mr. Henderson?

George Henderson:
In the bathroom.

Sergeant Mancini:
Oh of course, how stupid of me.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
I'm gonna say this once. 'Gonna say it simple. And I hope to God for your sakes you all listen. There are no Abominable Snowmen. There are so Sasquatches. There are no Big Feet!

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Am I missing something?

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
So what you're saying is you would be willing, excuse me, Jack would be willing to take in this creature and care for it and love it like a pet?

George Henderson:
No, like a member of the family.

George Henderson:
I know what I'm talking about.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
And I know it's closing time, so if you wanna talk shop, THEN SHOP!

Nancy Henderson:
George, if I could have a word with you before The Carson Show calls?

Sarah Henderson:
Where's the roast?

George Henderson:
I'll go get it.

Nancy Henderson:
The roast is resting in a shallow unmarked grave in the backyard.

George Henderson:
Oh. Well, there's plenty of other stuff.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Are you vegetarians?

George Henderson:
Sometimes, it depends on the guest.

Jerry Seville:
Good morning Seattle!

George Henderson:
God I hate this guy.

Nancy Henderson:
I'll turn it off.

George Henderson:
No let me hate him. It'll keep me awake before the coffee kicks in.

George Henderson:
Nan, don't you like roughing it in the wild?

Nancy Henderson:
Roughing it? George, the only thing rough about it was when the generator went out in the middle of Masterpiece Theatre.

Irene:
I need someone to talk to! You know it hasn't been easy with this pool and everything, and Herb is no help! His latest theory is that a condor flew over and took a sh*t in it.

S.W.A.T Team Man:
Freeze! Move out! Drop it!

Ernie Henderson:
Shoot it!

George Henderson:
It's dead.

Ernie Henderson:
Shoot it anyway!

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
You've seen hundreds, thousands of pigeons right?

George Henderson:
Of course.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? Well neither have I. I got a hunch they exist.

Jacques LaFleur:
We both spent our whole lives chasing after that beast and we both had to stare at ourselves in the mirror every morning and keep repeating I am not a fool. I am not a fool. Only you finally bluffed.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
I finally opened my eyes.

Jacques LaFleur:
We'll find out soon enough.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Go for it, Jocko! Raise a ruckus. God knows I can use the business.

George Henderson Sr.:
I wanted King Kong, you brought me a goddamn giant gerbil. I told you exactly what to do. You didn't even come close.

George Henderson:
Maybe it's right on the nose. Maybe it's not vicious at all, Maybe it's gentle and has feelings.

George Henderson Sr.:
Where'd you dream up that sh*t?

George Henderson:
I have a friend and his name is, um, Jack and let's say there's... This... Giant...

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Is there a beanstalk involved in this Mr. Henderson?

George Henderson:
I'm not going to stand around while some animal destroys our house.

Ernie Henderson:
Dad, he's not an animal!

George Henderson:
That's Jaques LaFleur, a hunter who came in the store today.

Nancy Henderson:
No, that's Richard Smith, the forestry guy who came to our... House today. That lying bastard!

George Henderson:
Eaten? BY A VEGETARIAN?

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Well, Jocko, what for you?

Jacques LaFleur:
I don't know. There's always Lockness.

George Henderson:
No, no, Sergeant. No Bigfoot here. Irene!

George Henderson Sr.:
How's that for an arthritic old shooter, huh?

George Henderson:
What the hell did you do that for? It's my drawing! Why'd you change it?

George Henderson Sr.:
Cool down, George, it's just a piece of cardboard.

George Henderson:
Not to me. It means something to me! Can't you see that he means something to me?

George Henderson Sr.:
What the hell are you talking about?

George Henderson:
The hell with it! I quit!

George Henderson Sr.:
Over this? You can't quit! We're too busy! Hey, what the hell's the matter with you?

Ernie Henderson:
The basement. You'll love it! It's like a cave with a pool table.

Jerome:
I might be able to get you out sometime tonight, but I'm gonna need a damn good reason.

Jacques LaFleur:
For Christ sake, I'm talking about bagging a Sasquatch!

Jerome:
That'll cut a lot of ice for the judge.

Pool Man:
Do you have a cat?

Irene:
No!

Pool Man:
Good. Then it's just a hairball.

Press Woman #1:
What's your name, sir?

George Henderson:
My name? My name is George Hen -

Press Woman #1:
George... George what?

George Henderson:
George Hen...

Press Woman #1:
George what?

George Henderson:
Um... I'm sorry, I really have to leave.

George Henderson:
We don't even know what it is. Don't know if it's male or female.

Sarah Henderson:
Definitely male.

Nancy Henderson:
How can you tell?

Nancy Henderson:
Oh don't answer that, honey.

Jacques LaFleur:
Listen, you don't understand. I almost had him! I was THAT close.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Then what? Gun jam? Or maybe a change of heart? Had him in your sights and couldn't do it? What's the story this time?

Jacques LaFleur:
I don't know. I think he was hit by a car.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Well that should have made it easy.

Jacques LaFleur:
Yes I know. There were no traces. No tracks. Nothing, he just... Vanished.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Well, like I tell my customers, Bigfoot eat their dead.

Jacques LaFleur:
I don't know why the hell I bother you.

Dr. Wallace Wrightwood:
Because you figure I'm the only one who wants to believe you deep down, but I don't. Not anymore.

Sarah Henderson:
I don't feel very good.

Ernie Henderson:
Pull over, Dad, she's gonna launch.

George Henderson:
Ernest!

George Henderson:
Hey, hey, careful of my drawing back there. And don't step on the trout!

Nancy Henderson:
Or my flowers, if they're still alive.

George Henderson:
Or Mom's flowers.

Ernie Henderson:
Hey, Dad.

George Henderson:
Yeah?

Ernie Henderson:
Do you think I could get a pair of real Major League baseball cleats when we get back?

George Henderson:
You bet.

Ernie Henderson:
Great. I'm gonna spike Frankie McDowell.

Nancy Henderson:
Oh no you're not.

George Henderson:
Listen to your mom, Ern.

Ernie Henderson:
But he spiked me twice.

George Henderson:
Well that's different. You go right ahead then.

Nancy Henderson:
George!

George Henderson:
Nan, you don't understand these things. It's just smart baseball.