Head of State

Brian Lewis:
God bless America. And no place else.

Mays Gilliam:
I live in a neighborhood so bad, you can get shot while ya gettin' shot.

Mays Gilliam:
No you can't buy tires with food stamps!

The Woman:
You the man!

Mays Gilliam:
You the woman!

Klansman:
Hi, I'm a Klansman. I hate n*ggers, Jews, and fags, but I love Bryan Lewis!

Little girl:
If I see Mays Gilliam I'm gonna bust a cap in his ass.

Mays Gilliam:
I asked my niece the other day what 4 plus 4 was. She said 44.

Mays Gilliam:
You ask for a pension, they give you a pen. Now what the hell am I supposed to do with a damn pen? I should just stab you in the neck with this pen.

Mays Gilliam:
You show me a grown man that's never said sh*t and I'll show you somebody that's full of sh*t!

Mitch Gilliam:
There's no such thing as white-collar crime. And there's definitely no such thing as black-on-black crime. Crime is crime. Let me explain something to you. I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top. If you rob me, I'm gonna whup your ass.

Mays Gilliam:
If we had laws on the Destiny's Child Video, we'd have less crime.

Brian Lewis:
I think we should let the people decide.

Mays Gilliam:
The people can't decide! The people are too busy gettin shot in the ass!

Mays Gilliam:
I thought I told you that we won't stop, I thought I told you that we won't stop!

Mays Gilliam:
The guy's avoiding me like he owes me child support.

Mitch Gilliam:
You gotta dress for the job you want, not the job you got.

Mays Gilliam:
I'm the Government, I can do anything.

Reporter:
Who did you vote for?

Meat Man:
For what?

Reporter:
The President.

Meat Man:
Of what?

Reporter:
The United States.

Meat Man:
Of what?

Reporter:
Of America.

Meat Man:
What America?

Reporter:
North America.

Meat Man:
Naw slick, I don't vote. You wanna buy some of this meat or what?

Debra Lassiter:
That's exactly what we wanted to talk to you about.

Martin Geller:
We'd like you to run for President.

Mays Gilliam:
Of what?

Martin Geller:
The United States.

Mays Gilliam:
Of what?

Martin Geller:
Of America.

Mays Gilliam:
Which America?

Debra Lassiter:
North... America, Mays.

Mays Gilliam:
Get out of here.

Mays Gilliam - "That ain't right!!"