Heartbeat

Vince O'Brien:
I'll turn over a new leaf.

Dawn Bellamy:
Oh yeah? A leopard never changes its socks, Vince.

Vince O'Brien:
[disdainfully] Spots.

Dawn Bellamy:
[bewildered] Eh?

[David has promised Dawn that he will help her run a hot-dog van at the football match, but Peggy wants him to help her sell baked potatoes there instead]

Peggy Armstrong:
Blood is thicker than water.

Dawn Bellamy:
David is *not* thick!

[PC Younger has been examining some German pornography that has been seized by the police, and is now reporting his findings to Sgt Miller]

PC Geoff Younger:
[reading from his notebook] It contains "ten buttocks - female, eight buttocks - male and thirty-seven bosoms - female".

Sergeant George Miller:
Thirty-seven?

PC Geoff Younger:
Oh, I must have missed one.

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
It's like being back in the Army, isn't it?

Sergeant Oscar Blaketon:
Did you make it as far as India, Greengrass?

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
I know what you're insinuating, and the answer's no!

Sergeant Oscar Blaketon:
[a hut full of weapons is about to explode] If my memory serves me right, Rowen, this is where we find a big rock and hide behind it!

Gina Ward:
[looking at the Aidensfield Arms for the first time] Bloody Hell!

Dr. Tricia Summerbee:
[sitting in a car with Mike watching a number of people board a coach outside the Aidensfield Arms] What's all this?

PC Mike Bradley:
The band are off to Morcom. Some big parade tomorrow. Are you sure you won't pop in? It's just uh, I've got to have a word with Gina.

Dr. Tricia Summerbee:
No I'm really tired. Enjoy your pint.

PC Mike Bradley:
Yeah. [they kiss]

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
[arrives at the Police Station] Morning. Sorry I'm late. Oh good, Sarge not in yet then?

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[exiting his office] Yes I am Nicholson! Have been for some time!

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
Sorry I'm late Sarge. The reason was...

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
Save it. Armed robbery yesterday in the Midlands. Wager snatch. Security guard's been shot. He's on the critical list. West Midlands Police think an Asfordly man may have been involved. James Arthur Sutton?

PC Alf Ventress:
Jimmy Sutton? He's still inside isn't he?

PC Phil Bellamy:
He got nine months for car theft.

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
Released last week apparently. It's not certain yet he was involved, but we've been asked as a matter of urgency to check on his whereabouts.

Vernon Scripps:
[calls to Tom and Phil whilst having a drink in the Aidensfield Arms] Hey lads! Nicked anyone for car tax lately?

[laughs]

PC Phil Bellamy:
What's he so pleased about?

Gina Ward:
His latest venture. He's managing the Brass band.

PC Phil Bellamy:
He won't make much run in one of those. Money's all in pop groups today.

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
I love Brass bands.

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
I was wondering Alf, it's my Birthday tomorrow. It's my 21st actually. I was just wondering, if you fancied a pint. Perhaps a game of Dominoes or something?

PC Alf Ventress:
Tomorrow? Sorry Tom I can't. I wish I could.

Jimmy Sutton:
[concerned] The robbery was on the wireless, and on the telly.

Terry Machin:
[calmly] Well keep your head down then.

Jimmy Sutton:
[more concerned] A security guard's on the critical list. If he dies, it's murder!

PC Mike Bradley:
[on the radio] Delta Alpha 24 to control.

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[into the radio] Go ahead Mike.

PC Mike Bradley:
[on the radio] Ambulance required urgently on the road through Ashfordly Estate. Phil's been shot, Tom's been taken hostage by Machin and Sutton. They're in a stolen Ford Zefa.

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[into the radio] Understood Mike. We'll organize road blocks, assistance is on its way.

[at the disused airfield, the firearmed officers have the area surrounded]

Jimmy Sutton:
[after loading the money onto the plane] It's no good sir, it's just the two seater and we both can't get on!

Terry Machin:
[calmly] Oh dear what a shame.

Jimmy Sutton:
[realizing] You've set this up! YOU'VE USED ME!

Terry Machin:
[points the gun at Jimmy] Good boy Jimmy!

[the firearmed officers arrive and surround the disused airfield]

Jimmy Sutton:
Cops! We've had it!

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
Give yourselves up!

Terry Machin:
[pointing a gun at Tom] Ah, as we've got you...

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[running forwards with Mike] What do they think they're doing charging in like that?

Terry Machin:
[holding Tom at gunpoint] GET BACK! OR HE GETS IT! I MEAN IT!

Jimmy Sutton:
They're gonna shoot us!

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[to the armed officers] GET THOSE GUNS DOWN! [Machin turns around to face Merton] DO NOTHING TO RISK THE SAFETY OF MY OFFICER!

Terry Machin:
[holding Tom at gunpoint] Right this is your big moment. You tell your mates to stay put while we get on the plane.

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
Don't worry about me! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY SERGEANT!

Terry Machin:
[to Tom] WHAT DID I TELL YA?

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
I can't risk his life. Especially in this light. IT'S ALRIGHT MACHIN! WE CAN SEE THE POSITION! WE'RE NOT GOING TO SHOOT! [the armed officers lower their guns]

Jimmy Sutton:
ALRIGHT LET'S GO!

Terry Machin:
Right, what did I tell ya? Get the money on board.

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
The plane's quite small. They'll release Tom once they're aboard. We'll let the Air Traffic Authorities deal with this once they're away.

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
[seizes the gun Machin is holding] No! Don't shoot him!

[Tom wrestles Machin away from the plane]

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[as Machin pushes Tom over] HOLD IT THERE MACHIN!

Terry Machin:
[points his gun at Merton] Don't even think about it!

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
[gets up and seizes the gun] DROP IT!

[Machin wrestles Tom and shoots him]

PC Mike Bradley:
Tom...

[Machin drops the gun and runs away. Merton runs over to Tom and Mike chases Machine]

PC Mike Bradley:
[shouts] MACHIN!

[Mike slams Machin to the ground and arrests him]

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[checking Tom's neck pulse] Oh God no.

[last lines]

Sergeant Dennis Merton:
[standing on a platform in the church at Tom's funeral] The first duty of a policeman, is the protection of life. Tom paid the ultimate price for carrying out that duty. His selfless action protected the lives of others, including my own. He was tragically struck down on the very day he came of age. That day Tom came of age in every sense. He proved himself a man, a man his colleages are fiercely proud and privillaged to have known. Tom took great pleasure in the music of Brass bands. Join together now, as they lead us in his favourite hymn.

[the Brass band start playing "Amazing Grace" and the people of Aidensfield start singing]

Oscar Blaketon:
Is this one of you get-rich-quick-schemes?

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
No, this is one of my get-very-rich-very-quick-schemes.

[Sergeant Craddock has just been giving Greengrass a hard time over a racing bike he had removed from a scene of a crime]

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
Come back, Blaketon!

[a large number of sheep run through the charity fair]

Sergeant Oscar Blaketon:
I'll have you for this, Greengrass!

Vernon Scripps:
Oh, there you are David. We've got a problem.

Bernard 'Bernie' Scripps:
That makes a change.

[PC Younger has uncovered a "strawberry thief" by painting the berries]

Rosie Cartwright:
And you all owe Geoff a pint as well as an apology.

Matt Cartwright:
Why?

Rosie Cartwright:
Well he still caught them.

Gina Ward:
Yeah. Red handed.

PC Geoff Younger:
[alone in a strawberry field in the middle of the night dressed up as a scarecrow] Hello? Is anybody there?

PC Geoff Younger:
[a little louder] Hello? Is anybody there?

[Tries to get down]

PC Geoff Younger:
HELP! HELP ME!

Eileen Reynolds:
I love a room with books!

Vernon Scripps:
I get some of my best ideas in pubs and last night was no exception.

Bernard 'Bernie' Scripps:
Oh no.

[PC Nicholson has just stepped on some horse droppings]

PC Phil Bellamy:
[laughing] You're always putting your foot in, you.

[to a group of angry farmers one of whom may have written a warning on the wall of Ashfordly police station using red paint]

Probationary PC Tom Nicholson:
You should be going to Ashfordly and paint the town red.

PC Rob Walker:
I'm trying to establish whether this man Stainsby is genuine or not. But it's one hell of a problem for them if he is.

Dr. Helen Trent:
You are keeping an eye on them, aren't you? Ernie's got a heart condition. It's very... A shock like this could kill him.

PC Rob Walker:
Well that could solve the problem at a stroke.

[lots of golf balls fall out from Greengrass's coat when he stands up after telling Blaketon he has no golf balls left]

Oscar Blaketon:
[sarcastically] Oh, he's got a hole in one!

[Sergeant Blaketon shows some mouse droppings he has found at the police station to Rowan, Bellamy and Ventress]

Oscar Blaketon:
What attracts mice?

PC Phil Bellamy:
Lady mice?

PC Alf Ventress:
We'll still hope you'll give us the time a day when you become Chief Constable.

PC:
Well as long as you smarten yourself up Alf.

PC Phil Bellamy:
No chances of that.

PC Alf Ventress:
We still hope you'll give us the time a day when you become chief constable

PC:
Well as long as you smarten yourself up Alf

PC Phil Bellamy:
No chances of that!

Vernon Scripps:
Avanti!

Vernon Scripps:
Bernard, I've been thinking!

Bernard 'Bernie' Scripps:
Yes that's what I've been worrying about

Sergeant Oscar Blaketon:
[Nick has arrested a drug dealer at a wedding recption he and Kate had been invited to] I thought you were off duty.

PC Nick Rowan:
What was the first thing you said to me when I came here?

Sergeant Oscar Blaketon:
Go on, remind me.

PC Nick Rowan:
If you're here, you're on duty.

[at the railway station, Johnno has picked up the wrong parcel - the one containing Dawn's birthday presents]

Danny Riggs:
[holding up the contents of the parcel] What d'you call this?

Johnno Hartson:
That's a frock and that's a bottle of Babycham.

Danny Riggs:
And how am I supposed to blow a safe with a frock and Babycham?

Dawn Bellamy:
[excited] Right, you're going to take me to Ashfordly to pick up my fancy dress costume.

David Stockwell:
What, now?

Dawn Bellamy:
Yes! It's my birthday, David. You *have* to do what I want.

David Stockwell:
I don't know how that's different from every other day.

[Bellamy arrives at the scene of the crash on the moors]

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
Summat's happened to Oscar! Get an ambulance!

[in the ambulance taking Greengrass and Oscar to hospital]

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
Is he waking up? Just make a note - it was me that saved you.

[Oscar closes his eyes]

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
Don't die on me now after all that lot, Oscar. Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!

PC Phil Bellamy:
[imitating Sergeant Blaketon] Never believe a single word that Claude Jeremiah Greengrass...

[Blaketon appears]

[a Polish man is playing very mournful music on the pub piano. Oscar and the pub's regulars look bored stiff]

Oscar Blaketon:
Can you manage on your own for a bit?

Dawn Bellamy:
Why? Where are you going?

Oscar Blaketon:
Down to the cellar to see if the rats have jumped ship.

Vernon Scripps:
According to my book of etiquette, James, chauffeurs are addressed by their surnames, not their Christian names. How do you feel about that?

James Darling:
Whatever you prefer, sir.

Vernon Scripps:
So, what's your surname?

James Darling:
Darling, sir.

Claude Jeremiah Greengrass:
Who's the kid? Hope she can sing! [Charlotte Church then starts singing Ave Maria]

[Alf was attacked by a gang of armed robbers but has managed to escape]

Oscar Blaketon:
Are you all right?

Alf Ventress:
A bit winded, that's all. A quick karate chop to get away - five years in the Commandos taught me that. And when you're in trouble, just lie doggo - thirty years of marriage to Mrs. Ventress taught me that.

Steve Adams:
Hey [pinches her bum]

Gina Ward:
Ouch! Oi. Don't do that.

Steve Adams:
Sorry.

Vernon Scripps:
I used to do a little boxing myself you know.

Jeremy Purves:
I thought so.

Vernon Scripps:
Oh, what made you think that?

Jeremy Purves:
The face, really.

Lol:
[after handing Harrison a dice] Throw one, two, three, four or five and I'll give you a good hiding, right?

Rex Hawkins:
Wh-what happens if I throw a six?

Lol:
It's Christmas isn't it? If you throw a six you get to throw again.

[Dawn has seen Joe Mason and Rachel Dawson kissing]

Oscar Blaketon:
What's the police force coming to? In my day, constables didn't go round *kissing* their sergeants.

Gina Bellamy:
Well if you were the sergeant, Oscar, I'm hardly surprised.

Sergeant Dennis Iain Merton:
[referring to an encounter with David Stockwell] Did a man just drive up with a mouse called George, talk rubbish for ten seconds, then go away again?

Jenny Latimer:
He did. And we didn't even ask him where we are.