Heartbreakers

Jack Withrowe:
Hi, can I get you a drink?

Page Conners:
Wow! I've never heard that one before. You really blow me away with your creativity.

Jack Withrowe:
Well I...

Page Conners:
Well I... uh... you're recovery's even better! Do you even care at all who I am? I mean, I could be the Antichrist or have the intelligence of a thermos but unfortunately those are not the matters the male penis ponders. So please... tell me. Why did you walk all the way over here to ask to get me a drink?

Jack Withrowe:
Well... because... I'm the bartender.

Max Conners:
We have a b*tch alert!

Jack's Mother:
Uh, what it is you do, Mr. Staggliano?

Vinny Staggliano:
College professor.

Jack's Mother:
Oh! Uh, what do you teach?

Vinny Staggliano:
College stuff. What are you, a f***ing cop?

Vinny Staggliano:
No more conning! No more! If you're gonna be my wife, you're gonna live a respectable life, chopping cars!

Jack Withrowe:
My Car doesn't drive so well, with a tree in it.

William B. Tensy:
I love a woman who eats raw meat.

Ulga:
So much loveness. Can we not go somewhere I can relate to you... orally?

William B. Tensy:
Oh, terribly sorry.

William B. Tensy:
Nazi...

Max Conners:
How do I look?

Page Conners:
If I were a guy, I'd do you!

Page Conners:
There's no love, it's the trick of the brain, it's the combination of chemicals and hormones.

Dean:
Marry me... again.

Max Conners:
He doesn't look so bad in this light.

Page Conners:
Oh, yeah. His liver spots are positively glowing.

Page Conners:
You spy on people humping in boats? That's so perverted.

Jack Withrowe:
No, I look at stars.

Page Conners:
Look, just because they're famous doesn't mean they don't deserve their privacy too. Who ya got?

Jack Withrowe:
The stars up there.

Page Conners:
You mean you come all the way out here to stare at space and sh*t?

Jack Withrowe:
No, I come out here to get awaty from the lights of the city so I can SEE the space and sh*t.

Max Conners:
I am in terrific shape. Feel my butt!

Page Conners:
uh, I am not feeling your butt again, mother! We all know it's wonderful.

Dean:
Do you have any idea how much therapy you people need?

Page Conners:
May I grab your nuts?

Wendy:
Is it hard?

Dean:
What?

Wendy:
Getting married.

Jack Withrowe:
Look I'm willing to explore the whole being dominated thing, OK? But let's just take it slow.

Max Conners:
Wait by the phone. Timing on this is crucial.

Page Conners:
Duh!

Page Conners:
...Always treating me like a child...

Max Conners:
Child.

Max Conners:
I'll protect her.

Dean:
From what? From love?

Max Conners:
From pain.

Dean:
Love is Pain. Life is pain, you can't protect anybody from it. It's always gonna getcha. But sometimes life could also be good. But you gotta be open. You gotta takes chances. You gotta let go!

Page Conners:
I'll have to kiss that?

Max Conners:
I'll have to kiss that way more than you.

Page Conners:
Maybe you're into necrofilia.

Page Conners:
Why can't we pick someone kinda cute?

Max Conners:
Dean was kinda cute.

Page Conners:
You're in serious denial.

Max Conners:
Cute is dangerous. Cute leads to feeling, which leads to screwing, which leads to screwed.