Hellboy

Hellboy:
Didn't I kill you already?

Abe Sapien:
Listen, I'm not much of a problem solver. Three decades... and I've only completed two sides.

Abe Sapien:
Remind me why I do this again.

Hellboy:
Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind.

Abe Sapien:
Ah!

Tom Manning:
Let me tell you - let me tell you something about the Bureau of...

Television Host:
Paranormal Research and Defense.

Tom Manning:
...of Paranormal Research and Defense: there is no such thing.

Hellboy:
she took his picture. DAMN. She took his picture. She took his picture.

Hellboy:
I wish I could do something about this. But I can't. But I can promise you two things. One: I'll always look this good.

Hellboy:
Two: I'll never give up on you... ever.

Liz Sherman:
I like that.

Hellboy:
Good.

Hellboy:
Second date, no tongue!

Liz Sherman:
Sparky to Big Red...

Hellboy:
Sparky? Who came up with that? Myers?

John Myers:
Are you going to be... okay? Alone?

Hellboy:
How big can it be?

Liz Sherman:
Red, white, whatever. Guys are all the same.

Tom Manning:
Have you found them yet?

Hellboy:
I got 'em right below me. Matter of minutes.

Tom Manning:
Okay, good. Could you hurry up, because it's a... it's a little spooky in here.

Grigori Rasputin:
He disclosed to me the child's true name. Would you like to know it?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
I already know what to call him. I call him "son".

Sgt. Whitman:
You're wasting our time, there's nothing on this island but sheep and rocks!

Young 'Broom':
They must be here for the sheep.

Ilsa:
Hell will hold no surprises for us.

Hellboy:
I'm fireproof, you're not.

Hellboy:
Liz?

Liz Sherman:
Some things never change

Hellboy:
LIZ!

Hellboy:
You did it buddy! You DID IT!

Hellboy:
Myers? Pop?

Hellboy:
YOU DAMNED MONSTER!

Hellboy:
IT'S FOR YOU!

Hellboy:
Hurts, doesn't it? You shouldn't hurt PEOPLE!

Hellboy:
Hey Myers, you're a talker. What's a good word, a solid word for "need"?

John Myers:
Well, "need" is a good, solid word.

Hellboy:
Nah. Too needy.

Liz Sherman:
In the dark I heard your voice, what did you say?

Hellboy:
I said, "Hey, you on the other side. Let her Go. Cause for her, I'll cross over, and when that happens you'll be sorry."

Hellboy:
Aw, crap.

Hellboy:
Red means stop!

Hellboy:
This is Ivan Klimatovich. Say hi, Ivan.

Hellboy:
Look, Sammy, I'm not a very good shot...

Hellboy:
...but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets.

Hellboy:
I'm gonna be sore in the morning!

Hellboy:
What landed you this job, pushing "pamcakes"?

Hellboy:
OW! HEY! I'm on your side!

Train Driver:
Huh! Sure!

Hellboy:
You killed my father, your ass is mine!

John Myers:
Did you ever lose track of him?

Hellboy:
Well let's see - there was that moment, when I had the train on top of my head...

Hellboy:
Hey! Stinky!

Hellboy:
Mmmm... nachos!

Abe Sapien:
If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
In the absence of light, darkness prevails. There are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. Make no mistake about that. And we are the ones who bump back.

John Myers:
What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once asked. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he finishes them.

Sgt. Whitman:
Look at the size of that whammer!

Agent Clay:
Seal the doors. Red and Blue are coming in.

John Myers:
Hey, no one goes with him? Jesus.

Abe Sapien:
No. He likes it that way. The whole "lonely hero" thing.

Hellboy:
Open wide!

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
Subject, Karl Ruprecht Kroenen. Born in Munich, 1897. Suffered from a masochistic compulsion commonly known as "surgical addiction". Both eyelids surgically removed, along with his upper and lower lip, making speech impossible. The blood in his veins dried up decades ago. Only dust remains.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
Four broken vertebrae. A steel rod inserted into his pelvis kept him upright... what horrible will could keep such a creature as this alive?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
A 16-century statue was destroyed. Saint Dionysius the Areopagite.

Hellboy:
Who wards off demons.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
The statue, however, was hollow.

Hellboy:
A reliquary?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
A prison. The Vatican thought its occupant dangerous enough to include it on the list of Avignon, of which, by the way, we hold a copy.

Hellboy:
Perfect job for these babies. Made 'em myself. Holy water, clover leaf, silver shavings, white oak... the works.

Tom Manning:
Where are you going?

Hellboy:
To ask for directions.

Hellboy:
Come on, find me a talker...

Grigori Rasputin:
Salt, gathered from the tears of a thousand angels, restraining the essence of Sammael, the Hellhound. The Seed of Destruction. This I can promise, Sammael, for every one of you that falls, two shall arise.

Kid on Rooftop:
Just go down there and tell her how you feel.

Kid on Rooftop:
My mom always says...

Hellboy:
It's not... it's not that easy. Plus, you're nine. You're not old enough to be giving me advice.

Agent Clay:
This doesn't really look like doll's hair! Be honest, what do you think, Red?

Hellboy:
I'm thinking about doing it myself.

Tom Manning:
I have a question. Why is it, in these pictures, pictures of aliens, UFOs, the yeti, Hellboy, why is it they're always out of focus?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
Unique. That is a word you will hear frequently around here.

Hellboy:
I hate those comic books. They never get the eyes right.

John Myers:
My uncle used to say that we like people for their qualities but we love them for their defects.

Tom Manning:
How many escapes already this year? Five?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
He's our guest, not a prisoner!

Tom Manning:
Yeah, but your guest is bright red, 6-foot-5 and government funded.

Abe Sapien:
You've been burned by some kind of organic acid.

Hellboy:
I'm lucky that way.

Tom Manning:
How many escapes already this year? Five?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
He's our guest, Tom, not a prisoner!

Tom Manning:
Yeah, but your guest is bright red, 6-foot-5 has a tail and is government funded.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm:
What is it that makes a man a man? Is it his origins, the way things start. Or is it something else, something harder to describe? For me it all began in 1944, classified mission off the coast of Scotland. The Nazis were desperate. Combining science and black magic they intended to upset the balance of the war. I was 28, already a paranormal advisor to President Roosevelt. I could never have suspected that what would transpire that night would not only effect the course of history but change my life forever.

Nazi General:
Five years of construction and research, Grigori. Five years! The Führer doesn't look kindly on failure!

Grigori Rasputin:
There will be no failure, General. I promised Herr Hitler a miracle. I'll deliver one! What I do tonight, can never be undone! I will open a portal, and awaken the Ogdru Jahad - the Seven Gods of Chaos! Our enemies shall be destroyed, and from the ashes...a new Eden will arise.

Abe Sapien:
Behind this door — a dark entity, evil, ancient, and hungry.

Hellboy:
Oh, well. Let me go in and say "Hi".

John Myers:
(About Sammael) What the hell is that thing?!

Hellboy:
Aw, crap! (Peels off a tentacle latched to his arm) Let me go ask.

Hellboy [being hit on the head with a fire extinguisher]:
Hey! I'm on your side!

Train conductor:
Sure! [hits him on the head again]

Professor Broom:
In medieval stories, there is often a young knight who is inexperienced, but pure of heart.

John Myers:
Oh, come on. I am not pure of heart.

Abe Sapien:
(who's psychic) Yes, you are.

Professor Broom:
Rasputin is back for him. What I'm asking of you is to have the courage to stand by him when I am gone. He was born a demon; we can't change that. But you will help him, in essence, to become a man.

John Myers:
Miss Sherman? Can I call you Liz? It's a beautiful name.

Liz Sherman:
60 percent of the women in the world are named Liz.

John Myers:
Well, it's impressive by my standards. My name's John. John T. Myers. Dr. Broom asked me to invite you back to the Bureau.

Hellboy:
This is Ivan Klimatovich. Say hi, Ivan.

Ivan Klimatovich:
(In Russian) Go that way, Red Monkey!

Hellboy:
(Carrying the torso of the re-animated corpse over his shoulder) How you doing back there, Ivan?

Ivan Klimatovich:
(In Russian) If I still had legs, I'd kick your ass!

Hellboy:
(To fellow agent) Could you hold this guy for a while? He is so negative.

Professor Broom:
(Talking to John Myers about the history of Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense) 1937: Hitler joins the Thule Society, a group of German aristocrats obsessed with the occult. In 1938, he acquired the spear of Longinus, which pierced the side of Christ. He who holds it becomes invincible. Hitler's power increases tenfold. 1943: President Roosevelt decides to fight back. The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense is born. 1958: the Occult Wars finally come to an end with the death of Adolf Hitler.

John Myers:
(Stops walking for a moment, pausing in thought) 1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45.

Professor Broom:
(Amused) Did he now?

John Myers:
[Enters the library] Hello?

[Myers looks around the library until he hears Abe's voice inside the tank.]

Abe Sapien:
Turn the pages, please. If you don't mind.

[Myers stares inside the tank until Abe swims up in front of the glass and presses his hand on it, surprising him.]

Abe Sapien:
Please. [Gestures to the books] The pages.

John Myers:
[Glances at the books, then looks at Abe] These? You're reading these?

Professor Broom:
[From behind Myers] Four books at once– [Myers turns to him] –every day. As long as I'm there to turn the pages. [Approaches Myers] My name's Broom. Professor Trevor Broom.

[Broom and Myers shake hands.]

John Myers:
Sir, I'm John–

Abe Sapien:
[Presses his hand on the glass] Agent John T. Myers, Kansas City, '76. T stands for Thaddeus, mother's older brother. Scar on your chin happened when you were ten. You still wonder if it's ever going to fade away.

John Myers:
[Touches the scar on his chin, to Broom] How did it–?

Professor Broom:
He. [Chuckles] Not 'it'. Abraham Sapien. Discovered alive in a secret chamber of St. Trinian's Foundling Hospital, Washington. His name was taken from his little inscription stuck to the side of his tank. [Points to the small piece of antique paper, framed on the wall, with his cane]

John Myers:
[Reads] "Icthyo Sapiens. April 14, 1865".

Professor Broom:
[Pulls down the bottom of the pneumatic tube] The day that Abraham Lincoln died. Hence "Abe Sapien." [Uses a pair of tongs to pick up two rotten eggs that are on the silver plate]

John Myers:
[Disgusted by the rotten eggs on the silver plate] Ugh.

Professor Broom:
Rotten eggs. [Puts the two rotten eggs in the pneumatic tube, then pushes up the bottom] A delicacy. Abe loves them.

[A vacuum sucks the two eggs into the tank. Abe catches the two eggs and eats them.]

John Myers:
How does he know so much about me?

Professor Broom:
[Turns the pages on the books] Abe possesses a unique frontal lobe. Unique. That's a word you'll hear frequently around here.

John Myers:
Sir, where am I, exactly?

Professor Broom:
As you entered the lobby, there was an inscription: "In the absence of light, darkness prevails." There are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. Make no mistake about that. And we are the ones who bump back.

[Clay pushes the cart of food into Hellboy's room, with Myers following behind.]

Agent Clay:
He gets fed six times a day. He's got a thing for cats. You'll be his nanny, his keeper, his best friend. He never goes out unsupervised.

John Myers:
Who?

[Clay picks up the Hellboy comic book and gives it to Myers. Myers takes it and looks at it.]

Hellboy:
I hate those comic books.

[Myers looks up to see Hellboy smoking a cigar and exercising with a 300 lb. Stainless steel Dumbell.]

Hellboy:
They never get the eyes right.

John Myers:
[Looks at the comic book, then at Hellboy] Hellboy. He's real.

Agent Clay:
Yeah, sixty years old, by our count, but, uh, he doesn't age like we do. Think reverse dog years. He's barely out of his twenties.

Hellboy:
What's with the hair, Clay? Finally got them implants, huh?

Agent Clay:
[Laughs uncomfortably] It'll– It'll fill in. [Feels his hair]

Hellboy:
Who's the squirt?.

Agent Clay:
Agent Myers is your new liaison.

Hellboy:
[Drops the dumbell] I don't want him. What, you get tired of me, Clay? [Picks up his lighter and uses it to light his cigar]

Agent Clay:
[Whispers to Myers] The candy. Give him the candy.

John Myers:
Oh, uh. Sir, I, uh, I have these. For you. [Holds up the two Baby Ruth bars]

Hellboy:
Father's back? [Clay nods] He's still angry?

Agent Clay:
[Normal voice] Well, you did break out.

Hellboy:
Ah, I wanted to see her. Nobody's business. [Uses his lighter to light his cigar again]

Agent Clay:
It is. You got yourself on TV again.

Hellboy:
Myers, huh? You got a first name, Myers?

Agent Clay:
[To Myers] Try not to stare. He hates it when people stare.

John Myers:
[Closes his eyes, to Hellboy] John. Uh, John Myers. [Opens his eyes] Well, John'll do. [To Clay] Stare at what?

Agent Clay:
His horns. He files them to fit in.

[Hellboy approaches Myers and Clay. He takes the Baby Ruth from Myers. Myers stares at Hellboy's horn stumps.]

Hellboy:
[Notices Myers staring at his horn stumps] What you looking at, John?

John Myers:
Uh– Oh, no, no, no. Uh, nothing. Uh, n– Nothing at all.

[Hellboy, Myers, and Clay hear a siren blaring. They turn to see the siren.]

Female voice:
Code red.

Hellboy:
Hey, hey, hey.

Female voice:
Warning: Code red.

Hellboy:
[Turns to Myers] They're playing our song. Come on, champ. [Pats Myers on the chest] Let's go fight some monsters.

[Hellboy and Clay head out, while Myers stands bewildered.]

Hellboy:

Tom Manning:
Every time the media gets a look at him, they come running to me. I'm running out of lies, Trevor.

Professor Broom:
I thought you liked being on television.

Tom Manning:
I do. [lights a cigar] So, how many escapes, this year alone? Five?

Professor Broom:
Tom, he's our guest, not a prisoner.

Tom Manning:
Yeah, well, your "guest" happens to be six-foot-five, bright red, has a tail, and is government funded.

Hellboy:
[To Sammael] Listen, Sammy, I'm not a very good shot, but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets. So what do you say we work this out in a nice, peaceful–? [Sammael runs off] Oh, crap.

Hellboy:
Waiting for me, chunk-face?

Hellboy:
[Breaking Sammael's lower jaw] OPEN WIDE!

Hellboy:
Didn't I kill you already? You goddamned monster!

Hellboy:
You missed!

Hellboy:
How big can it be?

Hellboy:
Damn! Would you please be a little more careful?

Hellboy:
[While beating Sammael with a payphone he had ripped off a wall] It's for you! You shouldn't– hurt– people!

Hellboy:
[Watching Meyers and Liz] No cream and milk, moron. She takes it black. Told ya! Wait, she took his picture! DAMN!

Hellboy:
It's not– It's not what you think. Plus, you're nine. You're too young to be giving me advice.

Hellboy:
[Grigori Rasputin: What have you done?] [Stabs Rasputin in the stomach with one of his horns] I chose.

Hellboy:
[Liz Sherman: In the dark, I heard your voice, what did you say?] I said, "Hey, you on the other side – let her go. Because for her, I will cross over, and then you'll be sorry."

Fbi Agent John Myers:
Hellboy– He's real!

Fbi Agent John Myers:
Are you gonna be okay? Alone?

Fbi Agent John Myers:
Remember who you are! [Throws Hellboy the rosary]

Liz Sherman:
I'm learning to control it. I'm learning where it comes from. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid.

Liz Sherman:
I don't like the term firestarter. I just don't.

Liz Sherman:
[To John as she ignites her powers] You should be running.

Trevor Bruttenholm:
What is it that makes a man a man? Is it his origins – the way things start? Or is it something else, something harder to describe?

Trevor Bruttenholm:
The Nazis were desperate. Combining science and black magic, they intended to upset the balance of the war.

Trevor Bruttenholm:
[Narrating] There we were, an unready father for an unwanted child. The boys gave him a name that very night. In retrospect, perhaps not the most fortunate. But nevertheless, a name we all came to use. We called him Hellboy.

Trevor Bruttenholm:
[Last words] I know what to call him. Nothing you can do or say can change that. I call him "son". [Puts his rosary on the book] I'm ready. [Grigori Rasputin: [Puts his hand on Broom's shoulder] It'll be quick.] [Rasputin walks away. Kroenen aims his arm blade at the back of Broom's neck and stabs it. Broom collapses to the floor dead]

Ivan Klimatovich:
[Last words, in Russian] I was better off dead!