Hesher

Hesher:
Do you think she shaves her p*ssy?

Hesher:
You gonna try and f*** her?

T.J.:
No.

Hesher:
Well that's good? Cus' can't f*** her from here dude. Gotta be way closer.

Hesher:
Dude if you wanna poke her, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't be ashamed. Human beings have been poking vagina for hundreds of years. Longer probably. Bro! Seriously there's nothing wrong with wantin' some p*ssy!

T.J.:
Just leave me alone.

Hesher:
Alright I'll go but um, on one condition.

[Hesher Farts, Then Leaves]

Mrs. Rosowski:
Life is like walking in the rain... you can hide and take cover or you can just get wet.

Hesher:
Where's the laundry room?

T.J.:
My dad's gonna be home soon

Hesher:
Where's the laundry room?

T.J.:
Why?

Hesher:
Have you ever been skull-f***ed?

T.J.:
No

Hesher:
Would you like to be?

Hesher:
You lost your wife. And you lost your mom. I lost my nut.

Hesher:
I pulled this gas tank from an old Chevy. I wanted to blow it up, so I did. What I didn't think about was all the little bits of metal that were going to fly out in every direction. I almost killed myself. I woke up in this hospital and this doctor was like, "Son..." and I said "Don't call me son, you f***ing c*nt." And he was like, "You blew off your nut." pause I just lost my nut, like that. I went f***ing crazy. I assaulted a nurse or a doctor, I don't really remember. I got arrested. I went to juvee. All I could think about was my f***ing nut, man. I'm missing a nut. What am I going to do? I had to go looking for it, right? So I busted out of juvee and I went searching. I couldn't find my nut. pause Well, there was this one night I was sitting there and I was taking a sh*t and I was looking at my balls and I was staring at this little piece of flabby sack where my left nut used to be. And then I saw my right nut for the first time. I was like F*** MAN, MY NUT! Look I have one, I still have a nut. Right? It's a good nut, it works. God or the f***ing devil or whoever the f*** it is you know he left me with one good nut. I still have a f***ing nut and it works. And my f***ing dick works too. pause Okay, you lost your wife. And you lost your mom. I lost my nut.

Nicole:
What did I do to deserve this chain reaction of sh*t all the time?