Hey Arnold!

Helga:
[From the intro] Move it, football head!

[Censored Line as he is about to be denied entry of the Tunnel of Love]

Sid:
What, because I'm short means I can't get no action!

[repeated line]

'Big' Bob Pataki:
[scolding] Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey!

[repeated line, usually after Helga screams so loud because she's afraid her secret is going to get out]

Arnold:
Did you hear something?

Gerald:
No, I didn't hear anything.

Arnold:
There is no way we're calling our go-cart the Mauve Avenger.

[next frame]

Arnold:
I can't believe we called our go-cart the Mauve Avenger.

Giuseppe:
[Inner thoughts before race] When I get-a home, I'm-a gonna have a big-a pizza.

[Mocking Big Bob, bowing theatrically]

Helga:
All hail the Beeper King!

Miriam Pataki:
I have to go work. Somewhere.

Grandpa:
Sounds like young Arnold's got another one of his complex labyrinthine conundrums of a boyhood problem.

[as Harold and Rhonda are assigned to partner up taking care of an "egg baby"]

Harold:
Oh, come on, Rhonda, I know you like me!

Rhonda:
[nervously] What makes you think that?

Harold:
Remember that time at the Cheese Festival...

Rhonda:
[claps a hand over Harold's mouth] I thought I told you *never* to mention that night again!

[the kids are thinking of ideas for something to do]

Curly:
I say we paint ourselves with tiger stripes, and go free all the animals in the zoo!

Helga:
[sarcastically] Fine, Curly. We'll meet you there in an hour.

Curly:
[runs away cackling]

Helga:
Poor twisted little freak.

Gerald:
Wanna go throw rocks at Helga throwing rocks at a dumpster?

Arnold:
Sure.

Arnold:
It's not insurmountable.

Gerald:
Insurmountable? Man, you read too much.

[Harold gets hit with a baseball]

Harold Berman:
Easy squeezy lemon peasy.

Sid:
Ahh! It's Wheezin' Ed and... some other guy!

[about riding the subway]

Gerald:
Sun goes down, stay above ground.

Helga:
There is no way I'm taking the subway.

[next frame]

Helga:
I can't believe I'm taking the subway.

Helga:
[after weasling out of paying a dinner bill] There is no way I'm gonna go back in there, tell them the truth, and wind up washing dishes.

[next frame]

Helga:
I can't believe I told them the truth, and I wound up washing dishes.

Phoebe:
Well, I suppose the only solution would be to tell the manager the truth.

[pause]

Helga:
That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my entire life!

Lawyer:
[going over Dino Spamoni's will] My house and money will all go to my most recent ex-wife Candy.

Candy:
YESSSSS!

Charlie:
can we go home now?

Candy:
IN A MINUTE!

[Reading Dino Spumoni's Will]

Executor:
"And I leave my extensive collection of paintings to be equally divided among my five ex-wives-except Bunny, who gets jack-squat."

Bunny:
Aw, nuts! Take me home, Chooch!

Oskar Kokosha:
[about to bet Arnold's CD player during a poker game] Don't worry, Arnold, there's no way I can lose.

[next frame]

Oskar Kokosha:
I can't believe I lost.

Oskar Kokosha:
You keep the money.

Stinky Petersen:
[singing] She's like a flower blossom!

Sid:
[singing] I know it's wicked awesome!

Arnold:
[singing to music from Carmen] My name's Don Arnold... please have a caramel / Your hair is lovely - do you like my pants? / They're made of satin, the cape's pure Latin - I had it tailored in the south of France! /

Chorus:
The south of France - your satin pants / Why don't you ask the lady for a dance?

Stinky Petersen:
It's time for your decision!

Sid:
It's almost intermission!

[after Grandpa Phil gave him advice]

Arnold:
Thanks, Grandpa.

Grandpa Phil:
Sure, Arnold, anytime... Except next Wednesday at 3:30. I'm having a wart removed then.

Sid:
[to Curly, dressed as a dead bride] I can't believe you'd pull such a dirty trick!

Eugene Horowitz:
I can't believe how nice you look in that dress!

[Grandpa believes he has died]

Grandpa:
Well, that's it. I must be in heaven. Oh, no! Oskar's here! This must be the other place!

The Jolly Olly Man:
Haven't you ever heard of supply and demand?

Helga:
Well, I demand that you supply me with some ice cream, before I knock your teeth out!

Grandma:
I've got a husband, a grandson, and a boarding house full of people to be responsible for.

Arnold:
[to himself] This heat's so crazy it's got Grandma acting normal.

[the residents are moaning about the furnace breaking]

Grandpa:
You call this cold? You should have been here in the winter of 49!

Mr Hyunh:
I don't care, I was in Vietnam in 1949... plus I was not born yet!

Neighborhood Kids:
No ice cream no peace! No ice cream no peace! No ice cream no peace!

Fighting Families Host:
[after a scuffle amongst one another in Arnold's team, he approaches Arnold during a break] Not now, kid. We just went to a commercial. And look, I know this show is called "Fighting Families," but you're supposed to be fighting the "other" family! Understand?

Arnold Skelter:
You set a beautiful table, my fair senorita.

Miss Felter:
Muchas gracias.

Arnold Skelter:
Aw, enchilada.

Helga:
I am too a girl. I'm pretty. I'm feminine. I'm delicate.

[Helga bumps into someone]

Man:
Oh, excuse me young man.

Helga:
I'm a girl!

[Helga is doing stand-up in the school juice bar]

Helga:
My first impression is someone we all know. It's the first voice you hear in the morning, and it goes something like this:

[imitating Principal Wartz]

Helga:
"Attention, students of P.S. 118, I have an important announcement. Henceforth, all lunch-related activities shall be conducted during the lunchtime period."

[normal voice]

Helga:
Whoo, thanks for clearing *that* up, Principal Wartz.

Arnold:
Brainy? What are you doing here?

Brainy:
Um.

[wheeze]

Brainy:
Something.

Arnold:
Wanna go on the tilt-a-whirl?

Lila:
Well, to be perfectly honest, I sometimes get a little... queasy on the big rides.

Arnold:
Don't worry. The ride goes nice and slow. You'll be fine.

Lila:
Okay, Arnold. If you say so. [She and Arnold get up and leave]

Helga Pataki:
So, she gets queasy on the big rides. [laughs]

Arnold:
[Getting onto the tilt-a-whirl] You're gonna love this ride, Lila. it goes really slow and easy. [the ride starts slowly]

Helga Pataki:
[Walks up to the controller] Hey, mister, some of the kids are complaining that the ride's too slow. They say you should crank the speed up to really high.

Tilt-a-whirl Controller:
I told them it was too slow! Up! Crank it up! [Puts the speed all the way up, then laughs maniacally]

Helga Pataki:
[Chuckles and watches Arnold and Lila on the ride]

Lila:
[after a few minutes] Oh, Arnold, I don't feel so good... [Throws up]

Harold Berman:
Wow, you really are crazy. Wanna join our club?

Arnold:
Hey Grandpa, I've got a problem.

Grandpa:
Shoot it at me, short man.

Arnold:
Well, see, there's this big jerk at school, he says he's gonna...

Grandpa:
- says he's gonna beat you up, eh?

Arnold:
Well, yeah.

Grandpa:
Gonna give you 24 hours to dangle, eh?

Arnold:
That's right!

Grandpa:
Big guy, huh? Slow, but with lots of power. Squash you like a bug, eh?

Arnold:
Yeah, yeah! What should I do?

Grandpa:
I have no idea.

Arnold:
I've got to think of something, Grandpa.

Grandpa:
Well, you could skip town. But then you'd have to live the rest of your life in fear, always looking over your shoulder, waiting for... that day. You try reasoning with him? Oh, a moron, eh? Well Arnold, I wish I knew what to tell you. In eighty years I think I've only learned one thing for sure.

Arnold:
What's that?

Grandpa:
Never eat raspberries.

[Grandpa holds his stomach]

Grandpa:
Gotta go!

[Grandpa runs to the bathroom]

DJ Nocturnal Ned:
It's 7:00 on KILL. This one goes out to Arnold, who's going to die in 2 hours, 6 minutes, and 47 seconds, from Helga who hates you.

[Arnold steps up to bat]

Arnold:
Wind's in the east. I should probably shoot for the gap between second and third.

Gerald:
Just try not to get hit, okay?

Arnold:
Yeah, good strategy.

Helga:
Come on, come on.

Harold:
Alright already. Keep your shirt on, Helga. [to others] For all our sakes! [all laugh]

Gerald:
[about the last boat available for a fishing contest] There is no way we're fishing in a swan boat.

[next frame]

Gerald:
I can't believe we're fishing in a swan boat.

Helga:
[Harold has begun to hug her] Get off of me, you big whale!

Harold Berman:
Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.

Caesar:
I never heard of you! Don't call me again!

Mr Hyunh:
This lint is your lint.

[in high pitch voice]

Mr Hyunh:
I'm not your Mother!

Grandma:
Be as the frog in the pond, Arnold.

Teenager:
Give me your purse, Granny!

Grandma:
He can have it. It's just a purse, you know.

[On a hike through the woods]

Big Bob Pataki:
Ugh! It's getting kind of cold. I think I should turn down this air breeze a little...

[Turns knob and it explodes, sending Bob into a tree]

Phoebe:
Are you okay, Mr. Pataki?

Big Bob Pataki:
AM I okay! LOOK AT ME! The food's gone! The air breeze doesn't work! ANd to top it all off- WE'RE LOST!

Helga:
Lost? I thought you knew where we were!

Big Bob Pataki:
I've been lost ever since I saw those signs in Spanish.

[after the pathfinder breaks]

Big Bob Pataki:
Cheap piece of junk. I'll sell thousands.

Arnold:
Hey, leave those kids alone.

Mr. Hyunh:
How big was this punk?

Arnold:
Big.

Mr. Hyunh:
Big punk?

Grandpa:
Oh, simmer down, you hot-headed loony!

Arnold:
What's scat?

Grandpa:
You know, scat. Droppings. Like what you're standing in.

[on a camping trip, Grandpa is showing Arnold and Gerald survival skills. Gerald is eating red berries. Arnold is eating green berries]

Grandpa:
Now, only do this under adult supervision. Red and sweet are good to eat, but I swear by this sonnet, green will make you vomit.

Arnold:
[swallows] I thought it was green and sweet are good to eat.

Grandpa:
No, I've been saying it all morning. Red and sweet. Red and sweet.

Arnold:
Excuse me a minute.

[Arnold runs off screen and vomits]

Grandpa:
[sarcastically] You're vomiting, aren't you, Arnold?

Grandpa:
Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly.

Ernie Potts:
I'm telling you, we could pull this off.

Suzie Kokoshka:
I suppose I could be Mrs. Hyunh for just one night.

Ernie Potts:
And I'll be his brother, Edwin. Arnold will be his son, Grandpa will be his father.

Grandma:
[coming in from the kitchen] And I'll be Mary, Queen of Scots!

Grandpa:
Pookie, you just stay out of the way.

Mr. Camacho:
Who are you?

Grandma:
Why, I'm Mr. Hyunh's sister. And I'm also Mary, Queen of Scots.

[cackles]

Stinky Petersen:
[after he Harold and Sid go "on the lam"] We're as dead as three Turkeys at Thanksgiving Dinner!

Stinky Petersen:
I done fell on my hot sauce and now I got hot pants.

[as they are about go into the Tunnel of Love]

Harold:
I don't want to go into the Tunnel of Love with you Rhonda!

Rhonda:
Oh I know you like me Harold!

[as she grabs him in the ride and as they head off into the Tunnel of Love]

Harold:
NO I DON'T! HELP! HELP!

Gerald Johanssen:
[In Arnold's dream as an old man] Aw this seat's pretty crowded.

Arnold:
[as an old man] Tell me about it, sitting next to you is my worst nightmare!

Gerald Johanssen:
Just the thought of you makes me so mad I could... I could uh? Do you remember why we stopped talking to each other?

Arnold:
Nope I don't

Gerald Johanssen:
Me neither

Arnold:
It was something about school

Gerald Johanssen:
No it wasn't, it was about some stupid baseball game!

Arnold:
It was school!

Gerald Johanssen:
Baseball!

Arnold:
You're an old stubborn fool and you're losing your mind!

Gerald Johanssen:
You smell, you hardly have any of your own teeth, and I never liked you!

Arnold:
The happiest day of my life is when we stopped talking to each other!

Arnold's Grandpa:
[as a rotting zombie speaking in a weak eerie voice] What did I tell you short man! [laughs until his jaw cracks and breaks off]

Nick Vermicelli:
This time I'll be a 50% partner.

'Big' Bob Pataki:
20.

Nick Vermicelli:
40.

'Big' Bob Pataki:
20.

Nick Vermicelli:
30.

'Big' Bob Pataki:
20.

Nick Vermicelli:
Deal.

[as Arnold & Eugene Horowitz are going in a Roller Coaster]

Sid:
He's a goner...

Gerald:
He's a brave boy...

Harold:
He's a saint he gave me his tokens...

Big Bob Pataki:
Remember, we'll beat any advertised price. Unless it's lower.

Grandpa:
[Grandpa is reading out of Arnold's father's journal, an entry describing a volcanic eruption] "It was terrifying and beautiful all at the same time"

[to Grandma]

Grandpa:
kind of like you, Pookie.