Highway to Heaven

Mark Gordon:
Cute, Jonathan. Real cute.

Linda Krock:
One morning he woke up in the castle he built for his wife and he didn't know who he was anymore. Well, his name was Arthur and he lived in a castle, so he figured he must be a king.

Mark Gordon:
King Arthur?

Linda Krock:
He doesn't hurt anyone, he means no harm. He just thinks he's King Arthur, that's all. I mean, as long as you call him "your majesty" and all, things shouldn't get too hectic.

Dr. Bob Halstead:
[Examining the horse Linda has brought in] I wouldn't think a man like your brother would keep a horse this old. You have to love an animal a lot to take care of it this long.

Linda Krock:
He's my father's horse. But you'd treat him even if you thought it was my brother's horse, wouldn't you?

Dr. Bob Halstead:
[Smiling] It's not a horse's fault he has a jackass for a master.

Arthur Krock Sr.:
[Removing his crown and lifting his eyes towards Heaven in prayer] Grant me courage to go out into the world. And never let the jeers of those who will laugh at me drown out the voice of truth you plant in all men. Give me courage to dream dreams, and strength to make them real. And if this be madness, let it only serve Your purpose, and I'll envy no man the world called Sane.

Arthur Krock Sr.:
There was a young boy who wanted a father. He was promised an empire instead. If he can't have the father's love, he means to have the empire.

Jonathan Smith:
[to "The Boss" after "The Boss" has dealt with two hoodlums who tried to shoot Jonathan inside a church] I don't blame you.

Mark Gordon:
The world could sure use a few more like Arnie.

Jonathan Smith:
Well, just use use the ones it's got.

Helen:
[At the cemetery, talking to the tombstone of her late husband] Katie is still at me to move in with her and Stan in Westfield. Can you imagine me in the suburbs, away from Hawthorne Street and the old neighborhood? Away from you? I just wish she'd get pregnant and let me alone.

Crawford:
You knew? How in heaven did you find out?

Mark Gordon:
Exactly.

Mark Gordon:
[to "The Boss" after learning that his wish has been granted] What do you listen to me for?

Mark Gordon:
[voice-over over Dragnet-type music] 5:45 PM. My partner and I were on our way in to turn in our uniforms. My name's Gordon... I carry a badge. His name's Smith... he carries a harp.

Lance Gaylord:
[after learnign that his son Brock has run away] My son had better be all right!

Jonathan Smith:
Your son will be very surprised to learn that you care.

Jonathan Smith:
[to Lance Gaylord] You're a hero to strangers... and a stranger to your own children.

Vinny DeGeralimo:
I don't know how you found me, but you're a Godsend!

Jonathan Smith:
Well, actually, that's the truth.

Mrs. Schtepmutter:
Cindy!

Cindy DeGeralimo:
Hey, hey! You don't have to shout. I ain't deaf, y'know.

Mrs. Schtepmutter:
"Ain't deaf"? You should be flogged at high noon in a public square for the crimes you commit against the language of the Immortal Bard.

Cindy DeGeralimo:
Why can't he just accept me?

Jonathan Smith:
I think most parents have two children: the real one and the one they dream about, the one who isn't going to make the same mistakes they did.

Jonathan Smith:
She doesn't want to be Cinderella; she just wants to be Cindy. But that's not good enough for you.

Vinny DeGeralimo:
I just want her to be happy.

Jonathan Smith:
Then tell her you love her, not some character out of a fairy tale.

Jonathan Smith:
[Stepping from the smoking crater, Adam staring in wonder] That's all right, son, don't be afraid. We're strangers here. We need some help.

Mark Gordon:
Yeah, we crashed in the hole there.

Adam:
Are you... from up there?

Mark Gordon:
[Whispers to Jonathan] "Up there"? Does he know you?

Jonathan Smith:
[to Adam] Yeah, I'm from up there. You can call me Jonathan; this is my friend Mark. We mean you no harm.

Harvey Milsap:
Just because I think the Good Lord might've put other creatures on other planets doesn't mean I'm crazy. It means I'm curious. And there's nothing in the whole world that's wrong with that.

Jonathan Smith:
Life's a game you'll be playing a long time after you hang up the cleats. A game you play with your body and your mind. That's why it's important you get your mind in shape.

Mark Gordon:
Here's a good one for ya, Jonathan: What's the deefinition of a dead atheist?

Jonathan Smith:
I couldn't guess.

Mark Gordon:
All dressed up and no place to go. Ha-ha-ha!

Jonathan Smith:
Cute. Real cute.

Mark Gordon:
[Encouraging young Mark to listen to his grandfather's stories] That old man is a book, son. All grandparents are. They're like magic books filled up with who you are, where you come from, why your eyes are like Grandpa Jake's, why you got a temper just like your Great-Grandpa Carr. And when old people die, the books are lost forever.

Petros:
Wait, wait. We make movie with amateurs, with neighbors?

Martin Lamm:
Well, it's all about them.

Petros:
"The Ten Commandments" was all about Moses, but they got Charlton Heston.

Jonathan Smith:
Wait a minute. Everyone's an amateur until they get their first break.

Petros:
[Thoughtfully] It's true.

Jonathan Smith:
Where did you say you were from?

Petros:
Galilee.

Jonathan Smith:
And your name, HaDayag, what does that mean?

Petros:
Hebrew. Hebrew name. Like Jonathan. In Hebrew it's Yochanan; it means "God gave." Maybe God gave all these people here Jonathan.

Jonathan Smith:
But your name, HaDayag, what does that mean?

Petros:
It means "the fisherman."

Jonathan Smith:
Peter, the fisherman from Galilee... who was sent to out to fish for men's souls?

Petros:
That's me. You don't recognize me, eh? Well, an angel's earthly form has nothing to do with what he looks like in Heaven, where only the soul is seen.

Jonathan Smith:
[hoisting into the air the man who has punched him on both sides of his face with no effect] I turned the other cheek.

Jonathan Smith:
[after God drenches Mark and the cigarette he attempted to light up] Y'know, He must really care about me, the way He worries about me.

Jonathan Smith:
Could be.

Mark Gordon:
What do you mean, "could be"? Why else would He put my cigarette out like that?

Jonathan Smith:
Well, maybe He's not so anxious to have you up there.

Mark Gordon:
[to Jonathan] You ever think about settling down in one place? Y'know, and getting married and enjoying the flitter-flutter of little wings around the house?

Jonathan Smith:
It's all over, Mark.

Mark Gordon:
Thanks for not letting me...

Jonathan Smith:
I don't think you would have.

Mark Gordon:
Yeah, I think I would have.

Mark Gordon:
Will there ever be a time in this country where they'll put drugs away forever?

Jonathan Smith:
If there's not, there may not be a country to wonder about.

Mark Gordon:
[Driving along a stretch of highway on a hot afternoon] Whew! Hotter than hell out here! [Car immediately overheats, hood pops open and steam billows forth] C'mon, I didn't mean anything by that; it's just an expression!

Jonathan Smith:
It's too late.

Mark Gordon:
I can't believe He'd do something like that! I mean, where's all the forgiveness?

Jonathan Smith:
He is forgiving; there's a gas station around the next curve.

Mark Gordon:
It's my bet when Nick bites the dust he's gonna get a ticket South.

Jonathan Smith:
South?

Mark Gordon:
[Making devil horns with his fingers on his forehead] Yeah, South, ya know?

Mark Gordon:
Boy, I wish there was something we could do.

Jonathan Smith:
Is that a wish or a prayer?

Mark Gordon:
Does it make a difference?

Jonathan Smith:
It might for The Boss.

Jonathan Smith:
I don't think it's dumb to have a dream.

Mark Gordon:
Aw, don't tell me that bum is our next assignment?

Jonathan Smith:
That's right. He hasn't got much longer to live, Mark. Just twenty-four hours. We're here to grant him a wish.

Jonathan Smith:
You were saying you wanted to tell something to that guy in the paper.

Willy The Waver:
Oh, Melvin Rich. Yeah, I sure would.

Jonathan Smith:
What do you want to tell him?

Willy The Waver:
Uhh... I'd tell him... I'd tell him... I'd tell him... Be nice. That about says it all, doesn't it?

Jonathan Smith:
We'd like to see Mr. Rich.

Mr. Fisk:
[Condescendingly] Would you?

Jonathan Smith:
Yeah. My name is Smith, Jonathan Smith. I'm an angel. I usually don't tell people that, but I figured I'd get right to the point, save us some time.

Mr. Fisk:
Well, I appreciate your candor.

[Looking at Mark]

Mr. Fisk:
And pray tell who are you? Tinkerbell?

Willy The Waver:
So it's back to bein' a bum again, huh, Jonathan?

Jonathan Smith:
You were never a bum, Willy.

Mark Gordon:
The kid's got everything she could want.

Jonathan Smith:
You're right; she's got everything she could want. But the problem is, she hasn't got what she needs.

Mark Gordon:
And what does she need?

Jonathan Smith:
She needs to be a kid, Mark.

Mark Gordon:
Isn't she already a kid?

Jonathan Smith:
...When did you ever see a kid talk to *anyone* like *that?*

Mark Gordon:
[Discussing Lori] The Boss says you gotta look for the good in people, but with that kid you need a microscope!

Jonathan Smith:
[after three gang members thump their car hood] Look at those guys. They don't exactly look like Mouseketeeers.

Jonathan Smith:
C'mon, what are you worried about? I'm not worried.

Mark Gordon:
Well, of course you're not worried; you're already an angel. I thought I'd put it off for a little while.

Boomer Brooks:
[Encouraging Joey] You're gonna go into that ring Friday and turn this neighborhood around. They gonna be a buncha kids there watchin' the fight. They gonna find out you don't have to be a Satan's Helper to be somebody. Just be a good person and work hard, that's what makes you somebody.

Thumper:
What are you talkin' about, "the boss"? Who's your boss?

Mark Gordon:
You wouldn't know.

Jonathan Smith:
I've been tryin' to figure out how to solve this, but it's not up to me. It's not up to any angel.

Mark Gordon:
Well, if an angel can't handle it, who can?

Jonathan Smith:
I think this is a job for the Masked Rider.

Large Woman #2:
[the Masked Rider and his friends walk past] Hey, what's goin' on? This ain't Halloween!

Man on Street:
They're shakin' down Satan's Helpers!

Large Woman #2:
Satan's Helpers?

Man on Street:
That's right. They got Boomer Brooks and two crazy white guys say they gonna bust him out!

Large Woman #2:
Hey, let's see this one go down!

Mark Gordon:
[Mark and Jonathan walking on the Hollywood Walk of Fame] Oh, look. Here's another one of my favorites. Michael Landon.

Jonathan Smith:
Never heard of him.

Mark Gordon:
What? Are you kidding? Bonanza! Little House on the Prairie!

Jonathan Smith:
Sorry. It doesn't ring a bell.

Mark Gordon:
I keep forgetting. You've been dead for 40 years.