Hocus Pocus

Winifred Sanderson:
You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one... on toast!

Billy Butcherson:
Go to hell!

Winifred Sanderson:
Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

Max:
[looking at the salt can] Well, what does it say?

Allison:
Well, it says to form a circle a salt to protect from zombies, witches, and old boyfriends.

Max:
And what about new boyfriends?

Emily:
Thackery Binx, what took thee so long?

Thackery Binx:
I'm sorry, Emily. I had to wait three hundred years for a virgin to light a candle.

Dani:
You saved my life.

Max:
I had to. I'm your big brother.

Dani:
I love you, jerkface.

Max:
I love you, too.

Max:
This is the girl of my dreams.

Dani:
So take her to the movies like a normal person!

Winifred Sanderson:
What a fool to give up thy life for thy sisters.

Jay:
You got any cash, Hollywood?

Max:
No.

Ernie "Ice":
Gee, we don't get any smokes from you. We don't get any cash. What am I supposed to do with my afternoon?

Max:
Maybe you could learn to breathe through your nose.

Jay:
AH HA HA HA!

Jay:
Let's have a butt.

Max:
No thanks, I don't smoke.

Ernie "Ice":
They're very health conscious in Los Angeles.

Winifred Sanderson:
WHY? Why was I cursed with such IDIOT sisters?

Sarah:
Just lucky, I guess.

Winifred Sanderson:
Oh look, another glorious morning. It makes me SICK!

Max:
Let's light this sucker and meet the old broads.

Master's Wife:
Aren't you broads a little old to be trick or treating?

Winifred Sanderson:
We'll be younger in the morning.

Master's Wife:
Yeah sure, me too.

Master's Wife:
Okay that's it, party's over! Get out of my house!

Master:
Now, puddin' face...

Master's Wife:
Shove it, Satan!

Sarah:
Ooh. Thou mustn't speak to Master in such a manner.

Master:
They call me Master.

Master's Wife:
Wait 'til you see what I'm gonna call you.

Master's Wife:
Now, tart face, take your Clark bars and get out of my house!

Winifred Sanderson:
Make us.

Master:
Honeybunch...

Master's Wife:
Ralph, sic'em!

Jenny:
Hey Max, how was school?

Max:
It sucked!

Dave:
Hey, watch your language.

Jenny:
Hmm, he wasn't wearing any shoes.

Dave:
Must be some form of protest.

Winifred Sanderson:
We're just a couple of spinster ladies.

Mary Sanderson:
Spending a quiet evening at home.

Sarah:
Sucking the lives out of little children!

Winifred Sanderson:
My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallow's Eve, when the moon is a round, a virgin, will summon us from under the ground. Oh Oh! We shall be back, and the lives of all the children of Salem will be mine!

Sarah:
'Tis firm as stone! Firm as stone! Firm as stone! Firm as stone!

Dani:
Next year we go trick or treating as Wendy and Peter Pan

Dani:
with tights or its no deal.

Winifred:

Book

Billy Butcherson:
[to Winifred, after finally freeing his mouth] Wench! Trollop! You buck toothed, mop riding firefly from hell!

[Winifred yells offensively]

Billy Butcherson:
[happily to Max] I've waited centuries to say that.

Max:
[disgusted] Say what you want; just don't breathe on me!

Max:
Give me a break.

Miss Olin:
Ah ha. We seem to have a skeptic in our midst. Mr. Dennison, would you care to share your California, laid-back, tye-dye point of view?

Dani:
[as they plan to go to the Sanderson house] Max, I'm not going up there. My friends at school told me all about that place. It's weird!

Max:
Dani, this is the girl of my dreams.

Dani:
So take her to the movies like a normal person.

Max:
Dani! Look just do this one thing for me, and I'll do anything you say. Please? Please? Please?

Dani:
Okay, okay. Next year, we go trick-or-treating as Wendy and Peter Pan...with tights or it's no deal.

Max:
[as Dani attempts to leave] Okay, okay, deal, deal.

Max:
The witches used it to put the spell on him.

Allison:
Maybe there's a way in here to take it off.

Max Mmm, I don't know. Binx told us not to open it.

Allison:
Well, the witches are dead. What harm could it do?

Max:
Well, just be careful.

Allison:
I like your costume, Dani.

Dani:
Thank you! I really like yours too. Of course, I couldn't wear anything like that because I don't have any. What do you call them, Max? Yabbos?

[Max embarrassed nearly spits out the cider he's drinking]

Dani:
Max likes your yabbos. In fact, he loves them!

Winifred Sanderson:
Therefore, it stands to reason, does it not, sisters dear? That we must find the book, brew the potion and suck the lives out of the children of Salem before sunrise. Otherwise it's curtains. We evaporate! We cease to exist! Dost thou comprehend?

Mary Sanderson:
You explained it beautifully, Winnie. They way in which you started out with the adventure part and slowly.

Sarah Sanderson:
Explained what?

Winifred Sanderson:
Come, we fly!

Winifred Sanderson:
Don't get your knickers in a twist! We're just three kindly old spinster ladies.

Mary Sanderson:
Spending a quiet evening at home.

Sarah Sanderson:
Sucking the lives out of little children!

[Winifred chokes Sarah]

Winifred Sanderson:
Well, tell me, friend, what is this contraption?

Bus Driver:
I call it a bus.

Winifred Sanderson:
A bus. And its purpose?

Bus Driver:
To convey gorgeous creatures such as yourselves to your most... [cracks his knuckle] forbidden desires.

Winifred Sanderson:
[laughs] Well, fancy! We desire children.

Bus Driver:
Hey, it may take me a couple of tries, but I don't think there's gonna be a problem.

Winifred Sanderson:
Book! Come to Mommy!

Voice of Thackery Binx:
[Jumps on the book to prevent it from floating up to Winifred, with a screech] Afraid not!

Winifred Sanderson:
Thackery Binx, thou mangy feline. Still alive?

Voice of Thackery Binx:
And waiting for you!

Winifred Sanderson:
Oh! Thou hast waited in vain. And thou will fail to save thy friends, just as thou failed to save thy sister!

Billy Butcherson:
[to Winifred, after finally freeing his mouth] Wench! Trollop! You buck toothed, mop riding firefly from hell! [happily to Max] I've waited centuries to say that.

Max:
Say what you want; just don't breathe on me!

Winifred Sanderson:
Billy! I killed you once, I shall kill you again, you maggoty malfeasance! Hang on to your heads!

Sarah Sanderson:
I am alive!

Winifred Sanderson:
Damn that boy, he's tricked us again.

Mary Sanderson:
Oh, you're right, you're always right.

Winifred Sanderson:
It's my curse, that and you two! Get off me you thundering oafs!

Max Dennison:
Prepare to die...again.

Winifred Sanderson:
You! You have no powers here, you fool!

Max Dennison:
Maybe not. But there's a power greater than your magic; and that's knowledge! And there's one thing I know that you don't!

Winifred Sanderson:
And what is that, dude?

Max Dennison:
Daylight Savings Time.

Mary Sanderson:
(mockingly) "Daylight Savings Time".

Max:
Oh. [black cat attacked Max] Stupid cat!

[Performing a spell to transform Thackary Binx into a cat]

Winnie:
Twist the bones and bend the back.

Sarah and Mary:
Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca.

Winnie:
Trim him of his baby fat.

Sarah and Mary:
Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca.

Winnie:
Give him fur black as black, just...

Mary:
like...

Sarah:
...this!

[Thackary has been transformed into a black cat]