Hollywood Hillbillies

Delores Hughes:
People come to Hollywood to be stars; people come to Vegas to be idiots.

Michael Kittrell:
Do you know what my shirt's made out of? Boyfriend material.

John Cox:
The only trouble I had with women was getting rid of 'em.

Michael Kittrell:
Aunt Dee Dee is the world's worst wingman.

Delores Hughes:
When we go to the beach we bring half of Wal-Mart with us.

Delores Hughes:
These wings are as hot as Satan's pecker.

Delores Hughes:
I'm coming. [beep] . I don't have a motor in my ass.

Delores Hughes:
The only thing about family day is doing what the family wants.

Delores Hughes:
I've been married three times, they're all dead, and no, I did not kill these people.

John Cox:
If you don't come home muddy, bloody, or cruddy, you can't really call yourself a man.

Delores Hughes:
Homemade is always better. I mean if you had a piece of ass, wouldn't you rather get it at home than from a prostitute?

Delores Hughes:
Rule number one in this house is never throw down with Mema when peaches are involved.

Delores Hughes:
Having a farmers' market in LA is like having a church in a brothel. It makes no damn sense.

Delores Hughes:
Apparently 100% organic means 100% expensive.

Dee Dee Peters:
I like fried organic.

Dee Dee Peters:
I'm all about vegetables. I mean, I ate a whole pumpkin pie one time.

Delores Hughes:
When I say a blessing, it brings me back to reality at what real a**holes all-a-ya'll are.

Delores Hughes:
Wait a minute. I don't have my damn teeth.

Delores Hughes:
There's sharks out in LA wearing 3-piece and 4-piece and 5-piece suits, and I don't want them to run over my grandson.

Delores Hughes:
He's dead now and God bless his soul. He was a jerk.

Delores Hughes:
I hope this place comes with toilet paper.

Delores Hughes:
People say they're an expert when they don't know what the hell they're doing.

Michael Kittrell:
I don't have 'no' in my heart. I've got yes - I've got hell yes.

Delores Hughes:
I put on a bra and put in my teeth to get here.

John Cox:
I don't think I ever cooked any lizard. No, take that back.

Delores Hughes:
Every bit of my fat is hollering.

John Cox:
L.A. is not even weirder than my family.

Delores Hughes:
I hadn't had a tingle in thirty years.

Delores Hughes:
My face feels like a baby's butt.

Delores Hughes:
You know, everyone in Hollywood's good-lookin'. I mean, there's not a dog in the bunch, honey.

Dee Dee Peters:
I think that wearing underwear works more than not wearing underwear.

Michael Kittrell:
What's wrong with living with you Mema? If Eminem had a Mema like I have, he'd never leave.

John Cox:
You tore off and whooped sexy's ass.

Delores Hughes:
The only celebrity that I care about is Jack Nicholson, and I wouldn't even be excited about meetin' him unless he was packin' a bucket full of chicken.

Delores Hughes:
Drink up. I'm going to look a lot better after a few more of these.

Dee Dee Peters:
D as in 'Dog' twice.

Delores Hughes:
I love to cuss, It makes me feel good.

Delores Hughes:
I'm a down-to-earth southern woman.

Delores Hughes:
We're all hogs. That's why we're fat.

Delores Hughes:
I'm the matriarch of the frappin' family.

Delores Hughes:
The only way you can get this family to stop talkin' is if you put food in front of 'em.

Michael Kittrell:
I'm probably one of the best ranters out there. I mean, have you seen one of my YouTube videos?

Michael Kittrell:
I could be like Flava Flav!... Except with freckles.

Dee Dee Peters:
I just love guys with eye impediments.

Delores Hughes:
I don't know those idiots. That's all I got to say about that [beep] .

Delores Hughes:
I'm gonna tell you somethin. Nothing' tastes better than a free piece of meat.