Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Kate McCallister:
What kind of idiots do you have working here?

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk:
The finest in New York.

Cedrick the Bellman:
Do you know how the TV works?

Kevin McCallister:
I'm 10-years-old. TV is my life.

Kevin McCallister:
You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.

Uncle Frank McCallister:
Hey, hey, easy on the fluids pal. The rubber sheets are packed.

Kevin McCallister:
You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?

Marv:
Never!!!!!!

Kevin McCallister:
Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?

Kevin McCallister:
You've gotta help me. There's two guys after me.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
What's the matter? Store wouldn't take your stolen credit card? Let's see what the police have to say about this.

Peter McCallister:
I don't think that it's a good idea for you to be running all over New York all by yourself.

Kate McCallister:
I think that if our son can do it, I can do it.

Peter McCallister:
Kate, it...

Kate McCallister:
Peter, I'll be fine. The way I'm feeling right now, no mugger or murderer would dare mess with me.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there, armed to the teeth...

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
Do bundle up, it's awfully cold outside.

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk:
Can I help you?

Kevin McCallister:
A reservation for McCallister?

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk:
A reservation for yourself?

Kevin McCallister:
Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I don't think so.

Marv:
Suck BRICK kid.

Kevin McCallister:
It's a nice night for a neck injury.

Cedric the Bellman:
You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.

Kevin McCallister:
The vacuum guy?

Cedric the Bellman:
No, the President.

Harry:
You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid.

Marv:
I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas.

Marv:
Harry, are you wearing aftershave?

Harry:
That's not aftershave, Marv. That's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.

Marv:
Now why would anyone wanna soak a rope in kerosene?

Kevin McCallister:
Merry Christmas.

Harry:
Go up.

Harry:
Now we get ourselves a couple of phony passports and high-tail it to some foreign country.

Marv:
Arizona?

Harry:
That's very smart, Marv. You bust out of jail to rob fourteen cents from a Santa Claus?

Marv:
Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname: we're the Sticky Bandits.

Harry:
Real cute.

Marv:
He's in the park. He's alone. Kids are scared of the park.

Harry:
Yeah, grown men come in the park and don't leave alive. Good luck, little fella.

Harry:
I hate throwing a job knowing that little creep is on the loose.

Marv:
Yeah but what can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless

Harry:
Not this kid.

Marv:
Yeah but this time he doesn't have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with. He's in the park. He's alone. Kids are ascared of the park.

Harry:
Yeah. Grown men come into the park and never leave alive. Good luck little fella.

Kate McCallister:
Why don't you just sit up here for a while and think things over. When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and to the rest of the family, you can come down.

Kevin McCallister:
I'm not apologizing to Buzz. I'd rather kiss a toilet seat!

Kate McCallister:
Then you can stay up here the rest of the night.

Kevin McCallister:
Fine. I don't wanna be down there anyway. I can't trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun in my whole life.

Kate McCallister:
Well you got your wish last year. Maybe you'll get it again this year.

Kevin McCallister:
I hope so!

Kevin McCallister:
Howdy do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.

Waiter:
Two scoops, sir?

Kevin McCallister:
Two? Make it three. I'm not driving.

Gangster Johnny on TV:
You was here last night too, wasn't ya?

Girl Gangster on TV:
I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night.

Kevin McCallister:
She was not. She was smooching with your brother.

Gangster Johnny on TV:
You was here. And you was smoochin' with my brother.

Kevin McCallister:
See?

Gangster Johnny on TV:
Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe you. That's why I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four flushing carcass OUT my door! 1... 2...

Gangster Johnny on TV:
3. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.

Gangster Johnny on TV:
And a Happy New Year.

Gangster Johnny on TV:
Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
Um, everybody... On your knees...

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
I love you.

Gangster Johnny on TV:
You gotta do better than that!

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:

Cedrick the Bellman:

Security Guard:
I love you!

Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest:
You see that tree there? Well to show our appreciation for youtr generosity, I'm gonna let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.

Kevin McCallister:
For free?

Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest:
Oh yes. May I make a suggestion? Take the Turtle Doves.

Kevin McCallister:
I can have two?

Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest:
Well, two Turtle Doves. I'll tell you what you do: you keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, Turtle Doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your Turtle Dove, you'll be friends forever.

Kevin McCallister:
Wow. I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song.

Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest:
They are. And for that very special reason.

Buzz McCallister:
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... I'd like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure I may have caused you...

Kevin McCallister:
What?

Buzz McCallister:
My prank was immature and ill-timed.

Uncle Frank McCallister:
Immature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious.

Buzz McCallister:
I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.

Uncle Frank McCallister:
I know I shouldn't complain about a free trip, but geez you guys give the worst gol-darn wake up calls!

Kate McCallister:

Harry:
Hey Marv, crow bars up.

Harry:
What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?

Marv:
Candy stores!

Harry:
Nine year olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what I had in mind.

Marv:
That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant.

Harry:
Yep. There's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas eve.

Marv:
Oh yes there is.

Harry:
Sonny!

Kevin McCallister:
Yes?

Harry:
Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Okay? But since we're in a hurry, I'll made a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?

Kevin McCallister:
You promise?

Harry:
I cross my heart and hope to die.

Kevin McCallister:
Oh no. My family is in Florida and I'm in New York...

Kevin McCallister:
My family's in Florida... I'm in... New York.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
I do hope your father understands that last night I was simply checking the room to make sure everything was in order.

Kevin McCallister:
Well he was pretty mad.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
He was?

Kevin McCallister:
He said he didn't come all the way to New York to get his naked rear end spied on.

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
Cedrick.

Cedrick the Bellman:
Yes?

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
Don't count your tips in public.

Cedrick the Bellman:
Mr. McCallister's room service bill, Sir. Merry Christmas.

Buzz McCallister:
Oh, here.

Cedrick the Bellman:
Nice family. Really.

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk:
I'm confused.

Kevin McCallister:
I'm traveling with my dad. He's at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus I'm not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That's boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won't get into mischief. And ma'am sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
And how are you this morning?

Kevin McCallister:
Fine. Is my transportation here?

Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge:
Out in front sir. A limosuine and a piz-za! Compliments of the Plaza hotel.

Kevin McCallister:
Why do we have to go to Florida? There's no Christmas trees in Florida.

Kate McCallister:
Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?

Kevin McCallister:
How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?

Kate McCallister:
Well... Find a nice, fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree.

Harry:
Marv, are you sure this is safe?

Marv:
Oh yes. I've worked all the kinks out. 'Solid as a rock.

Harry:
Like a rock, huh Marv?

Marv:
He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.

Harry:
Shut up, Marv. You got the right to remain silent, you know.

Marv:
He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.

Harry:
Shut up, Marv. Geez.

Marv:
Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits. We're the Sticky Bandits.

Marv:
I'm gonna murder that kid! (sneezes)

Marv:
Let's kill.

Harry:
Hold on peabrain. We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.

Marv:
This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan.

Harry:
May I do the thinking please?

Uncle Frank McCallister:
Get outta here, you nosey little pervert or I'mgonna slap you silly!

Uncle Frank McCallister:
Ohhh, you're cookin frankie!

[Harry and Marv, who have escaped from prison, have arrived in New York in a fish truck]

Harry:
Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. [takes a deep breath] Smell that?

Marv:
[takes a deep breath] Yeah.

Harry:
Know what that is?

Marv:
Fish.

Harry:
It's freedom.

Marv:
No, it's fish.

Harry:
It's freedom, and it's money.

Marv:
Okay, okay, it's freedom.

Harry:
: Come on, let's get out of here before someone sees us. [leaves the truck]

Marv:
And it's fish. [follows Harry]

[the family passes Kevin's bag around from Peter all the way to Fuller]

Peter:
Give this to Kevin.

Kate:
Give this to Kevin.

Leslie:
Give this to Kevin.

Tracy:
Give this to Kevin.

Linnie:
Kevin.

Buzz:
Give this to Kevin.

Rod:
Give this to Kevin.

Sondra:
Give this to Kevin.

Megan:
Give this to Kevin.

Jeff:
Give this to Kevin.

Brooke:
Give this to Kevin.

Fuller:
Here you go, Kevin. [notices two elderly people he's about to hand the bag over, so he passes the bag around to the others] Kevin's not here.

Brooke:
Kevin's not here.

Jeff:
Kevin's not here.

Megan:
Kevin's not here.

Sondra:
Kevin's not here.

Rod:
Kevin's not here.

Linnie:
Kevin's not here.

Tracy:
Kevin's not here.

Leslie:
Kevin's not here.

Kate:
[gives bag to Peter] Kevin's not here.

Peter:
What?!

[Kate only reacts by laughing, until...]

Kate:
KEVIN?!! [faints]

[Kevin scrambles back to his room after being unmasked for credit card fraud, with Hector and the hotel staff in hot pursuit. He plays back Angels with Even Filthier Souls on the VHS]

Johnny:
Hold it right there! [Hector and the crew stop as Kevin forwards to the right sections and mutes the woman in the dialogue]

Mr. Hector:
This is the Concierge, sir.

Johnny:
I knew it was you. I could smell ya getting off the elevator! You was here last night too, wasn't ya?

Mr. Hector:
Yes, sir. I was.

Johnny:
You was here... and you was smoochin' with my brother. [The other hotel staff start giving Hector odd looks.]

Mr. Hector:
But... I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.

Johnny:
Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...

[Cliff the security guard gasps; the other hotel staff, including Hector, look at him in shock.]

Cliff:
No. It's a lie!

Johnny:
I could go on forever, baby!

Mr. Hector:
I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.

Johnny:
All right. I believe you. [reveals his Thompson submachine gun] But my Tommy gun don't!

[Mr. Hector gives a confused look]

Johnny:
Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.

Mr. Hector:
On your knees.

[the entire staff gets down on their knees]

Mr. Hector:
I love you!

[Kevin snickers quietly and unmutes the T.V.]

Johnny:
Ya gotta do better than that!

Mr. Hector, Cedric, Mrs. Stone, and Cliff:
I love you!

Johnny:
Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of 3 to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four-flushin' carcass out my door! 1... 2...!

[Johnny fires his gun wildly, cackling, as the hotel staff dive for cover]

Johnny:
3! [while Kevin mouths him from the emergency exit] Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! [shoots again] And a Happy New Year. [shoots once more]

Mr. Hector:
[as the staff crawls out; to the onlooking patrons] Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!

Harry:
[after catching Kevin] Come to Papa!

Marv:
Round trip to Miami? What's the matter, kid? Get on the wrong plane, squirt?

Harry:
Looks like you won't be needin' this, kid. [takes the ticket and rips it]

Marv:
American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy.

[Kate is informed by airport security that Kevin is on the run in New York]

Kate:
[to everyone] We're going to New York, move it!

Buzz:
Yes!

[the other McCallisters shout approval; everybody scrambles to pack]

Kate:
He ran away from the hotel when they questioned him about the card. He must be so scared, Peter.

Peter:
I wonder if he'd know enough to go to my brother's place.

Kate:
Aren't they in Paris?

Peter:
Maybe they have a house sitter.

Kate:
I thought you said they were renovating.

[Harry and Marv chase Kevin back to his uncle's apartment under renovation]

Kevin:
I'm up here! Come and get me!

Marv:
Let's kill!

Harry:
Hold on, pea-brain. We got busted last time, because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.

Marv:
This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan.

Harry:
May I do the thinking please? Thank you. Sonny!

Kevin:
Yes?

Harry:
Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Understand?

Kevin:
Mm-hmm.

Harry:
But since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?

Kevin:
You promise?

Harry:
I cross my heart and hope to die.

Kevin:
Okay. [picks up a brick from a pile behind him]

Harry:
[he and Marv snicker] Okay, kid. Give it to me!

[Kevin throws the brick at Marv, hitting him on the forehead]

[Duncan inspects the Wet Bandits' damage to his store]

Cop:
Well, Mr. Duncan, it's all over with. We apprehended the thieves, and recovered your money.

Duncan:
Good. I wanna get that money over to the Children's Hospital as soon as possible.

Cop:
Yo, I'll handle it personally.

Duncan:
Ah! Thank you very much!

[an inspector walks up to him with a note]

Inspector:
Excuse me, Mr. Duncan?

Duncan:
Yes?

Inspector:
[hands Duncan the note] I found this note. Looks like a kid broke your window.

[Duncan reads the note]

Kevin's voice:
Dear Mr. Duncan, I broke your window to catch the bad guys. I'm sorry. Do you have insurance? If you don't, I'll send you some money, if I ever get back to Chicago. Merry Christmas, Kevin McCallister. P.S.: Thanks for the turtle doves.

Duncan:
[smiles broadly] Turtle doves. Oh...

Kate:
Do you have kids?

Cop:
Yes, ma'am.

Kate:
And what would you do if one of them was missing?

Cop:
I'd probably be doing the same thing you're doing. Listen, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go?

Kate:
Me? I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Oh, but not Kevin. No. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. And I know Kevin's fine. I'm sure he is. But he's still all by himself in a big city, and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves to be at home, with his family, around his Christmas tree. [pauses] Oh, my God. I know where he is! I need to get to Rockefeller Center.

Cop:
Hop in.

Kevin McCallister:
Hey! Why don't you guys try the stairs?

Marv:
Right.

Harry:
(pulls Marv to the side) Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't you remember what happened last year?

Marv:
No.

Harry:
Watch this. Let's get him!

(as he makes footstep sounds on the stairs, Kevin throws a tied-off paint can down)

Harry:
(pretending to get hit) OW! HE BUSTED ME RIGHT IN MY MOUTH, MARV! (can barely contain his glee as he turns to Marv) That's one.

Marv:
Don't worry, Harry! I'll get him!

(he does the same thing, with Kevin throwing another paint can)

Marv:
Ow! Right in the schnoz!

Harry:
(thinking they've actually outsmarted Kevin) That's two. Come on, let's get him.

(as they run up the stairs, Kevin heaves a large pipe down)

Marv:
Oops.

(the pipe hits them square in the face, knocking them down into the basement)

Marv:
That's...three.

(Kevin cuts the pipe loose)

Harry:
(sees the aforementioned pipe is about to land on them) No.

*pipe bangs*

Harry:
(in pain) That's...four.

[the McCallisters are hurriedly packing for their trip to Miami]

Frank:
Where are my golf balls?

Tracy:
Anyone seen my sun block?

Sondra:
What's the point of going to Florida if you're gonna put on sun block?

Megan:
I don't care if I age like an old suitcase, I'm getting toasted.

Buzz:
Great, Now, you can be a skag with a slightly darker shade of skin.

Marv:
Over there!

Harry:
I don't care if I get the chair. I'm killing that kid!

[last lines; Cedric brings Kevin's room service bill to the McCallisters' room]

Cedric:
Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir. [hands it to Buzz] Merry Christmas, sir. [holds out his hand for a tip]

Buzz:
Oh! Uh, um... [hands over the gum he has been chewing]

Cedric:
[dryly, to himself] Nice family, really.

Buzz:
[to himself, reading bill] Merry Christmas, indeed. [raising voice] Oh, Daa-aad...

[Outside, Kevin is talking with the pigeon lady in Central Park]

Peter:
[from the hotel] KEVIN!!! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?!?!?!

[Kevin, scared, runs off]

Kevin Mccallister:
This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches.