Home for the Holidays

Joanne:
You're calling me a freak?

Tommy:
No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.

Tommy:
Well, that was absurd, let's eat dead bird!

Adele:
I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.

Claudia:
Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture.

Claudia:
You don't know the first thing about me.

Joanne:
If I just met you on the street... if you gave me your phone number... I'd throw it away.

Claudia:
We don't have to like each other. We're family.

Leo:
Walter, when you say "cash is king," what's that mean?

Walter:
Cash is the fossil fuel that keeps our economic pistons pumping.

Tommy:
She flashed me Claud, she flashed me.

Claudia:
Welcome home!

Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
I'm just lettin' the guys have the day off, you know, so they can visit their families, since I'm all alone this year.

Tommy:
(to Leo) This is the saddest sack in the universe.

Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Yeah, I don't have anybody anymore, my brother and sister got canned and they left town, and then my parents went and died on me.

Claudia 'Clyde' Larson:
I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Yeah, well, you know - it was a car wreck, last summer, drunk driver, cut right across the, uh what was it, you know -- meridian, pow - pow! Head on.

Claudia 'Clyde' Larson:
Didn't you have a girlfriend, or..

Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Yeah, she went and married my best buddy Ray.

Claudia 'Clyde' Larson:
You know, maybe next year will be better for you.

Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Hey, yeah -- or worse.

Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Well, duty calls. Merry Christmas, if I don't ever see you again. You have a nice life, Claudia. (leaves. Claudia walks past Tommy and Leo, nearly in tears)

Tommy:
She'll bounce back. Trust me on this.

Adele:
Henry! A car full of Larsons almost died there!

Claudia Larson:
You don't know the first thing about me.

Joanne Larson Wedman:
Likewise, I'm sure. If I just met you on the street... if you gave me your phone number... I'd throw it away.

Claudia Larson:
Well, we don't have to like each other, Jo. We're family.

Adele Larson:
Come on. Where is everybody? People are starving in the former Yugoslavia.

Adele Larson:
[answers the phone] Hello... who?... I never heard of him, consult your directory. [hangs up]

Adele Larson:
Into the house! Everyone! Before we're in the evening news!