Horrible Histories

Various:
[repeated line as "Death" for opening of "Stupid Deaths" segment] Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths, they're funny 'cause they're true! Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths, hope next time it's not *you*!

Various:
[repeated line as "Death" in "Stupid Deaths"] You're through to the Afterlife.

Various:
[repeated line as "Death" in "Stupid Deaths"] You're dead funny.

Various:
[repeated line as "Death" in "Stupid Deaths"] Sometimes I love this job. I do, I really do.

William the Conquerer:
Bit short, Init?. We need more kings! Who came next?

Queen Victoria:
I ruled for sixty-four years, you know!

Henry II:
Richard Lionheart, that's right! Always spoiling for a fight. Poor King John, what a disaster! Rule restrained by Magna Carta!

William the Conquerer, Queen Victoria, Henry II, Henry Viii, Elizabeth 1:
[singing] William, William, Henry, Stephen, Henry, Richard, John, Oi! Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two, then three more Henrys join our song

Grim Reaper:
[to the skeleton on his left] I've hated foreigners ever since. Especially the French! [looks at his list] Next! [Moli?re enters] Name?

Moli?re:
Moli?re. French actor and playwright

Grim Reaper:
[to the skeleton on his right] It's not my day, is it?

Rattus Rattus:
[Marcus the flea keep breaking wind] Marcus! Stop that! I'll have a bath! I will!

[Rattus barges into a sketch about a computer game featuring rats being smacked in a WW1 trench]

Rattus:
Stop this sketch! Stop this sketch! We don't want to hear how rats were killed in the trenches! If there's any more of this nonsense, I'll write a strong letter of complaint to the Daily Mail! You know I will! You know I will!

Winston Churchill:
You were given the choice between war and dishonour. You chose dishonour, and you will have war.

Neville Chamberlain:
I think I preferred 'I told you so!'

Various:
I am Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will only ever wash with Jupiter's Olive Oil. Mmm, so smooth

Hi! I'M A SHOUTY MAN!