Horror Express

Captain Kazan:
"Tell me Mirov, what do you know about all the filth that's going on here?"

Captain Kazan:
"He knows that a horse has four legs. He knows that a murderer has two arms. But still the devil must be afraid of one honest Cossack".

Captain Kazan:
Now anything, anything that moves neqr that door, kill it!

Dr. Wells:
But what if the monk is innocent?

Captain Kazan:
Ahhh, we got LOTS of innocent monks!

[Wells bribes a clerk to let him on the train]

Dr. Wells:
[to Saxton] It's called "squeeze" in China. The Americans call it "know-how".

Professor Alexander Saxton:
And in Britain, we call it bribery and corruption.

Dr. Wells:
What are you going to astound the scientific world with this time?

Professor Alexander Saxton:
You'll read about it in the Society's annual report. A remarkable fossil.

Dr. Wells:
Fossil? But you've got something live in there, I heard it.

Professor Alexander Saxton:
You're mistaken!

Dr. Wells:
You won't need to feed it then.

Professor Alexander Saxton:
The occupant hasn't eaten in two million years.

Dr. Wells:
That's one way to economize on food bills.

Countess Irina:
Oh, yes, England. Queen Victoria, crumpets, Shakespeare.

Professor Alexander Saxton:
I admire Poland, madam. I believe there is a bond between our two countries.

Countess Irina:
My husband, the Count Petrovski, says that in the fifteenth century your King Henry betrayed us to the Russians. Hmm?

Professor Alexander Saxton:
I hope that you and your husband, madam, will accept my profoundest apologies.

Dr. Wells:
Miss Jones, I shall need your assistance.

Miss Jones:
[eying Wells' dinner companion, a beautiful woman] Yes, well at your age I'm not surprised.

Dr. Wells:
With an autopsy!

Miss Jones:
Oh, well that's different.

Inspector Mirov:
The two of you together. That's fine. But what if one of you is the monster?

Dr. Wells:
Monster? We're British, you know.

Professor Alexander Saxton:
The following report to the Royal Geological Society by the undersigned, Alexander Saxton, is a true and faithful account of events that befell the Society's expedition in Manchuria. As the leader of the expedition, I must accept responsibility for its ending in disaster, but I leave to the judgement of the honorable members of the Society the decision as to where the blame for the catastrophe lies.