How to Film Your Neighbour

Horse Mason:
So Billy, I haven't seen you since you got out, how you been?

Billy Winston:
I've been alright Horse

Horse Mason:
You been moving up in the world?

Billy Winston:
Isn't everyone?

Horse Mason:
Some people are moving up, some people are moving down. 'Cell phone rings' Yeah? Listen do you know what I am going to do to you? I am going to shove a whisky bottle right up your arse, then I am going to smash it leaving your arse full of broken glass. The next arse bandit who takes a fancy to you, you can *#$& circumcise them later, do you understand? 'Hangs up phone' Why do you want a gun for? You doing a job?

Billy Winston:
No, I am making a film

Horse Mason:
'laughs' A film? Like f***, what kind of film? Is it porn?

Billy Winston:
No, it's a little film about a girl whose trying to protect herself.

Horse Mason:
A girl? Is she a looker?

Billy Winston:
Yeah she's a looker and there's another girl, she's my nieghbour. I had a thing with her, she got murdered.

Horse Mason:
So you want to play the hero that kills the guy who got her?

Billy Winston:
I might, but I need the gun as a prop for the film

Horse Mason:
Things are going alright for me Billy, going alright. So I am going to sell you the gun, we go back a long way, we did time together and I remember where you got that scare, and I don't give a f*** what you do with that gun but if you tell anyone where you got that gun, and if you mention me at all, your bollocks are going to be dog food. You understand?

Billy Winston:
I understand Horse, you can trust me, did I ever snitch on you in the inside? Did I? 'Horse hands Billy the gun'.

Horse Mason:
Where did you get that from then?

Billy Winston:
Off a geezer in a pub? I don't know who he is and I don't know what he looks like.

Horse Mason:
You are a smart kid Billy, that's why I like you. [he walks off]

Billy Winston:
Nice doing business with you Horse.