How to Have an Accident in the Home

J.J. Fate:
[about Donald] He wouldn't think about going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, but this particular maneuver is called: "Falling Down Stairs." There are many ways of doing this if you aren't careful. The "Bumps-a-daisy Half Twist"...

[Donald sets a TV set down at the top of the stairs, his feet get tangled in the cord and it falls down taking him with it]

J.J. Fate:
"Jelly roll"...

[Donald trips and gets wrapped up in the red rug and rolls down the stairs in it]

J.J. Fate:
"Catapult High Dive"...

[Donald steps onto a loose stair board and it sends him into the air]

J.J. Fate:
"Climbing Mount Everest"...

[Donald carries many, many heavy things upstairs and he falls back down with them]

J.J. Fate:
"Riding a Rolly Coaster"!

[Donald slips into a toy wagon and goes down the stairs]

J.J. Fate:
Now Mr. Duck doesn't take chances, he's just careless.

[Donald leans against the banister and it breaks sending him down to the first floor]

J.J. Fate:
Oh yes! That's one I forgot to mention.

Donald Duck:
[angrily] That's the last straw! [cleans up the house to make it much safer] I'm going to work, where it's safe!

J.J. Fate:
[Donald's cleaning his shirt next to the hot stove cooking dinner] Cleaning fluid plus stove equals... *a sure-fire method for removing spots*!

[jumps into the bread box as a flaming explosion ensues from Donald's carelessness]

Donald Duck:
Everything happens to me! It's fate! That's what it is: fate!

J.J. Fate:
Listen to him blame me for his carelessness. [scoffs]

[First lines]

J.J. Fate:
Howdy. I'm J.J. Fate, fall guy. My middle name is Jonah, and Jinx is in there, too. Hoodoo fits me like a glove, but Fate's my name to you.

J.J. Fate:
You know, accidents don't just happen by themselves. They have to be carelessly planned in advance. So step right up and have an accident. The average home is really a complicated piece of machinery, equipped with all the modern conveniences... for having an accident, if you inisist. [Donald lights up a pipe in a gas leak; explosion follows] He did.

J.J. Fate:
Do you realize that nearly five million people suffered in home accidents last year? And everybody blames me, daggnabit!

[Last lines]

J.J. Fate:
This is an average neighborhood. [a house has its roof blown off] These are average homes. [Another house bursts into flames] Average people live here... [a man is seen shooting out of a chimney]... having average accidents. [a couple more homes explode; a car breaks out a close garage] Because they don't use average intelligence. It's like I said: Don't blame me for your carelessness.