How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

Gertrude Biggley:
What's nepotism?

J. B. Biggley:
That's when your nephew's a damn poop!

Miss Jones:
What's your name?

J. Pierpont Finch:
Finch, F-I-N-C-H. J. Pierpont Finch.

Miss Jones:
Well, why haven't I seen you before?

J. Pierpont Finch:
Well, ma'am, I'm not supposed to deliver the executive mail. That's his job. Bud Frump, F-R-U-M-P.

J. B. Biggley:
I know blood is thicker than water, but Bud Frump is thicker than anything.

J. B. Biggley:
I like the way you thinch, Fink.

J. Pierpont Finch:
That's "think, Finch."

Hedy LaRue:
I have nothing to hide!

Rosemary:
Yes you do, and you keep it hidden!

J. Pierpont Finch:
Can't you hear it? It's all around me, it's like a beautiful pink sky.

Rosemary:
J. Pierpont Finch, what are you--

J. Pierpont Finch:
Rosemary, darling, will you please marry J. Pierpont Finch?

Rosemary:
NOW I hear it.

J. Pierpont Finch:
Just remember, Wally, we're all brothers.

J. B. Biggley:
Some of us are uncles.

J. Pierpont Finch:
Be patient? Don't you realize I've been working here...well, two whole hours now?

J. Pierpont Finch:
What are you taking that down in?

Hedy LaRue:
Long hand. It's safer. I make up for it when I type.

J. Pierpont Finch:
Oh, you type fast.

Hedy LaRue:
Like a whiz. Twelve words a minute.

Rosemary:
Lunch.

J. Pierpont Finch:
Huh?

Rosemary:
I said, "lunch."

J. Pierpont Finch:
What about "lunch"?

Rosemary:
I'd love to!

Mr. Twimble:
Last month I became a quarter-of-a-century man.

J. Pierpont Finch:
Oh, that's beautiful, a quarter-of-a-century.

Mr. Twimble:
Quarter-of-a-century.

J. Pierpont Finch:
How long have you been in the mail room?

Mr. Twimble:
Twenty-five years. It's not easy to get this medal. It takes a combination of skill, diplomacy, and bold caution.

Mr. Gatch:
Rosemary, seeing you always brightens my day. (He tries to kiss her)

Rosemary:
Mr. Gatch!

Mr. Gatch:
I'm gonna have to stop reading "Playboy."

J. B. Biggley:
I realize that I'm the president of this company, the man that's responsible for everything that goes on here. So, I want to state, right now, that anything that happened is not my fault.

J. Pierpont Finch:
I feel sorry for men who don't knit, they lead empty lives.

J. Pierpont Finch:
An emotional involvement can only lead to getting involved . . . emotionally.

J. Pierpont Finch:
This is the secret ingredient: it can't miss, I'm combining greed with sex.

Hedy LaRue:
A secretary was ordered to be assigned to you. I'm your assignation.

Miss Jones:
Your wife is on line 2, Mr. Biggley.

J. B. Biggley:
Tell her I'm busy, tell her I'm in a meeting, tell her I'm out, damnit, put her on!