Hurlyburly

Donna:
Do you wanna f*** me or anything before I go to sleep?

Donna:
How you been?

Eddie:
I'm a wreck.

Donna:
You look a wreck, actually, but I didn't want to be rude and

Eddie:
I don't know what I'm doing. You know what I mean?

Donna:
You're in the pool.

Eddie:
Yeah. I don't know when was the last time I thought of you,

Donna:
I'm a surprise is all.

Eddie:
You want me to be kinder! Softer! I say... I say no! Be harder! Be a rock. Or polyurethane! I say, be a thing and live.

Darlene:
Are you aware that you're yelling?

Eddie:
My voice is raised in emphasis. It's a perfectly legitimate use of volume.

Eddie:
Just because you're Jewish, doesn't mean you're f***in' Freud.

Artie:
Just because you're whatever the f*** you are, doesn't mean you're whatever the f*** you think you are.

Mickey:
You don't know what you're saying. You don't.

Eddie:
I do.

Mickey:
No. I know you think you know what you're saying, but you're not saying it.

Eddie:
No, I know what I'm saying. I don't know what I mean, but I know what I'm saying. Is that what you mean?

Mickey:
Yeah.

Eddie:
Right. But it's not like anybody knows what anything means, right? It's not like anybody knows that. So at least I know I don't know what I mean, which is better than most people. They probably think they know what they mean, not just what they think they mean.

Bonnie:
If your manner of speech is any indication of the workings of your mind, then it's a wonder you can even tie your shoes.

Phil:
Hey, if my karma's to whack people when they do some f***in' irrelevant thing... f*** it!

Mickey:
Absolutely right Phil, f*** destiny, fate, all metaphysical stuff. F*** it!

Mickey:
What kind of tone is that?

Eddie:
What kind of tone is that? That's my tone.

Mickey:
Yeah, but what does it mean?

Eddie:
My tone? What does my tone mean? I don't have to interpret my f***ing tone for you, Mickey. I don't know what it means.

Eddie:
I lie to myself. I'm a really great liar. And I'm very gullible.

Eddie:
Flip is sarcastic.

Mickey:
No, it's not. That's crazy. Sarcastic is mean, it's heavy - it's funny, sure, but it's mean. I do both, but this was flip.

Eddie:
She doesn't have to have one now.

Phil:
I tried telling her that, Eddie! I told her, I've got three kids in Toledo, I don't even know how old they are! I haven't seen 'em since I went to prison. I don't want any more kids rolling around their beds at night with this sick, f***in' hatred of me. I can't stand it.

Eddie:
Oh. I was wondering. You came in this morning at something like 6:02? So... I guess dinner was a success.

Mickey:
Yeah, you know.

Eddie:
Or does it mean - and I'm just tryin' to get the facts straight here - does it mean that you f***ed her?

Mickey:
Darlene?

Eddie:
Yeah.

Mickey:
Did I f***... Darlene? (picks up phone) Last night?

Artie:
He's got this thing.

Phil:
It's a vibrator I carry around with me.

Mickey:
You carry a vibrator around with you?

Phil:
Yeah. As a form of come-on. So the girls can see I'm up for anything right away. Sometimes as a sort of, uh, mood-setter I turn it on. But, uh, today there was, uh, extenuating circumstances.

Artie:
You forgot about the weights.

Phil:
Yeah.

Artie:
He forgot about the weights.

Mickey:
You forgot about the weights?

Phil:
Yeah. Forgot about the weights. Unbelievable.

Mickey:
Unbelievable! You forgot about the weights?

Eddie:
Do you know what he's talking about?

Mickey:
No, I have no idea what he's talking about.

Phil:
You prick, you disgust me.

Eddie:
I'm a real person, you know? I'm not some... goddamn... TV image here! I'm a real person. You know? Now you know that, you know that! Now... come on... suck my dick!

Eddie:
In the Middle Ages everyone really had to worry about witches and goblins, but what we have is stuff eating at us. We've got stuff we don't even... I mean, why do you think that all the warlords of the world are so anxious to get their own personal little stash of chemical weapons. They call them weapons of mass destruction, but they're not. They're very *very* selective about what they destroy. They annihilate people and preserve things. They love things. You and I would be dead, gas... puke... gone. Whereas, you know, other earlier older people - the ancients - could look to the heavens, which in their minds was inhabited by this thoughtful, meditative, you know, maybe a trifle unpredictable and wrathful, but nevertheless up there - this divine onlooker. We've got anchorpurses and talking heads. We've got politicians who decide life and death issues on the basis of their media conceitedness. That's what we've got.

Darlene:
I don't care.

Eddie:
What do you mean, you don't care?

Darlene:
It doesn't matter to me anymore.

Eddie:
No, it matters, and you care. What you mean is it doesn't make any difference!

Darlene:
UGH! I cannot stand this semantic insanity ANYMORE! I can't be that specific about my feelings! I can't!

Eddie:
I've gotta cool off. But not tonight. Not tonight! I've got a history lesson in progress, man, the lobes are humming! I'm picking up the trans-atlantic signals, man. And Phil... is sending me messages. He's got some complaints, man. About the afterlife.

Mickey:
Funerals. Sex. Death. I'm gonna go out and play.

Eddie:
Just because you're talking, that doesn't mean destiny is speaking, Artie.

Mickey:
You're right. Good taste has undoubtedly deprived me of any number of friendships.

Eddie:
Do you ever have that experience where your thoughts are like these totally separate, totally self-sustaining phone booths and there's like this vast uninhabited shopping mall in your head? Do you ever have that experience?

Eddie:
I am my own biggest distraction.