I Love You, Beth Cooper

[from trailer]

Beth Cooper:
[shopping at a convenience store, picks up bag of Suzie-Q's] Suzie-Q's, yum!

Denis Cooverman:
My mom says yum.

Beth Cooper:
[seductively] Yum.

Denis Cooverman:
Not like that.

[from trailer]

Denis Cooverman:
[to Beth Cooper] Thanks. You hit me with your car. That was pretty cool.

[from trailer]

Beth Cooper:
[to Denis] Still love me?

[from trailer]

Beth Cooper:
[to Denis] You really need to get out more.

[from trailer]

Denis Cooverman:
I'm just trying to make it through the night alive.

Rich Munsch:
You're not alive unless you're livin'.

[from trailer]

[about to hurt Denis]

Kevin:
Prepare to die.

[said to a young Dr. Gleason during a flashback]

Paul Bergie:
Your nipples are... so weird.

Beth Cooper:
Am I everything you've ever masturbated to?

Denis Cooverman:
[watching Beth, Cammy and Treece walk towards him] It's the trinity.

Denis Cooverman:
I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.

Beth Cooper:
Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.

Denis Cooverman:
Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.

Beth Cooper:
You're funny.

Rich Munsch:
[while running from Kevin] No, Denis! Denis, have you ever seen any of the Friday the 13ths? You run upstairs, you die!

Treece:
Well, sh*t my panties!

Denis Cooverman:
How did you find us?

Kevin:
LoJack, dipshit!

Beth Cooper:
Thank you... for loving me.

Denis Cooverman:
What's not to love? You remember that.

Beth Cooper:
You embarrassed me.

Denis Cooverman:
Uh...

Beth Cooper:
But it was so sweet, I'll have to let you live.

[last lines]

Rich Munsch:
What? No, it has to be a grand gesture.

Denis Cooverman:
Like what?

Rich Munsch:
You know where she lives, go to her house, bring a boom box, wait for her.

Denis Cooverman:
That's stalking, Rich.

Rich Munsch:
No, it's not stalking if you love the person. You got to like grab her and throw her in the car and take her someplace where it can be the two of you.

Denis Cooverman:
Now that's kidnapping.

Rich Munsch:
It's romantic... Okay, first we're going to need some rope and duct tape.

[first lines]

Rich Munsch:
You will never see her again. Nunca!

Rich Munsch:
Okay, I got an idea. I'm Robin Hood. You're Friar Tuck. We get your dad's camcorder and we do a shot-for-shot re-creation of their climactic sword fight... using our boners.

Beth Cooper:
You see the thing is high school was great for me. Had a great, great ride... and now it's over. You? You're gonna go off and become a doctor and cure cancer or whatever new diseases there are. But this? This is about it for me. Everything in my life from here on out is just gonna be... ordinary.

Denis Cooverman:
Wow... that's umm... such bullshit. Cause the Beth Cooper I know? The Beth Cooper that I now know is the most alive person... I've ever met. The Beth Cooper I know she's not gonna have an ordinary life she's gonna have an amazing life. Slightly insane but, never uninteresting, always ass-kicking, life.

Beth Cooper:
How do you know that?

Denis Cooverman:
Cause I'm a very smart guy.

Mr. C:
It's okay just to have fun sometimes... sometimes you just hafta say what the "F"

Rich Munsch:
Curtis Armstrong, Risky Business 1983 Paul Brickman except he didn't say "F", he said... f***

Mr. C:
You know what I mean... Carpe diem

Rich Munsch:
Aww, I didn't know you were such a movie buff Mr C. Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society

Mr. C:
Yes, Thank you Rich we know. It's good, come here please [long pause] [in a soft voice] There are condoms in my bedside table.

Rich Munsch:
Do you like know exactly how many there are?

Mr. C:
They are not... toys [Mr C. exits]

Denis Cooverman:
I think my dad wants us to have sex

Rich Munsch:
With eachother?

Denis Cooverman:
No!