In & Out

Howard:
I may sue!

Frank Brackett:
Get Johnny Cochrane, not that woman!

Howard:
He may be under the influence of something. He may have joined a cult!

Frank Brackett:
That little zombie.

Peter:
Look, everyone wants to talk to Diane Sawyer or Joan London, and my network's killing me. They want me blond!

Howard:
With your coloring?

Jack:
There's only two times when that kind of thing's okay: In prison where it's a substitute and guys in space.

Mike:
Guys in space?

Jack:
Well, not on purpose. They just float into each other.

Peter:
What was Barbara Streisand's eighth album?

Howard:
Color Me Barbra.

Peter:
Stud!

Howard:
Everybody knows that!

Peter:
Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?

Voice on tape:
Now, repeat after me: "Yo!"

Howard:
Yo!

Voice on tape:
Hot damn!

Howard:
Hot damn!

Voice on tape:
What a fabulous window treatment!

Howard:
What a fabu...

Voice on tape:
That was a trick!

Howard:
[at confession, about "a friend"] He's just never had a physical relationship with her.

Father Tim:
Never? In three years?

Howard:
He respects her.

Father Tim:
He's gay!

Jennifer the Flower Girl:
My mom says it won't last.

Berniece:
Your mom's an alcoholic.

Emily:
Does anybody here know how many times I had to watch Funny Lady?

Howard:
It was a sequel. She was under contract.

Emily:
F*** Barbra Streisand, and you!

Peter:
One day I just clicked. I said: "Mom, dad, Sparky, I'm gay."

Howard:
So what happened?

Peter:
My mom cried, for exactly 10 seconds, my boss said: "Who cares?", and my dad said: "But you're so tall...!".

Cameron:
Eat something, I'm begging you! You look like a swizzle stick.

Sonja:
Food?

Emily:
I've seen all your movies.

Cameron:
Both of them?

Walter Brackett:
I'm a member of the community. And I'm gay.

Tom Halliwell:
But you're Howard's brother. [pause] As you know.