Inspector George Gently

[Bacchus goes undercover to investigate Liam Govan, a loan shark]

Liam Govan:
Confident about paying us back, John? Cos we're professionals. We will take your car. We will take your house if necessary. Just so you know what you're getting yourself into. This man...

[he points to his mate]

Liam Govan:
...I've watched him take the rings off the fingers of a bankrupt's wife - and *smile* when he's doing it.

John Bacchus:
I tell you what. Leave the rings. Take the wife!

[earlier Bacchus questioned a witness very forcefully]

George Gently:
I like it when you're a bastard. You're quite good at it.

John Bacchus:
I had a good teacher.

Lisa Bacchus:
And you don't have anybody, do you? Why is that then? Married to the job?

George Gently:
I'm alone. I'm not lonely.

Lisa Bacchus:
Or would it be disloyal? Two years since she died.

George Gently:
Yeah.

Lisa Bacchus:
I just hate the idea of you being lonely, George.

George Gently:
[about Agnes] Nobody can help her if nobody kmows. To help her with her future I need to understand her past.

John Bacchus:
Because you can take take people out of the slums, but you can't take the slums out of people.

John Bacchus:
[to Gently about the Paige family] Is there anybody in that family that's not totally crackers?

George Gently:
You know, impector, I spent half of my life talking to the scum, and I pride myself that I never get angry. It's not my job to get angry.

Inspector Setters:
Catching, isn't it?

John Bacchus:
What?

Inspector Setters:
Sainthood.

George Gently:
[seeing a picture of recently assassinated Dr. Martin Luther King in the Kenny home] You admired Dr. King, I imagine?

Joseph Kenny:
Aye, we all did.

George Gently:
Yeah, me too!

Joseph Kenny:
The policeman who believes in civil disobedience?

George Gently:
A policeman who believes in non-violence.

Ambrose Kenny:
[very upset when he sees Joseph reading some provocative Black Panther literature] What are you readin' this for? Put it away! You will learn nuthin' but hate from these men! They will make things worse, not better, for you.

Carol Morford:
Can I go now?

John Bacchus:
No, don't.

Carol Morford:
You not finished lying to me yet? You not fiished using me... Jim?

Carol Morford:
[to Bacchus] Gary sells fish. He sells sole - just the wrong kind.

John Bacchus:
Sir, *please* can I go on that course?

George Gently:
No!

John Bacchus:
Why?

George Gently:
Because you don't need to. I can summarise it for you in two sentences. "A Modern Approach to Policing Crime in London. One: Find out where the villains drink. Two: Ask them for a bribe."

Julie:
I went out with this bloke once, right, and I said to him, I asked him "What star-sign are you?" And you'll never guess what he said: "Herpes". It made us laugh for weeks.

[Chief Constable Lilley is the Master of the Lodge which has just admitted John Bacchus to the Freemasons. He is also the father of John's wife, Lisa. He greets John with a false smile that makes it look as if he is congratulating him]

Chief Constable Lilley:
If I have one more tearful lunch with my daughter on account of you, then I shall remove your balls and post them to you. Understood? Say "Yes" and smile.

John Bacchus:
[nervously] Yes. Thank you. Understood.

Chief Constable Lilley:
[prompting him] Edgar.

John Bacchus:
Edgar.

Chief Constable Lilley:
And if I ever hear you call me "Edgar" outside of this Lodge, then I shall mince them before I post them to you. Say "Thank you".

John Bacchus:
Thank you, Edgar.

[Maurice Hilton was a health inspector who traced an outbreak of food poisoning to Geoffrey Pershore's mill, but did not issue a closure notice because Pershore was a fellow Freemason]

John Bacchus:
Yes, I remember this, now. Yeah, you blamed a Chinese chippy for the outbreak, didn't you?

Maurice Hilton:
It *deserved* to be closed. I found half a goat in the fridge once.

John Bacchus:
[grinning] Scapegoat, was it?

George Gently:
[Talking about interrogating Jule] I'll bring a couple of sheets in case she wants to blow her nose again,

John Bacchus:
So it was Pershore trying to bribe you then?

George Gently:
Couldn't actually tell. I think he's a bit too intelligent for that.

John Bacchus:
Ah, get away, man. The man's as bent as a dog's hind leg.

Mrs Fuller:
[Discussing her murdered husband] He had another woman... if you can call a 17 year-old girl a woman.

George Gently:
Seventeen?

Mrs Fuller:
Oh, I expect you noticed her... men seem to.

George Gently:
[Initially he shakes his head in partial disbelef] Julie?

Mrs Fuller:
Well, you don't think Patrick hired her for her secretarial skills, do you, or her conversation? I mean to call her as thick as two short planks wouldn't be fair to the planks.

John Bacchus:
I'm beginning to see why you don't vote... lies everywhere you look!

George Gently:
It's the lies that you tell yourself that kill yuh!

George Gently:
Can you remember why your mother left?

Margaret Holdaway:
Yes... she couldn't cope with the new bairn, I think. Hazel was only two. She was mentaly unstable. My mother was mentally unstable. Poor Daddy!

John Bacchus:
Where is she now?

Margaret Holdaway:
Who knows? The snow melts, and then where is it?

Hamed:
[Having been beaten up by Jimmy on the beach] I'll bring you the Arab! I'll bring you the Arab!

Hamed:
[Scared and sobbing eith a blade at his throat] Jimmy, please!

Jimmy Cochran:
This is your last chance, Hamed! You bring him... I'll kill him. You don't bring him, I'll kill you!

John Bacchus:
[In the hospital as Saint is getting back his street clothes, John notices he wears women's panties] Oh, they're gonna love yuh in Durham jail.

PC Taylor:
The car belongs to an Abdullah Ali al-Hakrana, sir.

George Gently:
Who?

PC Taylor:
Abdullah Ali al-Hakrana. I'm guessing he's an Arab.

George Gently:
[Sarcastucally] Really? CID could use men like you.

George Gently:
Anything else?

Melvyn Rattigan:
[after a pause he smiles] Do you know how much I hate you, George Gently? I hate the sound of your voice. I hate your stupid face. I even hate the smell of yuh. Do you know what yuh smell like? Holy water. Sanctimonious... stale from all the fingers that have been dipped in you.

George Gently:
[to Bacchus] I love this place. I do't like churches. Makes me think of funerals.

George Gently:
Did friendship ever mean anything to you, Don?

Donald McGhee:
Can't spend it, George.

Patrick Donovan:
[Referring to Blaise] She made the perfect fox.

John Bacchus:
So what makes the perfect fox, Mr. Donovan?

Patrick Donovan:
Well, let's be frank... Number one it's the body.

George Gently:
[about Donovan] I trust that bloke about as far as I can throw him.

George Gently:
Don't take up poker, Sergeant!

Patrick Donovan:
[During job interview] Do you know what Rakes does? You understand what it is, and what it isn't?

Audrey Chadwick:
I understand, Mr. Donovan. I've understood since I was 15 years old what men want from me. As long as it's me who decides what they get and what they don't get , I'll be happy.

Patrick Donovan:
[to Gently and Bacchus] What is it they say in Europe about you? OZn the continent we have sex lives; In England they have hot water bottles.

[after a drunken night, Bacchus has spent the night with an unknown older woman]

John Bacchus:
I woke up with a complete stranger next to us this morning.

George Gently:
[ironically] Some men pay money for that.

John Bacchus:
Should have seen the state of her. It's like waking up next to somebody's grandma.

[Gently and Bacchus are going to interview Lord Blackstone. They have driven through the main gate and still haven't reached the house]

John Bacchus:
Are we nearly there? I mean, how much of England is one bloke allowed to own?

[Gently and Bacchus have already met Lord Blackstone who has said "just call me Hector". Now they are questioning Lady Blackstone]

John Bacchus:
We found your husband's car, Mrs Blackstone.

Alethea Blackstone:
[superciliously] I beg your pardon?

John Bacchus:
You hard of hearing?

Hector Blackstone:
My wife prefers to be "Your Ladyship".

John Bacchus:
[flippantly] Well I wouldn't mind being Bobby Charlton.

[Lady Blackstone has claimed that her son James was playing backgammon with her the night that their car was involved in a fatal accident, but Lord Blackstone has since said that James was at the pub with him]

John Bacchus:
[sarcastically] That's a nasty cut you've got there, Your Highness. Did you get that playing backgammon?

John Bacchus:
How many times have these people got a free pass just because they won the pools on the day they were born?

George Gently:
Is that what you think of me... somebody who knows his place?

John Bacchus:
These people have been farting in our faces for centuries, and now we don't have to take it anymore... and here is my guv'nor callin' this stuck-up cow, "Your Ladyship."

Dr. Arnold:
[to Gently] Tell me, Chief Inspector, when does it hurt the most? First thing in the morning or last thing at night?

Alethea Blackstone:
You still think you should be runnin' this country?

Alethea Blackstone:
You know, when I first met you, I took you as one of those angry young men with a... with a chip on his soldier, but now I see you're actually quite well-balaced. You have a chip on both your shoulders.

[last lines]

George Gently:
Just out of interest, what sort of people do you think should be runnin' this country?

John Bacchus:
People like me.

John Bacchus:
[hesitantly, embarrassed] So you are... you know... a practising homosexual?

Francis Walsh:
[laughs] I'm well beyond practising, Sergeant.

George Gently:
You know that the 'greater good', and personal interest often end up the same thing.

George Gently:
Come on.

John Bacchus:
Where are we going?

George Gently:
To see Scott Tanner's psychiatrist.

John Bacchus:
Must be plenty of money in listening to folk sit and whinge all day.

George Gently:
I should get a bonus then, shouldn't I - listening to you all day.

George Gently:
I know there's something else going on, from when Scott was still serving in the Army.

George Gently:
Serving? Aye. We served. Follow your orders, no questions asked, whatever they had you do; ey Mr. Gently? Y'know, we used to be the good guys. That's what I always thought. That's why I signed up.

George Gently:
So, what changed?

Mark Tanner:
My eyes were opened. Do you think the Americans had a monopoly on baby-killing and massacres? I was in Kenya. And we did things. Called it soldiering. You tell men the enemy are less than human - bad things happen.

John Bacchus:
[after having to teach a secondary school class] Will you remind me why Ihad to do that.

George Gently:
To get o know the community you serve... the England of tomorrow.

John Bacchus:
[Sarcastically] Well, if that's the England of tomorrow, we're stuffed.

George Gently:
Nobody is going to tell us anything... not the victims... not the criminals.

Chief Constable Lilley:
[Speaking about exposing child abuse] Be careful with this stuff, George. You don't know where it will lead. This stuff is so corrosive... children are so vulnerable.

John Bacchus:
[to Gently at the burial] Is there anybody in this town who isn't related to everybody else? Probably all got webbed feet.

[WPC Coles has tracked down a suspect that Gently and Bacchus have been trying to trace]

John Bacchus:
So what you are going to do after you've nicked me job then, Rachel? Are you going to surgically remove me balls, are you?

Rachel Coles:
No you can keep those for decorative purposes. You might run out of fluffy dice for your car window.

John Bacchus:
Well I don't have any fluffy dice.

Rachel Coles:
And you don't have any balls, either.

Liz Thompson:
[looking at Durham Cathedral] That's my favourite view, Chief Inspector

George Gently:
I think it's becoming mine too. Why are you here, sergeant?

Liz Thompson:
I'm the Chief Constable's new driver.

George Gently:
You enjoying it?

Liz Thompson:
Yes. I get to go everywhere he goes. Never knew County Durham had so many golf courses.

Pat Shepherd:
[Being introduced to George by her husband Alan] George, lovely to meet you. I'm going to embarrass you both now; you're the nearest thing my husband's got to a hero.

John Bacchus:
[after failing to get a search warrant from threee magistrates] Do you want me to break in, Guv?

George Gently:
Do you want to ask me a different question, John?

John Bacchus:
Can I have the afternoon off, Guv?

George Gently:
Absolutely.

George Gently:
[as Bacchus is walking away] John, don't get caught.

Paul Collison:
Look, I just want you to know that I think using violence against kids is barbaric.

John Bacchus:
My dad belted me when I was a kid; didn't do me any harm.

Paul Collison:
[With sarcasm] That's a matter of opinion.

Terri Molloy:
You deserve better than this, Tommy. I'm sorry.

Sgt Molloy:
Ah, the world would be a painful place if we all got what we deserved, huh?

[last lines]

George Gently:
Bye, China.

[Gently and Bacchus are going through the pockets of a murder victim. Bacchus pulls out a ball of tinfoil with some brown lumps inside]

George Gently:
Is that what I think it is?

John Bacchus:
Yes. Cannabis resin. It's a bit late to charge him with possession now, isn't it.

John Bacchus:
[picking up a photo frame during a search] And what is his name?

Adriana Doyle:
Che

John Bacchus:
Does he have a second name?

Adriana Doyle:
Guevara

John Bacchus:
Is he her boyfriend?

Adriana Doyle:
Have you really never heard of Che Guevara?

Charles Hexton:
Women allow love to ompletely govern their lives.

George Gently:
[Referring to men in general] Don't we?

John Bacchus:
[Observing a sign that says 'mMke love, not war!' and a couple kissing] I hear you're in the midst of a sexual revolution.

John Bacchus:
[Thinking hiscomment might be misinterpreted] Oh, no, I waas reading your posters.

Adriana Doyle:
[Provocatively] You should jump on board, baby! You can't make love if you're weain' chain.

Adriana Doyle:
[John laughs emarrassedly] Kick the bishop out of the bedroom, and that old judge goes. Everyone's free to do exactly what they feel whenever they feel like it. You'll see an entirely different world' Aye, you will.

John Bacchus:
If we're all making love... we won't have time to make bombs. I might give it a go.

Adriana Doyle:
There's nothing hasn't been done before.

John Bacchus:
[Looking at the dead radical professor's paycheck] Look how much he was gettin' paid!

John Bacchus:
[John gives it to George for approval] They're our taxes, you know.

George Gently:
Makes you wish you paid attention at school.

[Gently and Bacchus visit a seedy nightclub to arrest a suspect. A skinhead confronts them]

George Gently:
Bovver boots, slaphead, your granddad's braces and a choirboy shirt. No, I give up. What have you come as?

[Gently head-butts the skinhead and continues into the club]

John Bacchus:
[Commenting on the charred corpse] There's nothing left of him... or her.

George Gently:
Well... [sniffing the corpse]... let's hope he went to the dentist.

George Gently:
[after hearing Bacchus gave information to Epson] Oh, this is funny... this is funny.

John Bacchus:
What's funny?

George Gently:
It's funny that you don't look stupid.

Empton:
[to Gently and Bacchus] You know, I really do admire you local boys. There's no flies on you... although you can see where they've been.

[because he has been called into work to investigate the missing baby, Bacchus has taken his daughter to his father's; even though she is a girl, he has bought her a Meccano set to play with while she is there]

Peter Bacchus:
You were never much as a son, but you are a spectacularly useless dad.

[a few years ago, Hazel Joyce was an unmarried mother who had a baby at Esther Dunwoody's adoption clinic but decided not give him up for adoption; now she works for Esther and the two of them are doing a sales pitch to prospective adoptive parents]

Esther Dunwoody:
All our babies come with a clear biography and a clean bill of health. We want our adopters to have as much information as possible on which to base their choice. Hazel?

Hazel Joyce:
Just think of it like a bring-and-buy sale. We bring them. You buy them.

Esther Dunwoody:
Hazel...

Hazel Joyce:
You can choose your baby by eye colour, skin colour, fat, thin, or by parentage.

Esther Dunwoody:
No need for flippancy, Hazel.

Hazel Joyce:
Oh, sorry. I won't be flippant.

Hazel Joyce:
You can choose how your baby was conceived - back seat of a car, quickie in a bus stop.

Esther Dunwoody:
Right. That's enough. What's the matter with you.

Hazel Joyce:
Drunken night on the beach with a total stranger. My baby, for instance, was conceived when my uncle raped me at my cousin's wedding, in the middle of my second term at uni. Which is why, I suppose, Mrs Dunwoody has me in her book as "quite bright". Which compared to her, I am.

[Esther tries to usher the couple out of the room before they hear even more details that she would rather they didn't hear]

Esther Dunwoody:
They are, for the most part, lovely, lovely girls. They make one mistake, Mr. Gently, and they pay for it.

George Gently:
My sergeant can tell you about all that. [laughs gently]

John Bacchus:
Yes, um [clearing his throat] my wife made a mistake.

Esther Dunwoody:
You made it together, but you stood by her.

John Bacchus:
[annoyed] Yes, and now we're divorced. Can we crack on?

Esther Dunwoody:
Yes, well to thread a needle requires both needle and thread, you know.

John Bacchus:
Mother's hysterical apparently, which is fair enough, isn't it? Hey, do you know where that comes from, "hysterical?" Do you know where that word comes from, you'll like? You'll like this. I was readin' about it. You see, I thought it was hysterical, like Tommy Cooper, he's hysterical. But, no, it's not. It's Latin for "womb." . Eh, says a lot about women, now, doesn't it?

George Gently:
[dryly] It's Greek.

John Bacchus:
Well, they knew a thing or two then, didn't they, the Ancient Greeks?