Invader ZIM

Gir:
I love this show!

Gir:
Tell me a story about giant pigs!

Zim:
Come, GIR. Let us rain some doom down upon the heads of our doomed enemies.

Gir:
I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now. [singing] Doom doom doom...

Dib:
My head's not big! Why does everyone say that?

Zim:
Good question. I don't care!

[a mystic escape portal is in Dib's own forehead]

Zim:
There! That should be wide enough.

Dib:
What about me? How do I get back?

Zim:
Good question! BUT I DON'T CARE!

Dib:
You can't make me look! I'll just shut my eyes.

Zim:
Oh, you'll open them. You have to breath sometime.

Dib:
No, I - Wait... What do eyes have to do with breathing?

Zim:
What are you watching?

Gir:
Angry monkey.

Zim:
That horrible monkey!

Gir:
Mmhmm.

The Letter M:
What's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and ghosts and seeing Bigfoot in your garage!

Dib:
He was using the belt sander...

[GIR is disguised as a government agent]

Gir:
I am government man, come from the government. The government has sent me.

[Zim's telescope is malfunctioning]

Zim:
Gir! Come to the observatory!

[Gir's head pops out of ceiling]

Gir:
Yeees?

Zim:
What have you done to the telescope?

Gir:
Nothin'...

Zim:
You haven't touched it? Something is broken and it's not your fault?

Gir:
I know, I'm scared too!

Gir:
Awww... I wanted to explode.

Gir:
Somebody needs a hug!

Dib:
[gasping] Sorry I'm late... horrible... nightmare visions!

Ms. Bitters:
It's called life, Dib. Now sit down.

Ms. Bitters:
Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.

Gaz:
[to Dib] All I wanted was to have some pizza, hang out with dad, and not let your weirdness mess up my day!

Gir:
[disguised as a dog] MEOW!

Zim:
Curse you snacks! Curse yooooooou!

Gaz:
Why do you have to have a head?

Zim:
GIR! Unleash the monkey!

GIR:
...MONKEY!

Zim:
[over video link] Soon, I'll bring the Tallest here to witness my ingenius evil! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! HAAH! I said evil! AHAHAHAA!

Dib:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Professor Membrane:
[from basement] Son, there'd better not be any walking dead up there!

Dib:
It's nothing to worry about, Dad! And I said I was sorry about that!

Zim:
My Tallest! My Tallest! Hey! Hey My Tallest! My Tallest? My Tallest! Hey! Hey! Hey! My Taaaaaaallist! My Tallest? My Tallest! Hey! Hey My Tallest! My Tallest? It's me! My Tallest? My Tallest!

Almighty Tallest Red:
I was waiting to see when you would shut up on your own, but it's been three hours, Zim. THREE HOURS! What do you want?

Zim:
Well, I noticed you're moving closer to the Earth than *ever* before!

Almighty Tallest Red:
How would you know that?

Zim:
Oh I know all kinds of theings about you. Pretty creepy, huh? Anyhow, I was...

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Hey!... That *is* creepy! You're creepy, Zim.

Zim:
You're nothing Earth boy! Go home and shave your giant head of smell with your bad self!

Dib:
Okay... There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

Zim:
GIR! What are you doing?

Gir:
I made mashed po-ta-toes!

Zim:
Yes... and muffins...

Zim:
Ha! Watch Dib! Watch as I bring a royal audience to the downfall of the human race!

Dib:
I don't wanna watch that.

Zim:
Oh. Ok... WAIT! THAT'S TOO BAD!

Zim:
[looking over the town for a telescope he can use] There's one, but it belongs to the Dib human.

Gir:
So? He seems nice!

Gir:
[five minutes after eating it, crying] I miss my cupcake.

Dib:
Ms. Bitters, I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?

Ms. Bitters:
How far in your brain?

Dib:
[looks at nose] Pretty far.

Dib:
There are many mysteries still unsolved. I figure, you know... I'll do some of that.

Zim:
You expect me to pay to ride this filthy contraption? Have you the brain worms?

Dib:
[commenting on his teacher, Ms. Bitters] Someone said she's existed from time immemorial and they just built the school around her.

[at the North Pole]

Elves:
[singing] Bow down... bow down... before the power of Santa! Or be crushed... be crushed... by his jolly boots of doom!

Zim:
Shut your noise tube, Taco Human!

Zim:
Oh, such tacos will I give!

Zim:
It's over, Tak! The Earth is mine to devastate... and I already promised the moon to GIR.

Zim:
I put a tracking device on you.

Dib:
You did? Where is it?

[GIR is grabbing the back of his head]

Gir:
Your head smells like a puppy!

Dib:
You're just jealous...

Zim:
This has nothing to do with jelly!

Gir:
CHICKEN! I'm gonna eat you!

[Zim stuffs a globe into a goldfish bowl, goldfish is crushed against side of bowl]

Zim:
Now do you understand my latest and most brilliant plan for earth conquest Gir?

Gir:
I'm gonna eat that fish.

Zim:
No, Gir. The fish is part of the plan.

Gir:
I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a while. KAY?

Almighty Tallest Red:
So, you're saying the humans are dumb, yet... tall. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? How can anything tall be dumb?

Almighty Tallest Purple:
[With his mouth full] Yeah, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can you imagine, huh? Huh? Huh?

Tak:
The great thing about your people Dib is that, most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture! Not a plan for world conquest!

Dib:
Wait, is there really a difference?

Zim:
They locked down their fortress - with locks!

Zim:
Is that Irken equipment you're using? That's Tak's ship you're sitting in, isn't it?

Dib:
Yes it is, Zim! It fell fro...

Zim:
Isn't it?

Dib:
I said it was! Man, Zim, you have a problem with listening.

Zim:
ISN'T IT?

Zim:
Zim... You're alive?

Zim:
So very alive. And filled with goo! *Mission* goo!

GIR:
Aww, but I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show!

[Carrying a large, bewildered pig over his head]

GIR:
Let's go to my room, pig!

[Drawing a pig]

Gaz:
The pig... COMMANDS ME!

Almighty Tallest Red:
Fire some kinda laser... thingie at 'em; RIGHT NOW!

[Zim has sent GIR to attack Dib. GIR is poking at his controls making him spin in circles. An alarm that sounds like a car alarm]

Zim:
[to self] Hmm, maybe he's not such a bad evil minion after all.

Dib:
[to gir] Hey! Go away!

GIR:
Okey dokey!

[flies away]

Zim:
[Zim kicks open the classroom door after a bathroom break] My business is done!

Dib:
[suspiciously] Who takes three hours to go to the bathroom *before* lunch, Zim?

Zim:
Nonsense! I had much to do! SO MUCH!

Zim:
Prepare your bladder for imminent release!

Zim:
What *is* our mission, GIR?

Gir:
Blend in with the indigenous life, analyze their weaknesses, prepare the planet fo the coming madness, yay!

Gir:
Hi floor! Make me a sandwich!

Gir:
Your methods are stupid; your progress has been stupid; your intelligence is stupid!

GIR:
Lets make biscuits! LETS MAKE BISCUITS!

Gir:
I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now. Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom [Screen goes black and then displays a message: Six Months Later] Doom doom doom doom doomy doomy doom doomy doom doom doom doom doom doom doom [continues singing]

Zim:
Gir, would you please stop singing?

Zim:
GIR stop that singing!

[a kid gets hit by a kickball]

Kid:
Ow, my organs!

Zim:
Buahahaha. Inferior human organs! [Zim gets hit by the ball] Boh! My squeedily spooch!

Zim:
You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!

[inventorying equipment, looking at SIRs]

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Malfunctioning SIR units. HEY! These things are dangerous! Anyone using these could really get hurt! [pause] Send them to Zim!

Almighty Tallest Red:
[gasps] But they'll DESTROY him!

Almighty Tallest Purple, Almighty Tallest Red:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Ah, let's go eat food!

Dib:
Can I ask you something? What are your species' main weaknesses? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Who's that large headed kid?

Almighty Tallest Red:
I don't know... But his head is large!

Dib:
Excuse me, alien scum? Gimme your home planet's coordinates!

Zim:
Computer, give me all the information you have on the FBI.

Computer:
The FBI is a government law enforcement agency.

Zim:
Continue.

Computer:
Insufficient data.

Zim:
"Insufficient data"? Can't you just make an educated guess?

Computer:
O... kay... Um, founded in 1492 by, uh... demons, the FBI is a crack law enforcement agency designed to... uh, I dunno, fight... aliens?

Zim:
I KNEW IT!

Zim:
Lemony fresh victory shall be mine!

Nik:
Hey look, there's a binary system. Ever been to a binary system before?

Oog-Ah:
Mmm...

Nik:
Would it... would it kill you to say something?

Oog-Ah:
Quiet or I'll eat your head. That enough words for you?

Nik:
I... I was just making conversation...

Gir:
[Zim's compass magnetically sticks to Gir] Aww, it likes me.

Zim:
Gir, do you want to wake up the entire planet?

Gir:
[shouts] I do!

GIR:
[shouts] I'm dancing like a monkey!

Zim:
But... invader's blood marches through my veins, like giant RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS! The pants command me. Do not ignore my veins!

[repeated line]

Gir:
YAY!

Zim:
No, Gir. That's bad.

Professor Membrane:
You should listen to your brother maybe if you did he wouldn't be so insane

Gaz:
But his voice, it fills me with this anger

Zim:
I am the only one who can decode the files!

Dib:
And I am the one with the files to be decoded!

Gir:
AND I'M... AAAH-ahah... I dunno.

Zim:
Now, Dib, I leave you to your... eh

Gir:
Moosey fate! Say moosey fate!

Zim:
Your moosey fate.

Gir:
[laughs]

Dib:
Ms. Bitters, have you noticed anything strange about the hamster? He's three times his size and he has that hideous throbbing alien device on his back.

[as the class watches the class hamster, Peepi, running on his hamster wheel]

Ms. Bitters:
Take a good look, children. It will prepare you for your adult lives in our nightmarish corporate system.

Zim:
Whatcha watchin?

Gir:
Angry Monkey. Where's Ultra-Peepi?

Zim:
He's workin.

Dib:
Chickenfoot, come back! You're not a freak! You're just stupid!

[In a chicken restaurant]

Shabby Guy:
I want my slaw!

Eric:
You have your slaw, sir!

Shabby Guy:
I want my slaw!

Eric:
You have your slaw, sir!

Shabby Guy:
I WANT MY SLAW!

Eric:
You have your slaw, sir!

Zim:
Hey, what are you?

Blob:
[in a melancholy tone] I don't even know anymore. They fused me so many times. Everyone else just escapes, but I'm so unhappy now, so DISGUSTING.

[points to Minimoose glued to his/her forehead]

Blob:
What's that thing?

Blob:
[Zim has already left through an air vent] If only I had arms or a leg or... YES, someone to help me escape... Would you please help me?... Hello? Hello?

[utters a sigh and a little sob, sad music playing]

GIR:
[Disguised as Government Man] I am Government Man, come from the government. The government has sent me.

ZIM:
Why am I so amazing?

Zim:
Human law enforcement machine. Markings, lighty flashy things on top. Defensive capability, minimum.

Zim:
Explodes on impact with giant weenie. Evaluation, pathetic! Pathetic Earth vehicle!

Zim:
GIR!

GIR:
[Suddenly bursts out of a turkey] It's me! I was the turkey ALL ALONG!

Zim:
I was wondering what that turkey was doing there. GIR! I'm delaying the brain parasite plan for now. I want you to...

GIR:
I was in the turkey! MEEEEE!

Zim:
Yes, so you were.

Gir:
I made mashed potatoes!

Zim:
Yes... And muffins.

Almighty Tallest Red:
Enemy Vessel, ha! As if anyone would go dare up against the Massive.

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Yeah, that is pretty funny. HEY, SOMEONE'S MAKIN' DOUGHNUTS!

Almighty Tallest Red:
That's a Vort ship! I didn't think there were any of those left! Call them and tell them we're gonna blow 'em up! Hah!

Lard Nar:
They're hailing us! They're hailing us! Oh, quick! We need a name! We can't form a resistance and not have a name!

Shloonktapooxis:
How 'bout the pirate monkeys! It's a awesome name.

Lard Nar:
Hmmm... No. We need something scary! Something to strike fear into all who hear of the resistance!

Spleenk:
I got it! I got it!

Almighty Tallest Red:
Identify yourselves.

Lard Nar:
We are the Resisty! We have come to strike...

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Woowoowoowoowoo! Did you say "the Resisty"?

Lard Nar:
Yes, yes. The Resisty! Anyhow... we have come...

Almighty Tallest Purple:
That's a stupid name.

Lard Nar:
See, I told you it was stupid! Why do I keep listening to you?

Spleenk:
I don't know...

Almighty Tallest Red:
Destroy them!

Zim:
Is that Urkin equipment you're using? That's Tak's ship you're sitting in, isn't it?

Dib:
Yes it is, Zim! It fell from...

Zim:
Isn't it?

Dib:
I SAID IT WAS! Man, you have a problem with listening, Zim.

Zim:
ISN'T IT?

Zim:
You're nothing, Earth boy! Go home and shave your giant head of smell with your bad self!

Dib:
...Okay. There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

Zim:
My Tallest! My Tallest, hey, my Talleeeeest! My Tallest! My, my, my my Tallest! My Taaaaallest! Hey! Hey! Hey over here, my Tallest! My Tallest? My TallEST! My Tallest! My Tallest! Hey, my Tallest, my Tallest, my Tallest! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! My Tallest! My Tallest! My TaaaaaallEST! My Tallest. My TALLest! Hey! MAH TALLEEEEST! MY TALLEST! MY TALLEST! MY TALLEST! My TaaAAALLest! Hey! Hey! My Tallest? Uh, hi! My Tall! Hey my Tallest! It's me! Look at me! My Tallest? My Tallest! My Tallest?

Almighty Tallest Red:
I was curious to see when you would shut up on your own. But it's been THREE HOURS now, Zim. THREE HOURS! So, what is it?

Zim:
I just noticed that you're traveling closer to the Earth than EVER before!

Almighty Tallest Purple:
How do you know that?

Zim:
Oh, I know all kinds of things about you. Pretty creepy, huh? Anyhow, I was...

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Hey! That *is* creepy. You're creepy, Zim.

Zim:
Heh heh. Yes, I sure am.

Dirge:
I was born with webbed fish toes... like some kind of horrible fish boy. Wanna see?

Zim:
Do you realize what this means?

Gir:
Yes. Wait a minute... no.

Zim:
It means our mission is in jeopardy!

Gir:
Aw, man!

Zim:
What are you doing, Gir?

Gir:
Nothing.

Gir:
Nothing... or something?

[Miniaturized ZIM is inside Dib's body]

Zim:
At this very moment I'm in a microscopic submersible somewhere in your disgusting belly attached to your arm control nerve.

Dib:
Arm control nerve?

Zim:
Yes, arm control nerve.

Dib:
In my belly?

Zim:
Yes.

Dib:
Humans don't have arm control nerves.

Zim:
Do not question me! I control your arms!

[ZIM's imagination]

Reporter:
Congratulations on discovering the grotesque space monster! Tell us, how did you know he was an alien?

Scientist:
Well, we noticed he had no friends.

Zim:
Fool! You think I would share the cure with you? I'll find a cure and keep it all to myself and then watch you transform more and more into what you really are deep down in your heart!

Dib:
Deep down I'm bologna?

Zim:
...Yes.

Dib:
That's just dumb.

Zim:
Dumb like a moose, Dib. Dumb like a moose!

Zim:
I have already stuffed my normal human belly so full of delicious human FILTH, that I could not eat another bite.

Zim:
The size of a hippo that head!

Zim:
Once I infect the human's meat supply with filth, the planet will be mine for the taking! GIR, ready the tractor beam!

Gir:
DOOKIE!

Zim:
Sometimes I'm scared to think of what goes on in that tiny robot brain of yours

Gir:
[looks out at the cows in the field. In his mind, they turn into Weenies wearing tuxedoes and top-hats]

Dapper Weenies:
[in GIR's mind] Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!

Zim:
I'm going to attempt to lock you into duty mode with this behavioral modulator.

[GIR giggles]

Zim:
What?

Gir:
Dooty.

Gir:
The knowledge... It fills me! It is neat!

Police Officer:
My tentacles! Where are my tentacles?

Zim:
Don't worry, officer. You are in a filthy Earth brain hospital. Your feelings are normal. There's a squid brain in your head!

Gir:
Your methods are stupid! Your prgress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the good of the mission, you must be terminated!

Gir:
Hi floor! Make me a sammich!

Zim:
As soon as I've tainted the humans meat supply with filth, they will be ripe for conquest. Soon the name of Invader Zim will be synonymous with DOOKIE!

GIR:
DOOKIE!

Zim:
Sometimes I'm scared to think of what goes on in that insane head of yours

GIR:
[looks out at the cows in the field. In his mind, they turn into Weenies wearing tuxedoes, top-hats, and holding walking sticks]

Dapper Weenies:
[in GIR's mind] Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!

Zim:
[GIR is eating the Poop Candy Bars] GIR! Do not eat that filth! It is the key to mystery of the prize!

GIR:
The mystery of the priiiiiiiiiiize. [Chocolate liquid spills out of mouth on the word "prize"]

[the video G.I.R is watching is over]

Zim:
[mockingly] I'm gonna watch it again!

[pause]

Gir:
I'm gonna watch it again!

[ZIM has a heat-induced fantasy while selling candy bars that an ominous specter - Poop Dog in a hooded cape - comes up to him]

Poop Dog:
I am...

Zim:
[cuts him off; terrified] Whoareyou?

Poop Dog:
*I am*...

Zim:
Whoareyou?

Poop Dog:
I AM...

Zim:
WHOAREYOU?

Gir:
[after eating a box of "poop" candy bars] YAY! I'm going to be sick!

Ms. Bitters:
There is no prize. They just made it up so kids would work hard for no money.

Zim:
[shouts] Curse you, poop dawg!

Gir:
[after watching a movie about alien invasion] Hurray for earth!

Zim:
That hover craft is a joke of engineering and that helmet would never protect your brain from lasers!

GIR:
[about Dib] Why *is* his head so big? *Why* is his head so *big?*

Ms. Bitters:
[Lecturing on the Bubonic Plague:] And then the rats came for them. Thousands of them. Dirty, dirty rats.

[Dib snaps his pencil in half and puts it in his nose]

Ms. Bitters:
And these weren't the cuddly kind of rats you get in today's sewers.

Dib:
[raising his hand] Ms. Bitters? I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the Nurse?

Ms. Bitters:
How far in your brain?

Dib:
...Pretty far.

Ms. Bitters:
...All right. [indicates a large steam radiator] Take the auxlilary hall pass.

Dib:
I'm looking for the pigeon-head kid.

Receptionist:
Nobody's come in with head pigeons, young man.

Dib:
Zim...? The green kid.

Receptionist:
Oh, the green child. He's right over there, doubled over in pain.

Random Kid:
[Hall Monitor] The cooing! The cooo-innnnngg!

Receptionist:
He's missing his liver. That's how some kids react to the cafeteria food. The lucky ones.

Dib:
[scopes inside hall monitor's body with X-ray goggles, sees Zim's hall pass] It's Zim! It has to be! He's stealing organs, and replacing them with... *stuff!* He must be stopped!

Receptionist:
Don't forget your hall pass!

Zim:
Ah, the stink of clean.

Zim:
[Zim puts on Germ glasses so he can see all the germs and starts screaming and is scared to move] So... much... FILTH... [clenches fists]

[ZIM steals all the kids' organs except for Dib's]

Dib:
I suppose you've got a heart in there?

Zim:
Six of them.

Dib:
Intestines?

Zim:
Large or small?

Dib:
Spleen?

Zim:
In six different colors.

[ZIM is stealing organs. Dib drags "auxiliary hall pass" - a space heater - down the hall]

Dib:
Must... warn... others...

[pigeon cooing]

Dib:
ZIM? Do not show fear. This is me without fear. And a 62 pound hall pass.

[a pigeon has flown in the window and landed on Zim's head]

Ms. Bitters:
Zim!

Zim:
Sir!

Ms. Bitters:
There's a pigeon on your head. You've got head-pigeons. Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children.

Zim:
Yes, Ms. Bitters! [moves to the door]

Ms. Bitters:
No leaving the class without a hall pass, Zim.

Zim:
Of course.

Ms. Bitters:
[takes an electronic collar from her desk, places it around Zim's neck] If you leave school grounds, it will explode.

GIR:
[after Zim eradicating all germs in the house] I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a little bit, 'kay?

Zim:
Stupid human propaganda, the very concept of a superior alien species being fell by something as pathetic as germs is sheer fantasy. Do they really believe that can happen? Bwahahaha

[GIR attempts to pick up an explosion caught in slow-motion and it incinerates his arm]

GIR:
Yayyyy! It BURNS!

Gir:
TAQUITOS! And a clown with no head!

Zim:
Even as a young Irken child, my dream was to pass Probing Day like a Slor Beast passes her young... jiggly and full of juice!

Gir:
But won't it just explode? Just like this KABLAM!

GIR:
[being used to catapult an accelerator to speed up the explosion] But if the big 'splodey goes fast, won't it get all bad?

Zim:
The Dib, he's missing! They've taken him and drained him of his sweet, sweet blood candies!

Zim:
Be gone with you! I've had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with... corn!

Dib:
But I haven't been eating corn

Zim:
[shouts] Liar!

Dib:
Hey Gaz, did you eat all the cereal? I was going to have this for breakfast tommorow, you know.

Gaz:
You think you own all the cereal but you know what, you don't Dib, you just don't.

Krazy Taco Cashier:
Thanks for coming to Krazy Taco, can I take your order? So that's two large tacos, burrito, and a medium Gir, take us back to the base right now. You want a drink with that?

Zim:
GIR.

Gir:
Yes, master?

Zim:
GIR, I have your tacos!

Gir:
Gimme!

Zim:
No, GIR.

Gir:
But I neeeeeeed tacos! I need them or I will explode! That happens to me sometimes.

Zim:
Wait a minute. You're in the house's computer?

Gir:
Uh-huh.

Zim:
You're the new brain?

Gir:
I guess so!

Gir:
Do a little Dance!

Gir:
I loveded you, piggy! I LOVEDED YOU!

Zim:
Now, to unleash screaming temporal doom.

[Inserts giant robot object into portal to find it being sat back out]

Computer:
Object not compatible with temporal field.

Zim:
Argh! Not compatible? Is this thing just completely useless? Not compatible!

[Out of rage, grabs a little rubber piggy from GIR to throw it at the rejected robot, with it bouncing off and sent flying into the portal]

Computer:
Object Accepted Temporal Displacement Deprocess!

Zim:
Huh?

Zim:
A hunter-destroyer...

Gir:
What is it?

Zim:
[Annoyed] A hunter-destroyer...

Gir:
WHAT IS IT?

Zim:
[More annoyed] A hunter-destroyer machine.

Zim:
I'm an unstoppable death machine, you know.

Gir:
[talking about the Megadoomer] It's got chicken legs!

Zim:
Yes... chicken legs.

Zim:
[Eating waffles] Hmm... you know, these aren't that bad. What's in them?

Gir:
There's waffle in 'em!

Zim:
[shouts] You're lying!

Zim:
GIR, your waffles have sickened me! Fetch the bucket!

GIR:
[Bringing ZIM waffles] These got peanuts and soap in 'em!

GIR:
Guess who made WAFFLES!

Zim:
I'm not eating that!

GIR:
[screams and cries very loudly]

Zim:
All right, GIR, I will TRY.

GIR:
[screams happily]

[Dib is following GIR into ZIM's home in a cloaking device. GIR eventually finds him and throws "Poop" at him. Dib becomes visible]

Dib:
I was...

GIR:
INTRUDER! [eats a cookie] Lalalalala

Dib:
Excuse me, but, can you put this spy camera in ZIM's house so I can... spy on his evil and stuff?

GIR:
Okey dokey!

Dib:
I shoulda tried this a long time ago.

Zim:
But can he protect you from this-this-this-this! [points to GIR]

GIR:
SANDWICH! [launches sandwich at Dib]

Dib:
Zim!

Zim:
What?

Dib:
Zim!

Zim:
What?

Dib:
Zim!

Zim:
What?

Dib:
Zim!

Zim:
What?

Zim:
I was out playing like any normal Earth larva.

Zim:
Okay, GIR, now, which way is home?

Gir:
It's this way... Or maybe that way. Oh, I don't know.

Zim:
How can you not know? I just recharged your guidance chip.

Gir:
Oh, I left that at home.

Zim:
Left what at home?

Gir:
The guidy, chippy, thingy.

Zim:
Why would you do that?

Gir:
To make room for the cupcake.

Zim:
Great! Just great!

Zim:
Okay Gir, now, which way is home?

Gir:
It's this way... Or maybe that way. Oh, I don't know.

Zim:
How can you not know? I just recharged your guidance chip.

Gir:
Oh, I took it out.

Zim:
Took what out?

Gir:
The guidy, chippy, thingy.

Zim:
Why would you do that?

Gir:
To make room for the cupcake.

Zim:
Great! Just great!

Zim:
[after taking off on GIR's jetpack, ZIM and GIR crash into a dumpster] How could you run out of fuel that quick?

Gir:
I emptied it out.

Zim:
Emptied it out? Why?

Gir:
To make room for the tuna!

Gaz:
Bloaty's. I want to go to Bloaty's. The pig commands me.

GIR:
[Zim thinks the baby next door is spying on him] Oh, it's just a baby! [GIR turns on the light] HI BABY!

Gir:
It was me! I was the turkey all along!

Gaz:
Where's Dib?

GIR:
[leaps up in duty mode, various weapons come from his head] None may pass! You are an intruder!

Gaz:
[angry] Where is Dib?

GIR:
[retracts weapons and goes back to normal] He went down there.

Zim:
You can't escape by teleporter, little Gaz. I cut the power! Your pitiful rescue attempt is nothing but a PITIFUL FAILURE! Stupid, stinking humans.

Gaz:
Doesn't this spaceship have any escape pods?

Zim:
Of course; they're right over there... Stupid, stinking humans.

Ms. Bitters:
[after pimple bursts, she appears out of no where] Dib, you will not leave school grounds until this mess is cleaned.

Dib:
Me, but. but...

Ms. Bitters:
SILENCE! [hands dib a tiny piece of sponge]

Dib:
Can't I use that sponge?

Ms. Bitters:
No. [dissapears]

Dib:
Go on... laugh! But one day you'll be sitting in your house feeling all safe & secure and you'll look over and I'll be there... DOIN STUFF.

Zim:
STUFF? IN MY HOME? NEVER!

Zim:
GIR! Get me cleansing chalk! Quickly!

Zim:
[Finishes scrubbing himself thoroughly] Why was there BACON IN THE SOAP?

GIR:
I made it myself!

[Zim and Dib are arguing over the memory from Tak's SIR]

Zim:
*I'm* the omly one with the technology to decode the file!

Dib:
And *I'm* the only one with the file to be decoded!

Gir:
And *I'M*... [laughs]... I don't know!

TAK:
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for someone like you. Someone with a head like your's and a torso too. Birds sing - AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY! The end.

Zim:
I have come to accept your feelings for me. I congratulate you for acknowledging my superiority in choosing me as your love-pig. FEEL HONORED!

Zim:
[ZIM has been captured by Sizz-Lorr] Sizz-Lorr! But... I...

Sizz-Lorr:
Escaped from me, yes. Escaped from your exile on Foodcourtia!

Zim:
I don't know what you're... WAIT A MINUTE, IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME!

Computer:
Irken Invader Zim, for single-handedly ruining Operation Impending Doom 1...

Zim:
Ruined? I blew up more than any other invader!

Almighty Tallest Red:
You BLEW UP all the other invaders!

Zim:
Am I the *only* one who's impressed by that?

Zim:
Cashlook can take a break without exploding! Why can't I?

Zim:
TUNA? Tuna is worth nothing! Why does noone give monies to ZIM?

Gir:
We wish you a merry jingly! We wish you a merry jingly! We wish YOUUU!

Gaz:
Dib drank the last soda. HE... WILL... PAY!

Dib:
They're coming, Gaz! They really are!

Gaz:
Who's coming, Dib?

Dib:
I... don't... know!

Dib:
What about his horrible green head?

Zim:
INSOLENT SCHOOLBOY! It's a skin condition.

Dib:
[to Class] And he's got no ears! Is that part of your skin condition, Zim? No ears?

Zim:
Yes.

Zim:
Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia? Shouldn't you be... frying something?

Zim:
Oh, I quit when I found out about this.

Almighty Tallest Purple:
You quit being banished?

[about ZIM's attack on his home planet]

Zim:
I put the fires out.

Almighty Tallest Red:
You made them worse!

Zim:
Worse... or better?

Almighty Tallest Red:
You will be sent to a planet so mysterious, no one has even heard of it!

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Right! And those who have heard of it dare not speak its name!

Zim:
What's its name?

Almighty Tallest Purple:
Oh, I dare not speak it!

Gir:
G.I.R. reporting for duty!

Zim:
What's the "G" stand for?

Gir:
...I -don't- knoooow...

[Picking disguises]

Zim:
For you, I'm thinking a dog.

Gir:
Can I be a mongoose dog?

[G.I.R is introduced to ZIM]

Zim:
Is it supposed to be stupid?

Almighty Tallest Purple:
It's not stupid, it's advaaaaaaanced!

Dib:
Scared of BEANS? SPACE BOY?!

Zim:
WHY WAS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP?

Gir:
I made it myself!