It Happened on Fifth Avenue

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
[Last Lines] Mary.

Mary O'Connor:
Yes, Mike?

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
Remind me to nail up the board in the back fence. He's coming through the front door next winter.

Aloysius T. McKeever:
You'll find plenty of vacancies if you boys just use your heads. That came out sounding a little different from the way I meant it.

Detective:
Anybody in that house?

Brady - Gates Patrolman:
Who are you?

Detective:
I am looking for a girl - Michael O'Connor's daughter.

Gates Patrolman Cecil Felton:
She ain't there. That joint's as empty as a sewing basket in a nudist camp.

Jackie Temple:
[walks into O'Connor's bedroom] Can I get in bed with you?

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
No! Go get in bed with your father.

Jackie Temple:
I can't.

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
Why not?

Jackie Temple:
'Cause he's in bed with my mother.

Jim Bullock:
Call your cossacks!

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
[to Trudy] Well, pay him the money. Let's get... Wait a minute, wait a minute. How much will you allow me for these?

Finkelhoff - the Tailor:
Well, $6.

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
Six dollars for a brand-new tailor-made outfit?

Finkelhoff - the Tailor:
Your suit is all wool.

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
Why, certainly, it's all wool.

Finkelhoff - the Tailor:
Oh... That's bad.

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
Wool is bad?

Finkelhoff - the Tailor:
Look, when the moths are learning I got here an all-wool suit... one moth tells the other. They're coming for a banquet. They're bringing their friends. Pretty soon, I got here a moth convention. A spray gun I gotta buy, insecticide I gotta buy... all night long, I am staying and spraying. I'm not coming home. My wife is getting mad. She's leaving for Reno. She's getting a divorce. What am I getting? Custody of the moths. Alimony I am paying. Payments I'm missing. To jail I'm going. My business I'm losing. I'm a bum. All because you are bringing in here an all-wool suit.

Michael J. 'Mike' O'Connor:
[to Trudy] Pay him quick before he names me correspondent.