Jennifer's Body

Jennifer Check:
[To Needy and Chip] It smells like Thai food in here. Have you guys been f***ing?

Jennifer Check:
You're lime-green jello and you can't even admit it to yourself.

Jennifer Check:
[Trying to let the guys from Low Shoulder let her go] Yes. Yes, I'm a virgin. I'm a virgin. I've never even done sex. I don't even know how. So, you guys should find somebody. Who does. Know how.

Jennifer Check:
Do you buy all your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're butch!

Jennifer Check:
Yeah, right. I'm not even a backdoor-virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. And by the way, that hurts! I couldn't even go to flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas.

Jennifer Check:
[On Colin Gray] He listens to maggot rock. He wears nail polish. My dick is bigger than his.

Jennifer Check:
PMS isn't real Needy, it was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we're crazy.

Jennifer Check:
[Pulls down Colin's pants] Nice hardware, Ace.

Jennifer Check:
[Colin, backing away from her, cuts his arm on a pair of hedgeclippers] Oh! A puncture wound. God, that's so emo...

Jennifer Check:
[Preparing to kill Colin Gray] I need you frightened. [Throws him around some more] I need you hopeless.

Jennifer Check:
[Last words] My tit.

Nikolai Wolf:
Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope. We're working with the beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is gonna wear your face. [Dirk gives him a look] Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is gonna happen.

Chip:
[after Jennifer attacked him] She can fly?

Needy Lesnicky:
She's just hovering... it's not that impressive.

Jennifer Check:
God, do you have to undermine everything I do? You are such a player hater.

Needy Lesnicky:
You're a jerk.

Jennifer Check:
Wow, nice comeback, Hannah Montana. Got any more harsh digs?

Needy Lesnicky:
You know what? You were never a good friend. Even when we were little you used to steal my toys, and pour lemonade on my bed.

Jennifer Check:
And now I'm eating your boyfriend. See? At least I'm consistent.

Needy Lesnicky:
Why do you need him? Huh? you can have anybody that you want, Jennifer. So... why Chip? Is it just to tick me off? Or is it just because you're just really insecure?

Jennifer Check:
I am not insecure, Needy. God that was a joke, how could I ever be insecure? I was the snowflake queen!

Needy Lesnicky:
Yeah, two years ago when you were socially relevant.

Jennifer Check:
I am still socially relevant.

Needy Lesnicky:
And when you didnt need laxatives to stay skinny.

Jennifer Check:
I am going... to eat your soul... and SH*T it OUT Lesnicky!

Needy Lesnicky:
I thought you only murdered boys.

Jennifer Check:
I go both ways.

Nikolai:
Welcome, Devil's Lake!

Crowd Member:
[correcting Nikolai] Devil's Kettle!

Nikolai:
F***ing A it is.

Jennifer:
[After being stabbed] My tit.

Needy:
No, your heart.

Needy:
How are you going to get alcohol?

Jennifer:
I'll just play Hello Titty with the bartender.

Needy:
Jennifer's evil.

Chip:
I know.

Needy:
No. I mean, she's actually evil. Not high school evil.

Needy:
Best friends FOREVER, huh? You killed my f***ing boyfriend! You goddamned monster, you dumb B*TCH!

[Jennifer bites Needy on the arm. Needy reveals her knife]

Needy:
Ya know what THIS is for? Huh? It's for cutting BOXES!

[Needy tries stabbing Jennifer in the face, Jennifer grabs the knife]

Jennifer:
Do you buy ALL your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're butch!

Needy:
Cross out Jennifer!

[Needy slices a bloody "X" on Jennifer's stomach with the knife]

Jennifer:
[After being stabbed] My tit.

Needy:
No...your heart.

Passing Motorist:
So, why are you headed east?

Needy:
I'm following this rock band.

Passing Motorist:
Must be one hell of a group.

Needy:
Tonight's gonna be their last show.

Needy Lesnicky:
Hell is a teenage girl.

Needy Lesnicky:
I don't even know who Needy Lesnicky is anymore. I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person... [lifts her top sleeve, revealing Jennifer's bite-mark imprinted on her shoulder] Lesnicky: But sometimes change can be good! For instance, most occult scholars don't know this, but if you're bitten by a demon, and you live, you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities... You might get lucky for once in your miserable life! [she floats up, kicks out the window and escapes]

Jennifer Check:
[Grabs Needy's breasts] These are like smart bombs, you point them in the right direction and sh*t gets real.

Chip Dove:
Needy, I care about you. As a person, not just some girl I made love to for four minutes the other night, and I'm scared of what's happening to you.

Chastity:
It's true. It's on the Wikipedia.

Needy's Mom:
[to Needy] I dreamed some bad people were trying to nail you to a tree with hammers and big stakes and sh*t. Just like J.C. But I didn't let 'em get to you, 'cause I'm a hard-assed, Ford-tough mama bear.

Jonas' Dad:
You hear me, you bastard?! I'll cut off your nutsack and nail it to my door! Like one of those lion door knockers rich folks got! That will be your balls!