John Doe

Digger:
May all your ups and downs be under the sheets.

Frank Hayes:
Just because you know everything, doesn't mean you know everything, John.

Frank Hayes:
Last time I went on a date was the opening night of Dances With Wolves. I had on MC Hammer pants and a gold earring.

Karen Kawalski:
[seeing John Doe has taken out all his furniture and left it in the hallway] How Feng Shui of you. I dig it, Doe. Very minimalist. Just you and the walls.

Karen Kawalski:
[sees an expensive lamp with the discarded furniture] Damn! I think this lamp costs more than my entire apartment. How are you so loaded?

Karen Kawalski:
[sees John Doe's erratic scribblings all over the walls] Oh! Whoa, Nelly! Uh, at what point do I start worrying about you cutting off an ear?

Karen Kawalski:
[meeting Frank Hayes for the first time] Hey, Five-O. Groovy that you're here. You know, I need an opinion. Both of you.

Karen Kawalski:
[shows John and Frank two of her paintings] All right. Cubism assignment. Which one floats you the most? Chaos? Or Order?

Karen Kawalski:
[Frank points to Order, John points to Chaos] You two deserve each other.

Shayne Pickford:
Are you some sort of private dick, or what?

John Doe:
Or what.

John Doe:
[examining a sophisticated alarm system] AXT 3200. 433 megahertz, 12 pyroelectric sensors create a wavelength spiderweb sensitive to skin temperatures above 92.6 degrees.

Frank Hayes:
What are you, battery-operated or something? Anyway, that doesn't explain how the blood got in there.

Yellow Teeth:
[Trying to sell Doe a ring] Now, what size are you?

John Doe:
Not sure. But I do know that fingernails grow 6.8 times faster than toenails.

Yellow Teeth:
That is interesting. Here, let's try this one.

Yellow Teeth:
[Trying to sell Doe a ring] Now, what size are you?

John Doe:
Not sure. But I do know that fingernails grow 3.8 times faster than toenails.

Yellow Teeth:
That is interesting. Here, let's try this one.

Museum Director:
John Doe? Who the hell is John Doe?

Frank Hayes:
Beats the hell out of me...

John Doe:
[at the controls of a 767] Tell you what. I'll bake you that pie myself.

Rachel Penbroke:
[impressed with John's never-ending list of skills] You're telling me you can fly an airplane *and* cook?

John Doe:
[laughs softly] You don't know the half of it.

Rachel Penbroke:
I get the feeling I don't know any of it.

Pavel Kovarik:
[interrupting John and Rachel] You two make beautiful babies, eh? If we get out of it alive.

John Doe:
I know everything about fatherhood. I don't know anything about being a dad.

Frank Hayes:
Now *that's* the smartest thing you've ever said.

John Doe:
So what am I? Escaped mental patient? Alien that sees in black and white? Government lobotomy experiment? What else was I to think? For a guy who had all the answers, I didn't have the ones that mattered the most.

Digger:
[catching John Doe staring at Paulette's legs] Feel free to pick up your tongue off the floor.

John Doe:
[in his first fight defeats a martial artist in hand-to-hand combat] What do you know! I know Ju-jitsu!

John Doe:
[wakes up to find Digger had stayed to watch over him and is making breakfast] Thanks for staying.

Digger:
I expect the same if I ever get a million watts up my ass.

Digger:
[John Doe has lost his "gift" after being struck by lightning] Well, you're always complaining about all those odd ball facts bubbling around in your head. You know, I think you'd welcome a break.

John Doe:
Maybe you're right. I mean, there is no more white noise buzzing around in my brain.

Digger:
Silver lining, my friend.

John Doe:
No more people staring at me like I'm some kind of freak. No more nightly trivial pursuit-athons. No more email chess games with Stephen Hawking.

Digger:
Now wait a second! You're playing chess with Stephen Hawking?

Frank Hayes:
[after watching John Doe play a dazzling guitar solo in the recording studio] And he's asking me what turns women on?

Jamie Avery:
[interrogating a suspect] Got your drug test back. Found some ecstasy. That was some pretty happy pee.

Karen:
[crying] Art school loans up the yin-yang. An overweight cat to support. Rent I don't have. And, I just got the axe!

John Doe:
Digger fired you?

Karen:
[wipes her tears] No biggie! Because I decided I found my calling. Piano-playing gumshoe's assistant.

Karen:
[stops crying and gets excited] John Doe Investigations! How may I direct your call? What do you say, moneybags? You'll see! I'm going to be the damn best assistant you never had!

Karen:
[enters John Doe's loft] You miss me, boss?

Karen:
[sees John Doe's expensive furnishings] Ha! Son-of-a-Baptist! You win the lottery or something?

John Doe:
[successfully hacks into the Federal Court Archives] Well, well.

Karen:
Federal Court Archives? Something tells me, that didn't come with Windows.

John Doe:
I reverse-encrypted their firewall with a pseudo IP and deconstructed their Telnet with a viral protocol.

Karen:
You frighten me.

John Doe:
She's not a bag lady. Your mother. Maybe I can help turn the light. Help you find her.

Karen:
[John leaves the room] Nice of you, but... I'm used to living in the dark.

Jenny Nichols:
Daddy says you're the mystery man here to fly me home.

John Doe:
I guess I am the mystery man.