Jonah Hex

[from trailer]

Lieutenant Evan:
Quentin Turnbull surfaced about a month ago.

Lieutenant Grass:
We want Turnbull dead.

Jonah Hex:
Why didn't you just say that to begin with?

[a dozen Union soldiers burst into Lilah's room]

Jonah Hex:
Christ, woman, how many men you seeing today?

Jeb Turnbull:
You killed me, Jonah!

Jonah Hex:
You drew on me, Jeb.

Jeb Turnbull:
Yeah, that was a mistake.

Jonah Hex:
Well, obviously.

Jeb Turnbull:
You disobeyed a direct order.

Jonah Hex:
To burn down a hospital. Your father was gonna kill all those people, just to make a point. I couldn't stand for that. I'm surprised you could.

Jeb Turnbull:
He was our commanding officer, he was my father! I didn't have a choice.

Jonah Hex:
Neither did I.

Jeb Turnbull:
I've been watching you, and I've been watching him, and I gotta tell you, it's getting real hard to tell the difference between you.

Jonah Hex:
Your father is a monster, you hear me?

Jeb Turnbull:
And you ain't? From where I sit, you're just two men bent on murdering people to make your own pain go away. Life like that, it sounds a hell of a lot like being damned.

[Jonah rides into town, dragging three dead bodies with his horse]

Jonah Hex:
These the boys you wanted?

Stunk Crick Mayor:
The Clayton boys?

Jonah Hex:
That's right.

Stunk Crick Mayor:
It would appear we have a little problem, Mr. Hex. They's four Clayton boys. This here's only three. I don't see anyway we could pay you the agreed-upon "reconciption"...

[Hex tosses him a burlap sack. The Mayor glances inside, and retches]

Jonah Hex:
The rest of him was too fat for my horse.

Dumbass Outlaw:
He don't look so tough.

Bartender:
He looks tough to me.

Dumbass Outlaw:
Not to me. Watch this.

[draws a knife]

Dumbass Outlaw:
Hey, Hex! What happened to your face-?

[a gunshot blasts him through a window, and Hex lifts his hat off the bar, revealing his pistol]

Jonah Hex:
Cut myself shaving, what happened to yours?

[drops a coin on the bar]

Jonah Hex:
For the broken window.

Stunk Crick Mayor:
You surely have done us quite a favor.

Jonah Hex:
Transaction's all it was. I'll collect my hundred dollar bounty on them and be on my way.

Stunk Crick Mayor:
That there, Mr. Hex was more of a limited-time offer.

Jonah Hex:
But you'll pay it just the same.

Stunk Crick Mayor:
Hell, Mr. Hex, there's an unscrupulous character or two would pay double that for your stinkin' hide!

[Hex glances at the undertaker's]

Jonah Hex:
Five coffins...

[counts the Mayor, the Sheriff and his deputies]

Jonah Hex:
Sure you don't need eight?

[Hex rides into town]

Stunk Crick Mayor:
Jonah Hex...

Stunk Crick Sheriff:
Jonah Hex...

[All the townspeople run inside and slam their doors]

Quentin Turnbull:
Explain it to me again, Burke.

Burke:
There is no explanation. I gave the bastard two barrels in the chest. By all rights he should be as dead as Billy here.

Quentin Turnbull:
Well, Jonah Hex doesn't know how to die. He'll have to be educated.

Burke:
I have no problem educating the man.

Burke:
Jonah bloody Hex! I'd know that half-baked piehole anywhere!

Burke:
I'm gonna hand Turnbull your balls in a snuffbox!

Burke:
You look like a right freak, you know that? Tell me, what's it like to go through life with a face like that?

Jonah Hex:
Let me show you! [punches him]

[after killing the Stunk Crick Sheriff and his deputies, Hex takes the man's badge and pins it on the nearest man, who is staring at him, slack-jawed]

Jonah Hex:
Congratulations.

Quentin Turnbull:
Magnificent, isn't it?

Burke:
It's bigger than a breadbox, that's for sure.

Quentin Turnbull:
Do you know who Eli Whitney was?

Burke:
I'm a very undereducated man, Mr. Turnbull. Are we talking about Whitney Sr. or Jr.?

Quentin Turnbull:
[smiles] Senior. After he invented the cotton gin and started the Industrial Revolution, he went to work for the U.S. military, and pioneered the use of interchangeable parts, firearms, and explosive ordnance, and fairly well singlehandedly invented modern warfare. So, as an exercise they asked him to design a "superweapon." A nation-killer. And this is what he envisaged, but they never built it, because once they realized its potential, they could not conceive of willingly turning such devastation on their fellow man. But I can. And one week from today... the United States will know hell.

Burke:
Cheers!

Quentin Turnbull:
You see, with weapons like these, one day we shall be able to level continents. But we'll have to content ourselves with starting small.

Lieutenant Grass:
Begging your pardon, sir, but why does the President care if one old Confederate general is still alive?

President Grant:
After Gettysburg, Turnbull changed. He targeted hospitals, schools, churches... kill enough people, and soon they would tear down the government that failed to protect them. His Mexican slaves, they had a nickname for him... what was it?

Aide:
"Terrorista."

President Grant:
Terrorista.

Burke:
Lovely little orange balls.

Turnbull's Gang - Billy:
They don't look like much.

Burke:
Maybe. But they'll turn the world to dust all the same. Take 'em, boys. But be careful. Wouldn't want to drop them.

Burly Turnbull Guard:
Hey, what happened to your face...?

[Hex kills him with a thrown tomahawk]

Jonah Hex:
I'm all out of wiseass answers.

[last lines]

Jonah Hex:
They say that a man with revenge in his heart should dig two graves. One for his enemy and one for himself. I guess mine's just gonna have to wait.

[being raised from the dead]

Jeb Turnbull:
God! You are such an a**hole.

Jonah Hex:
Good to see you again, too, Jeb.

Grayden Nash:
[points gun at Lilah's dead] I own you now.

[Nash tries to shoot her, Lilah stabs him]

Lilah:
Single-sh*t pistol, a**hole. And I'm not much being owned.

[Jonah comes into the store]

Smith:
[not looking up] You get uglier every time I see you.

[Jonah smiles]

Smith:
Lord, don't do that. You'll break every mirror we got in stock.

Jonah Hex:
You got anything new, Smith?

Smith:
Thought you'd never ask.

[shows him new weapons]

Jonah Hex:
Wow...

Smith:
I take it that means you approve?

Quentin Turnbull:
[to Hex] You may live, and go from this place, with a mark on your flesh, and every day, that mark will remind you of the man who took everything you had.

[first lines]

Jonah Hex:
War and me took to each other real well. It felt like it had meaning. The feeling of doing what you thought was right. But it wasn't. Folks can believe what they like, but eventually a man's gotta decide if he's gonna do what's right. That choice cost me more than I bargained for.

Lilah:
You worry about me, don't you?

Jonah Hex:
No.

Lilah:
Mmm. Well, I worry about you. Look how many times have you been shot. It's just one more that's gonna do it.

Jonah Hex:
Well, it seems like I've been luckier than most in that respect.

Jonah Hex:
Keep him fed and watered. Don't you tie him up. If I don't come back for a spell, he'll know it. He'll head out on his own way.

Boy:
He got a name?

Jonah Hex:
Yeah. Horse.

[to the dog]

Jonah Hex:
You. Yeah, I... I don't what to say to you.

Adleman Lusk:
Well, Mr. Turnbull, it appears the bells are finally ready to toll on Washington.

Quentin Turnbull:
And I hear them, Mr. Lusk, because I've heard them for six long years. We appreciate the services that you have rendered to us.

Adleman Lusk:
I can only hope you succeed. I'll most certainly hang if you don't, an outcome I most sincerely come to avoid.

[shoots Lusk in the back of his head]

Quentin Turnbull:
Consider it avoided.

[tied up]

Jonah Hex:
You still have that Derringer in your bustle?

Lilah:
They took it.

Jonah Hex:
You still have that snake in your garter?

Lilah:
They took that too.

Jonah Hex:
You still have that...?

Lilah:
They took it.

Jonah Hex:
Searched you pretty thoroughly, didn't they?

Lilah:
Wouldn't you?