Just Peck

Michael Peck:
Modern society has lost the ancient rituals and ceremonies that mark a boy's passage into manhood.

Geiger:
Didn't you know that coffee gives you the squirts?

Peck:
No.

Geiger:
I've got one word of advice for you, Peck: Close that sphincter.

Mr. Trustman:
First of all, we WILL be covering evolution this year, so, uh, tell your parents to start complaining now and don't all wait for the parent-teacher conference, okay?

Peck:
Do you smell what the Peck is cooking?

Mr. Kuhner:
Remove yourself, Mr. Peck. You are dead to me.

Emily:
Ooo, sophomores! Now I wanna party naked!

Geiger:
Hey, think you could give us a ride back to school?

Becca:
No.

Emily:
Maybe... if Peck here shows us his enormous manhood.

Peck:
Ummmmm... yeah, but you better stand back.

Michael Peck:
We know that you got kicked out of band.

Cheryl Peck:
Yes, and we've decided you're just going to have to ask Mr. Kuhner to take you back.

Michael Peck:
On your hands and knees, if necessary.

Peck:
He'd like THAT. I mean, couldn't I just do something else instead of band?

Cheryl Peck:
Well, I suppose we could look at alternate life enrichment activities.

Cheryl Peck:
He's finally expressing an interest in your work.

Michael Peck:
And I... might be... of some assistance.

Cheryl Peck:
You just M.I.T. might.

Geiger:
Shoulda stayed in band, retard.

Peck:
You should've been raised as a girl, homo.

Marty:
My mom says it's a slippery slope. You start with pot and you end up going to, like, community college or something.

Peck:
Dude, I feel like I just walked in on my parents having sex and they just kept going.

Annie:
No, really, what're you making?

Peck:
Um, I'd... I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill Marty.

Michael Peck:
Well, parents always help.

Peck:
No, they don't.

Peck:
Um, I got a ride from a friend.

Cheryl Peck:
The young lady? A friend or a girlfriend?

Peck:
Friend.

Cheryl Peck:
Well, that's SOMETHING, anyway.

Emily:
What wacky mischief will that Peck get into next?

Peck:
The TSAT 3000 is for coping with the difficult adolescent years by answering what the French existentialist Albert Camus called the fundamental question of philosophy. The TSAT 3000 answers the question. Hamlet - Act Three Scene One: "To be or not to be." You've acted out but no one noticed, cried for help but no one cared. The slings and arrows of teen angst have got you down and you're wondering - to be or not to be? Find out with the TSAT 3000, the world's first and only Teen Suicide Aptitude Test - because life's a b*tch, and then you die.

Emily:
Do you think this is it?

Peck:
Yeah.

Emily:
It's not much.

Peck:
It's everything.

Ms. Wood:
And remember - today is tomorrow's yesterday, and tomorrow may already be too late.

Peck:
Um, my dad actually wants to take me to this vision quest in Mexico this summer, but, uh, I think it's just an excuse for him to do peyote.

Michelle:
You know, most guys don't have the balls to get in the ring with me.

Peck:
Yeah... balls. I had some around here somewhere.

Ms. Wood:
God damn it! Your little brat made a teen suicide tester for the school science fair.

Michael Peck:
Oh, my God. I never thought I'd say it: Our son, the edge teen.

Cheryl Peck:
And all we were hoping for was "conformer." I am so proud.

[They kiss]

Ms. Wood:
[to a colleague] Oh, my God. I told you they were insane.

Michael Peck:
[once again aware of Ms. Wood] Oh, surprise. The university of mediocrity alumni don't get it. The machine is just the beginning. The debate, the controversy...

Cheryl Peck:
All part of Mike's project.

Michael Peck:
It's beyond technology. It's beyond science. He's not feeding you for a day. He's not teaching you how to fish. He is shoving your heads into the white whale's blowhole until the abyss gazes back.

Cheryl Peck:
Don't bother dumbing it down, honey. This is a waste of our time. Let's go.

Emily:
Poor baby. Mommy and Daddy getting Junior off to college. You know what MY parents did with MY college money?

Peck:
No.

Emily:
My mom bought a Lexus and my dad bought a pair of tits for his new wife.

[Peck laughs nervously]

Emily:
You think that's funny?

Peck:
I thought you were kidding.

Peck:
Sorry about Halloween.

Geiger:
Sorry about, um, kickin' your ass.

Peck:
Well, I'm sorry about your yeast infection.

Geiger:
Clench, Peck, clench!