Justified

[repeated line]

Boyd Crowder:
Fire in the hole!

[giving the prayer at Boyd's camp]

Raylan Givens:
Dear Lord, before we eat this meal we ask forgiveness for our sins, especially Boyd- who blew up a black church with a rocket launcher, and afterwards he shot his associate Jared Hale in the back of the head out on Tate's Creek bridge. Let the image of Jared's brain matter on that windshield not dampen our appetites, but may the knowledge of Boyd's past sins help guide these men. May this food provide them with all the nourishment they need. But, if it does not, may they find comfort in knowing that the United States Marshal Service is offering fifty-thousand dollars to any individual providing information that will put Boyd back in prison. Cash or check, we can make it out to them. Or to Jesus. Whoever they want. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Raylan Givens:
If you're going to talk, I'll put you in the trunk and drive myself.

Dewey Crowe:
I can't drive handcuffed to the damned steering wheel!

Raylan Givens:
You'll get the hang of it.

Boyd Crowder:
For I am born again in the eyes of the Lord.

Raylan Givens:
Why can't you bail him out?

Helen Givens:
Those are the first words out of your mouth?

Raylan Givens:
I'm sorry, I'll start again. I see you're still smoking.

Ava Crowder:
You're tarnished with the dark stain of D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Raylan Givens:
My marriage ended a little bit more amicably than yours.

Ava Crowder:
Funny, why did your marriage end?

Raylan Givens:
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Karl Hanselman:
Next time you're in Cincinnati, come by the gallery. I'll show you my collection. I think you'll be quite surprised.

Raylan Givens:
Honestly, I'd rather stick my dick in a blender.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well, that would solve a few problems.

Boyd Crowder:
What brings you to my house?

Raylan Givens:
Oh, this is your house now?

Boyd Crowder:
Why, yes, prison is my home.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
I tell you to do one simple thing - refrain from screwing the witness in your own shooting - and you can't even do that!

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Just what part of "under investigation" confuses you?

Raylan Givens:
So many things confuse me, Art.

Ava Crowder:
I'm going to have to get a new bed. Unless I want to keep this one as a conversation piece.

Winona Hawkins:
You're a little old to be fighting, aren't you?

Raylan Givens:
Certainly too old to be losing.

Raylan Givens:
You're gonna bob and weave out of the path of a bullet? That I'd like to see.

Gary Hawkins:
Raylan? You're not wearing your hat.

Raylan Givens:
I shot people I like more for less.

Raylan Givens:
That's a 10-gallon hat on a 20-gallon head.

Boyd Crowder:
I asked him to shut down his poison factory and merely made an observation about its combustibility.

Boyd Crowder:
Truth always sounds like lies to a sinner.

Ava Crowder:
Didn't the district attorney order you to stay away from Boyd?

Raylan Givens:
It was more of a suggestion.

Boyd Crowder:
Raylan, with all of this man power, are you looking for Osama Bin Laden? I'm fairly certain he's not here.

Tim Gutterson:
No admission, huh? Did you try flirting?

Raylan Givens:
He was immune to my charms.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Said Heroes only.

Tim Gutterson:
Oh ok. You show them your ass wound?

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well, I didn't think it was that kind of evening.

Tim Gutterson:
Evening soldier. Uh, I didn't bring my cape. I'm guessing this will suffice. [shows Military ID]

Raylan Givens:
Sometimes, we have to make deals with lowlifes because we have our sights set on life forms even somehow lower on the ladder of lowlife than they.

Raylan Givens:
Now Arlo, use your words.

Boyd Crowder:
Could you ask your friends to be a little more gentle with our belongings?

Raylan Givens:
Well, I could, but they're looking for a witness to murder, so I don't think they'll listen.

Ava Crowder:
I'm a big girl, Raylan. I've been taking care of myself long before you rode into town on your white horse.

Raylan Givens:
I need to convince her to get out of Kentucky.

Winona Hawkins:
And you think dumping her, handcuffed, at your ex-wife's house is going to do the trick?

Winona Hawkins:
It's kind of hard to stay mad at Raylan.

Lucky:
Why me, why do I get to live?

Arlo Givens:
What do I look like, some sort of holy man? I can't answer that sh*t.

Ava Crowder:
If I start counting down from ten, I may lose my patience at five.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Someone in Harlan is going into the meth business in a big way.

Raylan Givens:
Or the folks in Harlan are really, really congested.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
[referring to Boyd Crowder] Maybe he's become some vigilante.

Raylan Givens:
Hmmm, maybe he's Batman.

Raylan Givens:
I'm going to need an ambulance, and a coroner.

Raylan Givens:
You didn't happen to bring your rocket launcher, did you?

Boyd Crowder:
I didn't think to pack one.

Dickie Bennett:
Raylan Givens... I seen you and your big hat on TV the other day.

Raylan Givens:
How'd it look?

Dickie Bennett:
Like always.

Raylan Givens:
The answer is: me and dead owls don't give a hoot.

Boyd Crowder:
Well if my survival is a happy bi-product of my selfless act, so be it.

Boyd Crowder:
I've learned to think without arguing with myself.

Raylan Givens:
[as he drops a bullet on a character lying on the floor] The next one will be coming at you at lot faster.

Wynn Duffy:
I didn't take you for a tennis fan Mr Crowder, but the only reason I can see you calling at this hour is to discuss Azarenka's last match.

Raylan Givens:
Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of a**holes.

Tim Gutterson:
You just come up with that?

Raylan Givens:
I read it somewhere.

Tim Gutterson:
Well do me a favor and say it again slow so I can write it down.

Bo Crowder:
Son, what the hell are you doing?

Boyd Crowder:
It's good to see you Daddy.

Art Mullen:
Just what part of being under investigation confuses you, Raylan?

Raylan Givens:
So many things confuse me, Art.

Art Mullen:
Do you think we're going to banter here? Cause we're not.

Raylan Givens:
Okay, the police are gone. I saw you talkin' to the officer, duckin' his eyes. Whatever you felt like you couldn't say in their presence, now you can.

Glen Percy:
Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

Raylan Givens:
Stop. Glen, I don't want you to speak anymore. 'Cause once you start lyin' to me, there's going to be a river between us with no bridge to cross. Do you understand what I'm sayin'? Nod if you do.

Glen Percy:
[nods]

Raylan Givens:
Okay, good. Start again.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
[through bullhorn] Drop your weapons and get on the ground. Drop your weapons or you will be shot. Assume the position, now! You dumb-ass peckerwoods understand English? On the ground, hillbillies, now!

Ava Crowder:
Who's going to bug me anyway when I've got the A number one gunfighter in the whole US Marshals service watching my back?

Raylan Givens:
Watching every part of you.

Winona Hawkins:
Or I could just call the police.

Wynn Duffy:
The police are just a janitorial service used to clean up your blood after you've been murdered.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Why don't we go over what you're gonna say? Just make sure that we're dotting all the t's here.

Cal Wallace:
Oh you gonna shoot me through a closed door on quick draw? There ain't nobody that good.

Raylan Givens:
If it was easy anybody could do it.

ADA David Vasquez:
Well, you were right about Owen Carnes not offing himself.

Raylan Givens:
Well, it didn't take a genius to read that one.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Obviously.

Raylan Givens:
These boys with you?

ADA David Vasquez:
Sorry ?

Raylan Givens:
I thought maybe you decided to skip over your inquiry, haul me straight off to the clink.

ADA David Vasquez:
I didn't think of that. What an idiot I am. No, this is another headache we got.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
You still alright to use my office ?

ADA David Vasquez:
Don't see why not. I'll give you home field.

Raylan Givens:
I think the bourbon sealed it.

ADA David Vasquez:
You must be glad to finally find a professional use for your office bottle, huh, Chief ?

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well, I don't know what you're talking about. I was just as surprised to find that in here as anybody else.

ADA David Vasquez:
It was probably the cleaning staff that left it.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Yeah. Teenagers.

Raylan Givens:
Hopped-up kids on a joyride to hell.

Boyd Crowder:
Where you going?

Raylan Givens:
I'm going after the young lady with the automatic weapon.

Boyd Crowder:
I'll get her.

Raylan Givens:
What are you gonna do after you get her?

Boyd Crowder:
I ain't quite figured that out yet. Are you gonna shoot to stop me?

Raylan Givens:
Maybe.

Boyd Crowder:
I'm pretty sure you're empty.

Raylan Givens:
You gonna bet your life on that?

Boyd Crowder:
No Raylan, I'm gonna bet my life on you being the only friend I have left in this world.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
[talking about Boyd Crowder] Maybe he's become some kind of vigilante.

Raylan Givens:
Hmmmm, maybe he's Batman.

Raylan Givens:
I'm Raylan Givens!

Boyd Crowder:
No, I'm Raylan Givens!

Raylan Givens:
Are you trying to be funny?

Boyd Crowder:
A little.

Ty Walker:
Well I am relieved to hear that nothing of value was stolen. Any notion of a suspect?

Art Mullen:
Do you have any notion of how an investigation works?

Ty Walker:
Only what I done seen on the TV.

Art Mullen:
Does it rock your world that I told you we don't discuss open cases with every Joe Dipshit we meet on the street?

Ty Walker:
You're kind of a dick, huh guy?

Raylan Givens:
That ain't our only problem.

Tim Gutterson:
You referring to the guy following us?

Raylan Givens:
Mm-hmm.

Tim Gutterson:
This anyone you recognize?

Raylan Givens:
No, but he's been with us since we left Calhoun's.

Tim Gutterson:
Alright, what do you wanna do? You wanna flapjack him? You wanna short-bus him? You wanna special attention him?

Raylan Givens:
Any of those even things?

Tim Gutterson:
I'm mostly just making sh*t up.

Mundo:
Get out of the road, cock hole shirt!

Raylan Givens:
Now that ain't polite. You just about hit me, and now you're gonna sling foul utterances in my direction?

Mundo:
You're in the middle of the road. I'm driving.

Raylan Givens:
I can see that. Where to?

Mundo:
[to his cell phone] Call you back. [to Raylan] It's none of your business officer.

Raylan Givens:
U.S. Marshall.

Mundo:
Still none of your business.

Raylan Givens:
Let me get this straight son. Where you're following me to, is none of my business? That's how you see it?

Mundo:
I'm not following you.

Raylan Givens:
Step out of the car, stretch your legs a bit. [Mundo, a very large man gets out of a small car] God damn. You comfortable in this car, a man your size?

Mundo:
It's a little tight. So where's your buddy?

Raylan Givens:
Who's that?

Mundo:
You know, the guy you were with.

Raylan Givens:
How do you know I was with a guy if you ain't been following me?

Mundo:
I'm not following you.

Raylan Givens:
Are you saying you ain't following me like you don't know what I'm saying, or are you just repeating this bullshit about you ain't been following me?

Mundo:
I'm not following you?

Raylan Givens:
Son, are you real smart, or real stupid?

Mundo:
Choo-choo.

Raylan Givens:
Excuse me, what?

Mundo:
Choo-choo.

Raylan Givens:
You're saying your name is Choo-choo?

Mundo:
Since I was a kid, folks called me Choo-choo.

Raylan Givens:
Because you like trains?

Mundo:
Cause when I hit people, it comes hard and it comes fast, like a choo-choo train. Wanna try me?

Homeowner #2:
Now I'm gonna tell you something, and I want you to listen. There ain't no version of this story that ends with us selling this house to some peacock.

Ty Walker:
What did you call me?

Homeowner #2:
You heard me.

Ty Walker:
Peacock?... I come here in peace, try to change your lives, and you call me a peacock. A god damn peacock. [Walking away still muttering to himself] Peacock?

Ty Walker:
Well I am relieved to hear that nothing of value was stolen. Any notion of a suspect?

Tim Gutterson:
Do you have any notion of how an investigation works?

Ty Walker:
Only what I done seen on the TV.

Tim Gutterson:
Does it rock your world that I told you we don't discuss open cases with every Joe Dipshit we meet on the street?

Ty Walker:
You're kind of a dick, huh guy?

Ty Walker:
This is bullshit! You shot me in the back!

Raylan Givens:
If you wanted me to shoot you in the front, you shoulda run towards me.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Drewbaca, huh?

Constable Bob Sweeney:
Yeah, it just came right out.

Nicky Augustine:
I got to ask. Where'd you get all those teeth?

Boyd Crowder:
Courtesy of the American taxpayer while serving our great nation in Desert Storm.

Nicky Augustine:
Man, I love the way you talk... using 40 words where 4 will do. I'm curious. What would you say if I was about to put 40 bullets through that beautiful vest of yours?

Boyd Crowder:
"What're you waiting for?"

Nicky Augustine:
Oh, you're cool, huh?

Boyd Crowder:
I tried to keep it to four words. You'll allow the contraction as one.

Nicky Augustine:
Yolo. [Yolo starts to beating Boyd]

Nicky Augustine:
Okay. I see what you like about her. [to Johnny about Ava]

Yolo:
Where is Drew?

Constable Bob Sweeney:
He's... he's... Drew-Bacca? Drew-Bacca.

Boyd Crowder:
We dug coal together. [about his knowledge of Raylan]

Deputy U.S. Marshal Rachel Brooks:
What happened?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
What happened is Bob's a tough son of a b*tch.

Nicky Augustine:
You believe in God?

Boyd Crowder:
I do not.

Nicky Augustine:
But this is Bible country, right? You know the story of Abraham and Isaac?

Boyd Crowder:
I do.

Nicky Augustine:
See, a lot of people are troubled by the fact that God asked Abraham to do such a thing. But truth be told, God of the old testament... kind of a dick. To me, the real question is Abraham. You know, why would he be willing to entertain the idea of killing his son?

Boyd Crowder:
Well, conventional wisdom is he was demonstrating his own faith.

Nicky Augustine:
I think that's wrong. I think Abraham thought about killing his own son and was willing to kill his own son because God told him to do it. God. And when the most powerful being in the universe tells you to do something... You do it.

Boyd Crowder:
And what has your God told you to do, Mr. Augustine?

Nicky Augustine:
Kill Drew Thompson.

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
Yeah? [Picks up the phone]

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Hello, Bagram.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Well, hello, Deputy Dawg.

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen:
Speaker. [Whispers to Tim]

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Am I right in saying that you were in the sandbox before Afghanistan?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
I am a double winner. Is that why you called, to ask me that?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Oh, why? You busy?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
I am in the middle of something.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
All right, I'll make it quick. I'm writing a book set in Iraq. There's a chapter where a convoy of military police is transporting a criminal, and lieutenant Dan... he's our main guy... he gets a bad feeling.

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
"Forrest Gump".

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Huh?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
There's a lieutenant Dan in "Forrest Gump."

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Oh, sh*t. You're right. I'll change it. Lieutenant Colt.

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
I would like a young G?rard Depardieu to play me in the movie. I'm honored.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Well, you should be. He's a big guy, real badass... Or he was. He's kind of losing his grip. He started using dope that he confiscated.

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
Yeah, but then we find out that he's kicked again. And anyone who thinks he's in any way diminished is in for a big surprise.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Yeah, but he's the kind of character might say he's kicked, but we all know he's just one broken shoelace away from saying "screw it" and picking up again.

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
How about you have him go into a bar and pick a fight with some rangers, and he sends a couple of them to the hospital?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
It's not a fantasy. Anyway, he gets a bad feeling when they pass an abandoned vehicle, sees a second and a third, so he's thinking IEDs triggered by cell. You ever come across anything like that?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
Me, personally? No. But I did hear about this one convoy, couple of Frankensteins and a gun truck on highway 10. So, the spotter, he calls a halt between the first two cars Thinking the Hajis will blow the second if it moves forward, and the first if it tries to go back.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Well, how'd they get out of it?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
Yeah, they didn't. Because they were too afraid to move, they just sat there in their vehicles, pssing and shitting in their helmets, too afraid to toss it out the windows on account of possible snipers. Then they ran out of food. They started eating each other till there was only one left, and he blew his brains out. Do you want to know the sad part?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Oh, there's a sad part?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
Yeah. Because they were so afraid to move, they never found out whether or not the cars had explosives. So basically, they all died from being pussies. [Turns off the phone]

Yolo:
They call me "Yolo". You know what that means?

Constable Bob Sweeney:
Yolo. Uh... [Coughs a little] "You only... you only live once."

Yolo:
That's true. You only live once.

Constable Bob Sweeney:
Yeah.

Yolo:
And you know when I say it? When sh*t is about to get real. And guess what.

Constable Bob Sweeney:
Sh-sh*t's about to get real.

Nicky Augustine:
How many d*cks do you have to suck to get to the top of the food chain around here? It's got to be a ton of d*cks. It's got to be like morning, noon and night. Like ever since you were fourteen. It's gotta be like the alarm goes off, I'm sucking dick. Where's another dick I can suck. Dick dick dick. Go to bed suck a dick. D*cks d*cks d*cks, it's got to be a ton. Like a small time blonde girl like you, looking for a better life. Plenty of girls like you, but what sets you apart? Extraordinary vacuuming skills. It's got to be, right? Is that why they let you run the whore house? Because you train the girls? In your off hours is it like "Okay, girls"... [Imitates talking with full mouth]

Ava Crowder:
I'm a businesswoman, Mr. Augustine.

Nicky Augustine:
Oh. In that you attach yourself to whatever guy gets you what you want? Please just answer my question. How many tweaker dick heads did you have to suck off before you got to this wonderful place in your life?

Ava Crowder:
You know what? I feel like a Brandy. Kind of drink I imagine you folks up north enjoy. Hell, I might acquire a taste for it.

Nicky Augustine:
You know, your Boyd, there, he's got a real heart of a champion. He is willing to do whatever it takes to get what it is that he wants. But what about you? What are you willing to do? What are you willing to take?

Johnny Crowder:
All right. Enough.

Nicky Augustine:
Or give? You really love Boyd, don't you? That ring he got you, where'd he get it from one of those claw machines at Denny's? He must be good at that machine, 'cause it's hard to get something, you know. It's always lifting up, then it drops. Come on. Show me your tits. I want to see them. I want to see what got you to the top...

Johnny Crowder:
All right, enough, God damn it!

Nicky Augustine:
Oh, really, Johnny? Oh, we're gonna put on a show?

Johnny Crowder:
Just stop talking.

Nicky Augustine:
Ooh. Wait. You're... you're serious? I thought you were... Playing a... Oops. Sh*t.

Ava Crowder:
What's going on?

Johnny Crowder:
Ava, d-don't listen to a word this man says.

Nicky Augustine:
Oh, me and my mouth. [Awkward silence] Somebody say something!

Ava Crowder:
What'd you do?

Nicky Augustine:
This is heartbreaking. Don't tell her, Johnny. He went to Duffy! He made his play, a while ago. 'Cause guys don't have to really suck d*cks to get what they want. They just need to betray someone.

Raylan Givens:
You're a card in fate's right hand, don't you see how it's gonna play out?

Dewey Crowe:
What the hell does that mean?

Raylan Givens:
It means you need to be smart.

Dewey Crowe:
What I need is a 6 dollar blow job. A smarter move I cannot imagine.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
[Crowe is pointing a shotgun at Givens] Mr. Crowe, I want you to know that I only draw my sidearm when I intend to shoot to kill.

Dewey Crowe:
Man, I am pointing a scattergun right at you!

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
You think you can rack in a load before I put a hole through you?

Boyd Crowder:
Deputy Marshall Raylan Givens, would you shoot me if you had the chance?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
You make me pull, I'll put you down.

Winona Hawkins:
Raylan, you do a good job of hiding it. And I s'pose most folks don't see it, but honestly, you're the angriest man I have ever known.

Art Mullen:
Tell me about the shooting.

Raylan Givens:
It was justified.

Raylan Givens:
[in response to questions about the shooting in Miami, repeated line] He pulled first; I's justified.

Ava Crowder:
[to Raylan Givens] I got up off that floor knowin' that he was never gonna hit me again. Next night? He came in, I had his favorite supper on the table. Ham and yams and cream-style corn. [Nodding] And leftover okra fixed with tomatoes? I waited... 'til he was shovin' food in his face, then I got his deer rifle from the kitchen closet and I went in there, and I did what I had to do. [Glancing into dining room] Oh, I just finished cleanin' it up. I had to scrub the wall with Lysol? You know, to get the stain off of it? Lysol's the best cleanin' product you can buy.

Boyd Crowder:
Well? Should we just do us a shot of JIM BEAM? Just for old times' sake? Ava, bring us a shot of Jim...

Ava Crowder:
[C*cks shotgun] You wanna know what Bowman said when he looked up and he saw me with his deer rifle?

Boyd Crowder:
Goddamnit woman, you only shoot people when they're eatin' supper?

Art Mullen:
You know, Raylan, you're going to have a weeks paid leave coming up 'cause of the investigation. That's going to be a very restful time.

Raylan Givens:
Seriously, I'm fine.

Art Mullen:
I meant restful for me.

Raylan Givens:
Miami's a sunny place full of shady people.

Raylan Givens:
Tim, when you were working with Pinter, you ever come across a guy looks like a black Mr Clean? Dresses like the janitor in a rap video.

Tim Gutterson:
Like it says Tommy Hilfiger on his coveralls?

Raylan Givens:
Yeah, like he wears a t-shirt with his gators.

Tim Gutterson:
Detroit accent, looks like he could dead-lift the back of a car?

Raylan Givens:
...Uh-huh.

Rachel Brooks:
When I was Nick's age, before my father's cancer, I thought we were the Cosbys. My parents had good jobs, there was a feast on the table after church on Sundays. Shawnee and I would ride our huffys around the neighborhood. We had good hair, and made straight A's. Except, as my mother reminds me, that wasn't reality. The jobs weren't all that good, and my father was never a happy man even before he got sick. And Shawnee was smoking pot at 9 and running away to smoke heroin at 15.

Raylan Givens:
I never bore any illusions that my family was the Cosbys.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
You're family wasn't funny.

Tim Gutterson:
At least you got to shoot your father. Mine had the nerve to die before I got back from Basic with skills and a loaded weapon.

Raylan Givens:
You didn't miss much. I thought it was gonna be way more fun than it was.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
"Well, I'm here to keep you alive, not help you shop."

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
I ain't askin' for your hel...

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
It's from the movie. She asks Costner to hand her her jacket.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Well, you start singing that song, I'm gonna make a run for it right now.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
Well, I'd do the Dolly Parton version.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Rachel Brooks:
I can deal with your aloofness. It's annoying, but I let it slide because you get your job done and you're easy on the eyes. I can even deal with the fact that if you catch Drew Thompson, you might even be my boss. But if you don't get in the car right now, I swear to God I'm going to start singing show tunes.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Promise?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Rachel Brooks:
Don't mess with me right now, Raylan.

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen:
First thing we're going to do is we're gonna acknowledge that this guy's awesome.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Rachel Brooks:
What?

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen:
I mean, he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in a spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan County with enough coke and cash to jump-start the economy of a small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement, not once but two times! He spends a couple of days riding around with you [points at Raylan] while you're looking for him, and now he's run off with a hooker that's half his age. That's some bad-ass sh*t.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
It's pretty bad-ass.

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen:
Yes, it is. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You gonna let those guys [indicates state troopers] be the ones, or are we gonna be the ones that take that badass?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
That guy you shot... You good?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
He called it.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Well, if you need someone to talk to...

Deputy U.S. Marshal Tim Gutterson:
[in chorus with Givens] I got Rachel.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
You got Rachel.

Boyd Crowder:
Shhhh! Don't you know what we're doing is illegal?

Boyd Crowder:
I count four to one. That hardly seems fair.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Which way do you mean?

Robert Quarles:
He slipped the hillbilly rug right out from under my feet.

Raylan Givens:
I'm just gonna file that under "Who gives a sh*t?"

Raylan Givens:
I think the question you should ask is whether I care if you ride out of here cuffed in the back of my car or get carried out of here in a coroner's bag. The answer is me and dead owls don't give a hoot.

Raylan Givens:
I'm thinking of buying a house.

Glen Fogle:
Really? What neighborhood?

Raylan Givens:
The greater Lexington area of kiss my ass.

Winona Hawkins:
You're a little old to be fighting, aren't you?

Raylan Givens:
Certainly too old to be losin'.

Winona Hawkins:
Thank you, Raylan. You're a good man.

Raylan Givens:
Not good enough.

Boyd Crowder:
[behind Boyd sits a man duck-taped to a chair, with a stick of dynamite under each testicle] Take care of him [nods behind him, & walks away]

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
[pulls out a gun & shoots the man taped in the chair]

Boyd Crowder:
[startled by the shot, turns, shouting] WHAT in th'HELL 'd you DO THAT FOR?

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
You said to take care of him.

Boyd Crowder:
I-I-I meant cut him loose.

Colton 'Colt' Rhodes:
[looking embarrassed] Oh... sh*t.

Boyd Crowder:
Well I guess I have to be more careful with my words.

Boyd Crowder:
What precipitated this change in your weather vane?

Peters:
Sir, I'm going to need you to put both hands on the steering wheel for me please.

Mr. Jones:
I'm going to need you to kiss my taint. You ofay piece of sh*t.

Lane:
Sir, you don't have to use that type of language.

Mr. Jones:
Listen to you. Talking like a real house negro.

Lane:
Sir, we stopped you because this vehicle has been flagged in a Federal hot-pursuit manhunt. But right now we're going to have to ask you to please step out of the car before we have to take you out of the car, sir.

Mr. Jones:
Show some respect for your elders. I was greasing slopes in the Mekong Delta while you and your boyfriend were still sucking on your mama's tit-tays!

Peters:
Sir, I don't know what the Mekong Delta is.

Lane:
Sir, this vehicle is not registered to you.

Mr. Jones:
Just got it.

Peters:
Where'd you get it?

Mr. Jones:
Found it.

Lane:
You found it?

Mr. Jones:
Found it.

Lane:
Where'd you find it?

Mr. Jones:
In your sister's ass.

Roland Pike:
[as Mindy begs for a restroom stop] Who the hell buys ceviche from a taco truck anyway !

Raylan Givens:
Social awkwardness is often the curse of genius.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Listen, Lindsey...

Lindsey Salazar:
Stop.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
You don't even know what I'm going to say.

Lindsey Salazar:
I think you're going to apologize again for not giving me a full accounting of every second of your life before you heartlessly accepted the gift of my feminine virtue.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Oh. If you put it that way I guess I don't owe you an apology.

Lindsey Salazar:
First time you came in here I knew you were going through something. To tell you the truth I feel a little bad about taking advantage of you.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Really!

Lindsey Salazar:
I mean, not so bad that I don't plan on doing it again.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Listen, Lindsey...

Lindsey Salazar:
You said that already.

Ava Crowder:
We just pull them old horndogs off the women, we find their history in Harlan, and we see which one of them could be Drew. If it comes down to it, what's a few handjobs, give or take.

Boyd Crowder:
Well, you looking for an open relationship? We're not married yet, Ava Crowder.

Ava Crowder:
Baby, you give as many handjobs as you need to tonight.

Boyd Crowder:
Mr. Augustine, seeing as how Drew Thompson's already in the Marshals' custody, why you're cutting off the tail of my cousin and offering him up is opaque to me.

Nicky Augustine:
I'm going to need Google Translate on my phone if I'm going to keep talking to you.

Raylan Givens:
...What did you just say?

Winona Hawkins:
We're having a girl, Raylan. I found out this morning.

Raylan Givens:
Winona, I don't know sh*t about girls.

Winona Hawkins:
That is so sweet, sayin' it like I don't already know.

Boyd Crowder:
A man who speaks out of both sides of his mouth deserves to have it shut.

Ava Crowder:
Who said that?

Boyd Crowder:
Boyd Crowder.

Boyd Crowder:
I don't believe in fate. I can't believe in fate - not anymore. I believe you dictate the river of fate through your own actions.

Boyd Crowder:
You know what you could never understand? Is that some men lead and some men follow and when you can't lead and you refuse to follow, you die alone in the desert. Just not this desert.

Wendy Crowe:
I have to admit, I find your blatant abuse of government privilege incredibly sexy.

Ava Crowder:
Can't we just put on a little music and dance?

Raylan Givens:
Do you know why the Pentecostals don't have sex standing up? Could lead to dancing.

Raylan Givens:
How can you tell there's a bad drummer at your door? Knock speeds up.

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen:
Put it like this: If you was in the first grade and you bit somebody every week, they'd start to think of you as a biter.

Winona Hawkins:
Why did Art think you'd be upset?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
I think it was why Arlo shot Bergen.

Winona Hawkins:
Which was?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
He didn't know it was a state trooper. He just saw a man in a hat, pointing a gun at Boyd.

Winona Hawkins:
A man in a hat?

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Yeah. [He puts on his hat and exits]

Ellstin Limehouse:
Marshall, you are one strange piece of chicken! [to Raylan]

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
You know what they're saying at the office? I dis-armed him.

Winona Hawkins:
Pretty good.

Robert Quarles:
Oh, sh*t, it's a piggy bank! [laughs]

Ava Crowder:
You're tarnished with the dark stain of D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Raylan Givens:
My marriage ended a little more amicably than yours.

Art Mullen:
Well, be smart, then.

Raylan Givens:
Let me tell you something, there are other things than smart.

Art Mullen:
Yeah, those are not smart.

Raylan Givens:
I once met a man who made model reconstructions of famous aviation disasters.

Art Mullen:
Hmph.

Raylan Givens:
Tenerife. Sioux City. Lockerbie. Scaled down fusilages blackened and torn. Little engines and furrowed earth. I don't know. I figure people are entitled to their hobbies and I'm entitled to think those people are creepy. No offense Karl.

Karl Hanselman:
Next time you're in Cincinnati, come by the gallery. I think you'll be quite surprised.

Raylan Givens:
Honestly, I think I'd rather stick my dick in a blender.

Art Mullen:
That might solve a few problems.

Art Mullen:
Are you cold standin out here?

Raylan Givens:
Not really, why?

Art Mullen:
Cause I can't keep from starin at yer nipples!

Raylan Givens:
He [Johnny Crowder] gave me a little heads-up, asked me to pass it on to you: Bo's getting his release soon. *Johnny* thought you might want to get out of Kentucky.

Ava Crowder:
It's gonna take more than that to get *me* gone.

Raylan Givens:
Ava...

Ava Crowder:
Since I was nineteen years old, I always dreamed, if I saved enough money, I'd move to Lexington. Raylan, you probably don't remember what a relief it is to walk around every day and all you see is *strangers*. Now I can walk into a store - or a coffee shop - nobody knows anything about me! Or my family! Or if I sleep in a nightie or buck naked!

Raylan Givens:
Well, I can answer that last one.

Ava Crowder:
At any rate, I ain't leaving, Bo Crowder notwithstanding.

Karl Hanselman:
Next time you're in Cincinnati, come by the gallery. I'll show you my collection. I think you'll be quite surprised.

Raylan Givens:
Honestly, I'd rather stick my d**k in a blender.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well, that would solve a few problems.

Caryn Carnes:
I mean, who in the hell buys a Hitler painting?

Raylan Givens:
Honestly, I think I'd rather stick my dick in a blender.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well that might solve a few problems.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Don't like rich people much, huh Raylan?

Raylan Givens:
Nobody likes rich people Art.

Winona Hawkins:
Do you think I give a sh*t about money?

Raylan Givens:
Everybody gives a sh*t about money.

Raylan Givens:
I hope I didn't take you away from anything.

Boyd Crowder:
Well I was this close to bringing a sinner to Jesus and now he is consigned to eternal damnation. I hope that you're happy.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
[after Rachel says she went to Ole Miss] I believe Ole Miss has the best-lookin' girls of any college in the country - even Vanderbilt.

Fletcher 'The Ice Pick' Nix:
Awwww, sho me, you know my name!

Fletcher 'The Ice Pick' Nix:
Watches. I look like I know anything about watches?

Raylan Givens:
I can't talk to Duffy.

Tim Gutterson:
Sure you can.

Raylan Givens:
No, I can't.

Tim Gutterson:
Why not.

Raylan Givens:
The last time I saw him, I said our next conversation wasn't going to be a conversation.

Tim Gutterson:
Well, this is a different conversation.

Wynn Duffy:
I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you, Raylan. It'd be so much easier to just beat a confession out of me, wouldn't it ?

Raylan Givens:
That's still an option.

Wynn Duffy:
As a matter of fact, as I recall, last time we met, you told me next conversation we had wasn't gonna be aconversation.

Raylan Givens:
This is a different conversation.

Judge Mike Reardon:
I'm not the type to stare at the ice in my glass; nothing but regret there.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Hell of a shot. Did you consider what might have happened if you'd missed?

Tim Gutterson:
I can't carry a tune. I don't know how to shoot a basketball and my handwriting is, uh, barely legible. But I don't miss.

Sporting Goods Manager:
Son, this is Kentucky. What do you want a ski mask for?

Dewey Crowe:
Who are you, the ski mask police?

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
[talking about who Raylan was with at the bar last night] I think I would remember if it was me.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
You done?

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Unless, of course, you roofied me. Did you roofie me, Raylan.

Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens:
Good-bye Art.

Raylan Givens:
You the type of fellow that walks under a flock of birds and is surprised when he ends up with sh*t on his face?

Boyd Crowder:
I'm surprised he hasn't transferred you, all the trouble you've drawn.

Raylan Givens:
Oh, you think I draw it?

Boyd Crowder:
Oh, you think you don't?

Arlo Givens:
Mags Bennett is an old lady helpin' people with their glaucoma and stomach upset.

Helen Givens:
Get back in the house!

Arlo Givens:
I hope you get cancer!

Helen Givens:
Already had it!

Arlo Givens:
I hope you get it again!

Raylan Givens:
Jess, you ever hear of a spot snipers call "the apricot"? It's where the brain stem meets the spine. Hit a fella there, he ain't gonna pull no trigger. It's just [clacks tongue] lights out.

Jess Timmons:
Oh, what, you're tellin' me you're that good?

Raylan Givens:
Me? [shakes head, then indicates Gutterson]

Jess Timmons:
Really. This is how this is going to go down - [Gutterson shoots him in "the apricot"]

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well you know what happens now, don't you? We get legions of AUSAs all up in our ass. [Motions towards his door before turning towards his safe] Tim! We're going to do the gun thing.

Tim Gutterson:
Relinquishing a firearm can be a very emotional moment, and there always must be another deputy in attendance. Add in some premium alcohol, what could possibly go wrong?

Raylan Givens:
[Sliding his gun into the envelope offered by Art] Thank you.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Uh huh.

Tim Gutterson:
[They toast and knock back their bourbon] What you gonna get next?

Raylan Givens:
Probably the same thing.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
You should think about an Uzi.

Raylan Givens:
Well, I suppose if I allow myself to be sentimental, despite all that has occurred, there is one thing I wander back to.

Boyd Crowder:
We dug coal together.

Raylan Givens:
That's right.

Boyd Crowder:
We dug coal together.

Raylan Givens:
Honey, if I started arresting people for committing adultery, I'd never make it home for supper.

Bo Crowder:
Where's my money?

Arlo Givens:
There is no money. People stopped paying.

Bo Crowder:
You invited me over to tell me this?

Arlo Givens:
No, Bo. I invited you over here to tell you have to do something about your son, Boyd. He's gone clear off the deep end!

Bo Crowder:
Well, sh*t at least he didn't join the other team become a goddamn marshal for Christ sakes!

Arlo Givens:
At least Raylan doesn't run around preaching Jesus and blowing up meth labs!

Bo Crowder:
I've got control over my boy, can you say the same thing about yours? He comes to town to ruin the likes of you and me!

Arlo Givens:
[Interrupting] Only reason my son come to Harlan is because of your son!

Tim Gutterson:
No admission, huh? Did you try flirting?

Raylan Givens:
He was immune to my charms.

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Said "heroes only".

Tim Gutterson:
Oh, ok. You show them your ass wound?

Chief Deputy Art Mullen:
Well, I didn't think it was that kind of evening.

Tim Gutterson:
Evening soldier. Uh, I didn't bring my cape. I'm guessing this will suffice. [shows military ID]

Raylan Givens:
I need to convince her to get out of Kentucky.

Winona Hawkins:
And you think dumping her, handcuffed, at you ex-wife's house is going to do the trick?

Dewey Crowe:
You might strike out the shepherd, but us sheep, we won't never get struck out... or scattered.

Raylan Givens:
[incredulously] Or words to that effect.

Raylan Givens:
He's got the ice-cold remorseless bottled-blonde sh*t-bag killer doing scut work.

Wynn Duffy:
Deputy, are you accusing me of being a fake blonde? Because if you need me to prove it to you I might be inclined to break you over that step-ladder, ride you down like a teaser-pony and paint this room an entirely different color.