Kenny vs. Spenny

Kenny Hotz:
[Repeated line] Poor Spenny.

Spencer Rice:
[Repeated line] This is a disaster!

Kenny Hotz:
Oh Spenny...

[Spenny is not on the couch for the intro. He has left a Dictaphone with a note saying "Play Tape"]

Kenny Hotz:
Hmmm... Intriguing!

[Kenny plays the tape]

Spencer Rice:
As you can see, I'm not here. Kenny, your behaviour in the past has forced me to take drastic measures in order to guarantee fair play in this arm wrestling competition. I am currently at an undisclosed location being protected by a crack security force. This will be a fair arm wrestling competition between Spencer Rice and Kenny Hotz. I will accept nothing less. I will not let your cheating ways destroy the sanctity of this competition. Good luck, Kenny, and may the best man win.

Kenny Hotz:
Well... I have to say I am impressed. Impressed Spenny knows how to work a Dictaphone.

Spencer Rice:
I'm not doing a humiliation!

Kenny Hotz:
You totally are!

Spencer Rice:
You want a bet? You want to bet $1000 I'm doing a humiliation?

Kenny Hotz:
Yeah.

Spencer Rice:
No!

Kenny Hotz:
Yeah.

Spencer Rice:
I don't gamble!

Spencer Rice:
Um, this particular episode I don't give a f*** about the O-Zone layer.

Kenny Hotz:
F***ing, let's just f***, you know what? Let's just f***ing f*** with these f***ing ghosts, you know what I have to say? F***en say f*** you Mr f***ing Simpson and her dead f***ing whore daughter. F*** you b*tch, you're going to suck my f***ing live ass you know what? I'm f***ing alive, f***ing b*tches and you're dead. And you know what, ghosts f***ing f***ers? I'm going to ghost f*** you in the haunted toilet! Alright! That's what you're gonna get, you're going to get me f***ing your f***ing souls, F***ERS!

Spencer Rice:
This is so old and tired, what you're doing.

Kenny Hotz:
Just like his mother, old and tired.

Spencer Rice:
I am a executive producer of semen.

Kenny Hotz:
Spenny masturbates into baby diapers. That's what he uses to catch.

Spencer Rice:
Where do you come up with this?

Kenny Hotz:
I use Kleenex or -

Spencer Rice:
Masturbating into diapers? Has that ever been thought of in the human f***in' species?

Kenny Hotz:
Do you or do you not -

Spencer Rice:
You go and find me one diaper! In this house!

Kenny Hotz:
Take off your pants.

Kenny Hotz:
The only reason I'm kinda looking forward to it is I hear you actually can go crazy and hallucinate.

Spencer Rice:
Go home.

Kenny Hotz:
You know what? As long as I'm with you, Spenny, I am home.

Kenny Hotz:
Come on, just suck it.

Spencer Rice:
I'm not sucking anybody off.

Kenny Hotz:
Well, how did you get money for food?

Spencer Rice:
I panhandled.

Kenny Hotz:
Whose pan did you handle?

Kenny Hotz:
Do you wanna cuddle?

Spencer Rice:
Are you insane? "Cuddle."

Kenny Hotz:
Is that a "no?"

Spencer Rice:
If it was 35 below zero I wouldn't wanna cuddle with you. I'd rather freeze to death, which is supposed to be a very painful way of dying, by the way.

Kenny Hotz:
You know what a painful way of dying is? Dying of a broken heart.

Kenny Hotz:
Spencer's mad at me because I slipped him four lids of acid.

Spencer Rice:
Yes I am perturbed!

Spencer Rice:
I F***ING WAS BORN, MAN! HOLY SH*T!

Kenny Hotz:
I would take me out for a more than moderately priced dinner.

Kenny Hotz:
Humilation time.