Kicking and Screaming

Max:
That was more of a yield at that stop sign.

Grover:
I broke, thanks.

Max:
No, it was more of a yield.

Otis:
I put my hand in my mouth after I touched all of that money. Could that be bad?

Max:
Of course. That's how germs are spread.

Kate:
I'm going to be 17 tomorrow.

Max:
Wow, now you can read Seventeen magazine and get all the references.

Grover:
Wouldn't that have been embarrasing if I had worn my goatee tonight?

Otis:
It looks like a chicken wing or a cheese fry.

Otis:
It was arousing... violently arousing.

Chet:
Otis, did you even read the book?

Otis:
Yes... no.

Max:
I'm too nostalgic. I'll admit it.

Skippy:
We graduated four months ago. What can you possibly be nostalgic for?

Max:
I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I've begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I'm reminiscing this right now. I can't go to the bar because I've already looked back on it in my memory... and I didn't have a good time.

Grover:
Ok, the way I see it, if we were an old couple, dated for years, graduated, away from all these scholastic complications, and I reached over and kissed you, you wouldn't say a word, you'd be delighted, probably, but if I was to do that now it'd be quite forward, and if I did it the first time we ever met you probably would hit me.

Jane:
What do you mean?

Grover:
I just wish we were an old couple so I could do that.

Max:
What I use to able to pass off as a bad summer could now potentially turn into a bad life.

Max:
Are you wearing mascara?

Otis:
No... yes.

Grover:
Gotta go sleep with a freshman.

Max:
Yeah, me too.

Max:
Is that a pajama top?

Otis:
No.... Yes.

Chet:
How do you make God laugh? Make a plan.

Chet:
If Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini.

Otis:
Cool! A dictionary! I'm gonna look up blowj*b.

Max:
You have a drinking problem. Get help!

Jane:
Sometimes you can be such a child.

Grover:
Yeah, but if I as a child you'd find that endearing.

Max:
That is a bad habbit. You really need to finish that in the bathroom.

Max:
Don't check your bags, they'll just lose them.

Max:
(To Grover) This is useless. We just have to walk away like mothers in nursery school.

Otis:
I think I'm gonna switch back to briefs.

Otis:
There's also that dark side to the nose ring.

Otis:
Cookie Man?

Skippy:
I begged you not to get off Prozac.

Grover:
Prague... you'll come back a bug...

Max:
I don't need to go to a campus bar to be reminded of my lack of success with a bunch of thrill seeking snotty college kids.

Skippy:
That's us; we're like celebrities to them.

Max:
No, we were celebrities. Now going back would be like doing Hollywood Squares. I'm too nostalgic, I'll admit it.

Skippy:
We graduated four months ago. What can you possibly be nostalgic for?

Max:
I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I've begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I'm reminiscing this right now. I can't go to the bar because I've already looked back on it in my memory... and I didn't have a good time.

Jane:
I've always thought that my parents were part of a trickle down method of parenting, you know, like reflection on the Reagan years. Looked good to a lot of people but basically I'm paying for all that neglect now.

Grover:
I guess my parents have sort of a Lyndon Johnson feel to them, like there's no satisfactory reason why they became parents, like my real parents were assassinated and these people were next in line for the job. They fight a lot, but they'd never split.

Jane:
Overrated? You've never even been to Prague.

Grover:
Oh, I've been to Prague. [Jane stares at him] Well, I haven't "been to Prague" been to Prague, but I know that thing, that, "Stop shaving your armpits, read The Unbearable Lightness of Being, date a sculptor, now I know how bad American coffee is" thing...

Jane:
Beer. They have good beer there.

Grover:
"... how bad American beer is" thing. [pause] "How bad American beer is" thing.

Jane:
Yeah, I heard you the first time.

Max:
What about me? You've got enough friends, a new one is bad for you. You start spreading your affection around and it runs thin, believe me.

Max:
I found myself writing 'wake up' and 'go to bed' in my day planner as if they are two different events.

Grover:
You know, even though all 618 of us were wearing caps and gowns out there today, I couldn't help but think it was a coincidence that we were both wearing black.

Grover:
I like that you drink. I like a bartender who drinks. Otherwise I feel like I'm being poisoned.

Grover:
You know, despite my efforts, my intense efforts to do nothing... things happen anyway.