Kill Bill: Vol. 2

Budd:
Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.

Elle Driver:
She must suffer to her last breath.

Elle Driver:
Bill.

Budd:
Wrong brother, you hateful b*tch.

Elle Driver:
Budd.

Budd:
Bingo!

Elle Driver:
And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

Budd:
I just caught me a cowgirl that ain't never been caught.

Elle Driver:
Did you kill her?

Budd:
Well, not yet I ain't. I shot her full of rock salt. She's so gentle right now, I could perform a coupe-de-grace with a rock. Anywho. Guess what I'm holding in my hand right now.

Elle Driver:
What?

Budd:
Brand spankin' new Hattori Hanzo sword. Let me tell you Elle, that's what I call sharp.

Elle Driver:
How much?

Budd:
Well, that's hard to say, being that it's priceless and all.

Elle Driver:
What's the terms?

Budd:
Get your bony ass down here in the morning, with a million dollars in cash, and I give you the greatest sword ever made by man. How do you like the sound of that?

Elle Driver:
Sounds like we got a deal, one condition.

Budd:
What?

Elle Driver:
She must suffer to her last breath.

Budd:
Well, that little darlin' I can pretty much damn well guarantee.

Elle Driver:
Then I'll see you in the morning... millionaire.

Elle Driver:
Gross.

Esteban Vihaio:
If I had met you forty years ago, you would have been my Number One lady.

The Bride:
Well, I'm flattered.

Esteban Vihaio:
You goddamn better well be.

Bill:
Pai Mei taught you the five point palm-exploding heart technique?

The Bride:
Of course he did.

Bill:
Why didn't you tell me?

The Bride:
I don't know... because I'm a bad person.

Bill:
No. You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real c*nt.

The Bride:
How did you find me?

Bill:
I'm the man.

Budd:
Looky here, b*tch, this is a can of mace. Now, you're going underground tonight, and that's all there is to it. But, when I bury you, I was gonna bury you with this.

Budd:
But if you're gonna act like a horse's ass, I'll spray this whole Goddamn can in your eyeballs. Then you'll be blind, burning, and buried alive. So what's it gonna be, sister?

Budd:
That's a wise decision.

The Bride:
Did he teach you that?

Bill:
No. He teaches no one the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique. Now, Kiddo, one of the things I always liked about you is you appear wise beyond your years. Then allow me to impart a word to the wise. Whatever - WHAT-EVER - Pai Mei says, obey. If you flash him, even for an instant, a defiant eye, he'll pluck it out. And if you throw any American sass his way, he will snap your back and your neck like they were twigs, and that will be the story of you.

Bill:
Mommy is still angry at Daddy.

B.B.:
Why?

Bill:
Well sweety, I love Mommy, but I did to Mommy what you did to Emilio.

B.B.:
You stomped on Mommy?

Bill:
Worse. I shot Mommy. Not pretend shoot, like we were just doing. I shot her for real.

B.B.:
Why? Did you want to see what would happen?

Bill:
No, I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her. What I didn't know is, when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.

B.B.:
What happened?

Bill:
I was very sad. And that was when I learned, some things, once you do, they can never be undone.

Bill:
Just seeing those steps again makes me ache. You're gonna have plenty of fun carrying buckets of water up and down that f***er.

Pai Mei:
It's the wood that should fear your hand, not the other way around. No wonder you can't do it, you acquiesce to defeat before you even begin.

Budd:
So, which "R" you filled with?

Elle Driver:
What?

Budd:
They say the number one killer of old people is retirement. People got 'em a job to do, they tend to live a little longer so they can do it. I've always figured warriors and their enemies share the same relationship. So, now you ain't gonna hafta face your enemy on the battlefield no more, which "R" are you filled with: Relief or Regret?

Elle Driver:
A little bit of both.

Budd:
Bullshit. I'm sure you do feel a little bit of both. But I know damn well you feel one more than you feel the other. The question was, which one?

Elle Driver:
Regret.

Budd:
You gotta hand it to the old girl. I never saw nobody buffalo Bill the way she buffaloed Bill. Bill used to think she was so damn smart. I tried to tell him..."Bill, she's just smart for a blonde."

Bill:
I suppose the traditional way to conclude this is, we cross Hanzo swords. Well, it just so happens, this hacienda comes with its very own private beach. And this private beach just so happens to look particularly beautiful bathed in moonlight. And there just so happens to be a full moon out tonight. So, swordfighter, if you want to sword fight, that's where I suggest. But if you wanna be old school about it - and you know I'm all about old school - then we can wait till dawn, and slice each other up at sunrise, like a couple real-life, honest-to-goodness samurais.

Esteban Vihaio:
I must warn you, young lady, I am susceptible to flattery.

Budd:
I'm a bouncer in a titty bar, Bill. If she wants to fight me, all she gotta do is come down to the Club, start some sh*t, and we'll be in a fight.

Bill:
I know we haven't spoken for quite some time, and the last time we spoke wasn't the most pleasant. But you need to get over being mad at me, and start becoming afraid of

Bill:
. Because she is coming, and she's coming to kill you. And unless you accept my assistance, I have no doubt she will succeed.

Bill:
When I first saw him... I like his hair.

The Bride:
You promised you'd be nice.

Bill:
No, I said I'd do my best. That's hardly a promise.

The Bride:
You any good with that shotgun?

Karen Kim:
Not that I have to be at this range, but I'm a f***ing surgeon with this shotgun.

The Bride:
Well, guess what, b*tch? I'm better than Annie Oakley and I've got you right in my sights.

Budd:
That woman deserves her revenge... and we deserve to die.

Budd:
But then again, so does she.

The Bride:
You and I have unfinished business.

Bill:
Baby, you ain't kidding.

Budd:
She's got a Hanzo sword?

Bill:
He made one for her.

Budd:
Didn't he swear a blood oath to never make another sword?

Bill:
It would appear he has broken it.

Budd:
Them Japs sure know how to hold a grudge.

Budd:
Or maybe, you just tend to bring that out in people.

Elle Driver:
Bill.

Budd:
Wrong brother, ya hateful b*tch.

Budd:
Guess what I'm holding in my hand right now.

Elle Driver:
What?

Budd:
A brand spankin' new Hattori Hanzo sword, and I'm here to tell you Elle, that's what I call sharp.

Bill:
When you didn't come back, I naturally assumed that Lisa Wong or somebody else had killed you. Oh, and for the record, letting someone think that someone they love is dead when they're not is quite cruel. I mourned you for three months. And in the third month, I tracked you down. Now, I wasn't trying to track you down. I was trying to track down the f***ing a**holes who I thought killed you. So, I find you. And what do I find? Not only are you not dead, you're getting married to some f***ing jerk and you're pregnant. I... overreacted.

The Bride:
You overreacted?

The Bride:
May I have a glass of water, please?

The Bride:
Looked dead, didn't I? But I wasn't. But it wasn't from lack of trying, I can tell you that. Actually, Bill's last bullet put me in a coma - A coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up, I went on what the movie advertisements refer to as a 'roaring rampage of revenge.' I roared. And I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point, but I have only one more. The last one. The one I'm driving to right now. The only one left. And when I arrive at my destination, I am gonna kill Bill.

Reverend Harmony:
What the hell?

Bill:
Now... When it comes to you, and us, I have a few unanswered questions. So, before this tale of bloody revenge reaches its climax, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to tell me the truth. However, therein lies a dilemma. Because, when it comes to the subject of me, I believe you are truly and utterly incapable of telling the truth, especially to me, and least of all, to yourself. And, when it comes to the subject of me, I am truly and utterly incapable of believing anything you say.

The Bride:
How do you suppose we solve this dilemma?

Bill:
Well, it just so happens I have a solution.

Bill:
Gotcha!

The Bride:
Goddamn! What the f*** did you just shoot me with?

Bill:
My greatest invention. Or at least, my favorite one.

Bill:
Don't touch it, or I'll stick another one right in your cheek.

Bill:
I'm a killer. A murdering bastard, you know that. And there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.

Elle Driver:
The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours, if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes. Now, you should listen to this, 'cause this concerns you. The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word..."gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. If not treated quickly with antivenom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite.

Pai Mei:
It's my arm now, I'll do what I want with it.

Bill:
An essential characteristic of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero, and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When he wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic that Superman stands alone. Superman did not become Superman, Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears, the glasses, the business suit, that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He's weak, he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sort of like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plympton.

Elle Driver:
That's right. I killed your master. And now I'm gonna kill you, with your own sword, no less, which in the very immediate future, will become... my sword.

The Bride:
B*tch, you don't have a future.

The Bride:
When will I see you again?

Bill:
You know, that's the name of my favorite soul song from the '70s.

Bill:
You're a natural born killer.

Bill:
What lies within that dart, just begging to course its way through your veins, is a potent and quite infallible truth serum. I call it "The Undisputed Truth." Twice as strong as sodium penethol, with none of the druggie after-effect. Oh, except for a slight wave of euphoria. Can you feel it?

The Bride:
Euphoria?

Bill:
Yeah.

The Bride:
No.

Bill:
Too bad.

Budd:
Larry, there ain't nobody out there!

Larry Gomez:
There ain't nobody out there... Larry... What's your point? That you're not needed here?

Budd:
My point is, I'm the bouncer... and there ain't nobody out there to bounce!

Larry Gomez:
You're saying that the reason... that you're not doing the job... that I'm... paying you to do... is, that you don't have a job to do? Is that what you're saying? What are you trying to convince me of, exactly? That you're as useless as an a**hole right here? Well guess what, Buddy. I think, you just f***ing convinced me!

Pai Mei:
From here you can get an excellent view of my foot.

The Bride:
What are you doing here?

Bill:
What am I doing? A moment ago, I was playin' my flute. But this moment, I'm looking at the most beautiful bride these old eyes have ever seen.

The Bride:
Why are you here?

Bill:
Last look.

The Bride:
Are you going to be nice?

Bill:
I've never been nice my whole life, but I'll do my best... to be sweet.

Elle Driver:
She put a Black Mamba in his camper.

Elle Driver:
I got her, sweety.

Elle Driver:
She's dead.

Elle Driver:
Let me put it this way. If you ever start feeling sentimental, go to Barstow, California. When you get here, walk into a florist and buy a bunch of flowers. Then you take those flowers to Huntington cemetery on Fuller and Guadalupe, look for the headstone marked Paula Schultz, then lay them on the grave. Because you will be standing at the final resting place of BEATRIX KIDDO.

Bill:
You hocked a Hattori Hanzon Sword?

Budd:
Yep.

Bill:
It was priceless.

Budd:
Well, not in El Paso, it ain't. In El Paso I got me $250 for it.

Budd:
You're telling me she cut through eighty-eight bodyguards before she got to O-Ren?

Bill:
Nah, there weren't really eighty-eight of them. They just called themselves "The Crazy 88."

Budd:
How come?

Bill:
I don't know. I guess they thought it sounded cool.

Bill:
Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-aught three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.

The Bride:
And what, pray tell, is the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique?

Bill:
Quite simply, the deadliest blow in all of martial arts. He hits you with his fingertips at five different pressure points on your body. And then he lets you walk away. But after you've taken five steps, your heart explodes inside your body, and you fall to the floor, dead.

Elle Driver:
What's that?

The Bride:
Budd's Hanzo sword.

Elle Driver:
He said he pawned it.

The Bride:
Guess that makes him a liar, don't it?

Esteban Vihaio:
Bill shot you in the head, no?

The Bride:
Yes.

Esteban Vihaio:
I would've been much nicer. I would've just cut your face.

Bill:
He hates Caucasians, despises Americans, and has nothing but contempt for women... so in your case, it might take a while.

Budd:
This is for breaking my brother's heart.

The Bride:
How long does this sh*t take to go into effect?

Bill:
About two minutes. Just long enough for me to finish my point.

Budd:
That gentled ya down some. Ain't nobody a badass with a double dose of rock salt that deep in their tits. Not havin tits as fine or big as yours, I can't even imagine how bad that sh*t must sting... yet I don't want to, neither.

Budd:
I win.

Esteban Vihaio:
Where's Bill?

Pai Mei:
Your so-called kung-fu - is really - quite pathetic.

Pai Mei:
Your swordsmanship is amateur at best.

Elle Driver:
Okay, I'm leaving now, go smoke some pot or something. I'll be there soon.

Pai Mei:
So my pathetic friend... is there anything that you can do well?

Pai Mei:
Just like all Yankee women, all you are good at is ordering in restaurants- and spending a man's money!

The Bride:
Master.

Pai Mei:
Your Mandarin is lousy. It causes my ears great discomfort. You bray like an ass! You are not to speak unless spoken to. It is too much to hope - you speak Cantonese?

The Bride:
I speak Japanese very well...

Pai Mei:
I didn't ask if you speak Japanese! I asked if you understood Cantonese.

Pai Mei:
The exquisite art of the samurai sword? Don't make me laugh! You're so-called exquisite art is only fit for Japanese fatheads!

Pai Mei:
I despise the goddamn Japs!

Larry Gomez:
Take a hit... be somebody, baby.

Larry Gomez:
F***in' with your cash is the only thing you kids seem to understand!

Larry Gomez:
Take off the hat!

Budd:
Customers wear hats.

Larry Gomez:
Well I'm not the boss of the customers, now am I?

Budd:
I don't dodge guilt... and I don't Jew out of paying my comeuppance.

Esteban Vihaio:
Being a fool for a woman such as yourself is always the right thing to do.

Ernie:
Whoa... look at those eyes. This b*tch is furious!

Ernie:
White women call this the silent treatment... and we let 'em think we don't like it.

The Bride:
You want to come to the wedding?

Bill:
Only if I can sit on the bride's side.

The Bride:
You'll find it a bit lonely on my side.

Bill:
Your side always was a bit lonely. But I wouldn't sit anywhere else.

Bill:
Was my reaction really that surprising?

The Bride:
Yes, it was. Could you do what you did? Of course you could. But, I never thought you could or would do that to me.

Bill:
I'm really sorry, Kiddo. You thought wrong.

Bill:
Isn't it supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?

Tommy Plympton:
Well, let's just say I like to live dangerously.

Bill:
I know just what you mean.

Larry Gomez:
I don't know what car wash allowed you to walk in twenty minutes late, but it wasn't owned by me and I own a f***ing car wash.

Larry Gomez:
Let's go to the calendar! It's calendar time! Calendar time for Buddy!

Bill:
And what does he do for a living?

The Bride:
He owns a record store.

Bill:
Ah. And what do you plan to do?

The Bride:
I work in the record store.

Bill:
Ah. Suddenly, it all seems so clear.

The Bride:
I'm the deadliest woman in the world. But right now, I'm just scared shitless for my baby.

Karen Kim:
Congratulations.

Elle Driver:
And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

Pai Mei:
Do you believe you are my match?

The Bride:
No.

Pai Mei:
Are you aware I kill at will?

The Bride:
Yes.

Pai Mei:
Is it your wish to die?

The Bride:
No.

Pai Mei:
Then you must be stupid... so stupid.

Larry Gomez:
The hat. That f***ing hat. How many times did I tell you not to wear that f***ing hat?

Budd:
Customers wear hats.

Larry Gomez:
I'm not the boss of the customers, but I'm the boss of you, and I'm telling you to keep that sh*t kicker hat at home.